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A Few Quick Things, vol. 419

November 1, 2012 By Jeff 60 Comments

This is the fourth day in a row our kids haven’t gone to school.  Well, it’s actually Day Six for the younger hooligan, thanks to him punching some deserving little shit in the face last week.

Four out of six schools in our town still have no power, because of the storm.  Also, the pool where they spend half their lives is sitting dormant… ice cold, no water circulation, no filtration.  It’ll take several days to bring it back to code, once the power is restored.

So, there’s a bit of cabin fever setting in.  Toney works for the school district too, and has also been home all week.  It’s like they’re living on the international space station, or in one of those weird eco-domes, or whatever.  They’re about to lose it, like Desmond in the hatch.

I’m exempt, of course, because I have to work every goddamn day.  In fact, I’m getting ready to return to that paradise, on my regular day off.  I’ll probably be there tomorrow night, too.  No cabin fever here…  I’d welcome a light dusting of it.  Holy shit.

Over the past few weeks I’ve managed to watch three documentaries on Netflix.  They were about Joan Rivers, the Rolling Stones, and Woody Allen.  Enjoyed all of ’em.  Netflix Instant is pretty great when it comes to documentaries.  Movies?  Not so much.  One of my favorite people on Twitter, Nalts, posted this a few days ago, and I completely agree with him.

Graham Parker and the Rumour will be performing in Philadelphia on my birthday.  Check it out.  He hasn’t toured with the Rumour in more than 30 years, and I’d love to go.  It’s a Friday night, too.  All the planets are aligning…  I saw Graham solo, with just a guitar, years ago in Atlanta.  It was a small place, and I was standing 20 feet from him.  But I’ve never seen him with a full band — let alone the Rumour.

They have a new album coming out, too.  The cover isn’t very flattering (yikes!), but I’m gonna be all over it.  The dude’s a hell of a songwriter, and I’ve been a fan since I was in 11th grade, or thereabouts.  It might be time for another road trip with Steve.

Toney hasn’t spoken to Sunshine in two years, and Nancy cut her off about a year and a half ago.  She’d devolved into full-bitch, and was impossible to deal with.  She was always difficult, of course, but this was like something I’d never seen before.  Her “antibiotics” got way out of hand, and she turned flat-out evil.

But, over the past few weeks ol’ Sunny has risen from the ashes, and has been calling. She also sent the younger Secret a birthday card (one month early), with a diatribe written on it in a shaky scrawl.  Who knows what’s going on with her?  She’s calling Nancy’s house too, but nobody will answer the phone.

I heard that Mumbles has some kind of cancer, but nobody knows.  There’s literally no contact with them.  It’s very strange.  The brother has disappeared off the face of the earth too.  And none of it seems to bother Toney, one small bit.  Nancy apparently feels the same way, which is even more surprising.  Of course, they have way more history with that crazy woman than I do.

Stay tuned.

For a Question I’d like to know what you think are the worst movie endings of all time.  Especially films that were otherwise good, but had a botched ending.  If you have anything on this one, please tell us about it in the comments.

One jumps immediately to my mind: Jaws.  It’s a really good movie, until they shot that oxygen tank in the shark’s mouth.  I mean, seriously.  That’s just pure, undiluted dumbassery.

So, there you go.  I’m calling it a day, and heading back to work.  I’ll see you guys next time.

Have a great day!

Now playing in the bunker
Treat yourself to something cool at Amazon!

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Comments

  1. Dennis says

    November 1, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    One?!?!

    Reply
  2. Theresa says

    November 1, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    No country for old men had a horrible ending.

    Reply
    • Dogberry says

      November 1, 2012 at 2:31 pm

      I thought someone would say this, and I won’t argue with you — it’s your opinion after all — but I think it’s a great ending. It leaves out some from the book, but if you can find the (pitch) black humor in Anton Chiguhr’s character, it really works well.

      Reply
    • Wisey in TTown says

      November 2, 2012 at 6:55 am

      You nailed it. I think I sat there for 2 minutes looking at the credits in disbelief. What a let down.

      Reply
  3. Dogberry says

    November 1, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    Shutter Island. Blech.

    Reply
    • Wisey in TTown says

      November 2, 2012 at 6:55 am

      I hated that movie all the way through.

      Reply
  4. WB in OH says

    November 1, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    I didn’t like the ending of Gran Torino.

    Reply
    • Al K. Hall says

      November 2, 2012 at 11:59 am

      I was going to say Gran Torino as well.

      Reply
    • Lucie in Tampa says

      November 5, 2012 at 3:17 pm

      MY BOYFRIEND CRIED @ THE END OF THAT MOVIE!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!

      Reply
  5. madz1962 says

    November 1, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    The Wizard of Oz. My friend and I always thought that a shot of the ruby slippers under the bed would have been spectacular instead of “You got a semi concussion formt he window, asshole!”

    Stephen King’s “It” – which I can’t believe I actually watched since clowns scare the shit out of me. But I thought it was pretty damn good up until the group hug.

    This is a good questin – I have to actually think about it.

    Reply
    • bikerchick says

      November 2, 2012 at 8:33 am

      Ha! I thought about this, and the very first one I came up with was Stephen King’s “It”, too! I just remember Pennywise the clown scaring the shit out of me and wasting 2 nights watching this. Back when it first came out, it was a mini-series on TV. Only to find out “It” is a fucking giant spider!!

      Reply
    • not oprah says

      November 2, 2012 at 7:52 pm

      I so want to see this movie. Not many movies scare me but a scarey clown movie will scar me for life. I can’t find it on Netflix.

      Reply
  6. t-storm says

    November 1, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    The end of Revenge of the Sith (not that it was a super great movie but…). Where the director is like, George, we have like 20 loose ends to tie up, the movie is already 3 hours long, do you want to go for four? And George just said naaaaaaa, just wrap it all up with a few one liners and erase the memory bots’ memory. Both of them? Of course not, that would be too complicated.

    Oh and the end of Philadelpia. I can’t believe Tom Tuttle from Tacoma didn’t stop by to pay his last respects.

    Reply
  7. Bill in WV says

    November 1, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    Debbie Does Dallas had a predictable ending.

    Reply
    • not oprah says

      November 2, 2012 at 7:54 pm

      Dang funny.

      Reply
  8. t-storm says

    November 1, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    And I fart one of those giant mylar baloons worth a day.

    Reply
  9. westersteve says

    November 1, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    Castaway had an ending that made you wish you didn’t just waste the last 2 hours.

    Reply
  10. CADude says

    November 1, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    I think the ending of Titanic is just too predictable. Then again, that could be said for the whole movie. That’s why I never saw it. Well, except for the Kate Winslet painting scene, of course.

    Reply
    • madz1962 says

      November 2, 2012 at 3:56 pm

      By the end of Titanic, I was thinking “Are they dead yet?” whereas in “A Night To Remember” I was practically in tears because it was very realistic,

      Reply
  11. Root 66 says

    November 1, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    Lord of the Rings “Return of the King” didn’t suffer from a poor ending–it’s just that it had way too MANY of them! Three or four times, I gathered up my coat, Skittles and empty cup to leave and the thing kept on going for like another 40 minutes. I thought that movie would never end!

    “Old Yeller” had a crappy ending, though…(sniff)

    Reply
    • Sponge says

      November 1, 2012 at 3:41 pm

      If you read the book, you’d find that several chapters were left out. The Scouring of the Shire depicts what happens to the hobbits after they go ack home.

      Reply
      • Sponge says

        November 1, 2012 at 3:43 pm

        *back

        Reply
    • Henderson says

      November 1, 2012 at 4:04 pm

      Just like the last Sherlock Holmes movie. That piece-o-crap didn’t have an ending. For all I know, it may *still* be going 11 months later.

      Reply
  12. Griff says

    November 1, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    The original Superman where he flies around the earth really fast and reverses time made me call Bullshit way back when I was 6 years old.

    Reply
    • t-storm says

      November 1, 2012 at 3:33 pm

      Yeah why didn’t he fly really fast the other way and skip superman 4?

      And if he could fly that fast why couldn’t he get Hackensack and the left coast?

      Reply
  13. Sponge says

    November 1, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    I didn’t like the end of “The Departed”. It was great up until theend, then everybody gets killed and the movie is over. Kinda lame

    Reply
  14. Henderson says

    November 1, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    Mega Python vs Gatoroid.

    Wrong 90’s pop star got chomped in half.

    Reply
  15. Melissa says

    November 1, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    That’s a good question. I’d have to say the most recent film I watched that I remember thinking had a shit ending was based on a novel, ‘True Grit’. I’ll give leeway since I haven’t read the novel so can’t vouch for how accurate the movie is, but I felt like it was going pretty good then Holy.Shit, they had to speed it up to finish it off suddenly. Just seemd like they could have kept another half hour or so going to wrap up the story better and not so hurriedly.

    On another note, pertaining to Netflix, is that I find their movie selection to be rather lacking as well. Horrid, to be blunt. I like their TV and documentary sections, but they have dropped A&E shows, so that sucks pretty bad now too. However, I followed Jeff’s advice and started watching ‘Freaks and Geeks’ after never seeing it. I thought it was slow at first, but I am totally loving it now and am bummed that in 8 episodes it will be over! Bill, the tall, lanky Geek makes the entire show. My god what a great actor. It’s too bad he didn’t go on to more things.

    Reply
    • Dogberry says

      November 1, 2012 at 4:34 pm

      Nope, that’s about the way the novel goes.

      Reply
  16. chill says

    November 1, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    I got nothing. But now I can see the clever comments of the other Reporters, without having to keep checking the site.
    .

    Reply
  17. m says

    November 1, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    Hannibal. Horrible, awful, predictable, cop-out ending, and the complete opposite of the awesome, creepy ending of the book. I love those books, and the movie could have been as good as the book, but they were too chicken shit to do it.

    Reply
  18. girlgoyle says

    November 1, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    Highlander should just end with the quickening but no we have to listen to Christopher Lambert slaughter English / Scottish in front of a Loch

    I agree about LOTR and Episode 3 The naming the babies Luke and Leia made me scream the pause when the Emperor says “Darth…… Vader” like he was going to say “Darth ….. Smith”

    Reply
    • t-storm says

      November 1, 2012 at 9:25 pm

      Darth smith is in episode 7.

      Reply
  19. Skippy says

    November 1, 2012 at 9:45 pm

    Full Metal Jacket. It’s one of my favorite movies but it has an awful ending. Fuck your war face, you’re a pussy Joker!

    Reply
    • chill says

      November 1, 2012 at 9:51 pm

      As long as we’re hating on Uncle Stan… I found the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey to be pretty unsatisfactory, although it was an awesome movie.
      .

      Reply
  20. Harpo says

    November 1, 2012 at 9:51 pm

    The Iron Giant – Loved the movie overall but the ending was all blatant agenda. Yeah, we get it, you don’t like guns. But instead of being so intellectually and emotionally dishonest, how about this: Instead of having the Giant sacrifice himself to stop the missile, why not have him use his giant weapons to vaporize the damn thing, saving himself and everyone else in the process, demonstrating that weapons can serve a useful purpose in the right hands? Oh, that’s right, because it doesn’t fit with your simplistic, “guns are bad” philosophy, that’s why. Great movie marred by it’s contrived ending.

    Reply
    • Tiff says

      November 2, 2012 at 8:30 am

      But, that wasn’t the ending – didn’t you catch the snow scene where the Giant starts putting itself back together? I’m thinking SEQUEL!! The Iron Giant Seeks Revenge!

      Reply
  21. Phil Jett says

    November 1, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    Not to be a nit picker, but that isn’t an oxygen tank at the end of jaws, it’s a dive tank which is actually compressed air (78% nitrogen, 21% oxygen and 1% other). An oxygen tank might have had a slight chance.

    That said, I do agree it was a shit ending though, no way it would have exploded like that.

    Reply
  22. dto says

    November 1, 2012 at 11:09 pm

    King Kong. Why the hell they have to kill that poor sape? A good negotiator coulda talked ’em down. PETA would’nt have put up with that kinda thing. Poor bastard died for a two-timing dame.

    Pardon me but who the fuck is Graham Parker and the Rumour. 30 years ago and I’ve never heard of them? What the hell was I doing 30 years ago? Oh wait…never mind.

    Reply
  23. Lee Harvey Ramone says

    November 1, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    The African Queen. Saw it again recently and it occurred to me what a lame ending that movie has…

    Reply
    • t-storm says

      November 1, 2012 at 11:34 pm

      Is that the one where ru paul slaps tyler Perry in the face with his cock?

      Reply
      • Alex says

        November 2, 2012 at 5:19 pm

        Wouldn’t that be ‘Drag-on Queen”?

        Reply
  24. m says

    November 2, 2012 at 12:27 am

    I really hate that there is a rift in Clan Toney. I really, really miss Sunshine and Mumbles!

    Reply
  25. Mitzi says

    November 2, 2012 at 2:01 am

    Signs. Halfway decent movie, kid stabs his dog and whatnot, and then WATER kills the aliens? Yup, they were sophisticated enough to fucking master space travel, yet somehow missed the whole “Earth is mostly covered in water” memo? Bullshit.

    Reply
    • t-storm says

      November 2, 2012 at 2:25 am

      The moons and the stars in the door pissed me off

      Reply
  26. Miketheripper says

    November 2, 2012 at 8:24 am

    Blazing Saddles has always been one of my favorite flicks but the ending has always annoyed me to no end…..

    Reply
  27. Tiff says

    November 2, 2012 at 8:37 am

    Almost every movie made from a Stephen King novel, ever. The worst of which has to be the first-released version of The Stand. I was never angrier at a book ending than at this one. Big ol hand of God and a shrug.

    Reply
    • m says

      November 2, 2012 at 8:18 pm

      I almost cried over Bag of Bones. It is my favorite King novel, and I am one of those people that would read his grocery list, so it’s hard for me to pick out just one. I always hoped it would be a movie. And they made it, and they RUINED it. Just like they do every Stephen King book, except Shawshank Redemption and Stand By Me.

      Reply
      • Knucklehead says

        November 3, 2012 at 5:32 am

        M, King is the only fiction I read, and after so many lame movies being made from his books, I refuse to see another one. Haven’t seen one since that piece of shit Pet Cematery.

        Reply
        • m says

          November 3, 2012 at 8:06 pm

          Ugh, Pet Cematery was bad.

          Reply
      • Tiff says

        November 3, 2012 at 10:58 pm

        now I have to read that one. I fell off the SK wagon a long while ago…and hope he has had some thundering gun bullseyes since the later ’80’s.

        Reply
  28. bikerchick says

    November 2, 2012 at 8:43 am

    Pretty Woman. What millionaire climes a fire escape with roses in his teef to get to a ho on the top floor of a slum apartment? Puh-leeez.

    Reply
  29. Fancy Pants Maguire says

    November 2, 2012 at 10:34 am

    I like all Jazz

    Reply
  30. Tim says

    November 2, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    Invite Sunshine back into the fold. Think of your readers.

    Reply
  31. Alex says

    November 2, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    terrible endings, many I can not remember, seen these recently, which is the only reason I remember the title.
    No Country for Old Men, and From Dusk Til Dawn.

    Reply
  32. Suan says

    November 2, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    mulholland drive
    still don’t get it.

    Reply
  33. Ed says

    November 3, 2012 at 10:49 pm

    This is really random, but the use of music here made me laugh.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yA2hnCF5Alg&feature=related

    Reply
  34. dto says

    November 3, 2012 at 11:10 pm

    Having one of your favorite bands get back together and getting to see them is pretty exciting. Every day I hope to hear Freddie and the Dreamers are reuniting. Oh I know there are copy bands but on one can do ‘The Freddie’ like the master. I hope I’m not dissapointed and he only just kinda leans side to side and can’t raise his arms above his shoulders. Probably has to lip-sync too. And he’s probably bald. And fat. Orca fat and has an oxyegen tank in a pouch strapped to his back and has tubes up his nose. Fuck it. I changed my mind.

    Reply
  35. johnthebasket says

    November 4, 2012 at 6:36 am

    Maggie Hassan is kinda hot. I’m just saying.

    jtb

    Reply
  36. The Divine Miss E says

    November 4, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    A movie with a terrible ending, also one that most people have probably never seen: Ask the Dust, with Colin Farrell and Salma Hayek. I don’t want to say it was a bad movie, but it had a premise that was very hard to get behind. Struggling writer moves to LA, meets a waitress, treats her like shit, she treats him like shit back, they fall in love. And continue to treat each other like shit. When they finally start acting like they like each other, and being loving and kind, woman dies. End of movie: Man drives out to the place where she died, throws a copy of his new novel on the ground, and leaves.

    It was based on a book. Whoever wrote that book had to have been completely miserable.

    Reply

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