I had my health screening at work this week. Turns out I’m fat. It was a tough thing to learn, but I’m doing OK… I think I’m almost over the shock, and have moved on toward acceptance. Please keep me in your thoughts, my friends. Heh.
Actually, everything checked out. Even my blood pressure was within the normal range, which was welcome news. Somehow I’ve never had a problem with cholesterol or blood sugar, and both of those things were also fine.
If it weren’t for that pesky BMI, I would’ve gotten a totally clean bill o’ health. I burned that shit down, like the Branch Davidian compound. There’s nothing but a smoldering black spot where the recommended BMI numbers used to stand.
Speaking of healthy living… I took yesterday off from work, and Toney and I attended the end-of-year swim team banquet. And quite a few adult beverages were consumed.
We had no beer at home, so I bought a case earlier in the day. It was in the trunk of my car, and I forgot to take it into the house. We were supposed to meet some other couples at a restaurant, for pre-banquet cocktails. But we got there about 15 minutes early, and I suggested we break into those Yuenglings in the trunk.
So, we parked off the beaten path, and tailgated that bitch. It felt like I was 17 again. Every once in a while somebody would walk past us, and eye us suspiciously. And as soon as they were gone, we’d shotgun another half-bottle of the golden elixir. It was ridiculous, and fun. I made sure the keys were not in the ignition, just in case another SWAT team showed up.
It was happy hour inside the bar, and Toney and I each had two (three?) Sam Adams Rebel IPAs, for $2.75 each. A bunch of other parents showed up, and there was some serious booze a-being consumed. And the prices were straight out of 1986. Cheap!
The banquet itself was no-alcohol, which was probably a good thing. It lasted for over two hours. The food was excellent, and everything went well.
Until, that is, they did a little photo montage of parents in the stands, and showed the world’s worst photo of me. “Jesus Christ!” I whisper-hollered to Toney. “I looked like I had Down syndrome! What the hell?! Who put this thing together??”
I didn’t realize how loud I was talking, and a whole bunch of people started laughing. And there was also a light dusting of disapproving looks. Shit. Next time I drink beer in a parking lot outside a banquet hall, I’ll have to make sure I’m conscious of my volume later in the evening.
After the big shindig was over, a few couples went to a yuppie bar, and continued with the drinking. The prices were no longer low, but they had that Rebel IPA on tap, so I picked up right where I’d left off.
It was a fun evening. I don’t do a lot of socializing, because I was born without the chit-chat gene. But it turned out OK. Everybody was really nice, and we had a good time. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I wouldn’t mind doing it again soon.
It was also fun re-joining the human race for a few hours. I work from 3 pm to 1:30 am, five nights a week. I see nobody. I liked being a “normal” human being for a little while.
For a Question, please describe your current life with a movie title. Know what I’m saying? I’m sort of around the house, but not really. So, I’ll go with Ghost Dad. What about you? Which movie title best describes your current situation?
Heck, if you feel like… give us a movie title that best describes your sex life. I’ll stay out of that one, thank you very much. But, feel free to weigh in, if you’re so inclined.
And I’ll be back soon.
Have a great day, my friends!
Now playing in the bunker
Treat yourself to something cool at Amazon!
jim britton says
Eraser for one, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas for the other.
You are free to assign either movie to either description.
jim britton says
Oh, while I’m near, has anyone tried out the new HTC one( M8)?
I’m looking to replace my Maxwell Smart era shoe-phone.
got the m8 on Wednesday. I like it a lot. find a store and hold it in your hand before you buy one. my fat fingers wrap around and touch the screen, so that is an adjustment for me. the phone is very bad-ass, so it is worth adjusting my grip. also, when I get a case it will help stop the inadvertent touching.
the camera is very cool. I didn’t care about the camera when I bought it, so it was a nice bonus. the microSD slot was the main feature that sold me.
so far, battery life is as advertised, even with me spending hours setting it up and playing with it.
it also makes phone calls.
Gone in 60 Seconds.
“Dazed and Confused” is my norm.
Phantom Railfan says
life – “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”
sex – “The Ghost and Mr Chicken”
After careful consideration:
life – “Groundhog Day”
sex – “Bright Lights, Big Titties Vol 9”
Life (especially my working life right now) Toss up between: Mean Girls or Psycho
Sex life: As Good As It Gets
Hmmm…I’ll say “Seconds” (1965). I’ve gotten a chance to get away from my previous life (job) and am able to create a new and better life (better job).
Damn, that’s a good choice. I thought nobody else had seen that movie.
Bill in WV says
Real Life – Grumpy/Grumpier Old Men
Sex Life – Rain Man (Uh oh, fart)
WB in OH says
Life – Back to the Future
Sex Life – The Big Sleep
“Failure to Launch”. On both counts.
Life – Wreck it Ralph
Sex – Cool Hand Luke
Sex- the Quick and the Dead
The Naked Kiss and The Big Chase…sadly, in that order.
Life- there will be blood
Sex- failure to launch
Life- Straight to Hell
Life: Dazed and Confused
Sex: Sling Blade
life: Safety Not Guaranteed
Gone with the wind
“The Great Escape”
lori from cbus says
Life: Apocalypse Now
Sex: Apocalypse Now
Life: 12 years a slave.
Sex: 40 year old virgin….
Two girls one…wait what was the question?
John Smith says
2 paragraphs of bitching about your weight, and 10 paragraphs regaling of beer swilling and banquets. Ummmmm…..
Someone say “Lighten up, Francis”.