I work with a guy at my current job who I also worked with at my previous job. It’s weird. Our offices were a few feet away at the old place, and now our cubicles are roughly the same distance apart at our current place.
Anyway, a few days ago I asked him if that mustachioed doucheflap who sells MyPillows on TV reminds him of one of our old co-workers. He looked at me like I was deranged, but didn’t put up too much of an argument.
“The thing I remember about him,” he said, “is that his wife used to give him a box for Christmas, with ten handmade vouchers inside. Whenever he wanted to have sex, he had to hand over one of the vouchers. She gave him ten for the whole year.”
Can that possibly be true? I want it to be, but it sounds like a tall tale.
I remember hearing a story about some kid whose father would fly off the handle every November, and take his car away from him. Then, he’d give it back as a Christmas present. Again… I hope it’s true, but have my doubts.
What are your favorite please-be-true tall tales about friends or co-workers that you’ve heard? Share ’em in the comments section.
And for the record, that dude looked EXACTLY like the MyPillow man. I mean, seriously. I stand by the statement.
I took this picture of Andy yesterday. He was begging for a hunk o’ the peach muffin I was eating, so I took the opportunity to snap a photo. And it turned out so well, I texted it to a few people.
“Is Andy OK?!” the first response read. A few minutes later somebody else reacted similarly. Then my parents called in a semi-panic… Apparently everybody thought I was doing some kind of “in memoriam” mass email. Sheesh. Can’t I simply spread the cuteness without it meaning something tragic?
To be fair, he is very old. He’s 15 now. In fact, we got him two days before 9/11. He came from the pound, and cost something like $106. I guess you could say he’s a rescue? I wouldn’t, because I try very hard not to be an insufferable shitbag. But you could, if you wanted. Me? I prefer “came from the pound, and cost $106.”
State of the dog report: He’s fine, except he can’t hear very well, and doesn’t get up the stairs as quickly as he once did. He still eats and drinks and begs like a champion. And if he’s aware the mailman is on the property, he still goes ass over tits. He just doesn’t always hear him these days. He’s lying right here, in the doorway of the bunker, working on his 22 hours of daily sleep. He’s a fantastic human being.
OK, I’m back. I just hugged him.
Speaking of “in memoriam” I saw a curtain of flesh surging through Wal-Mart the other day with one of those RIP Cody 1989-2012 Never forget! tattoos between her shoulder blades. A touching tribute for sure, possibly even more heartfelt than a decal on the rear window of a Chevy Lumina with no wheel covers. I’m sorry… I’m getting a little emotional.
Wonder what happened to Cody? How much you wanna bet the official version of events is “bullshit?” I’m just throwing it out there.
I’m almost finished with this book, and have been laughing my ass off. Seriously funny stuff!
About a month ago I was 40 episodes behind on the Marc Maron podcast. The first episode I heard was a few weeks before the infamous Gallagher “interview,” and I’ve listened to nearly every episode since then. So, that’s about 600 episodes. Crazy!
In any case, I got way behind with it, finally hunkered down, and ripped through 40 lengthy interviews in about a month. The most recent episode (not counting today’s) was with Billy Crystal. I had no idea he went to Marshall University on a baseball scholarship. Or maybe I knew, and forgot? I went to Marshall — for a short while. There was girlfriend trouble, some other trouble… There’s no real point in going into it at this late date.
There were only two episodes of the Maron podcast that I couldn’t finish: the lead singer of Radiohead, and some insufferable blowhard actress. I can’t even remember her name now. The Radiohead guy was pompous as fuck, and also humorless. It was as if he could barely speak from underneath the great weight of his intellect.
Thinking back on that festival of pretension, it made me want to try the “share your unpopular opinions” thing again. I raised it recently and it didn’t get a huge response. I think it’s a good Question, though, and I’m going to try it again. I’ll share a handful of my unpopular opinions, and ask you to do the same in the comments. Hopefully these will prime the pump?
I’d much rather listen to Eddie Money than Radiohead.
Domino’s makes a damn good pizza. Not the best in the world, but better than most people would like to admit.
There are two scenes in Deliverance that make me grimace even more than the hillbilly sodomy scene. The sodomy comes in at number three.
I kind of like the smell of skunk.
There’s almost nothing that makes me want to change the channel faster than Family Guy.
If you have anything on this, we’re all ears! Or eyes, I guess. We’re all eyes.
See you again soon.
Have a great day, my friends!