Yeah, it snowed again last night. If there was an accurate way of measuring the annoyance level of a particular season, this must surely be the most annoying winter in recent history. Right? Right. Sweet sainted mother of Al Hrabosky! This is bullshit already.
On a more positive note, we booked a week in Myrtle Beach for May. All four of us are going, and we’ll see how that works out. We’ll be flying out of Allentown, and staying in a high-rise facing the ocean. We reserved a two-bedroom suite and rented an SUV for the week.
It’ll be our first real family getaway in many years. I know Myrtle Beach is touristy and predictable, but it’s also fun as shit. I have never been there and not had a great time. I’ll have to buy a couple of these before I go, and maybe a pack of bulge enhancers too? Heh. For the record… I didn’t even know about the existence of commercial bulge enhancers before I started doing Amazon searches for the most ridiculous bathing suits I could find. Amazing.
And speaking of touristy and predictable, we’re going to book our September Las Vegas trip this week, as well. Two trips in one year! It’s almost like we’re becoming normal human beings all of a sudden. Will somebody please hold me?
I don’t want it to sound like I’m painting this as a positive, ’cause I ain’t. But the absence of Andy (Black Lips Houlihan) gives us a lot more freedom. But… I’d trade the freedom for a few more weeks or months with him, without hesitation. I miss that hound every day. RIP Andy!
Do you have any trips planned for the summer? Tell us about it, won’t you?
A couple of weeks ago I was getting a haircut (they come fast and furious these days) and the ninth grader doing the cuttin’ was way up on the tips of her toes, dancing around the chair and bouncing from side to side. At one point she had the clipper cord wrapped around my neck. And, once again, there was a brief period when her armpit was basically mashed against my face. That’s not ideal. She’s cut my hair before and I think the armpit thing must be her trademark because she busted it out the first time as well.
Anyway, she did a halfway decent job, despite her unorthodox approach. But it all went swirling down the ol’ poop catcher at the end. Get this! As I was walking toward the cash register, still in the afterglow of being pleasantly surprised, she drops this crap on me: “Will you be taking advantage of the senior discount today?” What the?? “How old do you think I am?” I blurted. And that instantly made everything awkward. She started apologizing and dancing around on her tip-toes again.
I’m still in the early days of this “old” thing, but I can tell I’m not going to embrace it. I’m going to be super-defensive and see conspiracies in the shadows. Already I get annoyed when some zit-blasted shitbag comes over to help me navigate the self-checkout at the grocery store. That pisses me off, and I generally let ’em have it with both barrels. Fuck off, ugly! That’s the general vibe they receive, and they scurry away with their tails tucked between their legs. Assholes.
I also don’t like being called sir. That’s an old thing. I know it’s respectful, but it’s for the old folks. Right? However… I also don’t like it when some young person says, “Thanks, man” or something similar. Man? It always elicits the silent squint of disapproval. It’s OK if it’s coming from someone roughly my age, but not a youngling. My doctor addresses me that way (“Hey, man!”) which also bothers me. It almost puts us on the same level, and I sure as hell hope doctors are above me. Way above. ‘Cause if they aren’t, we’re all in trouble.
There’s a young guy at work who always greets me with “How’s it going, chief?” For some reason, I’m OK with that one. I kinda like it. It has an old-fashioned feel to it that I find appealing. And there’s a guy who calls me “bossman,” which is a little weird. But it doesn’t bother me.
What are your thoughts on the various greetings? Do any of them trigger a squint? Please tell us about it in the comments.
And I need to go to work now. Yesterday I didn’t update because I slept about four hours and it felt like my brain was expanding and contracting inside its housing By the time I got home last night I felt almost physically ill, like I might puke. So now I’m going to start having sleep issues? Is that an old thing too? Man, I’m getting fired up.
I’ll see you guys again soon.
Have a great day!