Steve and I decided we’d meet in Wilkes-Barre last night. I’d leave my car in the parking lot at my job, and we’d head to Philly from there, and the much-anticipated Eels concert.
And while I was driving toward my workplace, the Emergency Broadcast System broke into the radio station I was playing, with a weather warning. Hell on earth was about to be unleashed on Luzerne County, they said. Simply fantastic… I was apparently headed straight into the heart of an ass-kicking storm.
Indeed, by the time I was parked it was raining sideways and the sky was completely dark. Lightning was striking all around, and I thought my car might tip over because of the shockingly powerful wind gusts. It was like Armageddon out there.
Steve parked beside me, and I made a run for it. It was no more than an eight-foot journey, but I was fully and completely soaked when I crashed into the passenger seat of his car. “Shit!” I was hollering, afraid my phone had gotten wet. And we all know how cell phones react to moisture…
But everything was OK, and we jumped onto the luxurious Pennsylvania Turnpike, navigating through black sheets of rain. There was water standing everywhere and I was concerned we might hydroplane, slingshot into the woods, and roast alive at the base of a tree. It was crazy, and it lasted for a long, long time. I think we were riding inside the storm, progressing at the exact same speed.
We finally made it to Philadelphia without incident (it took way too long), and it stopped raining. Then we somehow got mixed-up, and parked two or three blocks from World Cafe Live, where the Eels were scheduled to play. We thought we’d parked right next door, but something was askew.
Steve said he wanted to change his shirt (he was wearing a Packers jersey and said someone might kick his ass), and he did so in the parking lot. “I saw that Packers shirt!” someone yelled from a distance. “I saw it!! Hahahaha…” WTS? It was some guy, way on the other side of the lot, holding a can of beer.
As we walked toward the theater, we passed a cool looking Irish pub, and I told Steve it was a shame it was so freaking late, or we could have dinner (and beer) there. But we were behind schedule, and we’d decided to grab something to eat at the venue.
A guy who looked like Randy Newman checked our IDs, and I asked him if we could get some food in this place. It was well past my feeding time, and I wasn’t going through the entire evening without dinner. “No food tonight,” he reported. “Other than slices of lime in the mixed drinks.”
Grrr… This was turning into a fiasco. I asked if the opening act had gone on yet, and he said, “The ventriloquist will be going on in about fifteen minutes, then Jesca Hoop will perform.”
“Ventriloquist?!” Steve and I both shouted. And the guy just shrugged.
“Funk this,” I said, “Let’s go back to the pub. The Eels won’t go on before 10:00. We have time for dinner and a couple of beers.”
So, we hoofed it back over there, and passed a parked truck selling “Caribbean soul food,” and it smelled incredible. There were people standing around on the sidewalk, eating out of Styrofoam containers, and I wanted to stop and get fully involved with my own container of goodness. But I also wanted beer, so we continued to the bar.
Steve had bought some Eels shirts, and took them to his car while I got settled inside the pub. I ordered us two Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPAs, and good god, is that stuff good. The best beer in the world? Quite possibly.
Eventually Steve returned, and he said he’d had a conversation with the hollering guy in the parking lot. Turns out he was going to the show, too. And, Steve reported, he’s completely smashed. There was a woman with him, also downing beer, but not nearly as drunk.
We both ordered shepherd’s pie, and it was excellent. Harp was the second beer of choice, and everything went down just fine.
Then the guy showed up: the parking lot dude. He was reeling, and shouted a greeting to Steve all the way across the bar. “Hey, man!! The Eels rule! Whoooo!!” WTF? He and his date continued drinking, and said they’d be following us to the theater, since they didn’t know the way.
Excellent. I knew we’d never get rid of this guy, he was trashed and radically overexcited. He was obviously the type of person who downs a few drinks, and thinks the whole world is his friend. I worried he’d be attached to us for the rest of the evening.
But by the time we left the bar, they were gone. Thank you, God. We walked past the soul food truck again, and it made me sad not to buy anything. The smell was amazing.
We arrived back at World Cafe Live around 9:50, and the Eels were taking the stage as we walked in. The timing was perfect. The first two songs were quiet, slower tunes, then the rest of the band kicked in. And they rocked the joint.
Around song number five our buddy was by our side again, now looking a little like Chairman Mao. His face was round and shiny, and his eyes were just slits at this point. He was drunk off his ass, and smiling from ear to ear. “Where you guys from?” he slur-hollered, while a song was being performed, and didn’t want to stop talking. I tried to ease away from him, but he followed me. And now I didn’t even have Steve to help me out.
“I wanted to see the Blinking Lights tour, but my wife was nine months pregnant — the bitch!” he announced. Nice.
Then he began yelling, “Mark Oliver Everett! You the man!!” Using the Eels leader’s full name, which made me laugh… He continued doing this, but started getting it mixed up. “Mark Everett Oller!” he yelled at one point.
Finally his wife (I presume) pulled him away, and we watched the rest of the show in peace. Well, except for the human head on a wheelchair that kept going past, over and over again. I’m serious, I don’t think there was a body, just a detached head. Someone was pushing the chair, of course, and they seemed to be always in motion.
The sound in that place was amazing, quite possibly the best-sounding show I’ve ever attended. And the Eels played for about ninety minutes. They focused on material from their most recent three albums, and seriously reworked the older songs. “I Like Birds,” for instance, was all punked-up and as fast as any Ramones tune.
It was a great show, one of the best Eels concerts I’ve seen so far. “Thanks! Let’s do it again sometime!” Mark Oliver Everett shouted at the end of the second encore, fulfilling the showbiz goal of “leave ’em wanting more.”
And when we got back to our car, our friend was there, puking beside a minivan. I suspect he doesn’t remember much about last night, but he had a good time. I can verify that fact for him, if necessary.
I should go to more shows… I really should. It’s a great time, every time. Even when we have to drive through a monsoon to get there.
Have a great day, my friends.
11111111111111111111111111
Early!!!!!!!
That Haitian dudes voice makes me hungry.
Top 5??
Glad you had a great time last night. I was thinking about heading to the show at the last minute, but once the storm started I thought it was better to stay home.
Great story!
I liked this story! I have a lot of concert stories too…my boyfriend always seems to attract the drunk as shit guys too who follow us around all night. I’ve tried to explain to him that sometimes just ignoring these people might help, but he always has to get into in depth drunken conversations with them, shortly followed by showing them pictures he took with his new camera from previous concerts, followed by more drunken banter until we lose them in the crowd. I can’t wait until Primus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I saw Primus last month in Santa Barbara and they were great. Better than ever.
I thought that was you! I’ve been trying to figure out who that was…that’s awesome, I’m excited…did he play 1 or 2 sets?
http://www.setlist.fm/setlist/primus/2010/santa-barbara-bowl-santa-barbara-ca-5bd59fd8.html
That’s awesome thanks. If I get to hear Those Damned Blue Collar Tweekers I’m gonna pee.
The Eels are playing in my town this fall, but it the concert date coincides with my wife’s birthday, and she doesn’t want to go. As your new drunken friend might say: “The bitch!”
At this time
Burst out laughing at the “human head on a wheelchair”…. oh the visual… I don’t know what would be better: actually seeing it or the look on your face.
We go camping with a friend who, no matter where we are, makes eye contact with every drunken baffoon that walks by. Every. Single. One. We end up with all these moron’s at our campsite drinking our beer and alcohol and they NEVER leave. So since they had all the free beer they can drink, they come back every night we’re there. It’s always a running joke with us that everytime there is a trip planned we wonder what homeless numbnuts our friend will attract.
Holy Crap! The bunker cam is fucking hilarious!!!
I would like to see a SNL skit with Abott and Costello who’s on first type theme.
Ooooohh Girl who did your hair…
That’s right sister…
No girl who did your hair…
You had it right the first time sister…
Had what right…
I was told to never trust a skinny cook but damn that looked good. Wish Emeril would get his smell-o-vision deal working.
Dogfish 60
Bells Two Heart
Flying Dog Raging Bitch Belgian IPA (20th anniversary beer)
Harpoon IPA
and of course Stone IPA all rank as possible best beer in the world. If I was stuck on an island with a lifetime supply of any of these, I wouldn’t complain.
I went to Boston Beer Works while I was in Boston a couple of weeks ago. They had a Belgian IPA that was pretty damn good also. Too bad we didn’t get there until after I had already consumed a dozen pints of Harpoon!
I had to fly through that storm last night – it was fucking scary.
Damn! I want Shepard’s Pie real bad now.
Don’t you hate when some drunk comes up to you yelling and you have to try to make some kind of distorted eye contact with people around you as much as to say “This douchbag isn’t with ME!” It’s such a hassle.
That’s why I carry a taser with me. Anyone that comes close gets it in the neck. I had to use it at the gas station earlier today. So old bat approached me and said, “Do you know if they sell milk here?” I tased her into submission and she just layed there like an idiot in her own piss saying, “Oh God, why’d you do that?”
Do not talk to me.
Do not approach me.
Do not look at me.
Lighten up, Francis.
Okay Jeff, I’ve been listening to the Eels because of you, and like them alot. How come I had never heard of them before? To much “classic rock” on FM I suppose. Anyway, I bought tix to see them at the Fillmore in San Francisco next month. I”ll file a full review after the show.
Would it be wrong of me in this forum to announce that I have never really been to a concert? (Unless you count a Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch thing held at a local venue when I was 11 & had gotten the tickets when I was released from the hospital for a heart issue I had. My dad & I lasted one song before we split.)
So…..I know nothing about concert events. Sounds fun, though!
I’ve admitted as much before. I was never allowed to go to one (my brother was). Most of the bands I like are in the U.K. anyway.
I’ve never been to a concert before either. I lived in a small town so you had to drive a ways to the concert and I never went. I did however smoke a lot of some kind of herb and crank my stereo up to Black Sabbath when I was in my high school days. Also I just went to the movie theater for the first time a few months ago to see Alice in Wonderland. It was ok but how do people pay that much for a bag of fucking popcorn and a soda. Oh yeah I’m 26.
Jason forgot to log into T. Farty…..
True. My mistake. I went out and got a sixer of Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA after reading Jeff’s post and I guzzled them down like I was on my way to the electric chair. I swore off drinking last week, I think. But you can’t go through life sober. It says that in the Bible, I think.
We don not count Marky Mark
Ok, I remembered another douchey show that I can’t seem to not watch, Millionaire Matchmaker. Damn.
Anyway. I’ve been that guy. A few DBT shows I remember mainly because people filled me in (you hit a guy, you spilled your drink, you got on stage, you lost your car…).
Nex show I’m going to see is Bengals@Browns in 2 weeks or so.
Jason,
Go fuck yourself. Nobody believes your bullshit stories about tasers. What kind of man carries a taser anyway? Do you keep it in your fanny-pack or your bra? Is there anything in your ball sack? Anything at all? Jesus Christ, you make me sick.
You listen to me McAppleass, you know where I’m at. Come say that to my face. You won’t because you know I’ll kill you and shit on your body.
Your trophy wife is coming over for dinner, a movie, and a blowjob. Oh wait, I meant she has a Tupperwear party. Isn’t that what she told you? No woman goes to 4 Tupperwear parties a week, sucker!
I’ve noticed a lot of beer missing from the refrigerator in the garage. It’s not enough that you’re fucking my wife? You have to drink my beer too? You goddamn loser!
I see your point on the beer. Sorry. What is it, Moosehead? Where the hell do you buy that?
Publix. Asshole.
Are you identifying McAppleass as the sucker? I thought it was his wife. Or do you imagine it’s one or the other depending on the given situation?
McAppleass is a sucker because I’m fucking his wife while he thinks she’s at Tupperware parties.
Jason, do not take BJ’s from Farty’s wife. She is the fat girl that has one tooth on top and one on the bottom and they are sharp.
I saw her eating an ear of corn through a picket fence the other day, then she sang an Alabama song and posted it on Youtube.
Must be the wrong Farty. His wife is a hot Swede that he ordered through the mail. She’s too much woman for McAppleass. In a way I’m helping the guy out.
jason and farty are the same person? thats why the one gets to bang the others wife. split personality. i wanna see jason taze farty and farty punch jason in the balls all at the same time.
Hey, how’s your wife and my kid?
The wife is okay but your boy chews his toenails. Not what you’d expect from a 23 year old.
Good Evening Surf Reporters….
I was reading the drink menu for Slainte. A glass of scotch neat is 10 bucks, but on the rocks is 15. They charge five freakin dollars for ice?
Great update by the way, JK. Almost felt like I was there.
See, ya should have bought me that beer. I have scotch!
I noticed if you ordered the 18 year old McCallan ice cost $10. Only one explanation, afficianodos (sp?) don’t put ice in their scotch and if you really want ice they are going to make you pay with cash for your sins.
A burger and Bloody Mary for $10 at 11am on a Sunday morning!?! I gotta get to Slainte!!
Jesus Christ, I’m 4 months without the WVSR and you guys have BOXES in the comments, now? Now I REALLY feel like a Luddite! 15 minutes of internet every other day THAT I HAD TO DRIVE 10 MINUTES TO GET did not allow me to keep up. Well, I’m back, dammit! I found a little jewel that plugs into my laptop and gives me internet from the cellphone towers and it’s mildly faster than dial-up. Huzzah!
Now, I only get 5 hours of internet access a day, so I gotta go back and read the last 4 months. What did I miss??
Happy Friday, Surfers!
Welcome back, Knucklehead! How goes it over there? We also need to be brought up to date.
Welcome back, Knucklehead! Just the same old same old. Jeff’s on the third rewrite of his book and has been retreating to his yurt a lot. The “reply” feature is actually new here and is under great debate. I don’t like it, but boycotting it proved fruitless. Besides, I’m in the minority so it’s here to stay.
Not much going on here. The flight over with the 135 lb dog on board the plane with us was a hoot. I posted a pic on my FB page. People were taking pictures and video the entire flight. Hilarious.
The summer was hotter than hell and we’re just now getting some relief. It’s beautiful here, the people are really nice and the food is great (duh). Haven’t make it very far out of our village because the tourists are just now leaving. It’s been too hot and crowded to do much, anyway. There are 318 full time residents in our village (Benabbio, if you care to Google it) and it swells to over 600 in the summer. EVERYONE knows the dog. His name was Louie in the US, but we had to change it to Luigi here (lui means “him” in Italian). When we walk him at night all we hear are cries of “Luigi! Luigi!” We’re just the people who live with him.
How’s the book going, Jeff? So, you’re currently yurt-bound I take it?
I’ve missed you guys. It’s nice to be back. I’ll update a little more later.
K
Welcome back Knuck !
Welcome back, Knucklehead! Hope things are working out well for you!
Bentornato Knucklehead!
…and Jeff’s gender reassignment surgery went off without a hitch!
I’m having a “Stuffshitters” frozen lazagna in your honor Knucks. VIVA ITALIA!!.Ya…right. Fucking dagos piss me off. They all like they’re ‘connected. Wap basteders.
“they all ACT like….
Where’s the edit button….??? Crap!!
Knucklehead…
How goes the Italia? Hey, we even tried girlcotting it. No go.
jtb
Welcome back, Knucklehead! I don’t remember you at all but I’m new here. There used to be a really great local band called Unckle Knucklefunk. I thought it was one of them at first, so I’ll try to hide my disappointment.
Welcome back Kuncklehead! Lots of reporters have asked about you in the comments. Look back and see how much you were missed. Good to “see” an old friend again. How is the bird?
Thanks, SOS! I missed you guys, too. I would lament “I haven’t been on the WVSR in months. I talked to those people every day for years” to which my husband would say “do I have to hear that every day?” Bird is in limbo. Still waiting to get her. Soon, soon I hope.
Welcome back, Knucklehead! You have lots of reading to do. You’ll have to fill us in on your new adventures as well. Would love to hear them!
Knuckelhead,
Did the birdy go with you too? Nice to hear from you and good for you guys for living out your dream! I remember the house hunters (or whatever) thing from before. Glad you made it. That sort of thing takes courage. Glad it’s working out.
The bird is still in San Francisco waiting to be shipped. It would have been easier to get a human corpse here.
We’re working on it!
Does anyone here watch the league? Holy fuck that’s funny
Just googled it and watched a clip on youtube where Taco is singing to a little girl on her birthday. Damn funny!!! I’m going back for more!
Taco is jon lajoie (leyshwaw) and he’s hilarious he does a song called Michael Jackson is dead. Watch that and his other shit.
Just watched it. Didn’t make me laugh- but oh so sickly hollywood true.
Fair enough but you can’t deny the truthiness of it.
Would have made alot of money in the swear jar.
Knucklehead…
If you can’t get the bird, are you interested in a human corpse? I didn’t realize it was that easy to ship, and it’s time to clean my basement.
jtb
Good Morning Surf Reporters…
http://www.twitter.com/JohnnyBCool
Go….
now….
why are you still reading this? I said NOW!
You missed Jesca Hoop??? Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot!!! She is one of most talented artist to come out in the last 5 years! Jeff, dude, really…you missed a great set I bet.
Every time I read that I see “Jesco”. Probably because of the whole West Virginia influence here. I just looked up Jesco to see if anything new was going down in his clodhoppin’ little life and here there was another documentary made about him and his family just last year, by the Jackass dudes no less. Whoa. I’m not pushing it to the top of my Netflix queue or anything, but I figured I’d post it here in case anyone else missed it. Or maybe I’m the last to know. In any event, here’s a preview:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3ysuG2O0zw&feature=player_embedded
Sweet baby Jeebus!
I’m going to start telling people I am from Colorado.
Finally an almost perfect day in the Valley. I’m lovin it.
Chuck, you said it right: a perfect day in the Mid-Ohio Valley. I did all my yardwork without breaking a sweat. Temp amd humidity so low it was incredible. I worked my butt off. Yard looks great.
Yepper…put new brake pads on the mighty Chrysler. Cleaned it up some and generally reveled in the broken back of a long hot Summer. Maybe.