The weekend was shockingly productive. I don’t know if it was a genuine result of Beerless July, some kind of false ratcheting-up of energy, or what. But this past weekend was a complete success. I don’t feel guilty about anything. Nothing. It’s almost unheard of.
On Friday I went to the library, then Panera, and worked on (completed!) a detailed outline of a project Metten and I have started. I’ll have more details for you at the proper time, but the fact I was able to focus and analyze and complete the project in one sitting, is amazing to me.
And just so you know, I’m completely fired up about this thing… I think it’s gonna be great. I really do. Stay tuned.
I returned home, feeling triumphant, and Toney was trimming bushes in the front yard. We were planning to spend all day Saturday whipping our yard into shape, but she was getting a head-start on it.
And within seconds my wife was stung by a bee on her right hand. It obviously didn’t feel too good, and one of her fingers started plumping up like a Ball Park frank. She went inside and took Benadryl, and we continued.
I started working on the shrub Toney had been tending to, when she was so viciously attacked.
And a whole battalion of bees came zipping out, in single-file, and got in my hair, began buzzing in my face and ears, and one stung me on the bottom of my right arm, way up near the pit.
The sting hurt like a sumbitch, but it was the bees in my hair that freaked me out. I shrieked like a schoolgirl, flung the hedge trimmers halfway across the yard, and ran inside the house.
I’d escaped with only one sting, which was a miracle. Those little bastards were all over me. And I think they were wearing goggles!
But that one sting packed a punch. It just kept burning and burning, and finally, after twenty minutes or so, started to fade. But it didn’t get all swollen like Toney’s did. I thought I’d gotten off easily. Ha!
That night we went to the city fireworks, and here are some pics I snapped. I think they capture the ambiance quite nicely. By this time my arm was almost back to normal, and I wasn’t even thinking about it anymore.
Most of the town turns out for the 4th of July fireworks, and it’s kinda fun, in an 1880s sort of way. Everybody just hangs out in an open field, eats unhealthy food, and eventually watches shit explode overheard.
And the next morning… my right arm was swelled up like a giant sausage. I could barely bend it, and the bottom was as hard as granite. WTF?
Toney told me I should down some Benadryl, but I can’t have that. I don’t do medicines and elixirs, thank you very much. I’d just endure it, like I did when I was kid. Just because the arm was so large it couldn’t hang at my side (it was almost on a 45 degree angle at this point), wasn’t the worst handicap a person could have. Right?
And we worked our asses off that day. Looking back, it blows my mind. We worked in the yard, in the steaming heat, all day long. And it’s still not perfect, but looks roughly one thousand percent better. I’d kept the grass mowed, but we’d been neglecting everything else.
That night you’d think Beerless July would’ve been put to a test, but it wasn’t difficult at all. Next weekend will probably be a different ballgame, but the first one is always easy.
We took Andy (Blacklips Houlihan, Mr. McStench) out for a long walk, then Toney and I watched Friday Night Lights. We went to bed early, and I read several chapters of a book. It was fantastic.
And on Sunday morning my arm was even worse. I looked like some kind of freak, like I’d been pumping iron with my right arm only. Or might possibly be a chronic masturbator. The thing (my arm) was ridiculously large, red, and sensitive. It was also radiating heat. If you poked it, a white spot would appear, and slowly fade back to red.
I was starting to get a little nervous.
I called Steve, whose wife Myra is a medical doctor, and she told me to take Benadryl. Always with the Benadryl! But, she assured me, if I was going to die, I’d already be dead.
So, I went to work, and people were doing double-takes at my one ridiculous arm. By the end of the night, though, it had started to deflate a little. My skin wasn’t so stretched and tight, and my upper arm wasn’t so fraudulently Schwarzenegger-like.
And this morning it’s almost back to normal. Stupid bees… I feel like going out there and dumping a bucket of kerosene on that bush, and flicking a match into the middle of it. That would show ’em.
So, how was your holiday weekend? Is it still ongoing? Tell us all about it in the comments section, won’t you?
And I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.
Now playing in the bunker
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters!!
first ?
Are you going to change the ” buy jeff a beer” to just send me money! for the month of july?
In there like swimwear, baby!
I love reading Jeff “Or possibly a chronic masturbator. The thing was ridiculously large, red, and sensitive. It was also radiating heat. If you poked it, a white spot would appear, and slowly fade back to red.” … you WERE talking about your arm right?
I had a hornet in my pants once when I was little and it stung me on the upper thigh, right below where the twins were hangin’ out. All bees/wasps/hornets can go fuck themselves…except the ones we need to pollinate and make honey.
Canada Day was July 1 so I was one of about 100k people trying to get to the Igloo of Power through the snowstorms. I didn’t think the dog sled would make it but we got close. I waved to the queen and applauded some Mounties (just because). We celebrated with some poutine, some beaver tail pastries and some maple syrup.
I am with ya on the bee’s big fella. You should have sprayed the bush( not Tony’s) with bee spray and they all woulda left the Perogie belt. I am trying for a beerless July also. It will be my 21st in a row…
Oh yes, the Holiday weekend. Pretty much non existent. Worked Saturday until 3, went straight to the bar after work and stayed until about 7. Went to a friends house, hung out, drank more beer, then went back to the bar(yeah, I’m a functioning alcoholic, what of it?)(or I could just be picking up the slack for JK since he’s beerless).
Yesterday was a lounge around in the oppressive heat wearing nothing but underwear kind of day. However, I eventually put pants on and the fambly went out to dinner with my Mom and Dad. We went to Primanti Brothers Restaurant which is a Pittsburgh landmark.
For those of you that don’t know, Primanti Brothers makes sammiches. But not just any sammich, oh no, the signature trademark is the sandwich is topped off with french fries and coleslaw. Messy, but oh so delicious.
Then last night the wife and I went to a small get together for a few cocktails. About 25 or so people and several of the male guests there, were, how should I say this?
Homosexual. Not that that makes them a bad person, I have no problem with that whatsoever. They were all very nice, except they were just so blatantly flaming gay. They all talked in that high pitched, lispy hairdresser’s voice, every was “honey” or “girlfriend” and the word “fabulous” and the phrase “to die for” were used way too often.
Still, I endured. Smiled, made pleasantries and drank my beer. ‘Nuff said.
And today is a day off for most, but not me. Was at work for the 8:30 Ball Masher Meeting and I’m still here, waiting for these next 5 hours to pass.
WTF? Maybe the stinger was still in there?
When I was really small , maybe 5 or so, I was following along behind my grandfather as he mowed the grass behind his cabin. He ran over a nest of hornets or yellowjackets in the ground and of course they came boiling up out of the ground and right up my shorts. Over a hundred stings! Yeh it hurt like a bitch but I didnt cry. So, bees and such can no longer hurt me…no bee sting now could possibly hurt like that did.
Weekend was uneventful. Except for the neighborhood morons and their firecrackers. Some idiot would set off one firecracker at a time but at random intervals. Maybe 5 minutes between…maybe an hour. But just ONE at a time. The hell is up with that?
And anyone that says drinking cold things will make you feel cooler when it is 95 degrees in your living room is full of shit.
I got to hear my drunk mother in law say “fuck” a lot. Always inspiring.
Next time that happens, make a paste of meat tenderizer and water and apply it to the sting.
Are you attributing your writing frenzy to the absense of the golden elixir? Just curious.
I was out driving around today, and saw some jabba-the-she-huts waddling around (why is it they all come out on the extra hot days?) If I wasn’t fearful of the camera shattering on me I’d of snapped a few pics… I was thinking they’d make wvsr material since ol’ Jeff seems to like documenting their presence, and sure ’nuff, it must have been a premonition. A firework photo and a photo essay of huts..
And if I offended anybody, tough shit. I’m shallow, get over it.
You could have asked that fat guy in the thing to suck the poison out.
Happy Fifth !!
That’s all I got for now .
I take offense to the “stupid Bee’s” comment I thought we were friends, or at least classmates.
So in honor of that friendship, I’m going to do something I don’t usually do, drink a beer. Blue Moon and an orange!
Not one photo of the arm?? Really?!
An indoor/outdoor thermometer in the living room (indoor temp is on the bottom):
http://cwahart.com/images/indoor_outdoor.jpg
Someday soon I will explain why.
Jeff,
I know you’re avoiding beer in July, but you have been known to quaff a few brews from time to time. Beer is delicious and builds bodies 12 ways, but it contains alcohol which is a CNS depressant and a neurotransmitter scrambler. No problem in moderation and a wonderful part of life on earth. But it is undoubtedly a drug.
Antihistamine is also a drug, but generally has fewer side effects than alcohol. It is very effective for things like stings, interacts with very few other drugs, and, except for occasional drowsiness has few side effects.
So I’m wondering why one is OK and the other not. I’m sure someone will explain this to me so I can understand, because I know I’m missing something.
Don’t infer that I’m a tightass about alcohol. Or grass. Or mescaline. Or coke. Or nitrous oxide. Whatever gets you through the night is alright with me. I just don’t understand the aversion to a pretty harmless OTC med that would have made you much more comfortable. Although some N2O probably would have speeded recovery as well.
Glad to hear you’re better.
best….jtb
When I was young, my grandparents had a circular stone flower bed in their front yard and my cousin got the bright idea to put a stick in a hole between the rocks where she saw some bees coming out. She the proceeded to stir the stick around and bees just started pouring out. I got stung about 30 times. They were in my shorts, up my tshirt, everywhere. My grandfather went out and poured gas down the hole and lit it. No more bees.
@Chuck- a few years ago, the last summer before we bought a house, the A/C for our apartment broke down and when I came home from work it was roughly 95 degrees inside. The cats were lying on the bathroom tile panting like dogs. I honestly didn’t think they were going to make it. I called the property management company to get it fixed and the douche that ran the place told me I would have to pay a $250 deductible to get the 25 year old whole house A/C unit fixed. I told him to go fuck himself and I would go buy $500 worth of window units and just take them with me when I left before I would spend a dime getting the apartment buildings A/C fixed. He must of saw my logic because it was fixed the next day but that night was the worst night of sleep I ever had.
Man…I’m not all THAT old yet and I’m becoming a whiny old bastard. My apologies. It won’t happen again.
Sounds like a great holiday weekend, even with the Ball Park arm and finger. The bees in the hair and the screaming like a schoolgirl is a classic visual.
Hm…Thursday I went to bed, started to get dizzy and ill, barely got any sleep, woke up at 5 am with a rash covering half my body, so I had to call off work, assuming I had an allergic reaction to something. Eventually the sickness went away, and I took some allergy pills and woke up feeling good as new. The rash was there until yesterday morning, still can’t figure out the source…Friday night we went to a friend’s annual 4th of July keggar, Saturday went to a waterpark, Sunday went to the p’s then out in the country to watch the Beecher, IL fireworks, walked outside around 2 am that night to find my boyfriend and his friend drunkenly sawing down an 8 foot bush because my boyfriend said ‘this bush puts spiders on me every morning when I’m leaving for work’. Even though I’d stopped drinking at that point, I decided it would be a good idea to crack open one more beer, grab my camera and pull up a chair… Today we went and picked out a kitten. Tomorrow it’s back to reality and playing catch up for missing work on Friday…
It was a good weekend. The bush is gone.
Sitting out back getting ready to pull some chicken and corn off of the chargriller. Having a couple of Oberons, listening to Marty and Jeff on the radio (reds). Pretty much sums up the weekend. Vote Votto!
Chuck-Back in 1902 Willis Carrier invented a system called air conditioning. You should really look into it!
I got stung in the corner of the eye by a bee once.
I am allergic to wasps and hornets. I carry an epi-pen with me at all times in case an allergic reaction gets out of hand. I’ve never had to use one on myself as of yet. I love the outdoors, so I know that day will come one day, hmmmmm. At this time
This weekend I fished, hiked, and geocached with my son up in the Wasatch range and High Uintas. Cool weather for this time of year. No stings, no fuss. My legs and feet are a bit sore this evening, however. I suppose it’s a remineder that I’m getting older every year.
My brother and I once thought it would be great fun to poke a bee’s nest with a stick. Big mistake. He got a sting on his eyelid which caused his eye to swell to mythic proportions. I got away with multiple stings.
Some years ago we went on vacation in Ocean City, MD. After swimming in the ocean, we left our trunks on the railing outside to dry. Later in the evening we went to take a swim in the indoor pool. We get our suits off the railing and proceed to the pool.
I suddenly feel a poke in my trunks, then another and another. I jumped out of the pool and into the bathroom where I found a wasp having its way with my vitals. No harm done.
LHR the Wasatch is one of the most spetacular sights I’ve ever seen.
JCIII: Cap, egg-n-cheese sammich, right?? Primanti’s is one of our fave’s. The satellite location’s don’t come close to being as good as the original in the Strip. There is just something about that place that’s like no other.
I ran around all day Saturday picking things up for the surprise baby shower I am having (this Saturday) for my best friend. Well…it WAS a surprise anyway. I tried. But you can’t control what comes out of the mouth of a drunk-off-her-ass chick that decides to tell everyone in the bar how excited she is for my friends party next week….while my friend was sitting right there. oops. Yup, you could say I was a teeny bit PISSED. Invitations went out 6 weeks ago. Seven days before the shower this twit blows it. And what kills me is I didn’t even have her on the invitation list!! But was told since she and her pervert boyfriend are always “around” their feelings would be hurt. Should have stuck with my instincts.
This heat is just unbearable to me. I sweat at the first sign of humidity. My mom was the same way. We lived in a big victorian house in Indiana, PA when I was growing up. Mom use to make my dad put 5 of those huge window unit A/C’s in every year. 2 on the first floor; 3 on the second. Then had to take them out at the end of the season. He about busted his gonad’s doing it.
Oh……and nothing worse than riding on the bike and have a bee fly up your shirt or pant leg. That could cause you to go right down.
I agree with Mrs. L. Bangs – a pic or two of your giant arm would’ve been cool. and gross.
It is so hot!
How hot is it?
It is so hot I saw a robin dipping his worm in sweet tea.
I’ll be here all week. Try the veal.
It is so hot!
How hot is it?
It is so hot I saw a squirrel dipping his nuts in sweet tea.
I’ll be here all week. Tip your waitress.
Chuck, I thought of you when I read this. The punch line gets me.
“And you know it’s hot when somebody tells you it’s only 98. But it feels like 106. And then you say that it might as well be 106. And then they say, but it’s not. And they begin to explain what heat index is. And then you kill them.”
Yeah it was 82 degrees when I woke up at 7 this morning here in Chicago. It’s gonna be gross later.
Jeff, are you sure it was on your arm and not your face?
http://worddreams.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/bee.jpg
My air conditioner was still running at 4:30 this morning trying to keep the house a bearable 72 degrees.
I got stung by a wasp this weekend. I was trying to start my fourwheeler and the bastard stung me. It was weird because it was almost like slow motion. I seen him fly out and stick me in my hand and he looked like he was humping it with his stinger. I proceeded to the tool shed and retrieve all kinds of automobile chemicals to spray it and it’s nest. I have no problem with wasp or any type of bug that can sting, There are wasps in my shed. They don’t bother me and I don’t bother them but the second one of those mfers stings me I won’t stop till i’ve killed them ALL!!!
doug2, you read my mind! lol. I was thinking the same thing.
Yeah, my 4th of July weekend was spent the usual way…WORKING!
So, here in Nome, Alaska it got up to 69 degrees on the 4th, and believe me, when you are used to cold, 69 is sweltering! I went in to work an overnight shift wearing shorts…and by 3 AM I went home and changed into jeans and a sweat shirt when it got down into the upper 50s…and I work indoors!
Jeff, have Toney give you back your sack, and just take the frickin’ Benedryl (lol). I went through my entire youth throwing rocks at bee’s nests, getting stung in retaliation. It wasn’t until my late 20s and I stepped on a wasp during a backyard volleyball game that I learned the term “allergic.” I woke up in the Emergency Room at Sacred Heart Hospital in Spokane, Washington with an oxygen mask over my face, and an IV drip in my arm. I regained
consciousness just in time to feel the Nurse jab a big needle of Benadryl solution into my ass cheek.
@WB
Go fuck yourself!
=8^-)
Re: Primamti’s. I dunno…since they got TV famous it ain’t been the same, I have been going there since the early 80’s. I was last there two years ago when the youngest secret had open heart surgery at UPMC, and it just ain’t the same. Still good, but not the GREAT place I remember. If you’re ever in Pittssburg, it is worth a 45 minute drive down to WV to eat Italian at Bella Via in Triadelphia or at Coleman’s Fish Market a couple miles further south in Wheeling.
Yes indeed, I can say with authority that you have never had a fish sammich from Coleman’s. I oughta know – I been eatin’ ’em for over 50 years.
And do not miss The Bella Via’s home made ravioli – you have to request it a day ahead, I think.
Today’s quote: “If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?”
Stephen Wright
(Sorry, folks, I just copy ’em, I don’t write ’em.)
O, the heat has addled my cranium.
As Daffy Duck would say, let-th try that again:
Yes indeed, I can say with authority that you have never had a fish sammich until you’ve had one from Coleman’s Fish Market in Wheeling, West (by God) Virginia. I oughta know – I been eatin’ ‘em for over 50 years.
There, much better.
I thought it was just me, but I’ve only eaten at Coleman’s once in my life but it was the best lunch ever!! Thanks for validating that it really is that good, and not some strange trick of my imagination.
The Dreaded Scranton Manatee was Tagged in this Photo