I have to work five hours mandatory overtime, between now and Saturday night. I can go in whenever I want, so I’ve got the old movie cliche of an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other.
The angel is telling me to go in now, and get it out of the way. Otherwise it’ll be hanging over my head all weekend, and I’ll just dread it and bitch and make everybody’s lives miserable.
But the devil is saying I deserve a break, and Saturday afternoon would be a perfect spot — two days in the murky and distant future — for the overtime. The devil, I’ve learned, tells me the things I want to hear.
I’m probably going to go in today, but nothing is set in stone. The situation is dynamic, and could tip either way. I’ve got a “fukkit” chambered, but am currently leaning toward not pulling the trigger on it. What would you do?
I worked until 2:30 this morning, and got up a couple of hours ago. So, I haven’t had a chance to thank you guys for your donations to the Surf Report cause. I will do that via email, but wanted to mention it here, as well. Thank you! It helps a great deal. In fact, you guys really pulled my chestnuts out of the fire this time. Much appreciated.
Donations of “beer money” are always accepted, of course, and here’s the page. But there are other ways of supporting the site, which don’t involve cold hard cash. Here are a couple of good ones:
- Always click through one of our Amazon links before making a purchase there. It costs you nothing extra, but I receive a percentage of whatever you spend. For instance, somebody (I can’t see names, or anything like that) bought this thermostat a few days ago, after going through a WVSR link, and $15 was credited to my account. Pretty cool, huh? Any Amazon link on the site will work, including Now Playing in the Bunker, at the end of every post. PLEASE remember to use our links while doing your holiday shopping this year.
- Also, if you read something you enjoy here, you can help me by linking to it at Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, or StumbleUpon. Or anywhere else you think might be appropriate. Links back to the page are valuable. Please remember to share the good stuff. Not this update, mind you, but the good ones.
And now we’ll close out the category with goofiness…
The most recent text message sent from my phone: “There’s almost nobody here, yet somebody is shitting up the men’s room!” That went to Toney, and I’m sure she appreciated it. What’s your most recent outgoing text? Please tell us about it in the comments section. No need to provide context, they’re funnier without it.
My lips are super-chapped. I think I look like a Russian all of a sudden. But I’ve never used ChapStick, or anything like that. Not once, in my life. And I won’t be starting today, either. Call me crazy, but I don’t like the idea of walking around looking like I just polished off a pork chop, and forgot to wipe my mouth. No, I’ll just ride it out, and tell everyone my name is Vladimir. Screw it.
And I guess I’m going to go now. I think I’ll go over to Moe’s, ingest a Nerf football-sized burrito, and contemplate the five hours of overtime. I do all my best thinking over a three-pound edible bag of food.
Regardless of what I decide, I’ll be back tomorrow with something that’s hopefully a little more link-worthy.
See you guys then!
Now playing in the bunker
Treat yourself to something cool at Amazon!
“And a Thanksgiving Turkey!”
“What idiot wrote that!?!”
On another note, I bought about $50 worth of stuff (a couple books and a replacement coffee pot) from Amazon the other day…I’m pretty sure I remebered to access it from your sight (I usually do). I paid for it with a gift card, but I imagine you still get a cut of that, right?
I’m pretty sure I saw a coffee carafe on the report a few days ago. Thanks!
The Qweezy Mark says
Last text sent: “I just farted a cabbage, #$%^& can blow me.”
#$%^& = some recent winner of some contest.
“I’m going to bed. Nightmares await. G’night”
WB in OH says
Last text.., “Cool beans.”
“Call me crazy, but I don’t like the idea of walking around looking like I just polished off a pork chop, and forgot to wipe my mouth.” That’s funny stuff!
WB in OH says
Oh, get your ass to work today, get that shit behind you and enjoy some consecutive days off! The weekend supposed to be nice!
I agree with this. Get that OT out of the way, then enjoy uninterrupted time off without that nagging at you.
“She’s up and walking.”
Jeff, Blistex Medicated Lip Balm in the tourquoise colored tube doesn’t give you “pork loin lips” and it smells like a stick of gum. And it really helps. Avoid the tan colored Blistex – it has afunky vanilla taste/smell (unless you like that sort of thing.
If you think you’ll have greasy lips (but really, you don’t!) , put it on before you go to bed. It beats coconut flake lips.
Do the OT now – get it over with.
“Could be a predator. Never know. Crazy world.”
Get me some candy at Walmart.
I will start going thru your site to Amazon, I had no idea!
“Gorilla having problem getting it working. Gorilla angry. xo”
Carmax is the best, but it’ll definitely give you the pork chop look.
Does that Amazon deal work if I have to change counties once I’m on the site?
Amanda Leigh says
Last text: “don’t touch the thermostat, I know you like to poop in a hotbox.”
After many decades on the planet, I continue to refuse to administer girly-boy gloss to my lips. I do, however, carry a purse. Oddly enough, both of those sentences are literally true.
I don’t text. I don’t tweet. I’m not opposed to either and they seem quite the daddy-o things to do. I just don’t do them.
Jerry in WV says
Last text……………Ok. Eggs and biscuits.
Last two texts to different people:
“Pretty much. But he’s a bad human”
“Damn dude, I just killed that motherf*&%$er”
Liza Zajac Whitehead says
I’m new here so please excuse me for for being clueless … Can I ask what the pic of the ham dressed like Elvis with a gun is all about? Just read the post twice and can find NOTHING remotely related to it. Hmmmmm.
I think it has something to do with what Jeff’s chapped lips must be looking/feeling like.
It’s Ham Solo.
Uh Thank you…Thank you very mudge
Just to state the obvious, the pic is related to the sentence, “I’ve got a “fukkit” chambered, but am currently leaning toward not pulling the trigger on it.”
The vest gets thrown in for free.
The vest is silence.
Go to work. Get it out of the way!!
Cindy from Oregon says
I can’t stand the thought of chapped lips. I have a Burt’s Bee’s chapstick at my fingertips every minute of the day. If I don’t, I get twitchy. For the love of God, man, put something on those lips. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for me!
Cindy, I could have written this! Haha! But last spring, I switched to Neosporin’s lip stuff. Had been using Burt’s for decades!
About the lip stuff. Some of those, which shall remain nameless, but the more popular and well known among them, have some ingredient in them that makes your lips dry out. Thus, you require ever more of them. As far as not using anything at all, this reminds me somehow of a little kid with a cold, sniffing and snorting, green snot hangin out, and we would all–including and especially the kid–feel much better if he would just blow his nose and get it over with. Find something. Neutrogena lip balm is great if you can find it, and it doesn’t cause pork chop lips. Speaking of which, you could just eat a pork chop. It will absorb.
The Amazon link. Gotcha. I’m sorry I didn’t even think of it when I was helping my mom get her Christmas in. There will be more orders. Won’t forget next time.
So, this 5 hour decision. How long have you spent now on not doing it? I mean, I’m just asking here. I would try to give myself some sense of control over something that had more than a little suck to it by either designating a time to take care of that item that will cause me the least amount of pain and loss other than of the loss of my own personal time, and I would especially try to do it during a time that I might do something else at the same time, I mean if it’s possible to have a ball game on where you work, or listen to mp3’s, something like that.
I sound bossy today. Sorry, don’t mean to. Maybe there’s something to that Mercury in retrograde stuff after all. I think I’ll go sit in my chair and figure out what to do for dinner seeing as how it has to be ready in 2 hours and I was going to do chili and haven’t started it yet. Nothin more disappointing than quick cooked chili.
Last text, “Are you trying to be funny?”
I like Burt’s Bees chapstick. Not greasy at all!
“Lucy and I are going to David’s house to beat his ass. Want to join in?”
Bill in WV says
“No, I didn’t get your last text that said go to hell”
“I love you and the check is in the mail”
What the hell is mandatory overtime? Do you have a chain around your neck and are you named after a dead president? I’d quit.
WB in OH says
New last text…”If I had to guess, him and his CRAZY girlfriend got in a knock down drag out and he broke something in the process.”
Last text: “What about Jizzlobber?”
The Divine Miss E says
“I’m going to drink now.”
The other day my mother text messaged me to ask what motorboating meant. I’m pretty sure a small fire started in my brain from sparking wires, when I read that. I refused to tell her.
For the chapped lips, I suggest putting some vaseline on them, before you go to bed. That way you avoid the pork chop lips, but still get rid of the chap. It could work.
WB in OH says
I WOULD DIE if Mom asked me what motorboating meant. LMAO!!
Bill in WV says
Ask your mom if she’s ever heard of or experienced a “donkey punch”.
WB in OH says
I’m not sure what it says about me but I had to google that. I’ll pass on bringing it up with my mother.
Bill in WV says
Prolly a wise decision.
My ten year old daughter keeps asking me the same thing. I told her, “exactly what it sounds like, now be quiet.”
Oddly, I had to explain it to my mom, too, but didn’t have a problem with that.
Actually, the two topics are related, because a little vaseline provides a better seal for motorboating activities. Or so I hear.
OK, I’ll admit it… I do not know what “motorboarding means. Sounds “dirty.”
Motorboating… when a man plunges his face into your cleavage and shakes his head back and forth while… blowing? Creating a motorboat engine sound. I guess. See Wedding Crashers.
Thanks Ginger! Ha! HAHAHHA it just sounds hilarious. Probably because I’m pancake flat and have no cleavage…
No problem! I would have the opposite problem – I’d cause overheating(?), flooding(?), drowning(?) then I’d have a dead guy in my cleavage.
Hey Jeff, we’re talking about our boobs. You’re welcome.
Root 66 says
“Motorboarding?” Is that what they’re using now to get the terrorists to talk at Gitmo? I just don’t know…
Last text- “Ok, I have talked to mom and although I agree with her we realize you have a commitment to your room mates. I will make a deposit into your acct tomorrow but be aware-the tuition financing MUST BE DONE!!! No more excuses and no more chances. GET IT DONE! Whatever you need from us, let us know. I expect this to be wrapped up quickly and fully intend to hound you on a regular basis until it is. Don’t make me look bad. ”
Why can’t I be a drunk college student?
I’ve had two today. Both higher than Monday. In the $4k range.
Last outgoing text: Tons and tons of texts from you.
Jeff, please, in the privacy of your own home, try Neosporin’s lip treatment. Just put some on before you go to sleep, no one will ever know. It is THE BEST treatment, and usually fixes the problem in one or two applications. Try it. We won’t tell anyone you did.
last text: “Eat Well!”
I can’t imagine a time when chapped lips would seem like a viable alternative over suppleness in the lipular region. But I’m a brass player. We need supple. I’m guessing Jeff was a drummer. They don’t seem to care. They’ve also never had to pull a frozen mouthpiece off a pair of kissers at the end of a halftime show in early November. *jibblies*
Tiff – I was a trumpet player through college (a lot of that time marching in chilly Illinois). I can relate completely. Maybe that’s why I have lip balms stashed every where, in case of emergency.
Last text sent from my phone:
I don’t like Jerry Lewis. But I think his kids are hilarious!
Last text, 5:39 p.m.: 2nd load lot 66.
“No, I have a thing due.”
I have the (a?) WVSR Amazon link bookmarked, and I use it every time. Most recently about a week ago for a rash of miscellaneous stuff: a CD, a few books, a couple of digital cooking thermometers, and the sheet music to Coltrane’s ‘Giant Steps’.
The link Im using is http://www.amazon.com/?_encoding=UTF8&tag=thewestvirgin-20&linkCode=ur2&camp=1789&creative=9325 – Jeff, is that still a link that gives you a cut? I got it from thewvsr some time ago.
and if anyone one would care to follow the bouncing ball along the notes with the tune and Coltrane’s solo…..
***go full screen to see the ‘notes’.
Lori in cbus says
last text: I’ll get some wood after I get back
well folks,, boss told me today that I will be getting a nice big raise in february. she cant tell me what it is until january but its nice knowing ill get 8 cents instead of 2 cents wooohooo
ill let ya know if she lied or exaggerated in january.. meanwhile i will go back to eating my cans of off brand ravioli that ive been living off of for the past 3 months….
Didya leave some lights on for Bentley?
The Qweezy Mark says
“I left the lights on in my Bentley.”
My last text:
“I know, it’s fucked up. Everybody has to bury
their parents but you expect a heart attack or
cancer. You don’t expect them to go out like Evel
Bill in WV says
LOL, in a “not about the situation kinda way”, but funny nevertheless.
I’ll be getting a Kindle Fire HD 4G 32 MB as soon as they release them. Should be good for $20 of beer for Jeff. JFC the dam thing costs almost $600, but then I don’t have to buy the latest and greatest for at least two years.
My last text: “I didn’t realize you could smell an erection.” Don’t ask……
Phil Jett says
My last text: I need a fire extinguisher…those hot metts from yesterday are exiting and it’s a fucking barn burner!
I just bought a bunch of stuff through amazon a few weeks ago, I hope you got credit.
Also might be buying a couch off of there, that should help.
AS far as the chapstick, Adam Carolla talks about that stuff. Once you start you can’t stop. It’s all pretty gross anyway. I mean would you lick on a lollipop for days on end?
WB in OH says
Jeff, did you go to work last night? Inquiring minds want to know.
Palate blues brewing has a”lip balm” made with their Old Chin Scottish Ale. Who cares if your lips are shiny, they taste like nectar of the gods.
Damn! Oscar Blues…Old Chub! -%$#@! in auto correct.
I don’t know…Old Chin Scottish Ale sounds about right for this gig.
Oh, eff it on the chapstick. Carmex is way better. And whenn you get split cuticles or fingernails, patch it up with super glue. Great advice from an Alaskan!
Rick in the UK now says
“No, got some from Thailand, will mix some up. Good thinking.”
last text…tell that fuckin’ Kennedy to stop shakin all the trees & to quit callin me!