Today I went to Wendy’s for lunch, but didn’t want the usual. So, I shook things up. Instead of a #1 with cheese, no pickles, and a Coke, I opted for (hang on to something!) a #8, and sweet tea. Hey, nobody can accuse me of losing my edge… I’m still out there, man, pushing the envelope.
The #8 features a “homestyle” chicken sandwich, and it was incredibly good. In fact, shockingly good. It had mayo on it, which is the devil’s condiment. But there was only a hint of it, there was no oozing. And the chicken was perfect, as was the bun. The lettuce and tomato were fresh, too. Somehow, the planets aligned and I was served greatness on a red plastic tray.
But it’s gonna be one of those situations, I bet, where I’m chasing the dragon. Know what I mean? I’ll order it again and again, in hopes that the magic can be recaptured. But I’ll be disappointed, confused, and doubting myself. I’ll probably end up walking the streets, with tears streaming down my face, thinking, “Was it ever as good as I remember, or was it all just one big cruel illusion?”
I don’t know… I enjoyed the hell out of that sandwich today, but know it’s only going to lead to pain and heartache down the line. I probably should’ve just stuck with the #1. <Sigh>
School started yesterday, and I feel mildly guilty for enjoying the quiet so much. No TVs blaring… nobody watching Welcome To My Nightmare on YouTube… nobody playing guitar directly above my head… It’s fantastic. But someday, in the not too distant future, both boys will be moved out, and the quiet will become the norm. And I’ll long for the good ol’ days when our house was “alive,” etc.
You see? I’m incapable of being happy. I really need to learn how to drink again, or maybe grow a mustache and buy a 1982 Trans Am. Or all of the above.
Last week I scrolled through the archives at Mockable, and there’s a lot of stuff I barely remember. But I found myself laughing quite a bit, and smiling even more. I’m proud of what metten and I did there, for the first year, especially.
I wish I would’ve stuck with it a little longer, but got sidetracked with the writing of Crossroads Road. By the end I was posting bizarre fiction – at a website where the original mission statement was “to mock.” Clearly, I’d lost my way, and didn’t have enough time to devote to it, even if I’d stayed on course.
Metten and a group of mocking volunteers kept the fires burning for a while longer, and did a good job of it. But now, unfortunately, the whole thing’s deader than Kelsey’s nuts.
However, I feel like it deserves better than just a long, slow fadeaway. Please stay tuned. Metten and I have been bouncing some interesting text messages back and forth, and hopefully we’ll have something to announce soon. It’ll be fun.
And speaking of metten, he’s now hosting a weekly radio show, which you can download and stream here. I just learned about it last night, and haven’t had a chance to listen yet. But I’m going to rectify that problem real soon. Check it out, and support the man!
I’m really tired, and struggling like a mofo. Good god. I only worked two days this week, and they kicked my ass. I just want to lie on a couch now, and read.
And so, I’ll leave you with a Question that might go nowhere. But we’ll see what happens. In celebration of my new lunchtime discovery, the homestyle chicken sandwich at Wendy’s, I’d like to know your top 3 favorite fast food items. Please limit it to reasonably well-known chains, not some obscure diner in Jack Sock, Minnesota – that doesn’t count. Keep it to fast food chains some of us might recognize. OK? OK.
Use the comments section below, and I’ll be back soon.
Have a great day, boys and girls.
Now playing in the bunker
Treat yourself to a 5-Pound Replica of Human Fat!
First first.
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They move out?? Really??
Someone tell that to my 30-something youngster, and the grandkids.
Actually I love them dearly, and would miss them, but I look forward to quiet days when they are at school and work.
McDonald’s fries, McDonald’s plain cheeseburger and the regular CRUNCHY taco from Taco Bell.
Dogberry, this is uncanny: your list is the same as mine, except I could possibly substitute the Egg McMuffin for the fries. I only eat fast food once or twice a year, though, so it’s pretty rare when I actually have all three “favorites” in one year.
I am unhappy with myself for using the F-word, and disappointed that it was the highlight of my day. But I’ll get over it.
I like McDonald’s. Not because it’s that good (although the fries are), but because I worked there in high school and it reminds me of simpler times. It’s comfort food of a sort. Curiously, I never get anything that wasn’t on the menu in 1976 – never a McSalad or a McBurrito or any of that stuff.
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I worked in McDonalds as a teenager, too. Good times! My tenure was 1979-1982 (got me through my first 2 years of college!)
1. Cheese Krystal (sackful)
2. Long John Silver’s Fish and More Platter
3. Wendy’s doublestack with Everything
Hey DaGriff, how does Krystal stack up against White Castle?
Clintcurtis,
I can’t find a difference between them myself. And I’m not a huge fan. Smelly, oily little onion burgers, I think. But to each his own.
They are identical with the exception of the patty. Krystal doesnt have the 5(?) holes in the patty to let the steam thru which somehow makes them better to me, The only other thing I noticed was that White Castle has onion chips on the menu and the nasty delicious side of choice at Krystal is chili cheese fries. God I’m a disgusting fatty.
#1 – Taco Bell Crunchy Taco
#2 – Taco Bell Soft Taco
#3 – 7-Eleven Big Gulp, Mtn Dew specifically (it is fast food, in beverage form)
Speaking of Mtn Dew… When did they change over from spelling out the word “Mountain”, to this “Mtn”? I keep wanting to pronounce it “Mutton”. Hm, might be a nice change from pork soda.
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It’s spelled “Metten”.
I think I will go with the Tiffini podcast. For two reasons.
1 – Crown Burger from Crown Burger
2 – bean burrito with green sauce from Del Taco
3 – The McEarlobe from McDonalds
I actually enjoyed the Hamburger I had at Wendy a few years ago (only went because every where else was closed during a blizzard here in D.C.), but I can NOT abide with their prices. 5 dollars for a hamburger, that IS fast food hamburger, not a big fat quality burger from one of those fancy places next to the Capitol building? No.
I used to like Burger King, but either BK itself, or the two I have been to here in D.C., have declined dramatically. McDonald never was in the running, I’m positive they have some sort of addictive ingredient like the cigarettes have, and only addicts eat that crap.
So, all I am left in the fast food, is Taco Bell.
1) Chalupa, Beef, Baja sauce, hold the tomatos
2) Cinnamon Twists, RIGHT off the oven, steaming hot
3) Apple Empada (however, I HAVE noticed they are making them smaller and smaller, yet keeping the price the same)
One of our two has been out of the house for 3 years and I’m really fine with it. The other leaves for college in less than a year.
McRib
Whopper with cheese
Jersey Mikes #9, giant, fully loaded Mike’s way
I haven’t had any of them in over seven months, but I have dropped 45 lbs. There may be a connection.
heh. All 3 gone, and then got 2 of the grandkids. Both with teen after their age. Scary times. Seriously, tho, they are really cool kids, really cool, and it has worked out “in the best interests of all concerned,” save that fond fantasy of catching up on the retirement fund…WHAT retirement fund…
I would also like to take this opportunity to voice my displeasure with a coupla items. Like, the nonexistent Asian chicken tenders from Wendy’s. Toadily gone from our neck of the woods. I miss them. Someone mentioned scads of mayo gomming off of a sandwich. As in McD’s classic chicken. Great sandwich, as long as you remember to get napkins with it (that’s a plural there–napkinS) to wipe off a full 98% of the mayo. Then there is Tim’s awkward attempt at paninis. omg. There was so much rosemary in that full half inch of erstwhile “pesto” (fake white cheese paste plus either rosemary or green flakes with plenty of rosemary extract) that I thought I was going to have to go to the ER for my rapid heart rate. ew. They should have stuck with the walnut crunch donuts. That they don’t have any more.
So–on to better things–
Pizza. Always the top favorite. It started with that obscure Italian restaurant I worked at that we’re not allowed to talk about, fresh out of high school. The theory of working in a candy shop so you’ll hate chocolate? Doesn’t work with pizza, man. No way. I opt for pepperoni and veggies now. Back then it was pepperoni and green olives. I like olives, in the first place, but also, when you are a kid in high school who occasionally has enough money to walk across the street and get pizza for lunch, if you get green olives on it, you don’t have to share it with a single soul. It is all yours.
Next would be cinnamon crispas from Taco Bell. Which are really good when they remember to put them in the bag. Or when you remember to check that before you get all the way back home.
An all time favorite, which isn’t really fast food, but is faster than some alleged fast food pick up window orders, is the tomato basil chicken sandwich from Max & Erma’s. I like it so much, in fact, that even though on the rare occasions I get to eat there, like when our son and daughter-in-law work their wonderful coupon magic and take us for free, despite my firm resolve to try something else this time, I break out in a sweat trying to pick out what might be as good or better from the menu, and invariably order the fabulous tomato basil chicken sandwich again. This has been going on for at least 8 years. What can I say. Thanks for the chance to vent….
Carl’s Junior Guacamole Bacon $6 Burger.
Burger King Double Meat Whopper
Wendy’s Fish Fillet w/ Cheese, Tartar & Ketchup (what of it?)
Mr. West Coast Carl’s Junior now…well lah dee dah.
Why don’t you go find a Carol’s Drive In already.
In and Out Double Double Burger
5 Guys Fries
Hooter’s Wings
Mmmmmmm…….. Hooters……….
911 naked extra crispy and wet.
I wish my phone had a comma.
McDonald’s sausage and egg McMuffin
Chick-fil-A standard sandwich (w/ no pickles)
McDonald’s fries
I don’t eat this stuff very often though because I don’t want to die soon.
Limiting myself to ‘fast food you can eat while driving’:
McDouble
Chocolate Frosty
BK Fries
If I could get all 3 of them without having to drive all over tarnation (OK, 4 miles. What? I’m a city girl!), that’d be my perfect fast food meal.
Attn: Surf Reporters!
I have a *foolproof* method for kicking the junk food habit. Just visit any Long John Silvers. EVERYTHING tastes the same: fish, fries, chicken, Pepsi, napkins, etc – Deep-fried greasy fat.
And the best part is: at corporate, they don’t care. I know. I wrote them and described their nearest location in excruciating detail. No answer, naturally.
(Maybe that’s the *worst* part. Anyway, go ahead, visit one; you’ll see.)
I used to work at LJS and believe me the back room is worse. Three 350 degree vats of crisco boiling at all times. It is gross. To this day I can’t eat there.
Is there still a Long John Silver’s in Wheeling? I prefer it’s neighbor, the 19th Hole
And yes, the rumors are true: I have decided to become a curmudgeon. What of it?
“Decided?” You do not choose the Way of the Curmudgeon; the Way of the Curmudgeon chooses you.
Anyway, welcome to the Mudge Club.
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1. Wendy’s hot and juicy
2. Taco bell cantina bowl (chicken)
3. Wendy’s home style asiago chicken
4. Raisen Cains crave pack
Popeye’s Rippin Chicken
Double Whopper with cheese and bacon
Spicy Chic-Fil-A with extra pickles
My kids are still small. We have three but we waited a while before we started. The oldest is just now six but I can see it slipping away FAST.
1. Anything chik fil a
2. KFC. Gotta be original
3. Californian pizza kitchen
Unless I’m drunk. Then it’s
1 taco bell
2 taco bell
3 taco bell
1. McDonald’s Crispy Chicken Club Sammich
2. McRib
3. Tie:
Regular White Castle hamburger (or 6)
Culver’s Tenderloin
#1 – In-N-Out’s Animal Style Fries
#2 – Long John Silver’s Hush Puppies
#3 – McDonald’s Steak, Egg, and Cheese Bagel
Runners-up : Egg McMuffin, Sourdough Jack, Taco Bell Chili Cheese Burrito (discontinued).
Big Mac….such a treat! Maybe once or twice a year.
Mickey D’s fries…salt salt and more salt!
Wendy’s Spicey Chicken sandwich. Killer!
Wendy’s Double, no cheese
Long John Silvers’ Chicken Planks
Graziano’s Cosmo Sub
Damn, I didn’t know half that stuff existed. It’s hard to pick three fast food favorites when you’ve been a vegetable-arian for 35 years…
I do indulge in a order of fries every few years tho. Even had ’em with mayo once, but I prefer them plain and unsalted.
My life would really be boring if I didn’t drink wine or read the Surf Report.
Plain, unsalted fries? Do they let you eat them that way? Frankly, I’m a little offended that you’d even adulterate fries that way. Why not just enjoy the crunchy goodness of a raw potato with the skins intact? Sans seasoning, of course..
Christ on Cracker.. make that a saltine er.. unsaltine..
I do need a special permit to purchase unadulterated fries, but I always go through the proper channels, so it’s all good.
Next up: how I eat corn on the cob…
Couple of things here.
First, there are a bazillion ways to prepare potatoes. All require salt in order to be palatable. That word was REQUIRE.
Second, an insider McDonald’s tip: order your fires unsalted, then salt them yourself. That way they are guaranteed fresh; normally fries are salted as soon as they come out of the fryer, so there aren’t any unsalted sitting around, so they have to make fresh for you. Yes, it takes a few minutes.
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Actually, taste is subjective. I salt mashed potatoes (and add lots of rosemary), but prefer fries unsalted. Takes all kinds, eh?
You’re right, of course. Perhaps I should state “IMHO” rather than rely on the implicit.
But your mashed potato comment reminds me of this: Take small “new” white potatoes, cut as needed to make bite-sized pieces, leaving the skin on. Toss with olive oil, salt, pepper and fresh rosemary. Roast in a Dutch oven (perhaps accompanied by a large piece of pig flesh). Good eatin’.
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Here we go–
Spicy Chic-Fil-A Sandwich with Mayo and extra pickles
McDonald’s Sausage Biscuit with Cheese
Raisin Canes Caniac–no slaw, extra toast.
That’s how I roll.
Trhansgender Chick Fil-A with gay waffle fries
Fundamentalist Christian Whopper with extra man-juice
Starbucks Geesus ‘guns-n-bibles’ venti Frappachino
1. Arby’s- Reuben Sandwich
2. Arby’s- 3 Cheeze and Bacon (with horsey sauce)
3. Wendy’s- Spicy Nuggets (cooked fresh)
1. Chick-fil-A egg and cheese biscuit
2. Wendy’s Homestyle Chicken Sandwich
3. KFC grilled chicken (yes, the grilled! It is, as a co-worker first described to me, “off the chains”)
McDonald’s Sausage McMuffin with Egg
Wendy’s Spicy Chicken sandwich-hold the tomato
Mcdonald’s French fries
McDonalds Big Mac. Pure joy. Yank the pickles off.
Wendy’s single (or sometimes double) with cheese, no pickles – sometimes no onions.
Checkers Big Bueford.
Those are the beef choices.
For chicken, I like the dollar menu chicken sandwich from McDonalds. Never had Wendy’s or chik Fil A.
And a Coca Cola over ice at mcDonalds always has the perfect calibration of seltzer to syrup mixtue.
1. Arby’s Beef & Cheddar (all time fav)
2. Five Guys jr bacon cheese w/ pickles, fried onions, tomatoes, & yes mayo.
3. Hardees loaded omelett biscut.
Arby’s Beff ‘n Cheddar
Double Croissan’wich meal
#3 Down at the massage parlor (cartoons play while you’re violated with a strapon).
Picking three favorite fast food items would be like asking me to choose a favorite child,I Iike all things unhealthy in extra large portions. Should help me make my retirement savings outlast me.
Anyway, if you like ESPN commercials…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USHZZ5bwASU
I totally forgot about:
Cold Circle K Hot Dog on an incredibly stale bun soaked by malfunctioning relish dispenser.
1. Chick-Fil-A nuggets with Buffalo Sauce
2. Quarter Pounder with Cheese
3. Wendy’s Fries and a Chocolate Frosty
Numbers 2 & 3 are super special, rare indulgences for me, usually requiring a run of 8 miles or more beforehand!
Does anyone remember the Bell Beefer from Taco Bell? It was taco ingredients on a hamburger bun. God, I miss that….
Jeff is right on the money..
1) Wendy’s #8 homestyle chicken sammy is my current favorite. I had one for lunch last week…almost sheer perfection. (could stand more mayo)
2) McDonalds Bacon, Egg & Cheese biscuit (excellent hangover remedy)
3) Arby’s Beef ‘n Cheddar (the taste reminds me of high school…??)
Fast food has been a very rare treat for me lately. I’m trying to “eat healthier” so I can “live longer”, but that Wendy’s #8 last week was a welcome relief in my current world of veggie wraps and smoked tofurkey.
I have been on that “clean” diet too. Plus going to a kick-my-ass boot camp class 3 days a week has helped me shed 16 lbs so far. Another 10 to go. So in the midst of protein and veggies, once a week I have a fat day. If that means a big fat cheesey pizza and a big mac, then so be it. And it’s heaven!! But I’m right back on track the next day.
I’m down 27 lbs over the past yr or so. I’m 90% of the man I once was.
I need to lose about 140 pounds. But damn if I’ll do it by diet or exercise.
Divorce would work.
Taco bell beef burrito. My fist. And poplers.
In&out is the best! They all speak english, they pay their help better than everyone else and they don’t try to supersize me or sell me a happy meal or let me play in the playground.
I lived by the in and out by the strip on Tropicana.
1. Wendy’s Homestyle Crispy Chicken Sandwich w/dee-licious natural cut fries with Mongolian sea salt or whatever. And by the way Jeff, it never disappoints. Never. Ever.
2. Chick Fil A’s Deluxe Crispy Chicken sandwich, hold the pickles. Pickles are for beef, not for chicken. Fresh fruit instead of fries.
3. Subway’s 6″ Roast Beef on Honey Oat bread. American cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, mayo and mustard. All their other sandwiches taste like shit. Not that I’ve ever tried them, but I’ve heard. Bonus, your clothes smell like Subway for the rest of the day.
Yes, my food choices are probably boring. What of it?Maybe I make up for it in other areas, huh? You don’t know.
Jeez, I almost forgot – Friendly’s Coffee Fribbles. Man, those were good. Our Friendly’s turned into a roaring shit hole so I haven’t been in one in about 8 years.
Mine are all fairly small local chains in the Northwest.
1. Spud Fish and Chips…go for the halibut.
2) Dick’s Drive In for a Delux Cheeseburger.
3) Soft taco from Taco Time.
Onion Rings.
Subway cold cut trio on italian herb & cheese.
Big Mac. (with the pickle)
1. McDonalds fries
2. McDonalds Southern chicken sandwich (we don’t have Chik-Fil-A here… it’s the closest I can get to the real thing)
3. Arby’s beef and cheddar
I have come to the conclusion that mustard is in fact the devil’s condiment. I do like to eat it, and actually eat a lot of it, but I had an incident this past week where I opened a godforsaken flip-top mustard bottle and mustard splatted on my (unfortunately light grey) shirt. I scrubbed it twice, pretreated, and then washed it twice, and still there’s the faintest mustard stain on the shirt. Son of a!
I hear you, Erin. Here I sit on my lunch break trying to correct a major wardrobe malfunction with mustard splattered over the from of my shirt!
And here are my Top 3 from another time, when I lived in a place that had these establisments.
1. Chik-Fil-A nuggets with honey mustard
2. Steak and Shake cheddar cheese fries
3. Whataburger cheeseburger
God I miss those foods. The memory of them brings a tear to my eye. However… I’m thinner now. You win some, you lose some.
I wasn’t going to mention Whataburger because I figured that most people wouldn’t know about it. But DAMN I love Whataburger cheeseburgers with bacon.
All politics is local.
All Segway travel is local.
The best fast food is local.
jtb
Max and ermas tortilla soup is awesome
1) chi-fil-a with Chik-fil-a sauce with 1/2 unsweet and 1/2 sweet tea
2) Arby’s roast beast with Arby’s sauce with Tazo Tea
3) McDonalds sausage and egg McMuffin
1. McDonalds Steak Egg & Cheese Bagel [enough grease dripping off it that it eats right thru the wax bag and starts dripping on your clothes]
2. Arby’s Chicken Cordon Blue [’80s version, which was much larger and served on a kaiser roll]. The Chicken Cordon Bleu is Arby’s version of the McRib, disappearing and returning every few years. However, the big difference is that McDonalds always acknowledges the McRib’s history [“It’s BACK, for a limited time!”] while Arby’s always calls the Cordon Bleu a “new” sandwich every time it returns. Here’s a tip for ya from Bum: Arby’s Cordon Bleu is currently in not on the menu, but if you ask for one, they will make it for you.
3. Wendy’s Spicy Baconator [no longer available]. Featuring Pepper Jack cheese, some kind of spicy sauce instead of the ketchup/mayo, and hala-peen-yos.
That McDonalds deal was a great for totally ruining your drive to work. It was awesome. Are they still in existence?
Oh, and Burger King Cheesy Tots were friggin’ awesome, too!
In no particular order:
1.Wendy’s Jr. Baconator (Jeff–this is clearly YOUR fault! I had to try this after your hilarious review!)
2.Chick-Fil-A’s waffle fries dipped in their Chick-Fil-A sauce is what Heaven tastes like.
(I would buy a 55-gallon drum of that stuff if I could–it’s awesome!)
3.Steak-n-Shake 5-way chili, no onions.
4. I will add these because they are only offered seasonally (those JERKS!):
a. Arby-Q
b. McRib