Did you see where a man from Hong Kong fell to his death in the Grand Canyon a few days ago? Here’s an article about it. And I’m surprised this kind of thing even merits an article at this point. It must happen daily, right? I have no data on it, I’m only guessing. When we were there a few months ago my sphincter was on lock-clench the entire time. So many idiots taking so many chances… They were climbing over railings and walking out to the very edge of the fucking Grand Canyon. I mean, it’s fairly big, that canyon. Are those extra three feet really going to translate into a more dramatic photo? Maybe the ones you fire off while plunging into the abyss and exploding your skeleton by bouncing off the rock walls would be pretty cool. But I don’t think that’s the goal in most cases. People are just incredibly stupid. I know that’s a controversial statement, but I’m standing behind it.
By the way, I’m glad I saw the Grand Canyon. But there is no reason for me to ever see it again. It’s amazing and all, but after about fifteen minutes I was off looking for an ice cream shop. And the long bus ride to get there was nothing short of excruciating. Unless you’re already in the neighborhood… I’d definitely place it in the “not worth it” category. When we were in England somebody told us Stonehenge also falls into that category. But we didn’t go, possibly because of that warning. What big tourist locations are not worth it, in your opinion? I don’t have positive memories of Niagara Falls, but it was a long time ago. Perhaps the 2019 version of me would feel differently? I sincerely doubt it, but anything’s possible. What do you have on this one? Please use the comments.
And speaking of tourist destinations, we’re off to Myrtle Beach on Sunday. It’s a little early in the season, and the weather is looking a tad questionable. But we’ll make the best of it. It’s not like we’re hoping to smear our noses with mayonnaise and lie on the sand all day long. That’s certainly not why we go down there. It’s just about getting away, and drinking and eating near water. Ya know? We’ll be staying at one of those super-hip retro motels, which might be interesting. We’ll see. We booked this thing on Black Friday and probably should’ve pushed the dates back a few weeks. Oh well. I’m looking forward to it, regardless.
Next week the Surf Report bunker will be going dark. However, if you follow me on Instagram you’ll get to see my vacation photos. Exciting stuff, right? I do try to keep it interesting…
Also, when I get back the podcast is going to receive a new name, logo, and music. I’m going to attempt to tighten that bastard up and make it better. I know what you’re thinking… how could you possibly improve upon The Jeff Kay Show?? And I hear what you’re saying. But I’ve identified a couple of areas where there are “opportunities,” as they say. I’ll fill you guys in when I return. But in the meantime, I’ve just posted what will almost certainly be the final episode of the original incarnation, for patrons. Right here. And this is your summary:
Yep, unless something changes, this is the final episode of The Jeff Kay Show. BUT! It’s not the final episode of the podcast. Not by a long shot. I’m merely changing the name of it and tweaking a few things. It’s not going away… it’s getting better. Hopefully. All the details are in this one, along with some thoughts on our upcoming trip to Myrtle Beach. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for listening, and thanks for the support!
And last night at work I was thrown for a loop when I was voluntold that I’ll be going to Kansas City, MO in early May. For (get this!) ten or eleven days. That’s a long time, in my opinion. But whatever. I’ll just roll with it. I’ve never been to KC. In fact, I haven’t been to a lot of places in the middle o’ the country. I’ve been to Chicago multiple times, and Dallas twice. But other than that… I don’t have much experience with that part of the world. If nothing else, it’ll almost certainly generate some new stories. Possibly of humiliation. But I don’t want to promise you guys anything on that front. We’ll just have to see how it plays out. Maybe I’ll go to a Royals game? Does George Brett still play for them? I don’t follow the American League very closely.
Twenty-four hours ago I never would’ve predicted I’d be typing these words today. But… if you have any Kansas City tips for me, please share. I know next to nothing.
Speaking of baseball, yesterday was Opening Day. I listened to the Reds/Pirates game at my desk at work, as best as I could, and it was goddamn exciting. Great game, with a pleasing outcome! And the ninth inning had my heart a-hammering. I’m so glad it’s back. All is right with the world again.
And I’m calling it a day, my friends. No updates next week, I’m afraid. But follow me on Instagram! It’s fun… by far the best of the social media sites, I think. And maybe I’ll post some more ridiculousness at the Surf Report Facebook page. I’ve been on quite a ridiculousness roll there. I don’t do much with Twitter… It never really gelled with me. Oh well.
I’ll see you guys in about ten days.
Have fun!
Now playing in the bunker
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I find most “tourist destinations” where I live, Portland Oregon, to be pretty disappointing. Voodoo Doughnut is what I’m thinking of specifically. People actually wait in line for some of the worst donuts and surliest service I’ve ever experienced, and pay more for it! There are so many better donut places in the city. Also, the entire state of Oregon is beautiful and relatively untouched, get out of the city! I’d rather go to Crater Lake, the Central Coast or the John Day fossil beds than anywhere near Portland.
I also found the Grand Canyon to be a “one-time” visit, Jeff. It’s cool but the crowds absolutely ruin it for me. Yellowstone is the same. Beautiful place, but it’s so crowded and every year someone gets scalded to death in the thermal pools. I’d much rather drive the length of Route 66 if I’m in Arizona.
Try it in the late winter…March-ish. The temps are coming up but you usually still have snow on the ground at the rim (7,000 ft.).
Best part, though, is that it is relatively empty and the room rates in Grand Canyon Village are fantastic. That and you may actually get a table at this time of year in the dining room at El Tovar, which looks directly down into the canyon and while the menu isn’t all that imaginative, it’s priced about right..
Will do. My grandparents actually live pretty close to the GC, so I should go down sometime next winter to check it out again. I thought it was beautiful and amazing, just didn’t appreciate the summer crowds (my mistake though, to be honest.)
I’m grew up an hour outside KC and get back there about once a year. Check out the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum. I was there for the first time a few weeks ago and found it interesting. The WWI museum is supposed to be great, but haven’t yet been there myself. Foodwise: great barbecue. Take your pick of a number of great places. Burnt ends are a specialty. If you have a chance, head to Lawrence, home to KU. It still has a number of cool spots on Mass Street and you can grab a beer at Free State Brewery.
The Liberty Bell. It’s a bell. If you’ve seen a photo of it, that’s as good as seeing the bell. Now I would still recommend other old stuff in Philly, so while you’re there, you might as well see the bell. But I live here and I’ve never seen it in person. There’s a beer garden across the street from the bell that I’ve been to five times, but I’ve never wandered over to see the bell once.
KC:
Gates BBQ
Ribs anywhere
Boulevard beer – their pale ale is great
Go to a Royals game
Yr. Humble Surf Reporter:
Buford
I am going to KC with my boy over Memorial Day weekend specifically to go to a couple of Royals games. Looking forward to the BBQ as well.
Yea – I was hoping Corey would knock one out of the park.
While I really liked the Grand Canyon and would go back, it hasn’t been a real pull for me. Sedona, Walnut Canyon, Flagstaff I’d go back to. It’s like an alien world out there for this East Coaster.
I think all tourist spots are worth a visit, once. Even the cheesy ones. ESPECIALLY the cheesy ones. One dose of South of the Border and you’re done, but ya gotta go.
Oh, and 20+ years ago when I was at the GC for the only time (so far), an Asian fellow was posing his young daughter for a nice pic with the canyon as a backdrop, and I thought it nice of him to place her ever so carefully BEYOND THE FENCING and then tell her to step backward until he got the shot he wanted. She was literally a foot from the edge. I had to walk away or I would have pummeled some sense into him. We were a kinder, gentler nation then I guess. Foolishness has been happening for a long long time.
Plymouth Rock was a bust. It’s a rock with a fence around it.
But it’s a nice fence….
I would actually count the Grand Canyon and Stonehenge as totally worth it. I’m sure there are plenty that aren’t worth it, but I’ve already purged them from my brain. Oh – yes, Niagara Falls. Not worth it.
I second the Canyon and Stonehenge. Flew into the Grand Canyon via helicopter, landed for lunch and then back to Vegas for more debauchery. Wicked expensive but as bucket list things go, well worth it. Stonehenge was much more sedate but equally awe inspiring when taken in context.
PS- The gift shop at Stonehenge is bigger than the site…
I am one of those who tries all the tourist stops. Most are not worth a second trip but there are a few that keep me coming back. Fort Michilimacinaw (Michigan) is one, so much frontier history plus a cool bridge. I drag my LSW (long suffering wife) to all the obscure historical sites and we have a lot of strange memories of our “adventures “.
If you havent been there,
https://www.atlasobscura.com/
Diamond Head has a great view once you get up there, but really it’s a big So What. But if you’re ever in the Hudson valley, do check out the Old Rhinebeck Aerodrome. They have 100-year-old airplanes, many airworthy, if you like that sort of thing. Yes, you can go for a ride.
I’m going to miss the Jeff Kay Show. I mean… how could you possibly improve upon it? Change is bad.
The Trees of Mystery just outside Klamath, California. Trees and ubiquitous bumper stickers. No mystery except for why you stopped. American kitsch meets American capitalism. Family owned, which is the only bright spot.
John
Going back to the Grand Canyon next month, for a walk on that glass bridge that wasn’t there last time I visited. It’s safe right? Native Americans are renowned structural engineers, aren’t they? Also taking a helicopter into the canyon and a boat ride up the river…
Stonehenge is great. Walking around it and the surround area listening to the audio tour puts in all in context.
Limey, it is said that, shortly after the Great Exodus From Asia about 12 thousand years ago, local Arizona Native Americans would build large glass structures that extended well into the canyon, but that they couldn’t see shit because Windex hadn’t been invented yet, so they headed east and built skyscrapers: up instead of out. The passive voice is better than a fishing license because it obviates the usual requirement for attribution.
I have a modest case of acrophobia. I’ll crawl out on that clear goddam veranda no sooner that five years after I’m dead.
John
I’m not great with heights either, the glass floor on the CN Tower mildly disturbs me, so we’ll see how this goes. I note that the tribe who own the glass walkway aren’t confident that it could support the weight of my camera, so I can’t take any pictures, but thankfully pictures will be available for purchase.
Limey, I understand you’re from out of town, so you might not know this about Native Americans: It’s not the rest mass of the camera that troubles their structural engineers — it’s the cosmic weight of the souls you’re stealing by taking their pictures (21 grams a pop according to some). Also the loss of revenue, but I suppose that’s secondary.
John
Dont forget to check out Broadway at the Beach. A lot of food there, and cool shops. Tommy Tune will NOT be there.
Where to begin?
Plymouth Rock: in total agreement. What a waste of space and time. And I’m pretty sure it is not even placed where they actually landed.
Petrified Forest National Park: two hours closer to the grave is about how I would sum it up.
GC is a completely different experience if you hike to the bottom and back. About halfway down, the flora and fauna change dramatically at every turn. It’s very green there.
You can get an ice cold beer and a steak dinner and sleep overnight at Phantom Ranch. Go for winter season and there are no crowds at all. We were lucky and woke up to an “air inversion” in the Canyon; this has happened only 3 times in the last 20 years. The Canyon fills up with moist air (read: clouds), and you can’t see beyond 20 ft. When we climbed back up, to about 1000 ft from the top, our heads were in bright sunshine and our legs were invisible due to the fog. It was mesmerizing.
Niagara Falls: good from both sides (on the US side the walk out to Goat Island is worth it). But…if you go to the Canadian side on a weekend be aware that there is a huge Indian immigrant population in eastern Canada and apparently when the parents visit from the homeland the only possible thing to do with them is load the whole family into two minivans and head for the Falls. I thought I was in a Mumbai bazaar the whole time. Two other worthy things about the Falls: good Indian food on both sides because of the above mentioned migration, and the boat trip (Maid of the Mist on the US side, Eh, Sorry or something on the Canadian side) is worth it. Also in Canada you can take a tunnel walk behind the falls – very cool.
On Stonehenge: I am spoiled because I am old enough to have been there when the barriers were absent and you could walk up and touch the stones. Completely different experience now. Of course you must avoid each equinox and solstice due to the aging hippies and burgeoning New Agers ruining the place for 48 hrs.
I am spoiled because I am old enough to have been there when the stones were absent. Also, no Medicare back then.
John
And on KC:
Don’t miss the WWI museum, it is excellent. I never understood the origins, timelines, and participants very well, and this museum lays it out clearly. To wit: if Russia hadn’t withdrawn from the conflict early due to “trouble at home”, i.e., the Bolshevik revolution, we would be allies with them to this day and WWII might not have ever started.
Joe’s Kansas City BBQ, on the Kansas side of the city. The brisket melts in your mouth. You do not need to visit any others.
Kaufmann Center for the Performing Arts. Try to catch a show here. Amazing just for the architecture, inside and out. I attended a wedding reception there last summer and it was incredible.
There is a trendy place near the city center I can’t recall the name of, but there is every fast food brand imaginable plus some local specialties. It’s on the river.
It looks like the Fish is trying to claim he’s quit smoking. I don’t know what else would explain the transition from cigarette to cigar.
Another one bites the dust. Fuckit, I’ll breathe when I’m dead. Oh, wait . . .
John
Check out Swagger when you’re in KC, the home of the “Dead Texan”, a cheeseburger with a fried egg served between two grilled cheese sandwiches, one with bacon and the other with jalapenos. Saw it on Diner’s, Drive-In’s and Dives right before I had a business trip out there some years back and it was out of this world.
And definitely hit the Great War museum. Top notch.
a 2nd person died at grand canyon. geesh.
JR, perhaps they should name the place after your home town.
John
I don’t like it when the bunker goes dark. It makes the work day drag,
Stonehenge. I think I went the first year they roped it off. What a huge let down.
Some friends of mine went to England for their honeymoon, and came back with one spectacularly impressive Stonehenge photo. The stones are in the background; the foreground is concertina wire, and overhead is a military helicopter. Not the least bit oppressive.
death #3
https://www.kiro7.com/news/trending-now/grand-canyon-has-3rd-death-in-2-weeks-as-man-falls-over-edge/937432993?fbclid=IwAR1LOcu3X56tNaw-bphOexNqi9SjTrXCkXaDyC8W9mGj_S-dXdK3wsodGxQ
At age 67, that’s a suicide right there. He was probably ugly and had no chance at redemption.
Lady Astor: Winston, you’re drunk!
Churchill: Yes, and you are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning.
History is a hard thing to know, with all the hired bullshit, but Churchill actually most likely said something like this to MP Bessie Braddock, although the story is usually told substituting Viscountess Nancy Astor, partly because she is better known and partly because she was an American (at least she was born in the USA). It makes a little more sense, since Braddock was a Labour MP and Astor was, like Churchill, a Tory.
I don’t mean to piss on anybody’s parade, especially the parade of a worthwhile and humorous Reporter like Chill, but while my stream is flowing I should note that Churchill had a whiskey during or immediately after breakfast most every day of his life, including during his three week stay at the White House beginning December 22, 1941. He more or less drank throughout the day and evening, but rarely appeared to be drunk, although if you listen to his “we shall fight them on the beaches” speech (and several other recorded speeches) there is a hint of slurring going on.
Churchill was one of the most important and influential figures of the 20th century; most historians consider him indispensable in Britain’s survival during the second world war. Teetotaler Trump should maybe start throwing a few back before he starts linking windmills with cancer or tilting at windmills in general. On the other hand, just on the off chance that Churchill was a great leader despite his drinking regime rather than because of it, maybe Trump should stick with Diet Coke and, perhaps, Lady Astor.
This is what happens when Jeff goes on holiday: The inmates revolt, take temporary possession of the asylum, and burn the lampshades — nothing beside remains.
John