Ladies and gentlemen, the integrity of the Surf Report bunker has been compromised. Remember a couple of days ago when I said you wouldn’t believe what was happening over my right shoulder? Well, check this out.
It seems like months ago, but one of our original complaints when we started down the road with our freakin’ plumber, was a continuous leak in the downstairs shower. It couldn’t be fixed via the usual methods, it was more than just a washer problem, or something simple like that. Oh, it was deep inside the works…
And before we started on our odyssey upstairs ($$$), the dude diagnosed the problem down here, and said he’d have to order the part. Since the house was built in 1966, and it looked like original equipment, he said it might take a while. And it did.
He finally returned on Monday, and carved a big fucking hole in my office wall. Look at it! And he’s not going to fix it, either. He told us up-front that he doesn’t work on drywall, and it would be our responsibility to have the hole patched.
In fact, he suggested I just hang a picture over it, “in case you need to get in there again.” Yeah, great idea. Once every forty years something breaks, so I’ll leave an open door for squirrels and field mice to leap onto my back while I’m reading Drudge.
And I can already feel coldness coming out of that hole, although it might be my imagination. I’m not sure.
He even criticized my babyshit green wall color.
“Did you paint this?” he said.
“Yeah,” I answered.
“Not a color I would’ve chosen.”
Was that necessary? I don’t think so, especially since he was butchering hell out of my wall. Did I show you the picture?!
On a more positive note, the shower is now amazing. There’s so much water pressure, it almost blasts me balls-over-tits through the curtain. And that’s the way I like it.
A few days ago I went to dinner with some people, at an expensive steak restaurant. Since the tab was going to be handled by another person’s expense account, I went with the big Fred Flintstone NY strip. And it was fantastic.
But when the meal was finished, one of the guys busted out some floss and started cleaning his teeth. Right there at the table!
Everybody else acted like it was no big deal, but I was kinda disgusted. The dude was trawling nuggets of steak and tartar from his choppers, in the dining room of a 4-star restaurant.
What do you think about that? I know we’re all in this together, but shouldn’t some things remain private? Shouldn’t certain activities be completed behind closed doors?
When I worked in Atlanta I shared an office with a guy (Scott the Porn Freak) who kept deodorant on his desk. This also bothered me… He had a stapler, a coffee mug full of pens, a pad of Post-Its, and some Old Spice anti-funk gel. WTS?
I asked him about it once, and he said he often gets to work and can’t remember if he’s prepared his pits for the day. “Why don’t you keep it in a drawer?” I suggested. And he acted like I was the weirdo.
Also, at the same building, a large woman once stopped by our office to talk to my boss. She was apparently on her way to the bathroom, and had some sort of mysterious female product in her hand. And this fact didn’t intimidate her in the least.
It was wrapped in plastic, and crinkled loudly the whole time she sealed-off our doorway. A few times she even gestured with it, pointing in my boss’s direction, to demonstrate allegiance with whatever he’d just said.
I couldn’t believe it. I sat there blinking real fast, pretending to study a report, as the woman continued to wave her crackling tampon around like a sparkler.
Am I the prude, or do you also think this kind of stuff is out-of-bounds? Sheesh, I’m on the cusp of a full-body shiver just thinking about it…
Let me know what you think. Also, do you have any similar stories to tell? Use the comments link below.
And I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
Swami Bologna – using that logic if you have French onion soup followed by chili is it OK to fart during dessert? I’ll go with no.
Shiny Rod says
I second that motion…
I seem to remember AWG talking about eating boiled eggs on his diet. I had 9 deviled eggs (18 halves) for lunch and now I feel like shit.
WB in OH says
Since when is farting at the table bad form??? Geeesh!
Thin skinned bunch a….
Hey SR…you’re going to piss off Brynhildr with your misuse “your”. Not busting your chops…just sayin’.:-)
Me and eggs?…let’s just say I can’t go out in public for two days. Omletts and eggs can only be road food for me. Strangers can talk about me all they want. An hour from now I’m 60 miles gone. I love deviled eggs. Usually eaten outside around more people. Hard to pin anything on anyone in that surrounding.
Thats egg overload Jason, you will definitely have the egg farts later. I feel really sorry for your family, or anyone unfortunate enough to be inside a moving vehicle with you.
Swapping out the old plumbing will require opening up a lot of holes in the wall. I’d leave it until you are doing a complete reno then switch to a pressure balanced Ipex system. Nothing looks to be a safety issue, just a mix of products issue. Besides, the house was built in 66, so electrical will be a bigger issue. I’ll bet there’s at least 10 junction boxes covered up in there.
“I had 9 deviled eggs (18 halves) for lunch and now I feel like shit.”
It will pass…
Jason, I ate the eggs (three only) just after the Dr. told me to go on a diet. Then, he called the next day with news that my cholesteral level was through the roof and told me no more eggs, only egg whites. However, since I will not eat a plate of hen cum.
Then there’s this tasty video-
Eggs are no longer in the picture for me.
On IPOD right now- “”Hell’s Bells”- ACDC
I have some Swiffer pads that are treated with Febreze. I’m thinking of folding one of them up and putting it in my underwear. Sort of a Maxi-Pad for farts. Sound reasonable?
Shiny Rod says
DTO – She’s already pissed at me. She’ s having fun busting my chops about now.
Tyrosine – I sent the photo to Mike Holmes (Holmes on homes), he sent me back an email that said “Hahahahahah,no shit ay,Hahahaha,no fuckin way ay,Hahahaha!” So Jeff, get panel for $10 bucks and cover it up.
On IPOD right now – “”Driving with your eyes closed”- Don Henley
Swami Bologna says
AWG: I used to think eating eggs was one of the less-cruel ways to consume animal protein. No more, after watching that link. Eggs are now off the shopping-list in the Bologna household.
I’m moving closer and closer to veganism as the years pass. I appreciate the educational link.
I hope that’s the before picture because that looks like one half assed plumbing job.
What was the guy’s name?
Corky the retarded plumber?
The Qweezy Mark says
I, for one, only eat things that have been cruelly butchered. That includes hookers…..and asparagus.
Jason — I know a number of people who will now be receiving your maxi-pads-for-farts suggestion. Pure genius!
Jeff, post a pic of your finished upstairs throne room. We need to see if your plumber has any redeeming qualities.
Is that basement throne a previous home-owner addition?
It seems these idiots are taking credit for something that you were on top of long before they were:
All this fart talk makes me think “hey, where’s our Thursday Topic Dump?”
Here’s an article about shitmydadsays. Turns out this guy is the creator of a website I like – holytaco.com.
DTO — I don’t get mad at the misuse of “your” unless it comes from my boyfriend in a love letter he’s written to me after I specifically explained the difference in a lengthy conversation about grammar in which the aforementioned boyfriend participated. 😉 I pay less attention to it nowadays because otherwise I’d constantly be in a tailspin. I do, however, still use it as a litmus test to determine compatibility. Other litmus tests include the use of a spell checker whenever available; there vs. their; to vs. too; number vs. amount; and similar grammar points. I can’t help myself sometimes. Everyone gets crabby about some random, idiotic thing, right?
White Trash Barbie says
OMG, Jason, I just laughed so hard I think I threw my back out.