Yeah, it snowed again last night. If there was an accurate way of measuring the annoyance level of a particular season, this must surely be the most annoying winter in recent history. Right? Right. Sweet sainted mother of Al Hrabosky! This is bullshit already.
On a more positive note, we booked a week in Myrtle Beach for May. All four of us are going, and we’ll see how that works out. We’ll be flying out of Allentown, and staying in a high-rise facing the ocean. We reserved a two-bedroom suite and rented an SUV for the week.
It’ll be our first real family getaway in many years. I know Myrtle Beach is touristy and predictable, but it’s also fun as shit. I have never been there and not had a great time. I’ll have to buy a couple of these before I go, and maybe a pack of bulge enhancers too? Heh. For the record… I didn’t even know about the existence of commercial bulge enhancers before I started doing Amazon searches for the most ridiculous bathing suits I could find. Amazing.
And speaking of touristy and predictable, we’re going to book our September Las Vegas trip this week, as well. Two trips in one year! It’s almost like we’re becoming normal human beings all of a sudden. Will somebody please hold me?
I don’t want it to sound like I’m painting this as a positive, ’cause I ain’t. But the absence of Andy (Black Lips Houlihan) gives us a lot more freedom. But… I’d trade the freedom for a few more weeks or months with him, without hesitation. I miss that hound every day. RIP Andy!
Do you have any trips planned for the summer? Tell us about it, won’t you?
A couple of weeks ago I was getting a haircut (they come fast and furious these days) and the ninth grader doing the cuttin’ was way up on the tips of her toes, dancing around the chair and bouncing from side to side. At one point she had the clipper cord wrapped around my neck. And, once again, there was a brief period when her armpit was basically mashed against my face. That’s not ideal. She’s cut my hair before and I think the armpit thing must be her trademark because she busted it out the first time as well.
Anyway, she did a halfway decent job, despite her unorthodox approach. But it all went swirling down the ol’ poop catcher at the end. Get this! As I was walking toward the cash register, still in the afterglow of being pleasantly surprised, she drops this crap on me: “Will you be taking advantage of the senior discount today?” What the?? “How old do you think I am?” I blurted. And that instantly made everything awkward. She started apologizing and dancing around on her tip-toes again.
I’m still in the early days of this “old” thing, but I can tell I’m not going to embrace it. I’m going to be super-defensive and see conspiracies in the shadows. Already I get annoyed when some zit-blasted shitbag comes over to help me navigate the self-checkout at the grocery store. That pisses me off, and I generally let ’em have it with both barrels. Fuck off, ugly! That’s the general vibe they receive, and they scurry away with their tails tucked between their legs. Assholes.
I also don’t like being called sir. That’s an old thing. I know it’s respectful, but it’s for the old folks. Right? However… I also don’t like it when some young person says, “Thanks, man” or something similar. Man? It always elicits the silent squint of disapproval. It’s OK if it’s coming from someone roughly my age, but not a youngling. My doctor addresses me that way (“Hey, man!”) which also bothers me. It almost puts us on the same level, and I sure as hell hope doctors are above me. Way above. ‘Cause if they aren’t, we’re all in trouble.
There’s a young guy at work who always greets me with “How’s it going, chief?” For some reason, I’m OK with that one. I kinda like it. It has an old-fashioned feel to it that I find appealing. And there’s a guy who calls me “bossman,” which is a little weird. But it doesn’t bother me.
What are your thoughts on the various greetings? Do any of them trigger a squint? Please tell us about it in the comments.
And I need to go to work now. Yesterday I didn’t update because I slept about four hours and it felt like my brain was expanding and contracting inside its housing By the time I got home last night I felt almost physically ill, like I might puke. So now I’m going to start having sleep issues? Is that an old thing too? Man, I’m getting fired up.
I’ll see you guys again soon.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
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I get called “buddy” an awful lot by guys who don’t know me. I sometimes get “chief”, “boss”, and “bossman” as well.
I get called Sir all the time now. Scares me a little.
Wisey in Ttown says
Another sign of getting old….. getting upset about trivial monikers.
Next on the list?
Knee high black socks and Bermuda shorts
And sandals and you have the old fart trifecta…
There is one old person discount I use: Silverspot Cinema, a high end place with ottomans and craft beer and big ass screens and great sound. $10 instead of $14 if you are over 50. Great for first run CGI-based action movies.
The AARP cards have been coming in the mail since I turned 47, and I shred them by hand in an all-out rage while walking back from the mailbox…grrrrrr. Not sure why they bother me so much, maybe because they started coming so early?
Confession: I’m not obviously balding, and I don’t have a lot of grey hair, so my student ID still gets me discounts from time to time.
I can handle “sir”, as it seems respectful, but not “Chief” or “Boss”. Too condescending.
Joe T. says
Buddy and man don’t bother me. Sir I can handle, but bro or broski? Now you’re asking for it.
For vacations, were spending a week in the middle class vacation capitol of the East Coast, Ocean City, MD. Say what you will about it, but I enjoy it. Also I’m planning on visiting the Qweezy Mark in Austin this October for the USGP. That will be fun.
And sleep? I’m up 2 or 3 times a night, not to pee, but just up. We’re the same age Jeff.
Myrtle Beach in May? Check out the documentary film I edited and co-produced.
We’ll be there during a non-bike week. We’re familiar with that craziness and even experienced it once. There’s also a week when the place is overrun by drunken shitheads on horseback. Never a dull moment. Cool doc!
Hey! I resemble that remark.
Two years ago, for the huge whores and my 20th anniversary, we were at myrtle for bike week. Wasn’t that bad.
Broadway on the beach is interesting. Not going to see Tommy Tune there, but a lot of unique shops.
One of my cooks calls me Big Dog. I’m cool with that.
White bike week or Black bike week?
The first time I was called “Ma’am” was at the DMV when I went to get my permit when I was 16. It has never bothered me, but I know folks who get riled by this.
I don’t like when people call me Mrs., since there is someone new in that role. I don’t freak out, I just tell everyone to call me Laina
Just wait until someone tries to help you out of the grocery store and load your bags for you. No thank you!
I’m OK with embracing the Old, but still haven’t gone for the AARP card yet. Wonder what that says about me? Probably nothing.
September in Vegas is still pretty hot. I have a feeling we will hear some complaining upon Jeff’s return.
You have to be old to know who that is in the photo in today’s post.
Yes, and if you know who this is, you also know what a “movie of the week” is.
I was just watching movie of the week opening segments on Youtube the other day.
Japan (actually spring, I’ll be there most of May, but finishing after Memorial Day so that’s summer, right?
Seattle and Vancouver in June (did you know you can travel by Bolt Bus for $12 between these cities?).
Newport, RI and Seattle again in August.
I had to cancel Ireland and Scotland in July for family stuff, but we’ll take another crack at those in summer 2019.
Work takes me to Russia, France, and India to close out Fall 2018. Gotta keep those frequent flyer miles coming (they cover the airfares above as I take my boys and/or the wife with me for summer trips).
Also had to say no to Brazil for Christmas (grumble, grumble). Something about being a husband, dad, brother, uncle, etc.
Janrinn in Fall City says
Seattle in June is a completely different city than Seattle in August.. Enjoy the visit!
Malcolm, did you send in your review to the theater? You may have another NYC trip on the horizon!
Mailing it out today, along with a nice cover letter! Will let you know if I get any response. Not holding my breath though. Thanks for the address!
I sent the Bruce review in to the theatre, with a cover letter on my work stationary to make it look more “legit” (I guess). I also included a photo of my most arcane piece of BS memorabilia: a tribute 45 rpm from rockabilly legend Billy Poole (dba The Big Boss Band) doing “He’s The Boss”. The cover sleeve has a ridiculous penciled portrait of Bruce that just isn’t quite “him” – it’s bizarre but the song is funny. I offered to gift it to Bruce’s archive if he was interested. 🙂
Very cool. I hope you get a response! Keep us posted.
Rhode Island as much as humanly possible. If I can’t get there, one of my closest friends has a state park pass to Robert Moses beach on Long Island.
Anything else will be an impulsive treat.
Joe T. says
Robert Moses is a fine beach! Always a fun day when visiting family on LI.
Chuck White says
The older I get, the less people notice me. Pretty soon I’ll be able to walk thru a restaurant and take food off people’s plates.
This has been happening to me too. I need to find a good way to take advantage of it, like a jewel heist or something.
Vegas randall says
I’m 71 and the home Depot people almost pooped when I carried a bag of cement (60 lbs) to the front because all the carts were gone.
Randall, I don’t know whether you’ve noticed, but the Home Depot people are routinely on the edge of pooping and of several other socially distressing acts. Here in the Great Pacific Northwest, we have a regional hardware/plumbing/XY supplies store called McLendon Hardware that actually employs people who know what they’re doing. It’s a pleasant place and never feels corporate. Maybe you have a similar store or stores where you live. I’m only three years behind you, but I have the back of a much younger man — as long as that younger man is a professional demolition derby driver during the week and a volunteer shot put retriever on weekends.
I top out at 25-pound cat litter.
The Mole says
I was tempted to click the Amazon links for laughs but I fear seeing similar ads for the next few weeks on Facebook etc. I also don’t want to explain to the missus why she’s getting suggestions for bulge enhancers on Amazon either.
To make matters worse, I hovered my mouse over the banana hammock (also known down under as a “budgie smuggler,” which is even more perfect), and the dude is sporting a camel toe! Eye bleach, please. An intern should be fired for not photoshopping that shit…
This winter has been better than the winter 2 or 3 years ago IMO. We haven’t had snow the snowthrower can’t cope with – now that was a PITA.
Summer vacation to England and Ireland and possibly Wales when I sort out the itinerary properly.
Had a coworker who called everyone duder…by the end of a long project it was like hal9000 having it’s meltdown.
Moved from Erie to FL hey a vacation year round! Now for vacation I go back to Erie..hmmm.
D. B. Brooklyn says
For some reason, I’m really bothered by people that call me dude when they barely know me. If my best friend or someone close calls me it, I’m fine, but someone I just met? Just stick to calling me man, man.
Vacation wise, my wife and I plan on going to British Columbia at some point this year. I went to Vancouver once and hated it, but I plan on giving America’s hat another chance in a more beautiful setting. Otherwise, probably just Disneyland and maybe Florida for a wedding.
I wonder if that is an age thing. There was a time when I used that term all the time. A friend of mine use to give me hell every time he heard me calling people “dude”. Now the only time I hear it is from the guy at the coffee shop.
Surreal Killer says
I’m a rocker
I’m a roller
I’m a right out of controller
I’m a wheeler
I’m a dealer
I’m a wicked woman stealer
I’m a bruiser
I’m a cruiser
I’m a rockin’ rollin’ man
Don’t mind “Sir” at all…I fight for every small ounce of respect I can get these days. Don’t have a problem with too many of the others either, except for “dude”. It just seems like some young turd is trying to bring me down to his level, which I am rarely comfortable with. Unlike Malcolm, I AM bald on top and gray on the face, so I’m just happy the forms of address are not even more condescending.
Being a non-military Yankee, I never got in the habit of saying “sir,” or became comfortable being addressed that way. I have more or less gotten used to it during my decades in Dixieland. It also seems to me that if a stranger calls you “buddy” or “pal” or “friend,” that’s borderline hostile.
Vacation: that would be lovely. My management has ordered everyone to take six days of PTO by the end of this month, which will leave me with a whopping four days for the rest of the year, minus any sick time. The same management has stated that “leave without pay is not authorized.” It doesn’t look good.
Jesus Chill, I didn’t know Putin was hiring.
Alice in WV says
I’m in a similar boat regarding sick time. Bastards re-categorized me and, even though I’ve been with them for two years, my third year accrues less sick time and I’ll have two weeks “awarded” to me at the end of 2018, meaning I can get no vacation this year. I can’t stand the thought. Makes me want to storm out every time I think about it. Yesterday, I used up the one day sick time I painstakingly saved to take my husband to Johns Hopkins in Baltimore. He has stage 4 prostate cancer and, I guess for most of our other trips, I’ll have to go rouge and take Leave Without Pay. They’ll probably fire my ass. jerks.
Phil Jett says
Don’t mind sir. I’m old and I know it. Everyone I work with pretty much goes by their first name except a guy we call Dell because he looks, sounds and acts just like John Candy in Planes, Trains and Automobiles.
Just finished a week of diving in Islamorada and in July the wife and I are heading to Sunset Beach, NC. Staying in a house on the beach with a buddy and his wife and their two grown kids. Neither of ours can make it this year.
I’m done fighting the aging battle. I guess it happens to most folks, a quiet resignation made a bit more comfortable by discounts…especially at the packy.
Getting called “Hon” by a South Carolina waitress is a joy,…having it said to me by Connecticut student librarian, …significantly less joy.
I’d rather be called a See You Next Tuesday than ma’am. It’s like taking a bullet.
Beer Richards says
Oh who gives a shit what people call you. Consider the culture of attitude, fuckers.
But really the blog writer here has been whining too much lately. Usually fairly fucking brilliant and funny. Shit, move to a warm climate if you hate your weather so much.
You know how people address little old ladies as Sweetie? I don’t really mind, but now that I’m 70 I get Sweetied lots.
Jerry in WV says
I actually prefer sir over all of the other possibilities. Maybe it is due to the military or my current line of work. Recently made a slight change at work and what I am having a hard time getting used to, is mail and introductions at meetings that begin with “The Honorable……” Not sure I can live up to that one. Adds a new level of anxiety to my existence.
Root 66 says
I prefer “sir” as well. I grew up in a very military-type environment and we always addressed elders as either “sir” or “ma’am”. In fact, when we moved from there, my boss bawled me out for calling him “sir” once. However, I was quite serious and thought I was just being polite and respectful. I never let it happen again, though!
As much as I might not like the reality of it, if someone offered me a senior discount, I’d say, “YES!” every time…I’m a cheap old coot, and I have earned every wrinkle and gray hair!
The Qweezy Mark says
Time off during the first half of the year won’t be fun but it has to get done. The second half looks good but not all set in stone yet.
Taking the last week of March off to move a few miles down the road here in Austin. Hate the thought of it but the new place is just so much better and, unbelievably, less expensive.
Likely to do a recon mission to Scottsdale in the early summer (No, I don’t give a shit about the heat and doing it later in the year will not be convenient). I am considering it for my next move. Really, really miss the desert. Hey, its no more expensive than Austin. The rest of the Phoenix area really does not interest me. I will then finish life’s excursion in the Catalina Foothills just north of Tucson. These missions are a labor intensive no stone unturned type of deal with me, so while I do try to have fun, they are heavily focused on the task at hand.
May meet my brother over Labor Day somewhere just to explore an unfamiliar city. We did Denver/Colorado Springs last Labor Day. Had a great time. (mission pending)
As stated above, Joe T. likely coming for the USGP in October (confirmation pending).
Then, most likely Upper Pierogi Belt for Christmas.
That all sounds like a lot but only September-December promises fun. Hey, maybe I’ll get my hands on some booze, broads and blow between now and then.
Joe T. says
I’m not blowing you.
The Qweezy Mark says
Let’s just play it by ear.
I’ve been an avid reader of Jeff’s blog for very years now though I don’t comment too much. So many times I’ve busted out laughing at his brilliant humor. I have to say though that this segment is showing a rather mean spirited Jeff… “Already I get annoyed when some zit-blasted shitbag comes over to help me navigate the self-checkout at the grocery store. That pisses me off, and I generally let ’em have it with both barrels. Fuck off, ugly!”… Holy Moly, I think it’s time for a chill pill. I understand too that it’s a rude awakening when you’re offered a “senior citizen discount”. Try to think of it in a positive way and think of the money you can start saving. It’s all about perspective. Or, perhaps it’s time for some sort of mood altering drug since the beer doesn’t seem to be working. Some medicinal weed perhaps?
Now, after saying all that, I want to address the sir and ma’am thing. I have deep southern roots and down here in the south we say “sir and “ma’am” quite a bit. At least if we were raised right. We generally use those terms for our elders. Now, I work in a call center scheduling appointments for an orthopedics clinic here in Atlanta. It’s not uncommon for me to call a patient “darlin”, “hun”, “sweetheart” or even “my dear”. Most of them are in a great deal of pain. And you know what? The strangest thing starts to happen, next thing you know you’re also the recipient of similar monikers. Hell, I’m 63 and was actually called “baby” today by an 80 year old woman. Shit, I haven’t been called baby in fricking years! The thing is, it all must come about naturally or it might be taken the wrong way. You have to have a knack for when to say things like that, and when not to.
My coworkers refer to me as “Miss Sally” though I’m a married woman of 30 years. I don’t know but I guess it’s a southern thing. It’s definitely intended as respectful and I’m not offended in the least.
I think it is a southern thing.
I had a friend whose mother was known to friends and family (except her kids) as Miss Erma. She had to have been 80 years old, or more. I got the impression that the “Miss” title was a Thing That Is Done, and could be applied to any woman regardless of marital status. It also seemed to be affectionate and respectful, which is really not so bad.
In the South we have a more lazy speech cadence. We drop the suffix and we soften hard vowels. Misses is just too much word to easily roll off the Southern tongue. I’ve know many people who said “Miz-riz”. “Miz-riz Smith, the dog ate my homework” so I think thats why its always Miss. Yes’um, I love it down here.
The only title I shirk from is “ little lady” or “ young lady” since it is obvious I am none of those!!
You’re going to run from a senior discount? Geez, man, take all the discounts you can get! I do!
This place clears out by Friday like maidens fleeing a plague, so, as a public service I’m linking to a consummate performance by Mose Allison who, for a reason unknown to me, is singing about the current cabinet. Two minutes of your time, very safe for work. Have a fine weekend.
Thanks for that, John. I’ve liked Mose’s music since the 1970s, but I’m still woefully unfamiliar with the bulk of his work. I never got to hear him live, and I never will.
Chill, I got to see Mose through the luck of having terrific friends. For my 32nd birthday, in 1982, a buddy of mine took me to see Mose perform at the Banque, a rehabbed brick bank regional headquarters in downtown Seattle. No drums, no bass, just dinner and drinks, then Mose and his piano. A sellout crowd of not more than 300 people. I slightly prefer the trio sound, but Mose owned that audience, including me. A great 90 minute concert.
No Trips planned here. I’ve been to Myrtle Beach for bike week as a real adult and it was fun. I was there as a vendor.
As to senior discounts I’m 50+ and don’t color my hair as often as I should an no one ever offers them to me. We went to a new diner 2 weeks back and they had senior specials but no ‘age description’ and I wasn’t about to ask…
i will miss the 2 paragraph post of all the troubles jeff would have backing up a camper in a spot at the beach.