I generally write these updates in Word, and copy/paste into WordPress when I’m finished. I find it mildly distracting to type inside WordPress itself. There’s too much shit going on and it takes me off my game. However, I’m more pressed for time than usual today. So, this one’s going to be pure and uncut. I’m going straight to the source, baby! We’ll see how it goes.
On Friday Toney and I visited a travel agent about a possible trip to Las Vegas in September. I mentioned this last time and a few of you were mocking and ridiculing me for using a travel agent in 2018. Well… I agree, if you’re just booking a business trip that requires nothing more than airfare and a hotel. But if you’re going full-tourist, and traveling deep into the heart of a place where businesses are fighting for every dipshit’s dollar, like Vegas or the all-inclusive resorts in the Carribean or Mexico, a travel agent can still be a big help. A good travel agent, that is. They know which hotel groups or resorts are offering temporary incentives, and can give you tips on what parts of the hotel to stay in, etc. A GOOD travel agent can share their personal experiences, and might even have a relationship with the hotel/resort which can result in an upgrade of some sort. And they don’t generally cost anything, the hotels/resorts/airlines/rental car companies pay them booking fees.
Anyway… we didn’t get a good travel agent, we got a bad one. Bitch was obsessed with Disney and apparently isn’t too interested in people who are traveling somewhere other than a Disney property. Or maybe she just didn’t like us. I guess that’s a possibility too. But her entire work area was covered in Disney knick-knacks and related bullshit, and she was even wearing Mickey Mouse earrings. Her business card proclaimed her a “Disney specialist,” and she told us multiple times that she visits Disney World five or six times per year. She just went through the motions with our request, handed us a stack of printouts from the internet, and basically hollered, “Next!”
We’d been there before, maybe a year ago, and had a great agent. She was exactly what the doctor ordered. But the sack we got on Friday was terrible. She was more interested in what other people were saying, and rolling her eyes in exasperation. It was highly unsatisfactory. So, maybe we’ll just book through Costco travel, and let the poker chips fall where they may?
Pretty funny, huh? Poker chips? But I’m not a gambler. I get almost zero pleasure out of it. I’m susceptible to all sorts of vices, God knows it’s true, but gambling ain’t one of them. The trip will be all about eating and drinking, a day trip to the Grand Canyon, the neon light museum, the goddamn pinball machine museum (!!), and more eating and drinking. Hey, I just thought of this! Maybe we can swing by the Pawn Stars store. Get a selfie with Chumlee, if he’s still alive and out of jail. Although I liked him better when he was still full-fat, and didn’t have those weird porcelain teeth.
I’ve been to Vegas many times, always with WEA, never with Toney. We stayed at Treasure Island every single time (I don’t know why), and some of my co-workers would barely sleep. They’d gamble and drink all night long, shower and attend meetings during the day. It was crazy. They’d lose thousands, almost without fail. I’d think, “How??” How can you just piss away several thousand? But we’re getting way off-track. I told you this one was going to be weird.
It snowed over the weekend here. Nothing major, maybe three or four inches. But I went out and was going to clean my car off, and some shit went down. I was talking with my brother on the phone and started the engine so it could warm up. I was sitting sideways in the driver’s seat, with my feet on the driveway. And nothing happened for a few seconds. But apparently I’d left my wipers on, and it took them a little while to build up enough strength to move the snow on the windshield. Then, seemingly out of the blue, they swiped about ten pounds of snow directly into my lap and all down inside the electronics on the door. It was ridiculous. I began howling in protest and abruptly ended my phone conversation. Some of the snow worked its way INSIDE my pants somehow. No fun. And it was packed deep inside the power window controllers, etc. This winter is bullshit. One of the most annoying on record.
I need to go now. I have more, but the time is all gone. For a Question, I think this is a good one… What do you believe are the LEAST likely ways you will die? For me I’d go with being hit by a flying tire at a NASCAR race, receiving a savage beating at a Barbra Streisand concert, or the bungee cord snapping during an extreme tourism trip. What about you? Use the comments link.
And I’ll see you guys again soon.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
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Who knows. . .
Staying downtown in Vegas is fun these days. You can do worse than seeing the Penn and Teller show. Also, remember these three words: Tacos El Gordo.
You might also enjoy a visit to Zia records in LV.
I second the Penn & Teller suggestion. I try to catch their shows whenever they are nearby.
….and for the love of God stay away from the George Wallace show. Thats 2 hours I’ll never get back.
I seriously doubt I’ll collapse running a marathon. I won’t be crushed by free weights at a gym. I won’t be killed by an ungrateful pet python. I won’t die in a freak curling accident. This exercise of the imagination is sort of encouraging—so many bad things might happen, but at least I can check a few off the list.
I live in SoCal, and I’d rather have my dick ripped off than go to Disneyland. It’s an overpriced nonstop ripoff from the parking lot until you leave. The trains to Auschwitz were less crowded.
Disney freaks make the dianetics people seem sane in comparison.
I was in Vegas this weekend, and we actually drove past the pinball hall of fame.
I won’t die of excitement while playing pinball. The (playable) classic arcade museum in Asbury Park is fun, if a little heavy on the boring pinball machines. It’s a good way to spend time on a rainy day.
Why not consider DisneyWorld instead? It is magical. When we go I like to play guess the trauma that the Disney-freak adults suffered as a child. Those people just aren’t right.
I know it’s expensive and one just crashed, but the helicopters to the Grand Canyon (and Hoover Dam) are pretty damn awesome.
I feel the same way as you about gambling-I just don’t see the attraction.
I definitely will not die in any gambling-related tragedy!
I don’t understand the appeal of gambling either. But Vegas is fun for its theme park nature, in addition to the Grand Canyon and so forth.
And fuck, as always, a bag of Disney.
I’m pretty sure I won’t die in space.
No gambling? Just eating and drinking? Grand Canyon, neon light museum (woohoo!), pinball machine museum (!!), and more eating and drinking??
Sounds ‘zactly how I would do Vegas! May I join you two?
The Grand Canyon will amaze you. So will the fried chicken at The Yardbird in the Venetian. As for Disney, I’ve got 2 boys who’ve never expressed a desire to go. Thank you God.
I will not die choking on cranberry in any form. and I will not die on any mountain top, didn’t lose anything up there. We hit vegas last spring and had a great time at the mob museum, not far from the neon museum.
Other than a potato, I will not die eating a vegetable. Guaranteed.
We love Disney world and Las Vegas. This is daughters first year at college and we are planning on visiting both. I guess the hooligans have matured enough not to burn the house down while Jeff vacations?
Helicopter to the Canyon is highly recommended. Going to Disney in March against my will. I’ve been told however that it is a blast..we will see..
Just a thought, try AAA travel service. They booked us on our 25th anniversary trip to St. Lucia,…good flight connections plus Sandals on the cheap.
Least likely death – being trampled by a herd of elephants. Most likely – being taxed to death (I live in New England).
I thought they only sent people to places that don’t serve booze, but I might be confused about that.
jtb
Least likely way of me kicking – clutching my chest after disembarking from Space Mountain or any other Disney attraction. I also doubt I’ll be beaten unrecognizable by welching on a bet. I don’t gamble. I’ll goof around with the slots until I lose about thirty bucks but that’s about it.
We used to have a great travel agent but my sister lost touch with her and now it’s just awkward to call. She may even be retired by now. They do get some fantastic deals. Jeff, try a different agency. To hell with that dope.
I never understood the attraction of Disney. More mind boggling are adults who go bat shit crazy. I worked with a woman well into her 30s who got married there complete with printheth dreth and tiara. Holy Shit!!!
When a Disney Princess wedding is suggested, that is supposed to be the groom-to-be’s cue to run far far away and never look back. Holy shit indeed.
I will never die of loneliness.
A good travel agent does make a huge difference in pricing a vacation but it is a fading profession, like lamp lighter, or carriage maker. Gambling is not an activity I enjoy so a large portion of Vegas is lost to me. We moved 2 years ago and now we enjoy hearing the Disney trains and boats from our patio and watch the fireworks from our driveway.
That’s probably the ONLY way to enjoy Disney – seeing/hearing it without being IN the park.
I make carriages with side- and head-lamps that have to be lit every night, and my revenues are WAY down.
jtb
Hmm… I’m M life Platinum and the Bellagio just sent me a complimentary 4 nights plus $100 F&B Credit and $175 in FREEPLAY (will use that up in 3 minutes). I just have to decide if I want to book it by the end of next week…
Airfare should be good and cheap, this far in advance.
I understand trainfare is a bargain, and you can save even more by wearing pajamas under your day clothes and sleeping in the observation car. Nothing to observe at night, so you can sleep across seats. I make a dozen peanut butter and jam sandwiches: good for two days and a night of cheap eating, and even more if you’re watching the waistline.
And driving: “We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like “I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive. …” And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about 100 miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas. And a voice was screaming: “Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?”
I think we can get you to Las Vegas well within your budget.
jtb
I knew a guy in college who looked just like old Hunter S. Unfortunate for a 21-year-old.
And I actually looked into this a couple of weeks ago – Amtrak doesn’t go to Vegas! You would take the train to someplace not-all-that-close, then transfer to a Greyhound bus for the last leg into Sin City. Sounds like a huge pain in the ass.
Thanks for doing the legwork. Sounds like our guy will have to pay full airfare and forego the acid. And the bats.
jtb
Best transportation on acid is the subway. There is some crazy, crazy stuff hiding in those tunnels.
Subway To Vegas should have been a 1980s Tom Waits album.
jtb
Was Not Was did a song about driving Elvis’ Rolls-Royce from London to New York. Much earlier, the Three Stooges took a taxi to Egypt; I shudder to think what the fare must have been.
Elvis’ Rolls Royce was actually sung by Leonard Cohen whose memory I cherish across the vale of years.
I saw the Three Stooges live in 1960 (with Joe DeRita in the “Curly” role) at a sold out University of Puget Sound Fieldhouse. They exceeded the expectations of a 10-year-old. I miss them too.
This Johnny Cash Rolls-Royce roadtrip offers less salt water but more of America: https://roadtrippers.com/stories/johnny-cash-roadtrip
Thanks for the Was Not Was ref.
jtb
And plus, and off topic: It always surprises me when normal people say things like “I generally write these updates in Word.” I always thought of Word as a thing that companies have, not individuals. For just straight-up writing, any old text editor will do; there are many good ones available for free. I’m just not all that interested in purchasing a copy of Word (or Office, whatever) and then also a copy of Windows to run it on, and then also another PC to run *that* on.
I’ll shut up now. Thanks for your business. Don’t forget your waitress.
We tried to see Chumley there was a huge line and they wouldn’t even guarantee any of them were inside. Hoover Dam is awesome. Ride the rides on top of the Stratesphere.
Chumley was Tennessee Tuxedo’s sidekick, right? What’s he up to these days?
I strongly suspect that both Chumleys are fictional, each in his own way.
jtb