Hello Surf Reporters!
On Friday I devoted some time to the weekly mailing list, and you guys will start receiving once-a-week emails from the bunker again. The early ones will be labeled Surf Report 101, and will highlight a nugget of ridiculousness from the past. Then, somewhere along the line, it’ll change to Surf Report 201, and you’ll receive more advanced “lessons.” Etc.
Also, I have it on good authority that Nancy and her brood will be spending Thanksgiving with us. So, I can see a long-overdue super secret update or three in the future. It’s bizarre, but I actually pumped my fist in the air, like Billy Idol, when Toney told me the news. “Yes!” I yelled.
Man, we need some new Nancy… Ya know? It’s been far too long. So, if you’re not subscribed to the list, please do so today. The form is located in the sidebar, under the heading “A Most Outrageous Tale.”
Our recent poll indicates that many more of you like the new REPLY feature in the comments, than those who dislike it. And since I like it too, I’m gonna keep it. I apologize to everyone who hates it with a passion, but I think it might grow on you, over time.
All we are saying… is give peace a chance. You know, if peace was a WordPress plugin that enhances blog comments. Or something.
I slept ten and a half hours last night, which is ultra-rare. But it cut into my available writing time, so I’m gonna have to keep this one brief. I think we might have already tackled today’s Question before, but it was fun and I want to do it again.
Toney did the weekly shop this morning, and went to two stores: Wegmans and Wal-Mart. While we were putting away the groceries and stuff, I remembered a game the boys and I used to play, involving Wal-Mart. No, not the Wal-Mart Game, another one.
It’s simple, really. We’d try to come up with four items that can be purchased at a Super Wal-Mart, and try to create the most bizarre combination possible. For instance:
Shotgun shells, bra, carrots, sandbox.
You know, things along those lines… So, please give us your crazy-ass shopping lists. Use the comments link below.
And I’ll be back with a full-sized update tomorrow.
Thanks for reading!
Foist?
i can’t believe this. three times i’ve been first. and on a sunday no less. woo hoo!!!
Ball powder, bicycle pump, birthday cake, ham.
Glue,panties,nails,salsa
tampons, fish hooks, pillow cases and lemon pepper
dish soap, laxatives, dog squeak toys and fuckit I hate the reply feature
Ham hock, KY jelly, automotive funnel, Martha Stewart magazine.
KY jelly, automotive funnel and Martha Stewart? Oh good god the nightmares.
Don’t forget the ham!
Somehow I just can’t picture a happy fist in the air with the announcement of a Nancy visit…
Saran Wrap. Lye. Hunting arrows. Kiddy wading pool. Duct tape.
Hello my name is Alex and I’m a serial killer.
Shhhh don’t tell everybody! It’ll ruin the surprise.
Tide/Car Battery/finger nail polish/condoms
C batteries, toilet bowl brush, reflective vest, bag of funyuns.
douche, tires, mr potato head, liver
My dad gave me a grocery list once and asked me if I could run up and grab it for him.
Beer
Pretzels
Bubble Bath
I wasn’t even 21.
Golf balls, chicken gizzards, dental floss, guns & ammo magazine
My high horse won’t let me even consider possible purchases from THAT place. Sorry. It’s the only thing I’m really passionate about anymore–and beer.
Potted meat, Basketball, Dirt, Petroleum jelly
Beer, diapers, condoms, handgun, bullet (This list is also a 6-word story)
Here’s some more stories in Wal-mart shopping list form.
Running shoes, stop watch, knee brace, box of twinkies
Suitcase, sunglasses, umbrella, universal remote
Steak, grill, lighter fluid, bag of fried chicken.
Finishing screws, clamp, wood glue, glue remover
Crowbar, rope, duct tape, buck knife.
That’s very creative. Wish I had thought of that.
yeah, you’re really missin’ out
Alli, Wii Fit, Spot Shot, gallon of nacho cheese.
I hereby submit a War Baby list:
– Bayer Back & Body
– vitamin B12
– anti-itch cream
– buckwheat flour (which they didn’t carry)
Today’s quote: “If you can remember being at Woodstock (the 1st one, of course) you were not there.” usually attributed to David Crosby
Whoops, forgot (natch) – 40 pound bag of deer corn.
(Don’t ask.)
goodys headache powder, richard simmons sweatin to the oldies video , motor oil , scented candle
Good Afternoon (Evening?) Surf Reporters…
Motor Oil
Charcoal Grill
Tickle Me Elmo
Mechanical Penils
I think Wal-mart calls them personal neck massagers.
pencils, goddamnit, pencils
If I reply to my own reply, is like dividing by zero?
Prep H, 5lb. bag potatoes, hula-hoop, paper plates.
There, now if I forget what I need at the store tomorrow, I can come back here to check.
The Keystone light commercials, with Keith Stone, are kick-ass.
birth control pills, tires, chitlins, Steven Seagal movies
crockpot, pork rinds, K-Y Jelly, kite.
Viagra
Condoms
Pregnancy test
Bassinet
Six pack of Bud.
Bottle of Jack (in some states).
Carton of Marlboro reds.
Redneck wife lookin for some fun.
“redneck wife lookin for some fun ”
You better take a tour bus , lots of those in walmart.
Sounds like Billy Joel lyrics!
3 items to freak out your walmart cashier . this was a game my friends and I used to play …similar to this game .
Rope
Duct Tape
Butcher Knife
or
Vaseline
hamster
Tom Cruise poster
toenail clippers, package of underwear, a can of silly string, a live lobster.
Imminent Eninen… that’s very exciting news!
Necktie, neck brace, neck basket, Freez-pops.
“All we are saying… is give peace a chance.” Back in the late 60s I used to see that in graffiti form on the walls of subway stations. Frequently, right underneath that would appear “All we are saying is Dump Nixon.”
.
As of last week, at our local WM, you can purchase Vodka (or your choice of liquor). While you’re there, you can also get rubbers, yarn and Swiffer pads.
My choice? I choose Lagavulin 16-year-old. Too bad WM is closed now; I’m almost out of Swiffer pads too.
.
Hunting license, condoms with vibrating ring, durkee red-hot sauce, trolling motor battery.
Steel-toed boots, strawberry shortcake, bicycle horn, Desitin ointment
BBQ Grill, house shoes, a lamp, fish sticks.
While I’m in solidarity with Vicki (never been in a Wal-Mart), I can still imagine the crap they carry…
fishing pole, assorted bait, waders, frozen trout
wiffle-ball bat, catcher’s mitt, hamster, sponge mop.
charcoal, charcoal lighter fluid, bamboo skewers,
hamsters.
big tarp, cooking oil, whipped cream, rope.
slingshot, hamster, windex, window squeeqee.
hamster, clay pigeon launcher, shotgun, ammo.
baseball bat, watermelon, popsicles, hardon cream
Vicodin, Percocet, beach ball, alarm clock
Gojo hand-cleaner, Marie Calender dinner, Magnum condoms, bible coloring book
ten foot by ten foot sunshade with WVU insignia, 46 inch Panasonic Viera 1080P Plasma, Franzia Sunset Blush Boxwine, Band Aid Extra Large Flexible Fabric.
necktie, Old Spice, butter, Glamour Magazine
white gas, wine decanter, cotton yarn, running shoes
helium tank, condoms, yard chair, megaphone
Canned mincemeat, clip-on tie, 103 pc. socket set, Justin Beiber curtains
Halcion, Hall & Oates CD, fertilizer, blasting caps
Glug, Goop, Gunk, camera
Wesson oil, kitchen table, body paint, hose
Must. Stop. Now.
Reflective tarp, high intensity lights, damp-rid, 100 mph tape.