Hello Surf Reporters!
On Friday I devoted some time to the weekly mailing list, and you guys will start receiving once-a-week emails from the bunker again. The early ones will be labeled Surf Report 101, and will highlight a nugget of ridiculousness from the past. Then, somewhere along the line, it’ll change to Surf Report 201, and you’ll receive more advanced “lessons.” Etc.
Also, I have it on good authority that Nancy and her brood will be spending Thanksgiving with us. So, I can see a long-overdue super secret update or three in the future. It’s bizarre, but I actually pumped my fist in the air, like Billy Idol, when Toney told me the news. “Yes!” I yelled.
Man, we need some new Nancy… Ya know? It’s been far too long. So, if you’re not subscribed to the list, please do so today. The form is located in the sidebar, under the heading “A Most Outrageous Tale.”
Our recent poll indicates that many more of you like the new REPLY feature in the comments, than those who dislike it. And since I like it too, I’m gonna keep it. I apologize to everyone who hates it with a passion, but I think it might grow on you, over time.
All we are saying… is give peace a chance. You know, if peace was a WordPress plugin that enhances blog comments. Or something.
I slept ten and a half hours last night, which is ultra-rare. But it cut into my available writing time, so I’m gonna have to keep this one brief. I think we might have already tackled today’s Question before, but it was fun and I want to do it again.
Toney did the weekly shop this morning, and went to two stores: Wegmans and Wal-Mart. While we were putting away the groceries and stuff, I remembered a game the boys and I used to play, involving Wal-Mart. No, not the Wal-Mart Game, another one.
It’s simple, really. We’d try to come up with four items that can be purchased at a Super Wal-Mart, and try to create the most bizarre combination possible. For instance:
Shotgun shells, bra, carrots, sandbox.
You know, things along those lines… So, please give us your crazy-ass shopping lists. Use the comments link below.
And I’ll be back with a full-sized update tomorrow.
Thanks for reading!
Panty liners, chewing tobacco, Rid-X lice medicine, malted milk balls
Not a WalMart 4 list…but a slightly disturbing story nonetheless:
Parkersburg/Vienna Walmart last month. My friend and I were relaxing on a Sunday, so decided to do a bit of target shooting. Lacking bullets, we went to Walmart. My friend picked out a box of bullets, and a guy standing behind him in the bullet line remarked to him, “Good choice…with the “coming times” I bought a whole case of those last week.”
Like, WTF? Did I miss something of these so called “coming times” over the past month or so?
Did this man have some Nostradamus type perception skills that clued him in to the impending death of Eddie Fisher somehow causing rioting in the streets?
He must like to watch a lot of Fox News.
Clint…
I personally rioted when Eddie bit it; thank God I confined my rioting to WA, and only the west side at that..
jtb
Powerpuff girl bed sheets, 75w-90 gear oil, Fambly portraits, Deer urine.
Jack stands, Dexatrim, New glasses, Howard the Duck dvd
Just to be totally fair, I don’t know whether Wal-Mart really sells hardon cream. Perhaps one of the reporters could check, or, knowing already, provide the straight story.
thanks…
jtb
Holy Surfers, thank God for self checkout, is all I can say.
Clint, not to state the obvious, but I assume you know that your conversation with the man at the Parkersburg/Vienna Walmart wasn’t about Nostradamus or Eddie Fisher. It was about the Negro in the White House. In the parts of my own state where the school systems have vaporized there are similar conversations. Just smile and nod and walk on.
jtb
Hi, nOprah. Has Wal-Mart infected Canada? Join in.
jtb
Ofcourse it has, maybe though, not quite the clientelle that I have seen on some of the WM sightings – could be that I am not there at the right time. Unfortunately can’t buy booze there. You know a town’s made a name for itself if it has a Walmart and Tim Hortons.
Walmart took the plunge into Canada by buying out Woolco around 1983, and basically Changing the name on the store. If I remember right, it was the only way Walmart was able to establish a footprint due to zoning, and general resistance to the big bad Wally. . Woolco, being around Canada for a few decades was really just a smaller version of Walmart, so a name change and those damn smiley faces was the only real change we saw… With their foothold in Canada Wally did the classic Walmart stomp by acquiring land mass and building those giant stores. They still meet resistance, and do not have the free hand they seemingly have in the US of building a super center wherever the hell they want (ie: Strathford Ontario) but generally, money talks so you see wallys popping up in places that have traditionally been void of big sprawl stores.
1993 ,my trucks an ’83.
Okay, 1994.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walmart_Canada
Jeff – On further evidence – Thank you – It’s nice to know I can faithfully rely on this site for disturbing images. I didn’t make it through the video but watched a little longer than I shoulda – kinda like watching ‘Deliverance’.
Thompson Center Maxi-Ball, potting soil, John Wayne Movie & avocado dip.
beef jerky, Pampers, cat litter, The Clapper
Good Morning Surf Reporters…..
I just noticed in my above comments that my link is broken. Further investigation reveals I put a dot com at the end of dot com.
I was drunk.
4 more random items
Calculator
Hemorrhoid creme
Knitting Yarn
Parcheesi
If I reply to myself, would that be like dividing by zero?
Your shopping list reminds me of the constipated mathemetician – he worked it out with a pencil. Ba-ding!
Michael Jackson “This Is It” video, bag of rubber bands, fingernail polish remover, can friskies of cat food
Oh Debra Algebra Ebneezra Kadabra!
Witch Goddess, Witch Goddess of Lankershim Boulevard!
Cover my entire body with Avon Cologna
And drive me to some relative’s house in East L.A. (Wooden dog!)
(Just till my skin clears up)
Turn it to Channel 13
And make me watch the rubber tongue
When it comes out
From the puffed & flabulent Mexican rubber-goods mask
Next time they show The Brnokka
Make me buy The Flosser
Make me grow Braniac Fingers
(But with more hair)
Make me kiss your turquoise jewelry!
Emboss me!
Rub the hot front part of my head
With rented unguents!
Give me bas-relief!
Lets see…
Visqueen
disposable camera
knee highs
Wesson cooking oil
Valentin, Fox and News in the same sentence?
We have TWO Walmarts in my fair city, TWO. One of them is even a SuperWalmart. The South end Walmart was at the time the largest purpose built non-conversion Walmart north of the border. I’m not saying that with pride.
Alex your URL is busticated.
Shopping list
Angelina Jolie Poster
2lbs of liver (need superwalmart for that one)
Vaseline
Wet wipes
1)Jockstrap w/ built in steel protective cup ,
2)Best of Barbara Mandrell CD,
3)2 riding mower tires,
4)8 pk. of Vienna sausages
Chainsaw, bath towels, a potted bush, NyQuil
Late as usual:
Tucks, Immodium, magazines, toilet brush
Speedo, Sunscreen, Boogie Board, and a big floppy hat