I’m not sure I have this exactly right, my attention to detail is sometimes called into question, but I think one of the guys from ZZ Top killed a gay dude. Is that correct? Did you hear about this? Any additional information is appreciated.
How are you guys doing? I’m exhausted, and have been dealing with a cold since… I don’t know, October? I’m a state-of-the-art snot manufacturing facility. And I’m burned out. At this point I’m just running off muscle memory, and the life-sustaining properties of Mountain Dew.
Tomorrow I’m going to drive to Philly to pick up those ’70s speakers from Buford. I hope I can stay awake while driving. I tried to rope Steve into going with me, but he can’t do it. The boys will be at swim practice, so I can’t take one of them along, either. So, it’ll just be me and my iPod. Thin Lizzy does a good job of keeping me on the right side of consciousness. So, that’ll be the plan: rely on Phil Lynott for safety. Heh. Perhaps I should reexamine things?
In any case, the younger boy will have a full-blown 1970s-style stereo system on Christmas morning. It’ll be cool. He loves that kind of stuff, and I think he’ll be pleased. He’ll be rocking it out, Freaks ‘n’ Geeks-style.
I told you about our little shopping adventure last weekend, and have a question for you. Why do new jeans always have sand in the pockets? Sand, or something sand-suggestive? What is that? It takes two or three washings before it disappears.
When I put my phone in my pocket, that stuff gets down in the cracks… And it also adheres to my debit cards, and stuff. I have to wipe them down before use, because of the new jeans pocket sand. Do you know what I’m talking about? What the hell, man??
Also, I bought a pair of New Balance tennis (tenna) shoes a few weeks ago, and they’re squeakers. Whenever I walk across tile or vinyl flooring, it’s weeka, weeka, weeka… It’s embarrassing. I think the government should require shoe manufacturers to label their products with a color-coded squeak threat. Who’s with me?! These things I just bought are at least in the orange, possibly even the red. Will somebody get Tom Ridge on the phone?
Before I call it a day here, I’d like to invite you to follow the Surf Report Facebook page. I do manage to post some interesting/bizarre shit there most days, even when I’m playing hooky here. There are some good things there right now. Check ’em out.
And I have to go back to my home away from home again. I’ll see you folks next time. Don’t forget to use our Amazon links while doing your drunken late night shopping. It’s much appreciated. I especially enjoy the $3000 diamond watch purchases, but all of ’em are great. Thank you guys!
Have a great weekend.
Now playing in the bunker
Do your holiday shopping at Amazon!
Here’s the link for our Canadian friends
Phil Jett says
My new New Balance do the same squeaky thing. Drives me nuts if I’m out and about.
I don’t know the nation of origin of your New Balance shoes, but I don’t think they are sufficiently sophisticated to engage in shit like “produce labeling”. I’m just saying…
Only one keystroke away from product labeling, we have a whole world of stamping apples and affixing bar codes to bananas.
That cracked me up, jtb
I heard they had a space program
When they sing you can’t hear, there’s no air
Sometimes I think I kind of like that and
Other times I think I’m already there
Billy Joel says
Love that TMBG song!
The little 12 year old Bangladeshi girl couldn’t reach all the way into your pocket to get out the stone washing leftovers.
I can’t recall the model number – but I began buying New Balance tennis shoes a couple of years ago at a shoe store at the mall. I usually don’t wear such shoes – but I learned they have a wide size. Which is what I need. Of course – last spring the guy at the store told me the company was not going to make the ones I had been buying anymore.
jim britton says
I’ve been buying New Balance for years as I had heard that they made their sneakers in the US.
That has changed.
Over time it’s been harder to find US made New Balance but you can find plenty that were made overseas.
Ever heard of ‘stone washed’ denim? Yeah….that’s an actual thing and is behind all of the ‘sand’ in your pockets. Geesh…
When my sneakers were new they made that weeka weeka sound. I’d just throw my hands up and jump like I was making a 3-point shot.
they STILL do that sand wash crap that leaves pebbles in your pockets? Either I haven’t bought jeans in a long time or you bought your pants in a time warp store.
Billy Joel says
You have it all wrong, JK:
I’m pretty sure it was the bass player from Molly Hatchet that killed the gay dude. Because he called him a duck or something.
Also, the Black Rose album might be my favorite Thin Lizzy record.
Oh…and speaking of your shopping mall trip recently…did you manage to make it out of there without having someone try to molest you into getting your hair analyzed, a massage, rubbing lotion on your hands or doing a ‘what season are you’ makeover? WTH….I can’t even walk through the mall anymore without fear of being attacked by pushy salespeople! I’ve always been and in-n-out shopper but this has taken that meaning to a whole new level.
That happened to me by a bunch of hawkers selling “Dead Sea” lotion. Expensive shit. I let them put some on me, they started going into their spiel and I welled up a few tears and said I had to buy my husband a tie to wear for interviews as he just lost his job.
Lucie in Tampa says
I applied some of that Dead Sea lotion and my penis became flaccid.
Damn, you’re on a roll. Second time you had me laughing, jtb
You might want to reconsider your colloquial use of “tenna shoes” to mean tennis shoes. “Tena” is a real product. In fact it’s a whole product line of incontinence undergarments. I realize you’ve cleverly inserted an extra “n” but I don’t think it’s enough to stop word association.
Whenever you say “tenna shoes” I immediately picture absorbent shoes for people who piss themselves so badly it overflows their adult diapers, runs down their legs, and pools in their footwear.
See: http://www.tena.com/ (Wow! No matter where you live in the world, if you slacked off on your kegel exercises in your youth, they’ve got you covered.)
I know this of course because my mother is on the cusp of 80 and since I’m her last remaining connection to the real world I have to buy the goddammed things for her.
I think the last time I was at the mall I noticed there was a stall where someone was selling pretty much un-PC shirts. I was a bit amazed to see such a thing there. Who wears that sort of thing?
(One I recall had something to do with warning a “brother” – if you see the cops – or something like that.)
John in the gump says
I Have To Tell You , I have One Of The warn-a-Brother Shirts. Its A LittE funnier In The South. And, I Hate This Damm Mobile App AutomaticallyCapitolizing Everything.
Otis Day says
My daughter brought me one of those shirts. it has the ‘warner brothers’ logo on it. And says, it you see da cops, ‘warn a brother’.
personally I find it hilarious!!
No tennis, tenna or Tena shoes for me. We have a sneakers-only policy here.
And I think I might make it through the season without setting foot in a mall. That would be sweet.
Since I am a product of the Upper Ohio Valley, we always bought Tenna-Shoes as well, drank pop, ate hoagies, and pushed buggies around the Krogers.
Twenty five years later, we buy sneakers, drink soda, eat grinders (or subs), and push shopping carts at the Giant in Eastern Pa.
I prefer the $5.00 Tenna-Shoes at the Five and Ten (Converse?), 10 cent cans of pop out of the machine in front of Fonce’s Market, one dollar hoagies with lots of balogna, and Kroger buggies with one broken wheel, but that”s just me.
I also miss 45 cent packs of Winstons at Foodland and 49 cent a gallon gasoline at the Exxon. Cannot discuss 18 year old high school pussy at the Blue Moon Drive-In, I might cry.
Erik in WV says
Dan we must be close, I had the same stores in my early years, back when SupeRX was kinda attached to Kroger. And we had the Clark filling station. You’re right about the change, but pop didn’t become soda on its own, we’re bullshitting ourselves to feel hip.
Wait a minute – wait a minute – how come no one is addressing the disturbing image of Jeff dumping a fistful of commerce and technology into his pockets? No phone case? No wallet? Just cram everything you own in there like some kind of damned hippie backpack? What the hell, man?
I havent heard of Dusty Hill killing anyone, but one of the band members had a relative killed some years ago. It was news where I live because their “secret” ranch is a few miles from me. Cant find a news story about it though.