Yesterday was the first day o’ the month, which means it was time to file a new field report at Explanations for Aliens. And here it is. This time I attempted to explain classic rock radio to visitors from another galaxy. Please let me know how I did with it.
I hate to talk about the weather all the time, but what the hell’s going on?! Is the Earth now hurtling end over end into the sun? This is utter bullshit. Toney was at Walmart this morning, and walked past a parked and not-running SUV in a handicapped spot, with two giant, barking golden retrievers locked inside. It’s literally the hottest day of the year! So, she and another woman called the cops.
An officer arrived a few minutes later but didn’t really do anything. She just stood there and waited for the asshole owner of the vehicle to return, and checked on the dogs. No ticket, no nothing. Grrr… I wish she’d knocked out the windshield, or cut the entire top off the vehicle with the Jaws of Life. Then roughed up the owner before hauling him off to the sodomy-slammer. Highly unsatisfying… People are the worst.
I just helped Toney carry in groceries from the car and it’s like the Sudan out there. Who could lock-up two smiley dogs in a car on a day like this?? Whatever. I’m sure it was all a big misunderstanding.
Last night we had steaks on the grill, and something went askew. They were big NY strips from Sam’s Club, relatively expensive (to me, anyway), and I nearly burned ’em down to a wafer of ash. I turned on the grill at nearly its lowest setting, put the four steaks on, and retreated to the air conditioning. And when I went out to check on them a few minutes later I audibly gasped. The entire grill was on fire! Flames were shooting out from underneath the lid on all four sides. What in the manscaping hell?? It’s a wonder the entire deck didn’t catch on fire.
I ran over to “the situation,” and noticed the temperature gauge was completely pegged: the shit was like Chernobyl! I opened the grill, threw the steaks onto the higher shelf to get them off the direct heat, turned everything off and left the lid open until the fire stopped. And the steaks were OK. I finished cooking them a little later, and they turned out reasonably well. There was definitely a solid char on those bad-boys, but they were fine. If I’d waited two more minutes though… We’d probably be on the phone right now with State Farm, from our temporary housing at the Red Roof Inn, checking on our options.
I don’t know what happened. Maybe burger grease built up in the bottom? Not sure. But it was craziness. We’re lucky the propane tank didn’t explode. They’d be grafting ass skin to my face this morning. The good news: there’s plenty of it.
I got a late start on this one, so I’m going to have to cut it short. I’ll leave you now with a very simple Question: what’s the best soda in your opinion? Or pop, or whatever the hell you call it where you are? I’m gonna go with Dr. Pepper. I also like Mountain Dew. It’s smooth and has a caffeine kick. But if I had to choose just one, I’d have to go with the Dr. What’s your opinion on this important issue? Tell us about it in the comments.
And on a semi-related note, I talked about the weirdest beer I’ve ever encountered in the latest podcast episode. Can you beat cantaloupe and black sea salt? WTS?? Have you tried a beer that’s weirder than that? There’s a lot of strange offerings out there these days. So, if you have anything on that subject… I’d love to know about it as well.
And I’ll see you guys again on Thursday.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
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Perfect steaks every time – Sous Vide baby!
I use to be a Pepsi guy. But I stopped drinking pop about 8 years ago.
Surreal Killer says
I agree with the Dr Pepper, especially if its out of a fountain dispenser. Otherwise just give me a Coke, and crank up the Lovin’ Touchin’ Squeezin’ on the classic rock radio.
Regular orange Fanta, or if I’m in Spain Kas Limon. Although I try not to drink soda.
Where I use to live years ago we had a guide wire/metal pole sticking up out of the ground in the parking lot. One night someone rammed into the wire and it snapped. I could never get anyone to come and fix it. And the bent metal pole was still sticking up out of the ground. One day someone I know happened to mention he had a saw that could cut it. And that was the end of that. I figure most of that pole is sill buried under the parking lot.
My grill and I have been together for about two years, a good couple of grilling seasons. I think I know it pretty well – inside and out. But, the other night I got cocky and tried some new silicone grilling mats – was going to “eat a vegetable” for a change. Got my zucchini and onions all chopped up, lathered in butter/oil, and on the mats (two of them) on the grill. The two mats darn near covered the whole grill. I cranked it up hoping for a good quick cooking of them before the main event occurred, the NY strips. In a heartbeat (maybe the time it took the butter/oil to run off the mats) the whole thing turned from great smelling seasoned grilling, to tire factory fire. The silicone was rated to 500 degrees, but I suppose since the two of them covered the whole surface and the oil/butter running down created the perfect storm beneath, those mats didn’t have a chance. My grill looked like a Haitian roadblock. After the fire was out, I scrubbed the toxic waste from the grilling surface and cooked my NY strips. They were delicious – without a hint of Goodyear.
Ha! Great descriptions! Thanks for sharing.
I usually drink Coke Zero. A few weeks ago I saw someone with an Orange Crush, something I hadn’t had in years or maybe decades. I bought a can and it was awesome. A couple of days later I bought another and it was just OK. Those 2 servings were enough for me. Back to the black stuff until the 2020’s.
Randall B Robinson says
Vernor’s ginger ale is the only remotely palatable soft drink.
Hear, Hear! It’s the nations oldest carbonated soft drink and my sole source of hydration.
D. B. Brooklyn says
Best mainstream soda is Dr. Pepper, regional I’m a big fan of Cheerwine.
Weirdest beer I’ve had is the Voodoo Doughnut Maple Bacon beer by Rogue. It is absolutely vile; I’d much rather have a Hazlenut Brown Nectar or even Dead Guy Ale.
Favorite soda? Moxie
Fellow Maineac (Living Away) here. I MISS Moxie, and have it shipped in whenever family comes to town.
I normally avoid soda due to the laundry list of health concerns associated with it, but when I get a craving it has to be Dr. Pepper. And usually not just one. Only other one I would consider is a Barq’s or A & W root beer.
The alien update had the best line ever! “and all humans believe the greatest songs of all time were the ones that were popular when they were at their personal horniest.”
That really is amazing – now you should ask folks what their personal horniest music was. Mine was Supertramp’s Crime of the Century – side 1 only because the record player couldn’t turn the vinyl over. Just lifted the arm and put it back at the beginning. Scratched the shit out of the harmonica solo on School. I think I bought 4 LP’s.
Oh, occasionally we went to side 2 – you know, after a break.
Phil Jett says
Don’t drink soda much anymore, but when I do it is Frostie Root Beer. It is what I had every day on my way home from elementary school when I would stop in at my Dad’s bar to say hi before heading home.
I was going to say a Coke once in awhile, and definitely Frostie root beer! Most camp grounds had Frosite when I was a kid. Reminds me of finding the lonesome, out of the way pop machines with cold root beer. On a hot summer night. Damn.
Phil Jett says
I can still get around the Cincinnati area and even some of the local Kroger stores have it but they are hit and miss.
The real challenge is to find a gas station with a pop machine where you have to finish drinking the beverage there so the station can cash in on the bottle returns. It’s getting, like many things in America, tougher.
Root 66 says
OMG. Frostie is the BEST root beer! I wish I could find it here in Central Ahia. Last time we had it, we found it in Tennessee and we bought as many as we could without looking too weird! Maybe I need to make a run to Cincy and see if I can find any…
All really good comments.
I usually avoid Pop/Soda because of the sugar. I like the Brazilian Guarana (Antarctica brand only). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guaran%C3%A1_Antarctica
You can find it at Brazilian/South American markets or at a Brazilian steak house.
I once had the smart idea to cook bacon on the grill using a cast iron lodge skillet. Everything was great until the grease caught on fire. Looked like a meteor landed on my deck.
Sugar is disagreeable to me nowadays so it has to be diet. Coke Zero has proven to be the best I can find. The taste is pretty close to being real. It is most definitely different, and better, than Diet Coke. I also like Verner’s a lot (sugar-free of course).
I don’t normally drink soda these days. Not that I think it’s “unhealthy” or anything, I just don’t much care for the taste anymore. Having said that, Vernor’s is bland and cloyingly sweet. I’ll have an Old Tyme Jamaican Style Ginger Beer instead. I like a good root beer too, like what Dominion used to make back when Jerry ran the place.
And by the damnedest coincidence I cooked steaks on the grill Saturday, Sunday and tonight (on different grills at different houses).
Janrinn in Fall City says
Dr. Pepper or Mr Pibb xtra from the fountain.
The Qweezy Mark says
Coke Zero is a mainstay here, mostly because it best dilutes all the Jim Beam. Sooooo much Beam! Definitely way better than Diet Coke.
Peach Nehi. I feel strongly about this.
Dogs in hot cars really pisses me off. I also would have called the police and insisted on a ticket for the asshole. Additionally, there may have been a fist fight if the owner returned before the cops arrived.
#1. Stewart’s Root Beer.
#2. Mountain Dew
By the way, Happy Fourth of July.
I don’t like that the dogs were in the car but the cops? I feel like they’d just laugh at me.
Jim Britton says
The local Dollar Store has started carrying JOLT Cola. All the sugar & twice the caffeine. Jolt Cola got me through Midnight Shifts back in 1989 to 1992. You can feel the enamel stripping from your teeth as you drink it.
I bought a can. The taste is as harsh as I remember. It is not an everyday drink.
I was a newish husband for the great fire of ‘86. I was trying a recipe for hamburgers using a new Webber grill and a yard or two of aluminum foil. My wife had always complained of the undercooked nature of my burgers so I put down a layer of foil and proceeded to cook them, expecting to finish them on the open grate. Once a flame ignited the accumulation of grease in the foil pan I had fashioned the sound , flame, and heat that resulted are still spoke of in hushed tones in Oregon, Ohio. It got worse when I grabbed a pair of tongs and opened the lid. Even that long handled tong wasn’t enough to save my arm hair, and eyebrows. We watched as the searing flames slowly burnt themselves out and the once shiny grill turn into a now ,charred and grizzled veteran whose thermometer and handles were mere suggestions at that point. Oh, there have been other fires, especially during the switch to gas grilling in 1990’s but the Great Fire O’ 86’ was something to behold.
Root 66 says
When it comes to pop, the favorite is still Pepsi for me! Dr. Pepper and Code Red Mt. Dew are also on the short list. And if you ever go to Wendy’s and they have one of those contraptions that pours out roughly three billion combinations of pop, the “Dave’s Orange Cream Soda” tastes exactly like the liquid form of an orange Creamsicle!
Beer Richards says
The only acceptable drinks are beer and water wih lemon. Or hard liquor. Exceptions can be made. The rest are candy treats not worthy of mention.