I know it’s still early in the season, but I’d like to remind everyone to please use our Amazon links while doing your holiday shopping this year. It costs you nothing extra, and I’ll receive a small percentage of whatever you spend. Everybody wins! Plus, it’s so much better than going out to stores and rubbing up against weeping rashes and riffled ass fat. Don’t you think?
Might I suggest a tank for Mom? Some bleachers for sis? A Japanese butthole book for Grandpa? Amazon has everything!
This is open to change, and probably will multiple times, but as of this writing Nancy, Nostrils, the translucents, the hammerhead snapping-dog, Sunshine, Mumbles, and Toney’s brother are supposed to be at our house for Christmas. Yep, the whole crazy gang… I hope it happens, I really do. It would translate into a month’s worth of comedy gold.
Toney talked to Nancy on Sunday, and they’re already preparing for Sunny’s holiday visit to their house in North (or is it South?) Carolina. They’re planning to spend hundreds of dollars for Japanese-style screens, so S&M will have extra privacy while sleeping. (WTF?) Toney told Nancy there would be no screens at our house (I mean, seriously), and Nancy sighed with sadness.
Also, Nancy and Nossy are paying for Toney’s brother to fly out here from Nevada. He’s pushing forty, and can never pay his own way, because he spends all his money on ludicrous, breathtakingly-expensive sneakers, and wrestling pay-per-view events. And he’s bitching because they’re not direct flights, and he’ll have layovers in Atlanta. Heh. Toney had a few things to say about that, as well, which caused more exhalations of disapproval.
Eventually they started talking about birthdays, because there are a bunch of them at our house during November. Nancy wanted to know what our younger boy would be receiving, and Toney told her he wanted a video game.
“Oh, the new Super Mario Bros.?” Nancy said.
“No, it’s something called Fallout: New Vegas,” Toney answered.
“Oh my god!” Nancy shouted. “There’s a poster of that horrible thing at Toys R Us, and our boys won’t even walk past it! Aren’t you afraid it might cause psychological damage?”
And just as a reminder, one of the see-thrus is now in middle school, and the other two aren’t far behind…
Toney assured her our boys have plenty of games like that. In fact, they’re playing one right now – something to do with World War II.
“I don’t understand why there are games for children, about World War II,” Nancy said. “Do they show them loading Jews into ovens?”
Toney laughed and said, “No, it’s just shooting guns and dropping bombs from airplanes… You’re always the good guys, and it’s not so bad.”
“Well, it’s hard to say who the ‘good guys’ were during that war. American soldiers committed more atrocities than anyone…”
“It’s a video game!” Toney shouted. “Not an investigative report.”
“Well, the brothers would never be able to handle all that violence and turmoil. We rented The Pink Panther a few nights ago, and (the youngest translucent) cried and cried because Steve Martin fell down a flight of stairs. He screamed, ‘Injuries are not funny!’ and we had to turn off the TV and sing to him as a family, to quiet him down.”
That’s right, she now calls them “the brothers.”
Later in the month one of the see-thrus will have a birthday, as well, and Nancy and Nostrils will be throwing a party for him at their house. The brothers are planning to perform scenes from various Harry Potter movies (word for word), for the assembled guests.
What a grand gang of weirdos… I can almost feel the facial charley horses that will be triggered by all the fake smiling in that room. And I can hear the dads muttering, “Hooooly shit…” while driving home.
Hopefully we’ll get to see video footage of this extravaganza, at Christmastime. The oldest boy likes to play Hermione, and sometimes argues with an “Asian girl” at school about it. So it should be quite a… pageant.
Later in the day, the birthday see-thru will get to play LEGO with Nostrildamus — using one of Nossy’s private sets, which are usually off-limits to the brothers. The other two boys will be sequestered in another part of the house, while Nostrils breaks out one of his personal LEGO sets. And magic will be in the air!
So, you see, I’m really hoping these Christmas plans don’t fall through. Sunshine and Mumbles are not in the greatest of health these days, because of the cumulative effect of years and years of living for today, and they rarely leave the couch. But I’m sure Sunny is still capable of stirring things up, when the timing is right. Like other great performers (Sinatra, Jack Benny) she’ll be executing her “art” to the very end.
Stay tuned, my friends. There should be more to report, during the coming weeks.
I’ll see you tomorrow.
OK, first of all – the bunker cam. I don’t get it. Can someone explain the picture, using little words I can understand?
I’m definitely looking forward to the Christmas visit and ensuing stories, but wow! Are they really like that? Or are you adding some “artistic liscense” to make them funnier?
It’s the oatmeal man riding a huge cock and stating “diabeetus”.
I don’t see what’s so difficult about that.
I get the oatmeal man riding a huge cock, and it’s mildly funny. It’s the Diabeetus remark I don’t get. I’m left wondering if it’s a crack at diabeties, or did the oatmeal man commit a faux pas and make bad jokes about diabeties, or does he have it himself? If any of that is true I still don’t see the humor in it.
heh, I said cock. and crack. Now THAT’S funny!
Wilfred Brimley does the commercials for the “in home diabetes supplies paid for by Medicare” scam.
I googled “diabeetus” and apparently there is a corner of the internets devoted to making fun of how Wilfred Brimley pronounces diabetes. That still doesn’t make the connection to him riding a big cock.
Perhaps it’s some sort of duality of man statement. Did I get that from here recently or twitter?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMEViYvojtY&feature=fvw
We have a tv in the lunch room at work and can’t stand it when his “diabeetus” (which is exactly how he says it) commercial . He looks exactly like my dad except he looks like he is always eating his mustache.
“It’s a video game!” Toney shouted. “Not an investigative report.”
Give Toney a hug for me. That’s priceless.
“We rented The Pink Panther a few nights ago, and (the youngest translucent) cried and cried because Steve Martin fell down a flight of stairs. He screamed, ‘Injuries are not funny!’ and we had to turn off the TV and sing to him as a family, to quiet him down.”
OK…you had me up to there. That can’t possibly be true. Can it?
i’d believe it. she’s raised a brood of unmales. what kind of guy doesn’t laugh at injuries……
Those kids would freak out if they ever saw “Jackass”!
I suspect they see Jackass every day with those parents
I swear, every time he talks about Nostrils, I picture of that hippie teacher on Beavis & Butthead and can’t get rid of it for hours.
Jeff, you gotta find a way to sneak a viewing of Jackass over the christmas holiday… Probably wrangle the secrets to do it and view it when the adults are busy elsewhere.
Or maybe the scene in the hardware store where he takes a shit in the display toilet… That should provide hours of entertainment on the drive home for them… But then, maybe jackass got that idea from them in the first place…
I choose to believe it’s all true. I hope the brothers get to eat a lot of sugar over the holidays.
I can’t wait. Just the primer story above is making the pale flesh on the backside of my arm, but not yet the arm pit, tingle with anticipation.
If i could only be there when one of the brothers steals his first tumbler of Uncle Jeff’s bourbon. All the vomiting and wailing and nashing of teeth. Oh, it would be wonderful.
My nipples are tingling with anticipation!!!
I wish there were some (legal) way you could video record this festival of comedy and sell it pay-per-view. OH to be a fly on the wall.
Thanks for the heads up about Amazon. I don’t know how I missed this info before. I buy a ridiculous amount of books and stuff every month from there!
WOOHOO!!! More comedy gold from the house of Nancy!! Can’t wait!!!
Re: the bunker cam.
I am eating oatmeal right now!
Some of us would have rather heard that you’re riding a cock right now. Just sayin’….
lmao way to spin it.
I think your holidays are gearing up to be excellent fodder for all of our WVSR reading pleasure.
“…sing to him as a family to quiet him down.” Man, coffee ’bout came out my nose on that one! However I must agree that there is nothing funny about Steve Martin!
There’s no way that Jeff or anyone else could make up stuff this hilarious. I have relatives who operate almost on the same level. I hope that eninen and the transluscents make it for Christmas…it will be the best present for all of us!
I have a November birthday, I turned the big 2-5 yesterday! I remember when I thought I would never turn 21!
I actually really love first person shooter games. Between the Xbox and PS3, my boyfriend and I have spent countless hours on those games.
I haven’t been here in awhile…
Happy Birfday!!! I don’t remember being 25.
Heh, 25. You aren’t in your early twenties anymore. Your a solid mid-twenties now, ans soon to be late twenties.
I’m in the early late twenties era now, it’s not so bad.
I know, I woke up yesterday morning and had a quick realization that I’m going to be 30 in 5 years. That’s scared me a bit.
Happy Birfday! Let me be the first to tell you that the next 5 years will F.L.Y.!!!
Happy Birthday. I never thought I’d make it to 21 myself. And believe me no one was more suprised than me when I hit 50. And even that was a while ago. 25 ain’t bad. Enjoy it. Live like you won’t make it to 30. Because you will. Then you’ll get to look back at 25 and wonder how you managed to think you were old then. Have fun, and in the words of Mr. B. Dylan, “May you stay forever young”.
You are but a sprout. Enjoy it.
Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday!!
Now you’re closer to 30 than you are to 20.
wait until you are closing in on 34 and you are like holy shit, I am old enough to go back to school for free yet???
Wait till your closing in on 44 and you are like holy shit, I’ve got to stick it out another 20 plus years in the work place! Oh fuuuuudge!
Only I didn’t say fudge…oh it’s beginning to feel like Christmas!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgx1sSfriIA
Wait til your closing in on 54 you are like holy shit, I just crapped in my pants. Dammit, I still have to stick it out another 20 years in the work place!
Brittney…
Although I’ve never played a first person shooter game, I wish you a happy birthday and many low calorie beers (I think that’s your drink). So where have you been and why have you not updated your blog? You OK?
jtb
Thanks everyone:)
I know, I haven’t updated in awhile. I was pulled as the receptionist at my job and am now the clinical coordinator arranging the students rotations and have had my work cut out for me…I’m really kicking myself in the ass for complaining before…
I feel so out of the loop, gotta get back into the swing of the surf!
Hope everyone’s good!
😀
yeah i was wondering about the blog also. glad to see your alive and well. black ops is awesome so is fnv.
Happy Birthday! (sorry I arrived late to the party).
Almost forgot…”Aren’t you afraid it might cause psychological damage?” Oh the hilarious irony of that statement!!!
I must sit back and ponder that one…
Injuries are not funny!!
I can’t put into words how happy I am that Nancy and Nossy are coming for Christmas. It’ll be my best Christmas present!
Joe
This post is my first, and best, Christmas gift of 2010. All of them??? Under your roof??? While I feel certain you will be begging for an emergency colonoscopy and root canal (without anesthesia AND at the same time) to escape the madness, we are in for a treat.
Can we sing as a family? Please?
Kum-bah-ya, my Lord, Kum-bah-yaaaaa!
Now it’s your turn.
OH Lord, Kum-bah-yaa!
Someone’s crying Lord, Kum-bah-yaaaaa!
Someone’s crying Lord, Kum-bah-yaaaaa!
OH Lord, Kum-bah-yaa!
Not sure of the words for the next verse. So here goes:
mmm mmmm mmmm mmm mmmmmmmm Kum-bah-yaaa!
mmm mmmm mmmm mmm mmmmmmmm Kum-bah-yaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Someone’s farting, Lord, Kumbayaaaaa…
Someone’s farting, Lord, Kumbayaaaaa…
Oh, Lord, KUMBAYAAAAAAA!
Someone’s rasping, Lord, Kumayaaaa…
Someone’s chin is up, Kumabanyin…
Someone poured me out, Kumyeplasss…
Someone stroke my goose, rub it with fat…
Oh Lord, rub it with fat.
A songe to sing to the brothers:
Let the blackness roll on
Mother’s cool reptilian womb
Ain’t so cold tonight
My fingers trace the exit wounds
by graveyard light
There’s bone dust in my throat and everything is DEAD
but it’s all right
Take it easy
You bleed so easy
Bleed me an ocean
Bleed me an ocean tonight
By electric graveyard light
Bleed me an ocean
Let me lie beneath the sky
Teach me how to die
Bleed me an ocean
As the blossom eats the butterfly
Can you feel the cold death
That rides along your spine
Let the blackness roll on
You bleed so easy
Let the blackness roll on
I was sexless in clouds again
I was chasing a cold, cold wind
I’ve become bored with flesh and bone again
The deepest alone
I was riding the turbulence
an ocean of Hades
it’s all downhill from here
on the outer nowhere
Let the blackness roll on
You bleed so easy
Let the blackness roll on
I was stoned to the drone
of the blackness that hums
I’ve become bored with flesh and bone again
The endless hum of the highway drone
I was riding the turbulence
an ocean of Hades
The taste of dead sex on my tongue
On my tongue, yeah
Let the blackness roll on
You bleed so easy
let the blackness roll on
You bleed so easy
Just like a rain drop
I was born baby to fall
and scale these prison walls
It was over before you were born
Sucked into the vacuum of this universal tomb
It was over before you were born
Sucked into the vacuum of this universal tomb
Old blossom dies
Like a young man breathes
The insects hum with their hunger and grieve
An icon of pale bone
Static white dream
Blind in the wilderness
Everybody scream
I couldn’t find my way
Out the door
We all died
Woke up on the floor
I ride the painted whore
She gives good universal scream, scream
I ride the painted whore
She gives good universal scream, scream
I ride the painted whore
She gives good universal scream, scream
I ride the painted whore
She gives good universal scream, scream
Fine little girl she waits for me
Me catch the ship for cross the sea
I sail the ship all alone
I never think I’ll make it home
Louie Louie, oh oh
Me gotta go
Yeah yeah yeah yeah, I say
Louie Louie, oh oh
Me gotta go now
.
jtb
Well, what do you expect from the Great Pacific Northwest?
Dude…the fucking bong is leaking somewhere. The fuck man? Oh…wait…no…your dog just pissed on me…do the kum by-ya thing agin…it’s creepy man…
I was simply channeling my inner Brad Roberts.
Sorry ’bout the dog.
oh lord kum bah yah.
our father who art in heaven
hallowed be thy name
thy kingdom come
thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven
give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us our sins
as we forgive those who have sinned against us
and keep us from hard testing
and keep us safe from the evil one
for yours is the kingdom and the power
and the glory forever. in jesus name, amen.
Ok…now you guys are starting to scare me…
Ya know, as a (longtime) adult, the keen anticipation of Christmas that I felt as a youngun’ has long ago faded. But NOW! What a gift – I can’t wait! Nancy & Nossy, Sunshine, Mumbles, and throw in Tony’s brother for good measure! It’s a “can’t miss” Christmas.
Yep. Never really got off on the whole Christmas ordeal, not so much even as a youngling. But now? WOW, just WOW.
Jeff,
Puh-Leeze….. Can we get an org chart of the fambly?
Henderson, it’s actually quite simple:
Sunshine: Toney’s and Nancy’s mother.
Mumbles: Sunshine’s boyfriend. (We never have learned what became of T&N’s real dad.)
Nancy: Toney’s sister.
Nostrils: Nancy’s husband.
The Translucents: Eninen’s children.
And of course, Toney is Jeff’s wife.
That about sums it up.
I always assumed Mumbles was Toney’s dad. Hmmm….that’s an interesting twist!
I have a really weird group of cousins also, but weird in a different way.
Diane is my first cousin, now early 50’s. She is about 6 feet 2 inches tall and is built like Hulk Hogan. Her husband, Dave is about 5 foot 7 and looks like Eddie Munster.
Dave is a preacher (Pentecostal?) and they move their entire family all over the country to different churches about four times per year, Texas, Missouri, Wisconsin, South Carolina, Michigan, like vagabonds. They claim they are doing missionary work. And they never buy or rent a house, they are always temporarily living with some church family.
They have two daughters and one son ranging in age from about 18 to 22. The son has a live-in girlfriend that moves around with them and both daughters have small children (2 each) from different guys that also live with Mom and Dad. Ten people in all. Those girls sure are horny for being Holy Rollers.
Any time they announce a holiday visit to my hometown, they call all of the relatives looking for a place to camp for a week or two. My parents are pro at coming up with excuses to keep the troop out of their house. My Aunt Margaret usually gets stuck with them. They eat everything in the refrigerator, freezer, and pantry, wash about 50 loads of clothes, the little kids run around and break shit including lamps and chairs like 4 drunk midget wrestlers.
They travel in 2 old station wagons and everything they own must be packed in there, like the Clampets when they were moving to Beverley Hills.
minus the money I assume?
The part that surprised me the most in this story was how the bible thumpers were A-OK with their son having a live-in girlfriend.
Everyone needs drunk midget wrestlers entertaining them from time to time.
dan…
Nice story, well told. There’s a book in there somewhere.
jtb
Sounds interesting maybe you should invite them over and be a guest writer for Jeff. LOL
“The brothers are planning to perform scenes from various Harry Potter movies (word for word), for the assembled guests.”
I hope they don’t do the scene where Ron and Harry hide the pensieve.
Frankly the Translucents mean nothing to me at this point. What gives me happy pants is picturing Nostrils combing through Jeff’s underwear drawer whilst touching himself innappropriately daydreaming of matching Master Kay’s briefs with his bright pink feather boas.
Ahhhh….great times, they are a’comin!
Jeff, I am glad that you can look forward to a visit from a batch of crazies in order to provide amusement to all of us. While it is true that this certainly will also provide comedy fodder for your own family for years to come, I hope you have a place to escape to for an occasional sanity break. I have cool in laws and having them visit our house makes for a few uncomfortable times. It is good to have an escape plan. I either go visit the office to surf the internet in peace for a while or come up with a need to travel to another state for business if the visit drags on for more than a few days.
I ordered (pre-ordered) Call of Duty-Black Ops just today. Of course the Boy is 26–he’s probably as violent as he’ll get.
Jeff–so sorry, I forgot to go through you. I can’t ever remember. I’m a Prime customer so I order EVERYTHING from Amazon. You should reprimand me severely.
Jeff, I suggest you place a new link on your site that allows us to flat-out pay you to place a hidden camera somewhere in the dining room of your abode so the Christmas meal can be caught in all of it’s glory.
One of the Translucents will surely choke on mashed potatoes, Nancy will begin to chant over the loss of either a pig or turkey for their consumption and Nostrils will obviously cry at various points due to sinus ingestion or the beauty of family coming together.
That would be video, comedy gold! (And I for one would contribute to the cause!)
I would pay for access to that web cam. It would be worth it.
Jeff-
If the gang makes it to your house this Christmas, it will be a joyous holiday indeed for all of us! Are the hammerhead dog and Black Lips Houlihan going to exchange butt-sniffs this year? Will Nossy get a new hot water bottle for his vagina? Are you going to secretly remove one LEGO from each of the tranluscent’s gifts? Awsomeness is in the air!!
I was depressed by the end of daylight savings time, but now there’s a spring in my step and a smile on my face. Nothing beats Xmas with the Grand Gang of Douches!
I’m sorry, Jeff, that you have to fictionalize their adventures for your novel, because it’s the fact that these are real-life shenanigans (we’re trusting you on this) that makes them so hilarious. Your deft prose only adds that extra patina of spittake-worthy awesomeness.
I, for one, am surprised the the brothers have friends they can invite to a party! Wonders never cease.
Jeff: How in the hell did Toney escape that brood unscathed? I cannot wait for what transpires….God help you. I’m already getting tingles of delight…like a roller coaster ride!
I am not sure she got out clean. There must be some mental scarring since she married Jeff.
I have always wondered this myself!! amazing that she is normal on any level.
Even the brief conversation between Nancy and Toney brought back thoughts and memories of all that craziness. I can hardly wait! I wonder if the brothers ever get to visit their friends at their own homes, and see what a “normal” family is like. It must be shocking!
Greg think about that. How the fuck could these kids have normal friends? They wouldn’t have made it alive out of my grade school.
You’re right. I wasn’t thinking. I was still thinking “normal”!
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the sacrifices you make for your art Jeff!
I say buy some cheap sheets and thumb tacks and make those into “privacy screens” LOL!!!
I have Fallout New Vegas it’s an awesome game. I’m going to try and go get Black Ops today. Can’t wait to hear some of the tales from the famous inlaws.
Let me clear something up – My question about the shennanigans being real was rhetorical. I don’t doubt Jeff’s honesty, it’s more like something you say because you just can’t believe it’s true.
I guess I could have simplified my response by just saying “SHUT UP!!!”
But that annoys the crap outta me.
This visit will have a new angle: The brothers through the eyes of Toney’s bum brother. This is the guy who folds his pizza like John Travolta, and can’t be trusted to babysit Sunshine’s cats. (That’s really all I remember about him.)
I also remember that he has a Coors Light permanently glued to his left hand.
And that if he wants a fucking ice cream cone, he’ll have a fucking ice cream cone.
Has Nostrils passed down the underwear theiving trait to the oldest tranny (short for translucent)?
Also, I’d love for a real “brutha” to be within earshot when Nancy calls them the “brothers”. Yes, this I would love to see/hear.
I just found out that my nipples are not legally registered in the state in which I currently I live, so I am going to be careful and not say that they are exploding with delight.
Jeff,I need to see some pictures of your twisted kinfolk.can’t you finagle a crime scene artist to do a sketch?
This news has really brightened my day.
I write federal grant proposals for a living, and just had a deadline moved up from 11/30 to 11/18 (next fucking Thursday).
But, now I know that what will get me through this is the constant tingle of anticipation: I will be reading the upcoming adventures of this insane crew.
And, fellow Surf Reporters, let’s make a special effort this next two months to do our Amazon shopping through the WVSR…Jeff needs us and he asks for so little in return for his mirth.
Everytime I see that TV commercial for Nutella, I picture Nancy spreading it on a slice of some hippie bread, baked in a enviromentally friendly solar oven, or some shit, as per Jeff’s explanation from awhile back..
Thanks, Jeff. I never ate Nutella before & I certainly won’t now..
I feel exceedingly slow today. Who is the spy in the house of Nancy? Great title, great stories, but I missed the spy.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
all my lovin’
jtb
jtb-I was confused for a moment myself, but I think we are looking at the title a little too literally. Instead of the spy being “in” the house of Nancy, the spy merely has acces to the information coming from the house of Nancy. Thus where the information comes from reveals the identity of the spy.
WB…
I thank you. That makes perfect sense. I’m not used to bringing my Zen sensibilities when I come here, and I thought that I was, once again, missing the obvious.
thanks again…jtb
JTB,
An integral aspect of a spy’s job is to be missed.
Sometimes a conundrum only seems as such.
-Dude
Dude…
I had a vasectomy when I was 26, and two others later; I’ve not used one of those things for years.
But I do take your point about a spy influencing people to ask the wrong question. That way, even the right answer will be ear elephant.
jtb
It’s also a sly allusion to a famous volume of erotica by Anais Nin, A SPY IN THE HOUSE OF LOVE. Just don’t think about that too hard…
First time I’ve noticed an Anaïs Nin reference all month on the site. And it was about fuckin’ time.
jtb
This comes close to the top of my all-time favorite in-laws updates. So much weirdness crammed into a few paragraphs. Personal LEGO set!
Hats off to organizing and writing this while pulling a 60-hour workweek.
TILLY…
I swear you haven’t commented since Labor Day. Knowing that you are a charter member of the West Virginia gang, I feared that you had been taken by one of Obama’s Death Panels. Thank God you’re alive.
jtb
For some reason i was blocked from the site for a while and I started college this fall so I have been very busy! i am so glad to be back!! thanks for noticing. 🙂
If you haven’t yet, everyone has to read the reviews for the bleachers I’m getting my sister. Just clikc Jeff’s link up there.
“Folks, lemme tell ya … if y’all need a place for gettin’ romantical-like with yer old lady an you ain’t got yer check yet so you can’t afford no room in the Motel 6 (I know, fancy!) then these puppies oughter take you back to junior high school. Reckon I would say high school but I had to drop out early on account of Pappy gettin drunk and shootin his kneecap off after he lost his job down at the plant. Any rate, here I am gettin off track. You and yer lady friend can get real comfy under these here seats and can’t nobody see you on account of they got these metal plates under the seats what’s meant for keeping fellers from kickin you in the ass while they’s watchin monster trucks or wrasslin. Folks get purty excited come tractor pull time, lord knows they likely to get to jumpin and hollerin all frantic like when Grave Digger smashes up that station wagon they done sold to the crew so they could buy them tickets. I know I would. “
A few responses to the comments.
Wilford Brimley riding a rooster saying diabeetus, it’s funny without explanation.
How did Toney turn out normal? Maybe she didn’t, she married Jeff, right?
Injuries are funny.
I take offense that americans committed more attrocities.
There probably is a game like nancy described, you can get it in the backwoods of michigan and idaho (No offense to Michiganders and Idahoans, it’s just where those crazy groups tend to gather).
And you can publish a book about assholes and not Jeff’s book? Which in all truth might be a book about assholes.
Oh yeah, I’m pre-ordering the walking dead volume 13 on amazon right now.
OMG!!
What the hell kind of family did you marry into? I think you should invite Bill and some old classmates up for the holidays and everybody put on your camo’s, spit chewing tobacco, grab a gun and teach the young ‘uns how to hunt for their dinner!!
The behavior of the translucents actually comes as no surprise, given the genetic imparting by Nostrils of something known as the, “Doucherina” gene. It happens only in the male. Their behavior is text book classic. It is only a matter of time before they become a mime duo.
Although we haven’t formed a committee or taskforce, I think that there should be policy and procedure developed, implemented, and strictly adhered to, during any visit of Jeff’s inlaws. The following should be taken into consideration while developing policy.
JUSTIFICATON:
1. Surf reporters are basically a cynical, sarcastic population differential whose emotional needs can only be satisfied by the sharing of the statements and behaviors of Jeff’s inlaws and their progeny. This will produce the humor we require to survive.
2. Given the fact that these visits are, by nature, pressure-inducing events, Jeff must share the details of these events in order to maintain his sanity.
POLICY:
Any and all events, during said visits, including behaviors and conversations, which do not adhere to societal norms must IMMEDIATELY BE SHARED WITH SURF REPORTERS.
PROCEDURE:
This shall be done through the posting of said events on The WVSR, at least daily, if not more frequently.
Any further suggestions welcome. Feel free to make additions or deletions.
The Management.
Lighten up! I’m just kidding!
wasn’t there an episode of N&N where jeff light fireworks and the “brothers” had to hide in the living room? and pull down the shades?
I have visions of them huddled in a pile of their own “panic” rocking back and forth humming the song from Barney and friends…
If I buy the bleachers, and set them up on Jeff’s front lawn looking in to his family room, what would you pay per hour?
Malcolm, is there a grant available for this??
Brit, happy birthday girlfriend.
I’m writing a proposal as we speak (write):
“Development of Seating Infrastructure for Voyeuristic Relative-Induced Comedic Gain of the WVSR”
I’m asking for a paltry $13K – bleachers & beer.
Surely there is a government agency somewhere who understands…
A visit from Eninen – with report, of course – is the greatest of gifts. I can’t wait. And thank you in advance, Jeff, for enduring it, that we might laugh.
The other week I actually went looking for that WVSR Amazon link and couldn’t find it. Now it’s bookmarked.
And: for anyone who hasn’t done so yet, I urge reading the link under “Japanese butthole book for Grandpa”. That is the funniest Amazon page I’ve ever seen.
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