I’m having trouble with the website, and don’t do well with trouble. For some reason I can’t upload new pictures, at WordPress or the old FrontPage site. It makes me crazy. I don’t understand how everything works a certain way for many years, and then it suddenly doesn’t. There’s no known catalyst for this issue, and my right hand has been WHIPPING through my hair. Look at the picture I had to use today!
Will somebody please wipe me down with a wet cloth?
And speaking of frustration, I was contacted last week by a publisher who wanted to use three photos that I snapped and posted to the site many years ago. They needed the original, non-compressed versions, and said they’d pay $500. This wasn’t a hoax, it was a real offer.
I didn’t know if I could locate the originals, but started looking on Friday morning. I have a shitload of CDs filled with photos downloaded from various cameras I’ve owned, and I began looking at them all, one by one. A couple of hours later I got to the bottom of the stack, and hadn’t found any of the pictures.
So, I started searching the hard drive of my computer, as well as the external hard drive where I store my massive Phil Hendrie sound library. No luck. And by this point many hours had passed…
Where the hell could they be? I was pacing the house like a caged, obese tiger. I never delete photos, my OCD wouldn’t permit such a thing. And it was driving me to the brink.
Then a cartoon light bulb illuminated above my head: Maybe they’re on my previous computer?!
I dragged the tower up from the basement, dusted it off, and hooked up the monitor and keyboard from Toney’s machine. Then I started the search all over again. I was certain they would be there, and began patting myself on the back for thinking of it.
And, to make a long story a little less long… I dedicated most of the day to this chase for five hundred “easy” dollars, and never found the photos. Isn’t that fantastic? My nipples are exploding with delight, just thinking about it again. Sheesh.
A few days ago we had pork chops, with potatoes and carrots, for dinner. It was really good, but all four of us got the hiccups during the meal. Is that weird, or what? Have you ever witnessed such a thing? What do you think might be the cause? Help me out, won’t you?
And do you have any sure-fire hiccups cures? I do, but it’s a little difficult to explain. My grandfather taught it to me, a long time ago, and it always works. It’s all in the breathing, you see. If you can change the rhythm of your breathing without taking a deep breath, you’re home free.
Do you have any hiccups cures to pass along to your fellow Surf Reporters? Use the comments link below. Also, is there a certain food which always triggers hiccups for you? Every time Toney eats white bread, she takes off again. What the crap?
I now have the electronic versions of my “book,” and could theoretically start selling it in the Kindle store today. But I’d like for the physical version to be available at the same time as the e-book. And I’m still a couple of weeks away from finalizing all that stuff. But it’s getting close, very close. I’m excited.
I’ll leave you now with another questionable Question, in addition to the ones above. Do you know how you’re sometimes in a noisy place, and all of a sudden everything goes quiet for no reason? Well, last night something like that happened at work, in the break room. The place was filled with the standard crowd noise of dozens of people talking, and suddenly there was silence, and: “No fourteen year old needs a pair of $20 panties!”
It was loud and clear, and seemingly amplified. Then everyone busted out laughing. Can you remember this happening anywhere? It seems like I have a really good story on this subject, but can’t currently find it on the hard drive inside my head… Dammit! Here we go again.
I know this is a scattered update, but that’s the way it goes sometimes. I’ll try to be a little more focused tomorrow.
Have a great day, boys and girls.
Liz got a little whacky in her dotage. Here’s a favorite moment:
She goes from Edith Bunker, to Darth Vader (ball baby emo-kid version), to Wolfman Jack in 13 seconds flat.
Nathan “Leaker” Andersen, formerly of Boone, Iowa, awoke today after a month long coma due to a bowel obstruction and immedietly got the hiccups. When asked if the hiccups were troublesome Nathan replied, “I’d rather have my ass stuffed full of Brillo Pads anyday.” Nathan has been trying several ‘cures’ and so far only masterbation seems to help.
Liz used to fuck Jacko, but that might just be a rumor. But I think she used to fuck “Bubbles”, that’s confirmed.
I saw a guy at the gas station yesterday. We were pumping gas. He said to me, “I’m an artist. A martial artist.” I said, “Okay.” Then he got in his car and drove off. Makes no goddamn sense. I’m still upset over it. Was he trying to pick a fight? Is he a “patient” somewhere? I don’t know. The whole thing has me up in arms.
Add my name to the list of people that want to see bikerchick in her FMP’s.
WB in OH says
Were you dressed like Daniel LaRusso?
No, I was wearing my normal outfit: a pair of coconut tits and a viking helmet. And business socks, but nothing else.
Drinking carbonated beverages through straws, Dr. Pepper (with or without a straw) and jalapeno peppers always give me hiccups. Eating sugar is the only cure that has ever worked for me.