Sunshine and Mumbles are stranded somewhere in Arizona. Their 1982 Chevy van shit the credenza while they were on their way to Nancy’s house for Thanksgiving, only eight hours into a cross-country trip.
I know I’m the paranoid type, but there is no way in hell I’d trust that big shuddering bucket of bolts to get me from point A to point B. Especially when the two points are on opposite sides of a wide-ass continent. That junk-heap should’ve been stripped and crushed during Clinton’s first term.
And now Sunny and her mumblin’ hubby are holed-up in some thirty dollar-per night whore motel, way out in the desert somewhere. According to Sunshine the place is “overrun with Mexicans,” and their room doesn’t have a door knob; there’s just a chain running through the knob hole, with a padlock on it. Heh.
All this happened on Friday, I guess, and the local garage is wanting to charge them something like $1700 to repair a blown head gasket. Of course I have no idea how much something like that would cost, but when I told my Dad the story he got choked on his Dr. Pepper, and it was touch-and-go for a few seconds.
The garage didn’t have the parts, and it was the beginning of the weekend, so they told S&M it would probably be Tuesday before they could get to it. Therefore, they’ve been in that crab lice pube-doily masturbating trucker motel for four days now. If Sunny hadn’t brought along her tin of “antibiotics” she probably couldn’t have endured the horror of it all.
And that brings us to our part in all this…
Sunshine called Toney on Sunday, and was hinting that she wanted us to wire them some money. Apparently she’s calling everyone she knows with the tale of their Arizona nightmare, trying to extract cash from them.
Luckily, I wasn’t consulted during the decision-making process. Toney just told her we couldn’t do it, without further explanation. And I know it seems cold-blooded, but there’s more to the story. As there usually is, with Sunshine….
When this trip was being planned, you see, it was made clear that Toney and Nancy would have to finance most of the cost. S&M, for whatever reason, have no money all of a sudden. Who the hell knows?
But Toney and Nancy wanted them to fly out here, or take Amtrak again. That piece o’ shit van can’t be trusted, it’s well-known.
Sunshine had one of her well-timed panic attacks, though, just thinking about riding in an “uncomfortable and crowded” train for four or five days. And flying is completely out, because of terrorism, swine flu, and whatnot. It never stops.
So, a thousand dollars was begrudgingly sent to Sunshine, to cover a tune-up (on junk), new tires, and gas money. And now they’re broke-down, after making a high-horse stand, and expecting more money.
And that’s why Toney refused. She didn’t even hesitate, she just said, “Nope.” I’m an easy-touch, and probably would’ve sent additional funds, but Toney has a lot more history with the woman, and takes tougher stands, as well. Oh, she’s tough.
But even Toney is starting to feel a little guilty now. She called a few minutes ago, and we talked about sending more money. We haven’t decided yet, but it feels like the pendulum has swung in the other direction.
What would you do in this situation? Could you tell them no? It’s easy to have a knee-jerk reaction, and say “Screw you!” But it’s a little more complicated with family involved, and all dat. How would you proceed?
They want to get the van fixed, and continue to North (or is it South?) Carolina, then come to our house in mid-December. But how are we to know that turd of a van won’t break down again, in Texas or Arkansas? The padlocked whore motels in those states probably aren’t any more luxurious than they are in Arizona, right? Oh, this thing has all the makings of a full-blown money-suck at Christmastime…
So, let me know your opinions on this ridiculous situation. Also, if you have any good “broke down on the highway” stories to tell, I’d like to hear those as well. Use the comments link below.
And I’m going to Burger King now, then to work.
I’ll see you guys tomorrow, right here.
Thanks for reading!
Alice in WV says
I’m eating my dinner and bikerchick’s comment ,”lick your balls from behind” had me laughing – about made me choke.
Evil Twin's Wife says
I’m a notorious cheapskate and even if I had the money, I wouldn’t send it. At least my parents made sure they would be very comfortable after my dad retired – everyone should plan ahead!
Fukem! I’ve had to deal with years of my ma in law asking for money while it is below her to get a job at Target , or wherever. You have your own bills to pay. Your immediate family comes first, from the day you married.
Unless you can wipe your ass with nothing less than $20 bills then you ain’t got he money for freeloaders who feel some sense of entitlement that the world owes them a handout. Now if this was the first time they ever asked for money and you knew the need was real then that would be a different story. Clearly this isn’t the first time though. They had other options to travel, or your dime no less, but made a jackass choice to drive a vehicle that isn’t reliable enough to drive to the grocery store let alone across country. Let them figure it out or it will never end until they bleed you dry.
Geeze! Add me to the list of folks suggesting a bus ticket back to their home. I do love the idea of a video camera or at least a voice actuated recorder just to get the commentary on all the Mexican’s on the Gray-Dog. It might even be funnier if we could get a few of the passengers on the bus to record their commentary regarding S&M.
JR in Sammamish says
don’t send any more money. I guarantee she will spend it on clothes for herself and gifts for the transluscents…and nothing for the secrets. I guarantee it….
Really? I’ll fucking send money just to get them to your house. Seriously. First of all, you can’t leave the mother of your wife stranded. Second, I don’t think that I can pass up these stories. I’m gonna go buy you a keg to contribute, if I can find the link.
Sure, in principal you can just let it go. But, in real life, you can’t. And those are the facts. Send some money and tell us some stories.
bino in nh says
what are they paying next month’s expenses with? and the month after?? make them use that money. IF YOU SEND THEM MORE MONEY, I WILL BUY a shedload of air purifiers from your spammer, burn my smoking fish t-shirt, and NEVER come to the WVSR again. Show some FUCKING SACK for a change.
otherwise, BO HICA!!!! (Bend over here it comes again!)
Good Morning Surf Reporters……
I’m quite sure I don’t have enough paper to wipe up the shitstorm that’s sure to follow.
Luckily Sunny and Mumbles weren’t expected for Tanks-giving dinner.
Ian the Errolite says
looks like me & mountie9wv for the powers of goodness and ‘the force’ versus the rest of you tightwad Sith bastards!
Remember, Santa visits this site too, and its only a month till Christmas.
Jeff, with that in mind, you’ve got to ask yourself, ‘What would George Bailey do?’
Its a wonderful life, and your only here once.
You know what to do, otherwise you wouldn’t have asked the question.
I know that you won’t leave them stranded there but it’s only fair to everyone involved that you make an informed decision. If the woman was capable of making good decisions, then they’d be on the Amtrack, not sitting in some nasty hotel begging for money to fix an unreliable van.
I’d want to talk to the garage mechanic and find out exactly what is wrong with the van. Then I could make a decision. If I were Toney, that’s what I’d tell Sunshine…give me the number of the place that’s fixing your van or I won’t even consider giving you any money.
Then I’d call them and make a decision based on what they say.
I have a Sunshine in my family and believe me, I have learned to never take her word for anything. I always ask to check with the other parties involved. It has definitely stopped a lot her exaggerations about her situations and has practically put an end to her insisting on having her own way when it comes to something being funded by other people’s money.
That’s my two cents.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone….
Go to Budget or Enterprises and rent them a car, if you do get in the spending mood. Don’t fix that shit box and that way you helped but didn’t actually send money. Put them on as approved drivers so they pick it up (Enterprise will pick them) and go. When I sold cars, sometimes I’d tell flat out tell people their ‘Trade-in’ was worthless and cost the dealearship more to dispose of it than it was worth. S&M might get two or three hundred bucks from the garage working on it. He can part it out and make money off of it. There’s title issues and all that crap too, so sell it as junk to him, go home and buy something made at least in this decade and burn the old title in a pagan ritual Saint Christopher would be proud of.
tom in cola says
Tammie’s answer was best if you are eventually going to cave (and you will).But ask yourself this…What will I learn from the second grand that I didn’t learn from the first grand ?
There isn’t a chance in hell that I would have sent them the first grand so they could sink it into a poorly maintained $500 van. Car rental, plane or train tickets, maybe.
Under no circumstances should you or Toney send them more money. Relatives or not, they are grown adults that put themselves into this entirely predictable situation. They need to suck it up and live within their means.
There is a big difference between being supportive and being used.
…but we all know you will cave so I agree with others…do not send cash but set them up with a car rental or train tickets.
Son Of Sam says
I had to think on this one for a while..knee jerk was fuck’em. But getting them a rental is probably the best advise here.
WB in OH says
I would have to agree with setting them up with a rental. I’d be afraid to send them cash. Hopefully an update today will have some answers for us.
30 miles south says
Yeah, what they said! Good advice all the way around. Can hardly wait to read the next installment and how this tale winds up!
I’m not going to get today’s update finished before I have to leave for work. Sorry, but the kids are home and it’s fairly chaotic around here. I’ll try to post at 3:00 am.
NOT. A. CHANCE. IN. HELL!
My own mother has done this crap to me for better than 20 years. I just recently realized that, family or no, life is too short to deal with the headaches and guilt created by emotionally/intellectually challenged people.
“Blood-is-blood”, “Family is family” doesn’t carry any weight with me anymore. Because they can’t manage their lives, you should let them muck with yours?!?!
I think not.
Cut the cord and let the hysteria fall where it may.
You and yours will be happier in the long run.
WB in OH says
To sum up my disappointment I present the following:
So they could have flown or gone amtrak? but they willingly chose the most difficult and expensive route in the craptasti-Van…. I say screw em’ they’re on thier own.
Lee Harvey Ramone says
Why can’t they just walk to the Eastern Seaboard from AZ?
I like Tammie’s response.
There is also the option to give them a bus ticket home, and visit them for one weekend during the hollidays… hosting your family could be a good way for them to pay back your generosity.
Seriously get them a bus ticket back to their home. That way you and your family can enjoy Thanksgiving without worrying about them. Once they’re home then they can worry about how to get their van, because let’s face it $1700 for a 30 year old van is a complete waste of money. A friend of mine just bought an 8 year old Honda for around $2500 and I will guarantee its a more reliable ride than that dinosaur.
is there anyway you could get in touch with a police sketch artist so we can see what the people you write about look like?
I’m not sure if a bus ticket is a good idea because after that…there may be bail money involved. These people need to be kept isolated and have as little contact with the general public as possible.
WB in OH says
Green Bean Casserole Jihad, Scott Sloan. Click on the first hour and scroll ahead to about the 16 minute mark. I have not yet listened to the second hour (hey I’m busy) but I’m sure it’s funny.
WB in OH – Very funny! Whhhhhhipped, whhhhipped
Ian the Errolite says
I see that some of you are starting to ‘feel the force’.
Santa says that you wil get presents after all!
The Qweezy Mark says
For guys….bars to ogle chicks they’ll never see again.
For chicks….bars so they can deal with the douchebag ogler they got stuck sitting next to on the delayed, stinky, late,weatherworn flight. (me)
I say you set up a paypal account and we will all fund their cross country journey. Then tell them that a bunch of random internet weirdos financed their journey in exchange for a play-by-play.
Like reality TV, but creepier.
Mean Dr. Lily says
Tell them to sell the van to the shop ($100, maybe) and foot the bill for an economy rental car to their next destination. From there, they can figure it out.
I’m not a big fan of giving money to family, but it doesn’t seem right to leave them in a flea-bag motel.
It’d be AMF-YoYo (Adios My Friend You’re Yo Your Own)
If they asked me for money. A round trip bus ticket maybe or Amtrack (as long as either was non stop!!!)
Sounds like they might not be the sharpest knives in the harbor.