I talk with my parents on Sunday mornings. It’s time set aside for us to catch up, and for them to speak with the boys, etc. We’ve been doing it this way for years, but it seems to be breaking down.
They’re in Florida, you see, amongst a couple hundred of their closest friends at Del Boca Vista, or whatever. And there’s literally not a conversation with either of them that isn’t interrupted by somebody who doesn’t respect the sanctity of the phone to the ear.
This morning I was talking with my dad, and was in the middle of telling him a story, when he began shouting, “YOU LIKE THOSE?! HAHAHA!! YEAH, WE JUST PUT THEM IN! NOT TOO BAD, ARE THEY?! HAHAHA!!”
“What the?” I was in the middle of a sentence.
“I’m sorry, Jeff. That lady was walking by, and said something about our flowers.”
“Well, do you just want to talk with the boys?” I answered.
“Yeah, if they’re handy, put them on.”
I never finished the story, and he didn’t ask. Many of our “talks” go this way. It’s not a huge thing, but I have to admit it annoys me. I used to also call them once during the week, while driving to work. But I stopped because there was always a herd of senior citizens grazing on their screened porch.
So, I threw in the towel on the mid-week conversations, and now Sunday mornings are at risk. I know there’s no malicious intent, and would never make an issue of it. But it bugs me. Is thirty minutes per week too tall of an order? Is that simply too much to ask? Sheesh. According to Harry Chapin I’m supposed to be the one neglecting them at this point.
Speaking of disappointments, in the cafeteria at work on Friday they were supposed to have fajitas for dinner. They offer one main entree per night, or you can just get a sandwich, or visit the salad bar. But on Friday the entree was supposed to be fajitas, which are kick-ass. It’s one of my favorite things they serve there.
So, all day my emotional sensors were set to fajita. The whole universe was fajita-oriented, and when 7:30 finally arrived my mouth was watering. I power-walked toward the cafeteria, in a barely-contained frenzy, and when I turned the corner (wearing the smile of an idiot) I saw… fucking stuffed shells.
NOOO!! I hate stuffed shells, and it seems like they serve them once a week. It was as if the whole thing was orchestrated to cause the maximum amount of pain. The best things were bumped by the worst things. I asked what happened to the fajitas, and didn’t really get a straight answer. I was crushed.
I ended up eating a chicken salad sandwich on a pretzel roll. It was the saddest meal of the week, by far. And it threw-off the rest of my day. When your sensor is set to fajita, and you end up with gloopy chicken salad… mister, your life could be at risk.
What’s the saddest meal you had last week? Do any stick out in your mind? If so, please share. Use the comments link below.
Before I call it a day here, I’d like to alert you to an interesting comment that was left at the site last night. Check it out. Do you see the one I’m talking about? Ha! When I noticed it in the moderation queue, it was almost enough to make up for the dark, dark Day of the Shells.
Oh yeah, and have you taken down your Christmas tree yet? What’s the status? Ours was ripped down on December 27, by Toney. For some reason she left it up an extra day this year. It’s usually skinned and gutted within 24 hours of Christmas morning.
When I was an even bigger dumbass than I am today, I left my REAL tree up until something like March one year. It could’ve been April, but don’t want to exaggerate. This was in Atlanta, and the thing was a depressing, spindly affair, propped-up in the corner. When I finally decided to take it down — because my landlord was supposed to visit — every needle fell off in one big whooosh, the second I touched it.
It certainly was light, though.
So, what’s going on with your tree this year? I asked about it at work, and most people still have theirs up. But they use confusing religious justifications: we always wait until the Jubilee, or the 12th day of Christmas (huh?), or the Equinox, or somesuch. I have no idea. WTF?
In any case, is yours still up? We’ll need a full report on this important issue.
And I’ll see you guys next time.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
Treat yourself to something cool at Amazon!
All week I was looking forward to a big Chipotle burrito. Got there at noon and the line was 20-deep. I settled for Taco Bell. Do I win?
Completely de-decorated from Christmas yesterday. You’d think that losing 80,000 (est) fake needles each year the tree would go back in the box easier. You’d be wrong. Afterward I celebrated with alcohol.
Average Jane says
Chipotle can get through 20 people in ten minutes. I would have waited.
First? Just took our tree down today. I like to keep it around for the new year festivities, but it will go the weekend after.
Okay, first with a comment, dammit!
Not even first with a comment. That’s it, I’m calling it a day.
My tree is still up. It was supposed to come down today but I gave it an aww fukkit. Saddest meal may have been a handful of almonds for lunch last Monday.
Must have been one of the Barnums that wandered onto your site, Jeff.
Christmas stuff was packed up and put away a few days after Christmas..just wanted to get it over with. Oh and my mom does the same thing on the phone. She will cut you off mid sentence to have a conversation with someone else. It drives me crazy. Sometimes I just hang up.
My mom is bedridden so unless someone hands her the phone and she feels like talking, I don’t have a direct link. I have gotten used to her hanging up mid-sentence. Its sad but sometimes she does yak.
I’m sorry to hear that, Madz. My dad is confined to a wheelchair, but at least he’s lucid most of the time.
Our tree comes down a bit after New Year’s. I have about as much to do with taking it down as I do putting it up (zero), so it’s all a mystery to me, timing-wise. I hate seeing trees out on the curb December 26, it just seems so coldhearted.
Taking the tree down will be a no-brainer, since it never went up this year. Saddest recent meal: leftover turkey a couple of hours ago.
And Jeff, old Harry was right. Keep the change.
I just spent 20 minutes reading two Wikipedia articles on Jubilee: One on the original Jewish practice which, as you might guess, had nothing to do with Christmas, and one on the Catholic ripoff version which has nothing to do with the Jewish original and seems to be designed by and for the Vatican Chamber of Commerce. The Catholic version, while having nothing to do with Christmas either, DOES involve a silver trowel and a silver hammer and multiple injuries.
Using religious reasoning to determine the appropriate time to take the tree down sort of misses the point of the holiday. The tree is part of the original holiday that the Christians hijacked and turned into a birthday party. It has nothing to do with the kid who is supposed to blow out the candles.
God must, from time to time, shake his/her great head and laugh or cry about the mess people have created with religion.
It’s the SECULAR Christmas revelers that you should aim that at, not Christians. All these jackasses that proudly ignore the church 48 weeks of the year and then celebrate “Presentmas” at the end of December drive me crazy. Those are the people that God may be shaking his head at, not those that choose to use the time to honor his Son.
My comment was about Jubilee. I referenced Christmas only in the context of when to take down the tree. I didn’t aim at anybody except a historically corrupt Catholic church, and a few people who are misusing a term (Jubilee) that they don’t understand. I support your right to celebrate Christmas any way you wish without taking shit for it here or anywhere.
But when your sense of humor returns, you really should read about the history of Jubilee and see how the Church managed to mangle a piece of Jewish history to improve tourism in Rome.
Happy New Year and best wishes,
Fair enough, I’ll check it out.
Hope you have a great New Year also!
Rachael Smith says
My two cents? I think it is magical and special that so many religions, pagan, monothiest, what have you…still embarace such similar traditions and rituals….no one religion can corner the market on holy lands, traditions or even nature based holidays….most christians wont admit where the names for each days of the week come from. I think that its pretty awesome that no matter what ur dogma, we all have so much in common. We r more similar than not.
Matt in Florence says
The Harry Chapin comment made me actually laugh out loud. I’m glad I wasn’t drinking anything at the time.
Buck Naked says
Is my tree still up *where*?
I get a real tree every year, wrap it in Dollar Store lights, and we put the ornaments on. When Christmas is over the ornaments come off and the tree (lights and all) gets tossed on the curb. This happens on the 26th. This year was no different.
I was offered corn dogs the other night and she heated them up and did some fries. I dipped the corn dog in mustard, barely able to contain my weird excitement, and took a bite. It was only then that we realized that these were the fucking “sausage wrapped in pancake” version of corn dogs that she had gotten by mistake. I settled for a tortilla with tuna and lettuce wrapped in it to go with my fries. Talk about a kick in the kiwis.
LOL how is that a mistake? It says it right on the box! We get those for our daughter, they are actually pretty good.
They’re terrible dipped in mustard.
My mother’s birthday is New Year’s Day so she always leaves the tree up until January 2nd because she likes it that way. At my house this year we didn’t drag out the fake tree, but decorated the dog, instead. That’s a lie. We didn’t decorate anything. People here are lucky to get wrapped gifts. If they want decorations up, they know where to find them.
Christmas was a big deal when I was a little kid, but I lost three grandparents in less than a month when I was 7. I’ve been Scroogey since then, though I did make it fun for my kids when they were young. I don’t see any reason to fake it now.
Phil Jett says
I went to work on New Years Day and came home to find the tree down, all the decorations inside and outside the house down and all packed away in the basement. Two thumbs up to the wife for that.
Talked all day at work about wanting to get home for our traditional New Year Day dinner of Kielbasa, sauerkraut and potatoes. We have had it 26 years in a row As soon as I walked in the door I knew something was up because I smelled nothing. Wife said she was too busy with the decorations to make it. Christ, all it takes it throwing it all in the crock pot and turning it on.
She lost the thumbs up and I ate bologna and cheese with mustard. Very disappointed.
Average Jane says
I’m turning into the grinchiest Christmas celebrator ever. This year I put up the fake tree and decorated it with about half its ornaments at the last minute before I was going to have company. I never got around to putting up any other decorations and I had the tree boxed up and back in the basement a week ago.
West Virginia looks like a smashed chicken.
I didn’t put the tree up, I sure as shit ain’t takin’ it down.
Jan 8. Gotta include the alternate christmas day.
Wikipedia says Jan 7th is Christmas in the Julian calendar. Is it the 8th in Orthodox, or Texas or something? Possibly Julian modulo the International Date Line?
Off topic: best T-shirt seen recently was “Geek Orthodox.”
Let’s get this straight. January 8 is Elvis’ birthday. After having been born in little more than a manger in Tupelo, he became sex incarnate for a generation with very tight zippers. From “Heartbreak Hotel”, “Don’t Be Cruel”, and “Hound Dog” in 1956 until his induction into the Army in 1958, he carried our sins on his back and in his DA. He played Vegas, made bad movies, and ate peanut butter and banana sandwiches so the rest of us wouldn’t have to. Scotty Moore did the rest.
Kinky Friedman summarized it best: Jesus, Elvis, and Coca-Cola. These are the days that bracket the Christmas holiday.
For those out of the loop, DA means “distribution amplifier.” Just kidding; I would never make light of Mr. Costello’s hairstyle.
All the best for the coming year. May 2014 suck less than 2013.
WB in OH says
Todays lunch is a pretty sad state of affairs, at least as healthy is concerned. Esther Price chocolates and potato chips.
I have four very large blue spruce tree’s on my property, I leave them up year round.
I’m almost 47, I was raised Catholic, hell I was taught by nuns in primary school. Today is the first I’ve heard of Jubilee? Damn, I knew I was good at not paying attention but man.
WB in OH says
Oh, just in case you missed, the Bengals still be Bengaling.
Jeezus effing cripe… but hey, were still the best team in Ohio, I guess, maybe… arguably?
WB in OH says
were we’re whatev
T. Farty McAppleass says
Today for lunch I went through a whole thing of cream cheese by smearing it on triscuits. I hate triscuits. They have to be the shittest of crackers – except maybe saltines (which is the charlatan of crackers). But the ole ball and chain likes buying shitty crackers. Never the good ones (Captain’s Wafers, Ritz, Club Crackers), always the ones that’s like eating an actual fucking basket or a tasteless saliva soaker upper. Oh well. At least my tits will get bigger from eating all this cream cheese.
One word: Chicken In A Biskit.
Rachael Smith says
I loooove those! Sorry, most of my peeps have no clue about those delicious bulion cube flavored crackers.
Rachael Smith says
Hmmm, have you tried the new fancy triscuits that come in rosemary, olive oil, tomato etc flavors? I brought some home with cream cheese and my husband looked so disgusted and irritated…The next day I was digging for MY snacks that hubby hates, most women do this to keep men in the house away from their favs, and every last crumb and bit of cream cheese was gone! Ggggrrr! His response, “they arent so bad.”
Billy Joel says
My holiday tree is being picked up by the city refuse collection truck on this very day. Merry McChristmas Time to all of the marshmallow-eaters on God’s green earth, and magical new year wishes to all of those who believe in the passage of time.
Oh, and Go ‘Noles
Not Harry Chapin.
lori from cbus says
i love this website..
that is all.
Most recent sad meal: today at work I microwaved 4-day-old Olive Garden pizza on a piece of cardboard.
Rachael Smith says
This was the first real tree Ive had as a “grown up” simply because my 3.5 year old was old enough to appreciate it. I was awoke to the sound of glass crashing in 1,2,3 and 6 second intervals! It was terrifying! My little girl woke up screaming, which added to the error….My tree is so dead that it just started dropping glass ornaments to my fake wood floor all at once! WTF? No one warned me about this bs! Has anyone else experienced this!
Rachael Smith says
Oh, what really was cute, is that Harlow immediately started blaming our cats! Lol!