Ladies and gentlemen, the integrity of the Surf Report bunker has been compromised. Remember a couple of days ago when I said you wouldn’t believe what was happening over my right shoulder? Well, check this out.
It seems like months ago, but one of our original complaints when we started down the road with our freakin’ plumber, was a continuous leak in the downstairs shower. It couldn’t be fixed via the usual methods, it was more than just a washer problem, or something simple like that. Oh, it was deep inside the works…
And before we started on our odyssey upstairs ($$$), the dude diagnosed the problem down here, and said he’d have to order the part. Since the house was built in 1966, and it looked like original equipment, he said it might take a while. And it did.
He finally returned on Monday, and carved a big fucking hole in my office wall. Look at it! And he’s not going to fix it, either. He told us up-front that he doesn’t work on drywall, and it would be our responsibility to have the hole patched.
In fact, he suggested I just hang a picture over it, “in case you need to get in there again.” Yeah, great idea. Once every forty years something breaks, so I’ll leave an open door for squirrels and field mice to leap onto my back while I’m reading Drudge.
And I can already feel coldness coming out of that hole, although it might be my imagination. I’m not sure.
He even criticized my babyshit green wall color.
“Did you paint this?” he said.
“Yeah,” I answered.
“Not a color I would’ve chosen.”
Was that necessary? I don’t think so, especially since he was butchering hell out of my wall. Did I show you the picture?!
On a more positive note, the shower is now amazing. There’s so much water pressure, it almost blasts me balls-over-tits through the curtain. And that’s the way I like it.
A few days ago I went to dinner with some people, at an expensive steak restaurant. Since the tab was going to be handled by another person’s expense account, I went with the big Fred Flintstone NY strip. And it was fantastic.
But when the meal was finished, one of the guys busted out some floss and started cleaning his teeth. Right there at the table!
Everybody else acted like it was no big deal, but I was kinda disgusted. The dude was trawling nuggets of steak and tartar from his choppers, in the dining room of a 4-star restaurant.
What do you think about that? I know we’re all in this together, but shouldn’t some things remain private? Shouldn’t certain activities be completed behind closed doors?
When I worked in Atlanta I shared an office with a guy (Scott the Porn Freak) who kept deodorant on his desk. This also bothered me… He had a stapler, a coffee mug full of pens, a pad of Post-Its, and some Old Spice anti-funk gel. WTS?
I asked him about it once, and he said he often gets to work and can’t remember if he’s prepared his pits for the day. “Why don’t you keep it in a drawer?” I suggested. And he acted like I was the weirdo.
Also, at the same building, a large woman once stopped by our office to talk to my boss. She was apparently on her way to the bathroom, and had some sort of mysterious female product in her hand. And this fact didn’t intimidate her in the least.
It was wrapped in plastic, and crinkled loudly the whole time she sealed-off our doorway. A few times she even gestured with it, pointing in my boss’s direction, to demonstrate allegiance with whatever he’d just said.
I couldn’t believe it. I sat there blinking real fast, pretending to study a report, as the woman continued to wave her crackling tampon around like a sparkler.
Am I the prude, or do you also think this kind of stuff is out-of-bounds? Sheesh, I’m on the cusp of a full-body shiver just thinking about it…
Let me know what you think. Also, do you have any similar stories to tell? Use the comments link below.
And I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
I would not be doing any drywalling over that mish-mashed piece of jury-rigged crap. I just hope the rest of your plumbing work is not of that quality. You might want to send that picture on to Ask This Old House and see what Richard Trethewey thinks of it. Maybe he’ll stop out and we will all get to see the bunker on HGTV.
Personal hygiene should be carried out in private, but as far as purchasing tampons and the like?
They’re sold in store, which is a public place, so why not buy them?
Hell, I went to Rite Aid just last week and threw a box of condoms, a fifth of vodka, a super pack of tampons and a box-a-douches on the counter and then…(just for the hell of it) threw a pack of Peppermint Patties up there too.
I’ve bought tubes of that stuff I’m not supposed to talk about (that is also the abbreviation for Kentucky), a case of beer and a package of “finger cots” and I have not felt one ounce of shame.
I personally think it’s DISGUSTING for people to blow their noses when other people are eating.
Peppermint Patties! That is Sooooo Gross!
There was this guy that worked in the office in Engineering and I kid you not….He carried a toenail clipping in his pocket to pick his teeth with!!! WTF! He has since passed away but his legend lives on. I am horrified when people put out cigs in drink glasses or dinner plates that is filthy. How about when you are at someone’s house for dinner and you notice the dogs are eating out of the same dishes used for the meal? Do you think that is nasty?
Flossing after a steak is a necessary thing. Necessary and private. A few years ago the fam went to Tim Horton’s for the first time(huge up here in fucking moose land) and some old fuck took out a nail clipper just as my soup arrived. While he was a clippin’ and a grinnin’ I bitched to the gal that walks arounds askin’ folks how they doin’. I told her about maicure man, and she reached behind, me, tucked the tag back into my tshirt, and said she’s tell the manager. Nothing was done. I wasted the soup, and immediately washed off the Tim Horton’s hands from my back, Ewwwwwww.
Hey, I’m all for women applying tampons in public. Just think of the entertainment value!
Flossing at the table is a goddamn outrage! I once dined with a man who tried to floss his teeth after eating artichokes and spam in the blanket Hors D’Oeuvres, and I promptly broke both of his collar bones with a wooden mallet. “Why’d you do that?” he cried. “You know why, you filthy animal. You don’t floss in public. Now you CAN’T floss because your arms are draped down to your ankles. And we’re all better for it!”
I think I’d cover that hole with a Merican flag. Or maybe a piece of cardboard that has a cross and a number 3 on it with the words, “We won’t forget you Dale” written across it in crayon. That’d be classy.
What did he cut that hole with, a fucking hammer? Jesus Christmas.
I think women masturbating at the table is fine. But not men. Nobody wants to see your stinky dolphin being jerked around while we’re trying to eat our cocktails weenies.
I too am not a plumber, but I nearly shit a Twinkie when I saw that plumbing job. Seriously, what the hell?
Exactly which part of that monstrosity needed to be air-freighted in from Botswana?
Clever? Yes. Professional? I’d put a poster over the hole…
Is that an exterior wall? I wouldn’t put an access panel on an exterior wall. I’m (very, very) far from being a plumber but bloody hell, that’s a cack handed pile of crap in your wall. I’d be embarrassed if *I’d* bodged that up, let alone claimed to be a plumber and charged someone for it. My plumbing looks like neurosurgery compared with that.
Is this job up to code? Does this plumber have a license? Did you pick him up in front of Home Depot. That last one might only be a Southwestern U.S. joke.
5 things:
1. thewvsr bunker has been breached by an outsider!
2. the bunker will finally get a new coat of paint
3. who knew? you’ve got bronze, copper, PVC, Pex and galvanized all on one branch
4. Juancho’s Army men – a $3 solution
5. deodorant on the desk is very tacky
Jeez, I’m starting to think that photo is the “after” picture! Seriously, that is not cool. Those who said to use an access panel rather than patch the drywall are correct; that thing looks like it will break before your check clears. Even better than the access panel – get a competent plumber, and don’t let Melwood Steamfitters back in the house.
Holy crap.
I am not reading the previous comments, so sorry if I repeat something.
Jesus Christ, he did a shitty job on the plumbing. It could be the camera angle, but your shower assembly should not be at that angle. I won’t even start on your different parts you have in that hole.
You can also easily patch that drywall yourself. It takes about 10 min, and some drywall repair clips if you don’t want to cut it back to the stud. Your first warning sign should have been when he said he does not do drywall. My 7 year old nephew can patch drywall, if he won’t do it, then his skills blow.
This just in…Wal-Mart people update…
http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/09/02/georgia.tot.slapped/index.html.
DTO reporting
DTO….holly shit, that man needs to get his ass kicked!! Stuff like that didn’t hapenw hen we were kids….well at least not by strangers, our parents did the ass kicking.
You folks realize that all of our plumbing criticism is causing a certain someone to whip his hand through his hair while watching the clock at the plant., waiting until he can race home (by way of McDonalds) to see if it’s sprung a leak yet. Speaking of which, what do you imagine they make there on the Jeff Kay swingshift? [Cue: “What’s He Building In There?” by Tom Waits]
I used to know someone who saw nothing wrong with blowing her nose at the table and when others were still eating. Perhaps I have a vivid imagination, but in my mind, all I see is her blasting a hole through the Kleenex and spewing her snot over everyone within range. And the kicker? She takes the used Kleenex and wipes up spills on the table with it. I asked her more than once to please refrain from ruining my appetite by swirling her boogers and to consider the germs she’s spreading, but she pooh-poohs the idea that any of her snot will end up on the table. I finally got so fed up with her disgusting habit that I took out my hand sanitizer gel, squirted a huge glob of it in the middle of the area she had just contaminated, and wiped it with a napkin, leaving a thick coating behind to air-dry. Then I promptly got up, told my dinner companion that she was a filthy pig, walked over to the server who had just taken our order to have her recall it, and then went straight for the door. Haven’t spoken to her since. (Our friendship was already on shaky ground anyway.)
Unfortunately, I think of her every time I eat at a restaurant where there are no tablecloths. I don’t care if the bus boy gives the table a cursory swipe with a rag. He’s just spreading the booger residue to a larger area, as well as to other tables.
Toenails, snot, bad plumbing, flossing at the table, deodorant at the desk, twitter, WalMart, McDonalds….I think I’m going to puke. I was going to say “I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth” but that phrase is way overused. And the tampon talk is making me very happy to be post-menopausal. It rocks.
How about the coworker of my father’s in the 1970s who proceeded to pull an extremely large gooey booger out of his nostril, examine it, place it daintily on the slice of pizza he was about to indulge in, and, you guessed it – EAT IT!
Or the broad at the bowling alley who kept her choppers in her purse. She’d order something from the “snack bar,” bring it back to the pit, shove her teeth in her face, eat, spit them back in her hand and nonchalantly drop them back in her purse. No napkin, no bandanna, no squat.
And finally, there was my FEMALE roommates at WVU who’d rub snuff, spit the snot in Bud bottles and then extinguish cigarettes in them. AT THE TRIANGLE! Ewwwww!
I worked in a design firm about 3/4 mile from the metro station in DC. On hot, humid summer mornings, “Martin” would arrive after his sweaty slog from the metro and immediately pull out the box fan from under his desk. (About 12 of us worked in the same ‘pit’ setup) Martin would then proceed to remove his moist footwear, then his water logged socks. With the fan on full blow, he would poke the socks into the grill and let those babies slap around like dying fish. To his credit, he did apologize in advance, “but it had to be done”, or he would develop some kind of gangrene. The gamey funk would fill the pit in seconds, and Jesus Christ’s name would become a rolling mantra. We all loved Martin’s unabashed lack of social skills though. He made us look so boring.
No home training. Absolutely no home training. What is wrong with these people?
When I was growing up I was taught that gum chewing is a filthy habit only appropriate for the privacy of one’s own bathroom. I can’t imagine the thought process that leads to thinking it is ok to floss one’s teeth in a restaurant or to do the other things mentioned above. Disgusting.
Did you steal that green fluorescent paint from the shed out behind the special school where the short bus stops?
Geez, I would not buy a friggin lawnmower if it were that color at 80 percent discount.
What do you call that color, booger green, shitmuckle, puce?
Man, go buy a gallon of beige, will ya?
I like the green paint. It’s a happy color.
I like the green too. And I don’t smoke weed, so that’s got nothing to do with it.
My God, that plumbing job is a clusterfuck! Why didn’t your “plumber” just put in a new valve instead of waiting for an old part? And replumbed that mess while he was at it. It wouldn’t have cost that much money. Ahem… anyway, go to Lowe’s and get a 2′ x 2′ precut sheet of 1/2″ drywall. Costs about $4.00. If I remember correctly, the edges are finished with drywall tape. Screw it on the wall over the hole and paint to match the wall. Instant access panel and no drywall cutting/taping/mudding involved.
Great place to put that cork board you’ve always dreamed about. Push pins and post-its. I have one here above my monitor full of crap. Notes and phone numbers with no name next to them. Makes me look like I’m busy. I even have a “Ross Perot for President ”
campaign button stuck up there. Wow…there is a lot of crap up there now that I look around.
That paint matches my 13 year old nieces room perfect!! All you are missing are the pink and purple accessories..perfecto!!! Seriously…green is great but get a “quiet” one. Get that while you are at home depot. Your pipes look..wrong. If you have a plumber friend, have them over for beers and see wtf is going on in there. Very colorful pipes though..almost match your walls. Good luck!!
My hubby only cuts his nails outside, with a garbage can(as to not destroy nature, I guess)
I have a friend who digs out the floss at every moment..hmm
I have to agree that if that photo of the hole is an after shot, then you need to find someone of quality. Because anyone that is not blind can see that is a stupid screwed up mess. It might work for awhile, but you are bound to have problems. I mean just look at it. What is that thing that connects to two PVC elbows to the right of the four way? It looks like a spool of tape.
$20 says Jeff found his “plumber” on Twitter.
To hell with what the plumbing looks like or if mice or squirrels may jump on your back! For Pete’s sake Jeff, think rationally! What about a mummy!… or worse yet a ZOMBIE! Cement that bitch up!
That plumbing job is beyond half ass. It screams I don’t give a crap. Apparently he does not take pride in his work.
He is right though about not patching it. Because there is a good chance you will need to get in there.
And the fact that he made that suggestion proves that he is not stupid, he just don’t care. If he felt good about what he had done, he would never have made such a comment.
Try finding a plumber that does not advertise using the words, cheap or affordable.
heh….. A-Hole in the bunker…….
Excuse me but am I the only one here who thinks that hole with the pipes looks totally awesome? It so urban-radical!
Jeff,
I don’t know anything about plumbing, but that’s not going to stop me from acting all superior and condescending about the abomination in your wall.
Also, none of my walls are painted green, so you’re obviously a QUEER.
Plumber goes to the lawyer’s office to fix his toilet. He’s there 15 minutes and hands the lawyer a bill for a hundred bucks.
The lawyer balks. “A hundred dollars for 15 minutes? That means you’re making four hundred dollars an hour! I’m a lawyer and I only make three hundred dollars an hour!”
Unphased the plumber blandly replies “Well, so what? That’s all I made when I was a lawyer.”
Theres this dude at work known for acting odd in the restroom. Periodically, we have “Ray sightings.” These are emails that detail his shenanigans.
Stuff like, “Ray was talking to this junk,” or “He stood at the urinal with his pants down to his ankles.”
One day, some one reported sitting down and hearing a sharp and echoey, “Click! Click! Click!”
He looked over to the next stall and saw one leg on the floor and an empty shoe and sock. He finished up, went and got a chair to stake out the restroom for an identity.
Yes, our Ray was clipping his toenails while shitting at work.
To all the amateur plumbers out there (including me) – the faucet does not look THAT bad, especially for a 40 to 50 year old house.
While I DO agree that if I was building a home for the first time and I saw that, I’d definitely have them do it over. Much neater.
Jeff, what in all that mess did he replace? Looks like the inlet pipes are original, as well as the one going up to the shower head.
I don’t think this guy had much of a choice with all the bends and stuff due to the positioning of the original piping.
As long as the joint compound it good and the pipes are secure to a stud, you should be ok.
“Everybody else acted like it was no big deal, but I was kinda disgusted. The dude was trawling nuggets of steak and tartar from his choppers, in the dining room of a 4-star restaurant.”
This should be in the All-star page. Thanks for some more laughs Jeff!
Watch out that Stasi does not infiltrate. To hell with mice and snakes and such. You could simply put them on the grill.
It must suck to be a Pittsburgh player. Even we swept them for four.
Greg in Cincinnati
I’m late to the party but I’ll chime in anyway:
Shiny Rod is right. Buy an access panel at Home Depot (~$10) and install that. You can even paint it baby-shit green. You’ll need to straighten up the hole a bit with a drywall saw or a utility knife, but the panel is worth it (and easier than patching the drywall). There shouldn’t be any air flow on that wall because there’s plumbing in there and I assume it’s an interior wall. If you did have outside air coming in you likely would have frozen the pipes a few times already.
As for flossing etc. in public, it called personal hygiene for a reason: it should be kept personal. Go to the fucking washroom if you can’t wait to floss. Same applies for blowing you nose at the dinner table, clipping your nails, cleaning your nails, scratching your nuts (or snatch as the case may be), putting on pit juice, etc.
@Greg in Cincinnati: The Pirates are schizophrenic more than anything else. They can show burst of brilliance, such as when they recently beat the World Champs two out of three. And bouts of stupidity, such as when they fumbled around against your sad sack Reds. The fault lies greatly in management as they traded away TEN of our players this season, some of them our best players (such as All-Star Nate McClouth). As for being a “Pittsburgh player” in other sports? Well, just ask the Steelers and Pens how it feels. I guarantee you “suck” is not at the top of the list.
Etiquette Question for the WVSR Minions: If you’re at an Indian or Chinese restaurant and order something that’s extremely spicy-hot, and it makes your eyes water, your face sweat, and your nose run, is it then acceptable to blow your nose? I figure, since you’re blowing because the food is causing all manner of bodily excretions, as opposed to blowing ’cause you need to expel cold-germs or boogers, then it’s not quite as condemnable. Agree? Disagree?
How in the hell is there 92 comments at 10:45? WTF?
Oh, nevermind – this is yesterday’s post – I need to lay off the pain meds…
tyrosine – if your baby is shitting that color green, he/she needs to see a doctor STAT. Baby shit should be a slightly more muted color of green.
swami – wipe discreetly, don’t snort them up or blow. Better yet, leave the really spicy stuff for takeout.
Swami…For the love of Holy Moley, DO NOT blow you nose. Personally I wouldn’t have a problem with you whipping out a couple of tampons and jammin them in your nostrils.
(Bet that would be more entertaining than what Taiwan On suggested.)
Brynhildr,
Baby-shit green is Jeff’s description, not mine.
Tyrosine — seems like ages since I read JK’s post. Have already forgotten his description of the color. In that case….
Jeff — if your (Secret) is shitting that color green….
Swami Bologna – Try ordering something a bit less spicy if you have to go through those gyrations. Now if your at home and your eating by yourself go ahead and knock yourself out. But in public, show some class and etiquette and yes I eat Jamaican, Indian and Chinese (Mongolian grill) food. I like it spicy and I like it hot. ; )
Tyrosine – Thanks for the support. I hope Jeff listens and gets that damn lazy ass plumber to fix the mitch match of plumbing nightmares. To be honest, that is not code. I have never seen a cluster fuck that bad. I would be appalled to call myself a plumber and put some shit together like that. Every plumber friend and even Lowes employess saw that picture and turned and shook there heads. : D
@Gretchen,
If you think I’m ashamed of our Reds ability to fail, you are so wrong. It is like the Red’s badge of Courage to suck so thoroughly.
As for other suck, didn’t the Bengals lead the NFL in sucking last year. They were 0-8 for a while, which I watched with macabre interest. I actually hoped for a perfect season, and was nearly in tears when we won.
Take what they give you,
GS