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A Rare Friday Dispatch From The Bunker

November 13, 2009 By Jeff 74 Comments

burglarI got a rather severe haircut last night.  The word “severe” wasn’t in my request, but the woman certainly improvised it.  I asked for the standard:  clippers, four and two guards.  Somewhere, during my travels, I picked up that bit of insider lingo, and it insures (generally speaking) a haircut the way I like it.

My “stylist” was dressed like she was ready for an evening at the Tropicana Club, or whatever.  She was wearing an expensive-looking dress, with a flamboyant, sparkly shawl around her neck.  Her hair was piled high, impeccably so, and she kinda glided through the room.

Holy shit, I thought, is this Liza Minnelli?

And, man, she was rough.  Her clippers had obviously been used and abused, and almost cut me open like a trout.  You know those people you see wandering around Wal-Mart, with one really tall tooth on the bottom?  Well, that’s how those clippers felt.  One of the prongs was hyper-extended, and I worried I’d be leaving there a bloody mess.

Near the end of the procedure she was slapping the thing against my neck, like she was keeping beat to an AC/DC song.  I was wincing in pain as the “tall tooth” dug into my flesh.  WTF?  Is this some kind of Sweeney Todd situation??

When she (finally!) finished, she spun me around in the chair so I could see myself in the mirror, and I think I actually gasped.  Where there had once been a pile of Bobby Brady hair, was now just a shadow.  It’s not really hair, so much as a suggestion of hair.  Know what I mean?

I gave the woman a four dollar tip, down from my standard five, because I thought I was going to need Bactine on my neck.  Plus, I could feel the current weather conditions on my scalp.

When I exited the shop the Secrets were there, and both had concerned “Holy shit!” looks on their faces.

“What happened?” one of them said.

“Let’s just get in the car,” I answered.

Sweet sainted mother of where’s my fucking baseball cap?!

The T-Shirt Lady sent me an email yesterday, telling me my reorder for the miscommunication shirts will be ready on Saturday.  So, I’ll be picking them up tomorrow, and will have everything caught-up by Monday.

Once again, I dropped the price on the Evil Twin blue/gray shirts, and they’re a thing of beauty, straight-up.  Please order seven or three today.  My 48-hour shipping guarantee will kick-in the moment I pick up the OOPS! shirts tomorrow.

Here’s your link.  Buy ’em up!

And what do you think about a Smoking Fish Snuggie?  You can get them custom-made now, and I think it would be fantastic.  What’s your thoughts on it?

Since I’m groveling like a ball-baby bitch here, please also don’t forget to enter the Amazon site through our links.  There’s one at the end of all the latest updates, as well as other places throughout TheWVSR.  If you do this, they’ll pay me roughly 5% of what you spend.  So, it costs you nothing extra, and you’ll be supporting a worthy cause — my addiction to beer and fast food!

I don’t want to get overly cocky here, but I think our hacker problems might be behind us.  It’s been almost 48 hours, and the spam code has not returned.

A couple of days ago Jan Ole Peek, who I sometimes hire to help with technical issues beyond my abilities, located a questionable folder at the site.  It contained four small scripts that created secret pages, through which a spammer had full access to our files without a need for login information.

Diabolical!  When I realized I had a problem, I changed all the usernames/passwords but the bad code kept coming back.  Now I know why — the sphincter-spelunker installed his own backdoor portal into the West Virginia Surf Report!  Grrr…

But I’m starting to believe the episode is over.  Thanks to Jan, once again.  If you ever need tech help with your WordPress site, he’s your guy.  He has my unconditional endorsement, for what it’s worth.

I’ve applied for “reconsideration” at Google, so hopefully everything will be back to normal soon.  Excruciating!

I posted a new Mockable update yesterday, and think it’s kinda funny.  And today’s guest mock is excellent, as well.  Please don’t forget about Mockable.  We’re still chugging along over there.  Quietly, in the background.

And I mentioned this once before, but “Bud Bundy’s” web show, Star-Ving is pretty damn hilarious.  Don’t watch it with the kids, though.  It’s not exactly Nickelodeon fare, if you know what I mean.  Funny as hell, though.  Check it out.

I’ll leave you now with a couple of questionable Questions…

Someone at work recently had their house broken into, and the thieves took their B.A.T (big ass television).  Man, that infuriates me, just thinking about it.  Have you ever had your house or apartment burgled?

I’m lucky, and don’t really have anything to contribute here.  I’ve had shit stolen out of my car (like laundry!), but never an apartment or house.  And I lived in Atlanta for six years.

What about you?  Tell us about it in the comments.

Also, we’re receiving a ton of catalogs in the mail these days.  Are there any particular ones that you actually look forward to receiving?  We got a Crutchfield catalog yesterday, which is pretty good, and I got one last week frin CC Crane, a radio manufacturer.  But I generally don’t get too excited by catalogs.  Do you have any favorites?

If you’ve got anything on these two Questions, or anything else for that matter, use the comments to bring us up to date.

And I’ll see you guys on Monday.

Have a great weekend, my friends.

Now playing in the bunker

Treat yourself today at Amazon!
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Comments

  1. Alice in WV says

    November 14, 2009 at 11:18 pm

    Someone broke into my car many years back while I was in a bar. I’d left my big ol’ purse cleverly tucked under the front seat for safe-keeping and only carried in my ID, cash & lipstick.

    I just did a little Amazon shopping via the Surf Report just last week, Mr. Kay. You’re welcome and I’ll let you know how fantastic Stephen King’s Under the Dome is when I get through it – 1000+ pages. I got a great deal on it. The pre-ship date price was $9! I had to get a book for the mister and one for the boy, too.
    Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Super Athletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen
    and
    The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind

    Reply
  2. The Qweezy Mark says

    November 15, 2009 at 2:16 am

    Labatt 50 is God!!!!!

    Reply
  3. Malcolm says

    November 15, 2009 at 9:31 am

    @pagan, do you mean Forres the small town in northern Scotland? Believe it or not a high school buddy of mine lived outside that town for several years – his mom remarried an old Scottish coot and they relocated there from Barrington, IL. My friend said it was the end of the earth and the most boring place you cou….ZZZZZZ.

    Sorry to Answer ahead of Ian the Errolite – I am curious about his take on the place if has one.

    Reply
  4. eeyoresmama says

    November 15, 2009 at 10:26 am

    Jeff, Could I “borrow” the picture you have on the bunker cam? It makes me smile every time I look at it, and I’d like to use it on my facebook page for my profile picture.

    Reply
  5. Mark says

    November 15, 2009 at 10:43 am

    Nothing like the sound of “shucking” a round into a shotgun to convince intruders to go elsewhere…..

    The reply to that sound was …. “ohhh fuck dude, let’s get outta here”…….

    Reply
  6. Dogberryjr says

    November 15, 2009 at 12:55 pm

    Alice– Did you see the author of The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind on the Daily Show?? If not, go find the interview online. Classic!

    Reply
  7. pagan says

    November 15, 2009 at 1:09 pm

    Malcolm I was born there! But as my parents left when I was 2 I dont know the place at all! was thinking of taking the wife for a vacation this Summer but was hoping to find out more about the place!

    Reply
  8. pagan says

    November 15, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    Qweezy do they still sell 50? I havent seen that brand in years!!

    Reply
  9. Alice in WV says

    November 15, 2009 at 9:35 pm

    Dogberryjr – I did see the interview and I saw a story about him somewhere else, too. He rocks! My son wants to be an inventor so bad so he’s getting this book for Christmas.

    Reply
  10. Ian the Errolite says

    November 15, 2009 at 10:38 pm

    Ah, Forres.
    ‘Where the men are men, and the sheep are nervous’.

    If I was you, I would split ‘taking my wife on vacation’ and ‘hoping to find out more about the place’ into two distinct sentences. Unless a divorce is on your agenda!
    If you are going there, do it quickly.
    A quick foray north from Edinburgh with an overnight stay around Inverness or Aviemore, then across to the west coast for better views, spending a night at Applecross or Plockton.
    Thats my tip for today.
    Though I hear Hawaii is also worth a visit.

    Tilda Swinton lives near Nairn.

    Reply
  11. pagan says

    November 15, 2009 at 11:38 pm

    That bad huh? As long as Forres isn’t as hard on the eye as Tilda Swinton:)

    Reply
  12. The Qweezy Mark says

    November 16, 2009 at 7:44 am

    Pagan, they still sell 50 in Canada.

    Reply
  13. PAmike says

    November 16, 2009 at 9:05 am

    thank the lord…and Jan…I can read thewvsr at work again. my work was blocking the site for the last few weeks or so, damn hackers.

    Reply
  14. Alice in WV says

    November 16, 2009 at 10:16 am

    can it be? can it be? YES! I can read thewvsr at work again, too! JOY! and I’m going to hit the ‘submit comment’ button now… (crossing fingers)

    Reply
  15. Alice in WV says

    November 16, 2009 at 10:16 am

    ta daaaa! 🙂

    Reply
  16. AngryWhiteGuy says

    November 16, 2009 at 12:34 pm

    pagan- sadly, I have had erotic dreams about Tilda Swinton, dressed up as the White Witch from the Chronicles of Narnia.

    You gotta admit she looked pretty hot in that get-up.

    On IPOD right now- “Punk Rock Girl”- The Dead Milkmen”

    Reply
  17. Lee Harvey Ramone says

    November 16, 2009 at 12:51 pm

    Ms Swinton didn’t even attempt Hope Kurtz’s thick Texas accent in the movie “Strange Culture”.

    I fully realize that no one who will read the preceding statement will have any idea what I am talking about on any level whatsoever. None.

    Reply
  18. AngryWhiteGuy says

    November 16, 2009 at 1:06 pm

    Lee Harvey- oh yeah petri dishes, bioterrorism ridiculousness. I know what it’s all about. I never understood why Kurtz was charded with mail fraud. Saw the film in our local “art house” theater.

    On IPOD right now- “Don’t Touch Me There”- The Tubes

    Reply
  19. AngryWhiteGuy says

    November 16, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    Sorry, that would be “CHARGED” with mail fraud.

    Reply
  20. Alice in WV says

    November 16, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    AWG – I was just listening to an Adam Carolla podcast and they talked at length about The Tubes, and – whaddya know – they were playing on your IPOD just about that same time. ~a weird little coincidence.

    Reply
  21. Lee Harvey Ramone says

    November 16, 2009 at 2:05 pm

    The Feds realized that they couldn’t effectively prosecute Steve as a domestic terrorist, but they were not willing to back off. As such, they needed a back-up charge (mail fraud) so that they could keep fucking with him. I suppose there’s a lesson there somewhere. Once the Feds decide they want a piece of your ass, they won’t let up until they get you. That being said, this will never survive the scrutiny of the U.S. court system. Unless, of course, I am wrong.

    Reply
  22. Laserboy says

    November 17, 2009 at 9:06 am

    No Burgles in the house but I had a broken cassette player stolen out of my car once along with a bunch of really bad overdubbed cassettes.

    Favorite catalogs:
    Old Vermont Country Store
    What on Earth
    Cybeguys
    Harbor Freight

    Reply
  23. Chick-a-Dee says

    November 20, 2009 at 5:35 pm

    I love the “I left my snuggie at your mom’s house.” There is actually a website devoted to people posting their snuggies…which is a little disturbing.

    There are some pretty funny ones – my favorite is the “midriff” snuggie. It’s on snuggiehumor.com if ya care:)

    Reply
  24. Fatima says

    November 25, 2009 at 1:17 am

    someone tried break into our house , one rang our doorbell, while the other started kicking in our backdoor. we sent our german shepherd out……they ran like bitches.
    nice.

    Reply
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