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A Love Of Office Supplies! Our Back To School Mottos! The Shit We Spend Way Too Much Money On!

July 27, 2017 By Jeff 48 Comments

Toney and I were in Target a few days ago, and they have all their back-to-school stuff out. Man, I used to hate that crap when I was actually in school. It was a foul wind blowing off the waste treatment plant of life. But now? I’m a huge fan. I love office supplies.  I look at them on Amazon, and I sometimes pop into Staples just to check out their ballpoint pen selection. Is that weird? I’m also a complete sucker for notebooks. I have stacks of them in the bunker, and continue to acquire the things. Occasionally I even splurge on the expensive kind, straight outta France. Which, by the way, are even better than Moleskine, in my opinion. Yes, I spend way too much money on that kind of stuff.

Anyway, we were looking at the notebooks at Target, and they have a bunch with stoopid motivational sayings on the front. Probably marketed to Middle School kids… I can’t remember any specifics, but they’re real eye-rollers, believe me. Or, in some cases, completely incomprehensible.

And I told Toney they should have notebooks with my old August back-to-school motto: This Year Is Going To Be Different! Every year I made that promise to myself. Sometimes I was thinking about academics. I was certainly capable of being a good student, but never put forth one ounce of effort beyond whatever it took to get a C. Unless, of course, I actually enjoyed the class. And that was rare. But often my private August proclamation had to do with the social aspect of school. I would ease back on all the defensive sarcasm, I vowed, and become more of a normal human being. This year things are going to be different, dammit!

Yeah… Fast forward one month and I’m in danger of failing two of my classes, due to chronic half-assery, and I have in-school suspension because I told somebody in fourth-period French they look like a duck with Down Syndrome, or whatever. Ahhhh, it’s the circle of life. Next August it’ll start all over again.

Now I’m going straight to the questions. I got no time for jibber-jabber…

In the comments section, please tell us what a real-life back-to-school notebook motto would be. This is a stretch, I know. But all that feel-good bullshit on the actual notebooks makes me wanna puke. Let’s bring some reality back to this bitch.

Also, what do you believe you spend way too much money on? Do you have anything on that? The other day I saw these giant Moleskine notebooks at Sam’s Club, two packaged together, and I can’t stop thinking about them. It’s a sickness, I tell you. It costs $25 for the pair, and I sure as shit don’t need them. Do you have anything like that? Bring us up to date on it, won’t you? Previously, I would’ve said alcohol. Most definitely.

And I need to go to work now, my friends.

I’ll see you again on Monday.

Have a great weekend!

Now playing in the bunker
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Filed Under: Daily

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Comments

  1. Mofo says

    July 27, 2017 at 2:32 pm

    First dammit!

    I have no comment on the motto crap… Just give me a plain notebook that I can, and did, decorate and fill with my own stuff.

    I love GLPs!!! Groovy Little Pads, those small spiral notebooks that fit in your pocket.

    Reply
  2. JM says

    July 27, 2017 at 2:32 pm

    “Your life doesn’t suck, Karen. You know what does? Car payments and gonorrhea. Now do your damn homework.”

    “Homework sucks, but so does minimum wage.”

    “Johnny doesn’t give a shit about you.”

    “You know damn well ‘Billy <3 Jenny Forever' is a lie."

    "Get your shit together, son. Ain't no girl eyeing the scrubs."

    "Who are you kidding? You'll never pass this class."

    "Instead of reaching for the stars, you should be reaching for a Burger King application. #realisticgoals"

    I spend a lot of money on stickers. I just like them a lot.

    Reply
    • Nads says

      July 27, 2017 at 4:06 pm

      Nice.

      Reply
  3. Adam says

    July 27, 2017 at 2:37 pm

    I spend way too much money on everything… taxes are the biggest single expense, but I tend to go over budget on everything because budgets just always have a way of being annoying. I was talking about this with someone a month or so ago and found myself saying “It’s easier to just make more money than it is to control spending.”

    Reply
  4. rar says

    July 27, 2017 at 2:42 pm

    On my “Big Chief” lined tablet, the motto, “What was good enough for daddy is more than I can expect.”

    Too much money for cable tv, internet + phone; health insurance premiums are unbelievable….

    Reply
    • Walter says

      July 27, 2017 at 3:05 pm

      The cable bill makes me cringe every month. $70 a month (which I know is cheap) just to watch Big Bang reruns.

      Reply
      • johnthebasket says

        July 27, 2017 at 4:26 pm

        OTA, my brother. Not saying all the channels are exciting, not saying TBBT is available on any of them, but I’ve adopted a futball team in southern Mexico, my Korean is coming along nicely, and I STILL can’t generate the slightest interest in Sumo. So it goes.

        John

        Reply
  5. Dude, WTF? says

    July 27, 2017 at 3:21 pm

    We will all be dead in 200 years.

    Reply
    • Nads says

      July 27, 2017 at 4:08 pm

      Maybe less than 3 1/2.

      Reply
  6. madz1962 says

    July 27, 2017 at 3:50 pm

    “Don’t get knocked up”

    “Don’t get her knocked up.”

    “”Learning this shit can win you big money on Jeopardy!”

    “Your bestie will hate you in 10 years”

    I also LOVE office supplies. I miss those mom and pop stationary stores where you could wander up and down the aisles looking at all the merchandise. Staples just feels cold to me. There’s absolutely no warmth at all to that store.

    I spend too much money on wine. In fact, I need to stop for a case tonight!

    Reply
    • Nads says

      July 27, 2017 at 4:05 pm

      I only go into stationary stores; it’s too hard when they’re moving.

      Reply
      • johnthebasket says

        July 27, 2017 at 9:07 pm

        Nice catch.

        Reply
        • madz1962 says

          July 28, 2017 at 9:01 am

          LOL – I KNEW I had that wrong… thanks for pointing that out. Where’s my eraser???

          Reply
          • chill says

            July 28, 2017 at 5:36 pm

            My favorite eraser is a Staedtler Mars Plastic. Yes, I have a favorite eraser.

            Reply
            • Not Oprah says

              July 28, 2017 at 6:47 pm

              Funny-I have a favorite eraser – when saw your comment I looked at it and it was the same.

              Reply
              • johnthebasket says

                July 29, 2017 at 3:57 am

                Yeah, it’s hard to beat the Staedtler Mars Plastic, but it CAN tear a small, horizontal hole in a Big Chief tablet. I just wish Nokian made Hakkapeliitta-brand erasers. The world needs a good all-weather eraser and several other things.

                jtb

                Reply
  7. Joe T. says

    July 27, 2017 at 3:51 pm

    I hate “Back to School” everything. It’s the sign of the end of glorious summer, and the beginning of the drudgery that is school and the impending winter which follows.

    Reply
    • Nads says

      July 27, 2017 at 4:02 pm

      Exactly, especially up here in New England.

      Reply
    • The Qweezy Mark says

      July 28, 2017 at 9:24 am

      Wasn’t our unofficial senior class motto “It’s too late to care.” ? They wouldn’t let us use it as the graduation backdrop, or something like that.

      Reply
    • Purse Workout says

      July 28, 2017 at 10:38 am

      “It’s the sign of the end of glorious summer, and the beginning of the drudgery that is school and the impending winter which follows.”

      The exact reason that I hate chrysanthemums.

      Reply
  8. Vicki H says

    July 27, 2017 at 3:58 pm

    I got no back to school wisdom. School starts when? Been so long, don’t care. The only child finished back in the early aughts. I do, however, love me some office supplies. Especially those delightful TUL pens. I’ll buy my own and stash them in my desk because we’re too cheap around here to spend that much on office supplies –let ’em use BIC. When I see someone with one of my pens, I get a little judgemental.

    Reply
  9. CardMagik says

    July 27, 2017 at 4:09 pm

    “Back in prison with no freedom of speech” – that’s what I’d put on my notebook today.

    Just found out they have jammers in the school so no more kids snapchatting and sexting. I mean what a terrible distraction from the asshattery they call EDUCATION!

    Reply
  10. Rusty says

    July 27, 2017 at 4:09 pm

    My motto in school was always, “This too shall pass.”

    One time I turned myself in to the dean’s office for smoking in the girls’ room, because you’d get a one-day suspension for it, and it wouldn’t do any damage to your permanent record (ah, the 80s!). The dean knew bullshart when she saw it, and wasn’t inclined to suspend me, but I prosecuted my case like a self-immolating attorney–provided witnesses and everything. I wish I could say that I pulled that stunt because I had something epic up my sleeve, but all I did was watch t.v. and drink Mountain Dew when I got home.

    I love office supply stores, too. If I can find something i really dig in the clearance bin, I get inexplicably giddy.

    Reply
    • Jorge says

      July 29, 2017 at 4:20 pm

      “Self-immolating attorney” is one of the best phrases I’ve ever read.

      Wouldn’t the world be a much better place if most attorneys were self-immolating?

      Reply
  11. Nads says

    July 27, 2017 at 4:21 pm

    I’m not going to answer either question, but regarding the topic; there have been certain times in my life that I felt were milestones (well that’s how it seemed then). My last year of high school was one of those times; not because it was the end of a great chapter in my life, but because high school had sucked so much, I had a devil-may-care attitude during my last year, which I dubbed “carpe diem”. And I said “carpe diem” to everyone I came across. And I became more socially adventurous. And I worried less and had more fun, and did more things. That was the one time I said “things will be different”, and they were.

    And then I went to college, and it sucked way more.

    Reply
    • johnthebasket says

      July 27, 2017 at 4:44 pm

      I swear to God that I lost my virginity before I finally understood that people weren’t saying, “Devil make hair”. Of course it didn’t make sense, but a lot of epigrammatic adultspeak was obscure. And, to be clear, it wasn’t getting laid that caused me to reparse the syllables. It just happened. To be fair, “Devil-may-care” doesn’t make a shitload more sense than my previous interpretation, but majority rules.

      I still wonder sometimes where she went and what she’s doing now.

      John

      Reply
      • madz1962 says

        July 28, 2017 at 3:10 pm

        “Devil Make Hair” gave me a darn good chuckle today. Thanks, jtb!

        Reply
  12. Salvucci says

    July 27, 2017 at 5:34 pm

    Fuck school, fuck Christmas.

    Reply
    • The Qweezy Mark says

      July 28, 2017 at 9:10 pm

      I’ll give that the ubiquitous….LOL!

      Reply
  13. Phantom Railfan says

    July 27, 2017 at 5:45 pm

    “Your teachers are cynics, most likely drunks, and they hate you and your classmates.”

    Reply
    • johnthebasket says

      July 27, 2017 at 9:11 pm

      Phantom,

      Sounds a little like Doug Stanhope, but I can’t confirm. I assume the quotation marks indicate somebody said or wrote it.

      jtb

      Reply
      • Phantom Railfan says

        July 28, 2017 at 2:34 pm

        No, it’s in quotes because it was supposed to be my suggestion for a school motto. Sorry for the confusion, I was taught by cynical drunks who hated me. Also, I was a crappy student.

        Reply
  14. Ferd Berfle says

    July 27, 2017 at 5:47 pm

    I hated school, and back to school, because it meant more close parental oversight, and getting my ass kicked if I didn’t bring home good grades. We were poor, so my office supplies were limited to loose leaf notebook paper, the occasional Big Chief tablet, and Pee Chee Folders (look those up, classics).

    As a kid it was worse because all the other kids would get the 64 pack of Crayolas with the built in sharpener, while I had to make do with a used box of 8.

    Boo hoo. No wonder I have issues! Thanks Jeff for helping me bring back all THOSE repressed memories!

    Reply
    • Reefie says

      July 27, 2017 at 10:41 pm

      You just made me think of the first day of elementary school when our teacher would give each of us a mimeographed sheet of paper (remember that smell?) with a list of school supplies we would need for the year. There was always some kind of notebook paper that had to be lined in a special way that was almost impossible to find. It would take trips to several stores to finally locate a tablet of that crap. I’ll never forget the Big Chief tablet and how one go over a word once with an eraser which would always produce a hole in the page. And I, too, so longed for the big box of Crayolas with the built-in sharpener. I remember in particular the “flesh” color; you were really up town if you had that one! I hated school from the day I started until I graduated!

      Reply
      • Ferd Berfle says

        July 28, 2017 at 9:18 am

        Lol, that Big Chief paper was about as thin as department store-bathroom toilet paper. Probably was some left over CIA shit that would disintegrate a few days after use! I remember that mimeograph paper smell, and how the paper always seemed sort of wet.

        When I had kids, every time we’d go to Walmart, I’d buy a huge box of crayons for them, just because I could. We must have had 5000 crayons in the house by the time they outgrew coloring!

        I hated my entire school career. In high school and college, whenever asked what my goals were, my answer was ‘getting out of school’. I figured life HAD to be easier without all the daily bullshit of school. I figured wrong!

        Reply
  15. AMinOr says

    July 27, 2017 at 7:02 pm

    I thought I was the only one that loves stationery/office supply stores. I have an abundance of mechanical pencils and gel pens. I wish I could have decorated my locker with all the cute magnetic buttons and pins.

    I spend too much money on red wine.

    Reply
  16. Miss Q says

    July 28, 2017 at 8:04 am

    Back-to-school notebook mottos:

    Who Cares? This Is All Bullshit Anyway
    Just Join Band. You Know You Want To.
    These are NOT the best years of your life. Just get through them as best you can.
    Learn math, science and proper English for the love of God.

    Things I spend way too much money on:
    I’m with madz on the wine, though I don’t buy it by the case. Maybe I should. Hmmm…
    Dog treats. Why I think the dog needs all those treats, I have no idea, but for some reason, I have a blast buying them.

    Reply
    • Tiff says

      July 30, 2017 at 1:39 pm

      ‘Just join band. You know you want to.’ = Perfect. Folks who weren’t in band really didn’t know what they were missing, IMHO. Goes double for the kids who were in marching band. (Can you tell which group I hung with in high school?)

      Reply
  17. Dave says

    July 28, 2017 at 8:06 am

    just give me my Trapper Keeper and get out the way

    Reply
    • MissQ says

      July 28, 2017 at 2:16 pm

      I had forgotten all about Trapper Keepers! That made me laugh. Thanks!

      Reply
  18. The Qweezy Mark says

    July 28, 2017 at 9:25 am

    My least favorite part of “back to school” is that I will soon be dodging yellow friggin’ busses and the hoards of future smart asses waiting for them again on my morning runs.

    Reply
  19. Son of Sam says

    July 28, 2017 at 10:44 am

    http://triblive.com/aande/music/12555282-74/jerry-weber-is-retiring-but-jerrys-records-will-go-on

    Jeff if your ever in the ‘Burg check this place out.

    Reply
  20. Purse Workout says

    July 28, 2017 at 10:47 am

    Notebook Mottos:

    No lie. It’s even worse after you graduate.

    Just get through this. You won’t see these people again for at least 10 years.

    Your teachers are just tolerating you.

    Grades don’t matter unless you’re failing.

    Jeff – I’m with you on the office supply giddiness. Markers – permanent or dry erase, Post Its, Moleskins (no idea why this name gives me the willies but the notebooks are near fantastic), and a Staples walk through are a few things that float my boat.

    Reply
  21. chill says

    July 28, 2017 at 5:45 pm

    Biggest ongoing waste of money: satellite TV. It’s $85-ish per month, and I haven’t watched it since Hurricane Sandy.

    Office supplies are excellent. Binder clips are the best thing for reclosing bags of chips, the inner liner to a box of crackers, etc. Hi-liters, post-it notes, staplers and pens… these are a few of my favorite things.

    Reply
    • Limey says

      July 28, 2017 at 7:34 pm

      Warm woolen mittens and PaperMate InkJoy pens. I don’t write much anymore, but damn those are nice pens, especially for a heavy presser like me.

      Reply
      • johnthebasket says

        July 29, 2017 at 4:05 am

        I once dated a heavy presser. I don’t recall the InkJoy pens, but the warm woolen mittens damn near asphyxiated me during a moment of what must have been passion.

        jtb

        Reply
  22. Lee Harvey Ramone says

    July 31, 2017 at 10:46 am

    Notebook should read “Apply to infested area”

    I spend too much money on artisan cheese.

    Reply
    • chill says

      July 31, 2017 at 11:14 am

      No shit. $25 a pound for Roquefort. But man, is it good.

      Reply

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