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A Few Quick Things, vol. 51

November 5, 2018 By Jeff 24 Comments

Is this picture newsworthy? It was reportedly snapped at the Carolina Panthers game yesterday, and I’ve seen it two or three times around the internet already. As if it’s an unheard of turn of events. I suppose her methods are a bit audacious, but it’s not unusual for drunken women to be in the men’s room at events such as this one. The ladies room is, from what I understand, nothing but urination gridlock. Who can blame these undocumented pissers for crossing the border in search of a better life? Right?

So, I don’t find this photo to be super-surprising. Except for one thing… it appears she’s touching the porcelain. THAT gives me a full-body shiver. In fact, it appears she’s attempting to throw a complete seal on it. Great God Almighty. There’s probably so much residue, of various sorts… It’s nothing short of upsetting.

Also, if you’re going to use the men’s room, you’re going to have to follow protocol and just stare straight ahead. You can’t have your head on a swivel like that. Oh well.

What are your thoughts on this? Why is it all over the web? Just the backing-up method? That’s what has captured everybody’s imagination? First time I saw it I didn’t react at all. It barely registered. But then I started seeing it again and again like people were amazed. And that’s the part that intrigues me. Help me out, won’t you? Also, do you have any ladies in the men’s room stories or vice versa? If so, please share.

Apparently, I wasn’t chosen for that modeling job I applied for. Also upsetting… I thought for sure they’d hire me under the “exotic” heading. Exotic, in this case, being fat and old and far from memorable. I’m thinking about filing a lawsuit. I feel like my civil rights have been violated.

Also, I fell on my ass this weekend. I mean, a full-on wipeout. I exploded my left knee (still hurts) and wallowed in mud and shouted profanity in front of my house. It was quite a scene. I talk about it in the new podcast episode, if you wanna get the details on it. Listen here. I don’t fall down very often, but I made an exception this weekend. Now I’ve got a Mickey Mantle knee. Fantastic. Here’s the episode summary:

I was taking the trash out this weekend when things suddenly took a dark turn. In this one, you’ll get all the details, along with the normal lineup of barely-related jags. Then I tell you about the home plate-shaped hole in the middle of my heart, and I reveal the Totally Out Of Context Quote Of The Week. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for listening!

On Sunday Toney and I were out and about, and she suggested we stop at Primanti Bros. for a beer and an appetizer. It’s generally a good time. They have something called fully-loaded tater tots that speaks to my white trash roots. Good stuff! And they have a lot of interesting beers too, so it’s a great option. However… it didn’t work out for us yesterday.

When we walked in there was nobody at the host station, and the place was full of inebriated people watching various football games and shouting. We stood there waiting, and nobody came. Plenty of employees saw us but did nothing to help. Finally, about five seconds before a fukkit was triggered, some guy came over and told us to follow him. No “sorry for your wait” or anything of the sort. Just “follow me.” Grrr…

He put us in a booth way off in the corner. The thing was apparently designed for children of the 1940s and the table was digging into my prodigious gut. It took a long time for a waitress to finally appear, and she was nothing if not surly. I told her I wanted to move to a different table, and she reluctantly allowed us to do so. Then she said, “What are you drinking?” I asked if there’s a beer list, and she said no. “We’re transitioning to a whole new lineup,” she said, which didn’t help us in the least. Toney took a stab at it and tried to order a Sierra Nevada. “We don’t have that,” we were informed. What kind of bullshit? She didn’t offer any suggestions or warmth whatsoever. “Dogfish Head?” I offered. “Big ones?” she asked. WTF?

We decided to go with the normal pints, and when ol’ Sally McSurlington FINALLY brought them to us, I thought the worst had passed. I was, however, wrong. I snapped this photo, and posted it to Instagram. I was so optimistic at that point…

As we sipped our beers and waited for somebody (anybody!) to come take our food orders, that same dude attempted to pawn off that ludicrous booth to other people who didn’t want to sit there either. I saw him and a waitress roll their eyes at each other because three women wanted to move somewhere else. So, the waitstaff was unfriendly and openly mocking and ridiculing the clientele at this point. Also, the beer tasted old and semi-skunked.

We ordered chips and queso, and that was good. Very good, in fact. And eventually, a new waitress started helping us for some reason. She was nice. No problems with her. I guess the original woman washed her hands of us? She was still there, so who knows? I viewed it as a win. That first one was headed for a 40 cent tip, at best.

Then somebody went into one of the bathrooms, which were RIGHT THERE, took a three-alarm dump, and the stench began wafting deep into the restaurant. “Are you kidding me??” I was shouting. I couldn’t believe it. Still can’t. Chips… queso… skunked beer… and the essence of a recent and extremely pungent bowel movement. It was magic!

So, there you go. That last part was out of their control, I guess. But the rest of it wasn’t. Not sure if we’ll be returning any time soon. The way the waitstaff was behaving pissed me off. They’ll drive the place straight into the ground with that crap. Ya know? There are plenty of places to eat and drink. It was not fun, my friends.

And I’m calling it a day. Don’t forget to use our links if you’re going to do any business with our Amazon overlords this season. The links are all over the site, including underneath every update, and in the sidebar to the right. Thank you, guys! It’s much appreciated.

I’ll see you again on Thursday!

Have a great day.

Now playing in the bunker
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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Skippy in WV says

    November 5, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    First? On the ex’s first mother’s day we went to Olive Garden for dinner. We were ready to leave and I picked up Lil Skippy and noticed he stunk. Bad. I didn’t think anything about it so I took him to the bathroom change him. Upon arrival I find out he has shit up his back and into his hair. Good times. I grab Baby Momma and tell her I need help with this. As we’re tag teaming changing shitty baby clothes every guy that walked in the bathroom and saw her standing there just smiled and chuckled. Every smile and chuckle said the same thing, “I’ve been there and know what it’s like.”

    Reply
  2. Ognir says

    November 5, 2018 at 12:55 pm

    I won’t post it – but recently I happened to see a video from a WVU football game of a housewife type woman lifting up her shirt and crushing some beer cans with her bewbs. I am still thinking I have seen her somewhere around town. I am so glad there were no cameras around when I was a young person.

    Reply
    • Son of Sam says

      November 5, 2018 at 2:10 pm

      I saw a “female” opening beer bottles with her asshole at a Cleveland game once.

      Reply
      • Limey says

        November 5, 2018 at 2:16 pm

        Cleveland Browns?

        Reply
      • Limey says

        November 5, 2018 at 3:28 pm

        If they were cans they could have been ring-pulls

        Reply
  3. Zach says

    November 5, 2018 at 1:32 pm

    Can I copy and paste this update to Primanti Bros’ Yelp page?

    Reply
  4. Ognir says

    November 5, 2018 at 1:36 pm

    I still think the best one of those places is the original one in Pittsburgh.

    Reply
    • Adam says

      November 5, 2018 at 4:23 pm

      I ate at that one last year… the fries on the sandwich thing that was the pride of Pittsburgh.

      Reply
      • Ognir says

        November 5, 2018 at 6:06 pm

        Plus the dirt and stuff on the walls from the last century all helps.

        Reply
  5. Walter says

    November 5, 2018 at 3:04 pm

    I’ve been to a bunch of sporting events and women in the mens room is pretty common. A lot of times they’ll come as a a group of two or three and commadeer one shitter stall for themselves.

    Reply
  6. JCIII says

    November 5, 2018 at 3:10 pm

    The Original Primanti Bros. in the Strip District of Pittsburgh is just as surly. You better have your order ready to say at the counter when they call on you or you’ll hear about it. Although the lady that’s been there forever is one of those “bark is worse than her bite” type of people.

    Reply
    • Ognir says

      November 5, 2018 at 3:37 pm

      But at least the food is good. The other one – at least in Morgantown – is just a sports bar with shitty food.

      Reply
  7. JCIII says

    November 5, 2018 at 3:11 pm

    Here’s a good read on Primanti Bros. >
    http://www.post-gazette.com/life/dining/2013/11/10/Each-of-these-six-women-has-at-least-3-decades-of-restaurant-service/stories/201311100217

    Reply
  8. madz1962 says

    November 5, 2018 at 3:17 pm

    It DOES look like her ass made contact with the urinal and oh, man, is that nasty. I can dry heave thinking about it.

    I can’t tolerate shitty service anymore. I know I’m becoming a crotchety old lady but seriously. People go to bars and restaurants to have a nice time. Not to get a dose of attitude. A smile and attentive service will get you a nice tip. I always tip on the high side. Not philanthropist high but better than 20%. But if I have to succumb to a night of misery, oh yes, it will be reflected in your tip. In fact, the tip just may make a caching sound rather than a rustling one.

    Reply
    • Uncle_Wedgie says

      November 5, 2018 at 3:43 pm

      When taking a number two you need a good seal.

      Reply
  9. chill says

    November 5, 2018 at 5:18 pm

    I rarely go to sporting events, but I do go to bars, and I’m not ashamed to use the ladies’ room at places where I’m a regular. But I’m, y’know, not a pig.

    Reply
    • Limey says

      November 5, 2018 at 6:40 pm

      Must be tough being a man who has to sit when he pees 😉

      Reply
      • chill says

        November 5, 2018 at 11:09 pm

        You’re referring to that sitzpinkel. I prefer the stehpinkel. I was never in the air force.

        Reply
  10. Limey says

    November 5, 2018 at 6:42 pm

    I’ve been in unisex bathrooms before but I’m not remembering where. France maybe. Or maybe they weren’t unisex and I was very, very drunk. Hmmm. I think they were though.

    Reply
  11. Ed says

    November 5, 2018 at 10:09 pm

    Damn good writing!

    Reply
  12. johnthebasket says

    November 5, 2018 at 11:13 pm

    Seems to me there’s some kind of election today. I just assumed that the above is a photo of two Democrats and a Republican casting ballots in a North Carolina voting booth.

    jtb

    Reply
  13. johnthebasket says

    November 5, 2018 at 11:18 pm

    . . . and this is the first time I’ve seen that photo. I hit a metric shit-ton of web sites on a regular basis — political, social, historical, humorous, informative, scientific, musical, general interest. What am I missing? I can’t imagine what “all over the Web” means. Thanks in advance. . . jtb

    Reply
    • johnthebasket says

      November 5, 2018 at 11:36 pm

      . . . and as long as I’m being old and grouchy, how the fuck many Primanti brothers are there? According to their fancy web site, there are 45 locations in several states. Why would anyone expect exceptional food and service or an exceptional experience in a mass-market chain restaurant? Does Pennsylvania not have any single-site dive bars with really good food actually operated by an owner who might take some local pride in his or her offerings? My little berg certainly has a few of those. They’re not all perfectly clean, but they beat the crap out of the Denny’s Family Food and Fun Bistros that America has become. Even their architecture predictably sucks.

      Man, I gotta go vote and lighten my karmic load.

      John

      Reply
  14. AngryWhiteGuy says

    November 6, 2018 at 7:59 pm

    My roommate/sometimes girlfriend/ full time freeloader has done this at Tampa Bay Bucs games and at Indy 500. I’m not impressed.

    Reply

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