Hello Surf Reporters! I know I’ve been gone for far too long, and apologize for that. I could attempt an excuse, but won’t bother. Even if there’s truth in it, it’s still an excuse. And people don’t care for that. Right? Right. Today I thought I’d power through some random notes from the ol’ battered notebook of stupidity and bad ideas. So, let’s get to it, shall we?
— Are you familiar with the behemoth pictured above? If you worked in a record store during the 1980s or earlier you undoubtedly know exactly what it is, and probably experienced a full-body shiver at the mere sight of it. It was called the Phonolog, and featured all sorts of information about LPs, CDs, cassettes, etc. You could check it to see if something was still in print, for instance. And it had the label name and catalog number, in case you needed to place a special order. It was basically the authoritative reference tool for music retailers during the pre-computer era.
The problem? It had to be updated constantly. The store would pay a subscription fee to Phonolog, and they mailed updated pages rapid-fire. Every day, it seemed, we’d get another packet from them, and they would be tossed into a wire basket until someone was forced to deal with them. It would be pages 647 through 671 or whatever. Or sometimes just page 421. And you had to break that bastard down to swap out sections. It was quite an ordeal. “Jeff, can you update the Phonolog tonight?” was one of the most-feared sentences in the English language for a few years. No! Please God, no!! Anything but that!
Another thing I hated about it, was trying to track down a specific jazz or classical album that someone wanted, as they stood beside me waiting. I know very little about those genres of music, so it was like I’d entered a hall of mirrors. Just a complete overload of information… none of it making any sense to me. I might as well have been staring at the Arabic section of a food processor owner’s manual. Using that big-ass thing was almost as bad as being cornered by a woman in legwarmers who hosts an aerobics class, seeking new songs with specific beats per minute. Arrrgh!
Anyway, the Phonolog is further evidence that I’ve lived in two distinctly different worlds. Can you even imagine such a thing in 2022? Today there would be no record stores, of course, but if there were the person would just tap the screen of an iPad attached to their left hand and have the info in three seconds. You wouldn’t have a hundred pound book in the middle of the floor that is outdated every four or five hours. Ludicrous.
— Speaking of music, I got some possibly exciting news yesterday. I’m always listening to the Beatles Channel on SiriusXM, which is great. Whoever runs that thing does a fantastic job. Among the regular features there is something called My Fab 4. Listeners are allowed to pick four Beatles songs that they especially like and tell a brief story about each, explaining why it’s important to them. I hear it from time to time, and some of them are really good. Others… not so much. But I filled out an application a few months ago, and yesterday received an email from a guy at SiriusXM. He said I’d been selected to record a My Fab 4, and sent me a loose script I need to follow. I have to keep referring to myself as “Beatles fan Jeff,” which is borderline douchey. But the script is very open-ended. There’s plenty of opportunity to put my own stamp on it, so to speak. I just have to keep announcing the names of the songs, can’t use my last name, and repeat “the Beatles Channel on SiriusXM” at specific spots in the recording. I have about two weeks to send it in. I’ll keep you guys updated. I guess there’s a chance they won’t like it for some reason, and it’ll never air. But I’ll let everyone know if it does.
— And speaking of the Beatles, Surf Reporter Joe T. posted this article today on Facebook. It’s from two days after their first appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show. He said it reminded him of the comments in his feed about this year’s Super Bowl halftime. Ha! That sounds right. I’d never seen that article before, and it’s outrageous. They all look like Moe?! He’s got a lot of nerve. Look at that guy’s photo! He has a stick jammed so far up his ass… Here are some more reactions to that 1964 program. The phrase “wrong side of history” jumps to mind.
— We purchased a really nice treadmill recently, after a couple of YEARS of hemming and hawing. We sprang for the “white glove” delivery, which means they delivered it, put it together, and removed the trash. Just the way I like it. I’ve used it several times since Saturday, and it’s great. It feels solid as a rock, and it’s huge. Very similar to the treadmills at Planet Fitness. I’m loving it so far. I put on some headphones and listen to podcasts or music, and it clears my head and lowers my level of bitterness and anxiety. Today, in case you’re keeping score at home, I listened to NRBQ At Yankee Stadium. One of my all-time favorites. And it got my Log Cabin syrup blood a-pumpin’ a bit, and my big beleaguered heart a-movin’. It’s good stuff. I’m happy with it so far.
I better go now. I need to be at work 38 minutes ago. I don’t think I’m going to make it.
I’ll see you guys again soon.
Have a great day!
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I recall being a pre-teen and standing at the counter while someone looked up my request in those books.
Nice to “see” you, Jeff!
I never worked in a record store, but the Phonolog looks very familiar. I’ve probably seen them a time or three as a record store customer. That type of contraption was also widely used by auto parts stores and the like.
From podcasts to Sirius XM… what’s next? Radio?
Great post. Good to see you continuing with these. I have been reading your material for a little over 20 years now. Creepy, I know…
Phonolog….good times, good times
“What are ‘Three Stooges’?”
“They’re a popular slapstick combo, M’limey”
My father owned a NAPA store for 30 or 40 years and finally sold it and retired in 2012. Before that, he had the same kind of massive catalog (or collection of catalogs) spanning the entire width of the sales counter. Same fury of updates would come in the mail ever so often and same ridiculous procedure of tearing it down to insert the update and piecing it all back together. He trusted no one to do it for him, so he did it himself. He knew that catalog forward and backwards and used it over the computer system, which was installed sometime in the late 80s. By the time he retired, the computer system was linked to all the same parts information that was in the catalogs, but he still used the catalogs. I recall he also had some kind of card catalog similar to what libraries used to have, and he kept his inventory records on those little 3×5 cards till probably the early 90s. Different generation. I couldn’t imagine running a business like that now.
Wow. What a flashback. From 1979-1981 I worked in the major downtown shopping mall in the major downtown record store of my hometown. We actually relished the Phonolog and eagerly competed for caretaking of it. The reason: we had so many pretentious “audiophiles” come into the store insisting that we get them a copy of some obscure 10″ EP, e.g., George Jones with “White Lightning” as the lead track. We could use he Phonolog to tell them no, it was out of print, and they would have to spend the money to go to NYC and ask the folks at Bleecker Bob’s or other such vintage vinyl places in the Village about that particular recording, and spend $20 on it. I was always greatly amused by the looks on their faces, as we showed them the blank entry in the Phonolog for their request. They respected it as the bible.
Our store had Jazz and Classical separate so that was someone else’s problem.
We were known as the “catalog” store, i.e., if we didn’t have it and it was still in print, we could get it for you. Hence the Phonolog.
My favorite and most obscure LP that we carried in the store was titled “Tete Montoliu Sings Catalonian Folk Songs”. It actually sold about one copy per year.
That article about the Beatles is hysterical. It showed up on my news feed as “historical relevance anyone?”
Congrats on the treadmill. Keep the belt well maintained. There is a “special sauce” you can buy to put under the belt every couple of years that will keep the friction level where it needs to be – some silicon stuff. It will ensure a long lifetime.
Sorry to be replying so late. I worked in a law firm that had a similar system but thank god I didn’t have to update the books.
Jeff, please tell me. How was the stones concert?
We had a similar system in real estate back in the day. We’d get large books (size of phone books) which would be replaced every couple of days to reflect new houses for sale, houses already sold were removed. It was real hit-and-miss. The internet revolutionized the process.