Snow showers tomorrow, here in the Upper Perogie Belt? On October 22?? That’s what they’re saying, but I’m highly skeptical. I suspect it’s a conspiracy, perpetrated by the bread and milk lobby.
Big Bread, especially, cannot be trusted, and have their evil tentacles wriggling in places they do not belong. They’re dangerously powerful, and capable of creating a BME (bread & milk emergency), at will.
But I think they’re overplaying their hand this time, by starting their manipulations so early in the season. I believe they’ve made a tactical error, and are at risk of exposing their true intents. I’ve got my fingers crossed that the American people will finally open their eyes to the truth!
If the media weren’t so in-the-tank, they might question the presidential candidates about this disturbing situation, and provide the general public with the information we need. But, of course, not a word is ever said about it. And it’s all so very predictable…
We need to break our dependence on out-of-state bread, crush the Udder Cartel, and apply diplomatic pressure to the hard-charging cookie/cracker union, before this situation compounds itself.
Alas, I see no reason for optimism.
On Saturday morning I had 975 spam messages in my Surf Report email box. A new world record!
I’m very anal about clearing out spam, and delete it roughly twenty times per day. So, all that crapola piled-up Friday night/Saturday morning. And I didn’t do a detailed analysis, but I believe the word “girth” appeared in most of them.
Just so you know…
And speaking of anal (heh), I’m in the midst of a powerful 1970s Elton John jag. I’ve been playing Tumbleweed Connection, Madman Across the Water, and Honky Chateau, as if they’re a source of food and oxygen.
Also, I ordered remastered versions of Captain Fantastic and Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, from my friends at yourmusic. And when the mailman didn’t deliver them this morning, my heart sank. I was one dejected husky-man, in cheeseburger sleeping pants.
I’m starting to get worried. Will somebody please hold me?
And since we’re talking about music, the Suggestaholic made another shrewd suggestion yesterday. If you get the chance, you should check out that movie, ’cause it’s really good. And the autobiography? Even better. Dat’s right.
And you know what‘s really starting to piss me off? Kid Rock, and his retard-o-rama song that’s played every twenty minutes on the radio. You know, the one where he digs up the graves of rock ‘n’ roll royalty, and has his way with the remains?
I can’t take it anymore. I didn’t believe it possible, but that turd is approaching “We Built This City”-level suction.
And I used to like Kid Rock, I really did. Devil Without a Cause is hilarious, rockin’, and fun. What happened? Where did it all go wrong?! That guy is in danger of disappearing up his own exit ramp.
After I bought the Replacements reissues from Amazon recently, they sent me a note telling me they were going to add a year to my Rolling Stone subscription (to show their appreciation). Everybody keeps wanting to add years to my subscription! I think I’m now locked-into that magazine through 2047, and it cost me, like, seven bucks.
I read an article recently that said Rolling Stone has never had as many subscribers as they do right now. In an industry that’s in trouble, they’re somehow thriving.
Yeah, wonder why? When you give the shit away…
And I’m going to close out this rather abbreviated update with a couple items from the Stealing Clive Bull’s Topics desk:
If you could wave a magic wand and change ONE thing about yourself, a physical attribute, what would it be? The obvious answer for men was banned by Clive, so let’s use his rules here, OK?
I can’t really come up with anything, except stuff that could be corrected with exercise and a cutting-back of Funyuns. I don’t have a big ol’ Streisand nose, or anything like that… What about you?
Also, what is your earliest memory? I remember being outside an apartment building on 15th Street in Dunbar, where our fambly lived when I was three years old. A neighbor girl, wearing a dress, was pouring Coke on the sidewalk, and a woman told us to cut it out already.
So, I was three, I guess. Can you trump three? Tell us about it in the comments.
And I need to go to work. Sweet sainted mother of Bobby Buntrock!
I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
God Almighty. Whenever you say, “You’re scaring me” I know I’ve fucked up again. Ron Jeremy? No. I was talking about the female form. It looked as if I should have had a vagina where my belly button is, because I had a hair triangle that basically went from nipple to nipple.
I’ve never been able to grow hair on my chest. I used to just grow my underarm hair out and comb it over and hold it in place with hair spray. Works fine until I jump into the pool. Am I saying too much? I think so.
Shiny Rod says
Jason, I am so not trying to get that visual. Tiff, tell me more about your knees.
Lew in Bama says
Shiny Rod says
Thats the pocket fisherman guy. That sounds like someone Jason would watch.
I’d like to take off about 4″-6″ from my man meat. If you only knew how many potential “bed mates” I have ran off into the sunset with this thing!
Ron Popeil, that’s right. We’ve got his pasta maker and his “set it and forget it” rotating grill machine thing. We also have some of his knives and his machine that takes the juice outta whatever you put in it. The man’s a hero. He saved my life on several occassions.
And I have several other favorites. Put a loud British guy in an even louder sweater and I’m all over it. But I WILL NOT buy the “magic bullet”. It’s a goddamn coffee grinder. Nothing more. Okay, WHATEVER! There’s a magic bullet in the cabinet above the sink, but I didn’t buy it, my wife did. Fucking thing broke. Hope you’re happy, sir.
Poo, you’re fulla shit.
Another comment like that and I’ll smack ya upside the head with my bologna sleeve.
The Magic Bullet is awsome!!! Especially when you can make individual freezy drinks in their own glasses.
Maybe we’re talking about two different things. The magic bullet is a sex toy, right?
Well- I suppose it could be but… rather painful wilth that diamond edge blade.
Oh my God. I’m blushing. I don’t wanna know about it.
And I’m not gonna tell ya!
Very self-actualized and happy with what I got.
Can we change things about our loved ones? I might be tempted to change a thing or two on my husband…
Earliest memory is from about three –something to do with sitting in a high chair at the kitchen table in my parent’s house in Michigan and someone knocking on the door and coming in the house. I don’t remember who.
Oh yeah. Kid Rock has always sucked.
Are you from the South? I think you prolly are. Do you like carnival food?
Lew in Bama says
Magic Bullet is a kitchen tool, Silver Bullet is a sex toy.
and Kid Rock is a phenomenal douchebag.
Kid Rock loves to tell lies about the size of his penis.
I’d like to wave my wand for JASON to have a larger Peen. He’s really cracking me up today and deserves a “little extra” 🙂
What would a Magic Silver Bullet be?
Harumpa, you’re too kind. I’ve been on a two day drunk. I turned 33 on October 20th. If my penis were 2″ longer I’d never leave the house. I’d be a yoga master. Know what I mean?
A silver bullet is a can of coors. That’s all I know. Anyone that considers a beer can a “sex toy” has my respect – and my standing invitation to send pictures. Good Lord.
“Peen”. That’s a funny word. “Peen”. HAHA
If I could change anything about myself, it would be my height. My eight year old is now up to my shoulders…
My first memory: chasing our St. Bernard down the street after he took my mittens. After that, my mother would sew strings through our sleeves and attach the mittens. (We were dealing with -20 average – northern Maine.)
For a while, I thought Kid Rock was tolerable. Turns out I was wrong. Dude just looks like he reeks.
here, here! (or is it hear, hear!)?
I, too, always thought that Kid Rock just looked dirty and yes, probably reeks, too!
Reeks of cigarettes, weed and stale PBR
Kid Rock slept with Pamela Anderson. That is all I need to know about just how skanky that man is.
Oh, and Shiny Rod? You go back to about February on my blog and you’ll see PICTURES of the actual knees – with and without phenomenal bruising. Enjoy!
Lew in Bama says
Correction Jason…. “THE” Silver Bullet is a can of Coors, “A” silver bullet is a small vibrator.
Kid Rock always looks like he needs a shower.
In the Caribbean Vacation post the other day, Jeff mentioned weekend visitors from north of the border. Did I miss something? Is there gonna be a special e-mail with a new episode of the N&N saga?