I’m short on time today, my friends, so I’ll need to keep this one brief. Never heard that one before, huh? Sweet sainted mother of Wrongway Feldman!
In any case, I was recently interviewed by two local reporters, and the first article appeared on the front page of the Lifestyles section of Sunday’s Scranton Times. Here’s the piece.
Several of Toney’s friends called yesterday morning about it, so I guess my secret is out? Oh well. If I want to sell books, I can’t keep it to myself, right? It still makes me a little uneasy, though…
Over the weekend I posted something new at CrossroadsRoad dotcom. You can read it here.
I’m going to start updating CrossroadsRoad, occasionally, with personal stories that might appeal to folks who would also enjoy the novel. The Surf Report is all-over-the-place, and I want that site to be more focused and slowed-down. So, stay tuned, but don’t be expecting daily (or even weekly) updates. They’re going to be few and far between, but hopefully of good quality.
Over the weekend a hashtag game popped-up on Twitter, and I got all wrapped up in it. People all over the world were posting #fatbands — names of existing bands adjusted for fatness. For instance: Rage Against the Exercise Machine. Or, one of my favorites (by Aaron Starmer): Crosby, Crosby, and Crosby.
You get the idea, right? Here are the ones I posted:
My Morning Jacket Potato
The Velvet Wonderbread
Riffleback
Ham Halen
The Hoodoo Ho-Hos
Husker Stew
Crowded Waffle House
Teddy Seatbelt Extendergrass
XXL Cool J
ZZ IHOP
Chex Pistols
Bear Claw Naked Ladies
Ben’s Five Folds
I think that’s all of them… Ridiculous. However, I’m proud of the Teddy Pendergrass entry. And, of course, Ham Halen. Heh.
Please use the comments link to continue with this stoopid thing. Stoopid but fun, and dangerously addictive (be careful!).
And finally, I received an email from Clive Bull today. A few weeks ago he suddenly announced he was leaving his legendary late-night radio show in London.
Shocked, I sent him a brief note of support, and he actually wrote back to me. It took a while, but he sent a very nice reply. He’s a class act.
And, I’d like to make that the second part of the Question of the Day (in addition to #fatbands): I’d like to know if you’ve ever had correspondence with a celebrity. It could have been via email or Twitter or handwritten letters, it doesn’t matter. I’d just like to know about it.
Please bring us up to date in the comments box below.
And I’ll try to post a real update tomorrow. Sorry for this quickie… But it’s slightly better than nothing, right? …Hello?
See you guys on Tuesday.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
Crossroads Road for your Kindle: just $2.99!
That reminds me of you campaign of sending notes to famous people several years ago.
Nicklebackboobs.
Eh, I’m distracted and excited because I finally ordered Crossroads Road yesterday.Am I the last one to do so?
Yes.
.
Nicklebackboobs – hi-freak’n-hilarious!!! I’ve been travelling and yet again moving, can’t wait to catch up to what’s been going on in the WVSR playroom.
I’m not sure if this counts as “correspondence”, but nowadays it comes close. I went to an outdoor country music show earlier this month. During a brief letup in the rain I took a crappy video of Corb Lund singing “The Truck Got Stuck” and put it on YouTube the next day. A day or two later I noticed it had hundreds of views. Turns out Corb put a link to it on his Facebook page.
I friggin love that song!
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…
I followed the #fatbands hash tag on Twitter, Jeff came up with a bunch of great ones.
As far as celebrity correspondences, not a whole lot really. John Daly, the PGA golfer is on a follower/followee on Twitter. We’ve interacted once or twice.
And I follow several members of the Pittsburgh media, who in turn follow back, although I couldn’t really classify them as “celebrities”, at least not on a world wide level.
I got a hand written letter from George W. Bush while he was President. I wrote him a quick e-mail because I was visiting my mother in Waco, TX. The airport that he used as a base to get to his ranch in Crawford was very close to her house. When he came in the whole fucking place shut down, you couldn’t go on certain roads and it seemed to take forever.
He wrote me a note that basically said, “I’m sorry for the inconvenience. These precautions aren’t my doing, and if I had my way I’d just drive myself there. I’ll try to arrage future trips where they aren’t so disruptive.” He blah blahed some other stuff, then he signed it. We still have it. I thought it was odd that the President would send some asshat a letter.
I’ve had an ongoing e-mail conversation going with “Danielle” from “American Pickers”. Probably 30 e-mails in all. That’s a lot of fun. She thinks I’m funny, I think she’s hot. And so on.
I’ve also got several letters from Senators and such, but I suspect most of them are form letters that are auto-signed.
I’ve got some autographs too, but GWB and Danielle are the only ones I can point to as “correspondence”.
Does you asking to use the picture of me in the WVSR shirt count as a celebrity correspondence? If so, I’ve had one with THE Mr. Jeff Kay himself! Beat that, bitches!
🙂
Well, you;re both pretty and a faster typist… beat me to the Jeff Kay card by two minutes…. I salute you.
Ahhhh, how sweet, hot fuzz. I type about 105 wpm on a good day… 🙂
Amazing, so do I… but I have to go back and correct most of the typing…I guess that doesn’t count then..sigh…
Really, only 5 people so far? Where is everyone?
I email this guy names Jeff Kay once a year but he usually ignores my advice and suggestions… it’s ok… i’m not hurt of stuff… I do get a nice email from him every once in a while when I buy a Tshirt or him a beer… he’s courteous at least.
I just realized I’ve been plagurizing Jeff at work – I send out a weekly email to my time I call “a few quick hits” … I didn’t realize it was materially the same as Jeff’s column. I shall now do the honerable thing and fall upon my sword.
I emailed a few members of the federal government when then needed to hear from me (imho). I also emailed people in the news when they made or are making stupid decisions (like suspending minor league hockey coaches for the technically correct reason but the wholly wrong principled reason for example). Never got a reply from that one…
Fat bands huh… I’ll have to think about that one. … Pie and the Family Stone???
nah I got nothin
holy crap I need an edit button
yeh i’ve emailed jeff kay a couple times but he duzn’t respond. i’m both hurt and confused. or just crazy from the heat. (with apologies to diamond dave) nah…fuck him. i apologize for nothing.
I got a nice little letter from a Mr. Jeff Kay, Esquire. He was threatening to have a restraining order put on me. I have it framed on a wall in my office. Next to a picture of him eating donuts and dozens of other things that I’ve pilfered from his garbage while he slept.
Is Little John sitting with his ass crack on the armrest? how comfortable is that???
THAT is a large indvidual. He should almost be referred to in the Plural.
It looks like the plane is still loading but I bet the guy beside him is praying that those two seats behind him stay open so he can move.
Did you ever go back to your kindergarden class and sit on the little chairs and enjoyed a fun little moment at the size discrepancy? Just think; Little John can do that anywhere and everywhere. He must be so happy about that.
I think I can hear him breathing from here.
When She who must be feared and obeyed and I were wed, we flew to Fla for our honeymoon. There was a girl in the window seat already… let me correct that… she was in her window seat already but her hip was 5 inches in to my seat… I’m no Little John but I do need most of ths seat space allocated to me. A slight inconvenience but what the hell do ya do?
When we were at Universal last time, they had a car from the Mummy ride out front so you could see if you’d fit. It was surrounded by a large group of large people. I said to the group, “let me save you all some embarrasment – I’ll get in and you can compare yourself against me”. One guy who was 2 inches taller but 60 lbs heavier still got in after he saw that I was probably the largest that could fit comforably. Some people are in denial.
What’s up with Friendly’s…. Huge portions and even bigger desserts? Have I talked about this before? They’re killing their customers and their future customers… When mom and dad both tip the scales at 300 lbs, butter ball 1 and 2 are sure to follow. So sad.
I know that guy! He and “Drenched in French Whore Perfume” lady take turns sitting next to me.
Once I got “Smells Like Ass and Rants to Himself” guy, but it turns out he was just a substitute that week.
Kudos on creating Teddy Seatbelt Extendergrass
pure genius
All I can thing of is:
Heart (triple bypass) singing their hit song “Barbacoa”
Handwritten on personal stationery thank you note from Julia Child.
Do you read it in her voice?
THAT is very very cool! What a treasure.
Have an autographed copy of Bear Grylls’ book that he signed when he met my dad and I. Watched my mother tell racing legend Bobby Rahal to, and I quote “Get his own goddamned sandwich and get out of the way” and saw her tell Paul Newman that he “just couldn’t be Paul Newman, as you sir, are way too short.” Wotta riot. Met a bunch of PBR riders in Cincy this year when they rode down there, pretty cool to be getting out of a taxi and have PBR riders ask where we’ve been because “y’all are hammered drunk and have good lookin’ girls with you–and that’s what we’re needin'” Good times!
Aerobarsmith
Alexisonfire roasted chestnuts
The All-American Burger Rejects
Art of Food Processor Noise
Bachman–Apple Turnover drive
Bad butterfinger
Bay City Egg Rollers
Depeche a la Mode
Dexys Midnight Waffle Run
LinkinSausage Park
Pearl Onion Jam
Pink Grapefruit Floyd
Rage Against the Coke Machine
UB40 waist size in your dreams
U2 big
The Velvet Cake Underground
I apologize for nothing
UB40 & U2 Big made me blow my semi-cold coffee out my nose and down my shirt front. Thank you very much.
Yeah, I’m at work. What of it?
I guess my disclaimer was nicely timed… 🙂
U2 Big for the win!!
U2 Big….. Outstanding!!
I’ve met a lot of famous people but the only “correspondence” I received, per se, was a rejection letter form the PR firm “Rogers and Cowan” when I applied for a job – any job – on the Rolling Stones Steel Wheels Tour.
and if you have some time to waste now that we’re talking about music… generate some album covers…. I’ve posted this before here but it’s so much fun, kids….
http://beta.mflow.com/#!/discover/fun/makealbum
Paul McCartney and Chicken WIngs
Billy Jowels
The Almond Brothers Band
Kool Aid and the Gang
Starkist Vocal Band
Let’s see, fat/food bands:
Fat Boy Slim Jim
Lou Ruta-Bega
Limp Chikin-in-a-Bizkit
Korn Bread
Chicago Style Hot Dog
Fats Domino’s Pizza
PM Dawn Donuts
Ohio Panda Express
Adam Carolla has tweeted me back, twice!
I love that man! Get it on, Alice!
Mandate, get it on!
Must be a chick thing. I’ve never heard him say anything funny.
I don’t know about that, The Man Show was pretty funny.
A few years back, I bought an anthology of the first year of MAD–beginning with the famous “Melvin” pseudo-horror cover on Issue #1–and I’m convinced it’s even edgier than later MAD. It’s unadulterated anti-establishment, off-the-wall humor, with the Archie/Jughead-as-juvie-delinquents stuff topping it all. MAD was an outlier in publishing in the fifties and sixties–so aggressively in-your-face and absurdist that you’d think it was published by time travelers from a later, less square era. I’m convinced that MAD is the unsung hero of the counter-culture revolution of the sixties; for a time, it was the only mainstream parody of square culture. Today, only South Park (and that’s being generous) approaches MAD.
I wanna play…
Zac Brown Bread Band
Deep-fried Purple
Little Debbie River Band
Super-sized-tramp
Heavy Cream
KFC and the Sunshine Band, I stole this one from the twitter feed but I liked it.
I wonder if the Super Sized Tramp gets paid more for her services?
No, super sized tramps charge less than super model tramps. Or so I’ve been told.
Nitty Gritty Nutter Butter Dirt Band
The Guess Who has the Biggest Ass
Steely Dannon Yogurt
The Travelling Cadburys
FLABBA
Agent Orange Pop
Meatloaf
Aqua Velveetas
Aretha Frankfurter
Bachman Turner Overweight
Boston Cream Pie
Buckwheat Pancake Zydeco
Depeach a la Mode
Elvis Presley
M&M
Fleetwood Mac & Cheese
Flabba cracked me up. For some odd reason I can’t stop laughing about it. The visual I get of a flabby version of Abba singing Dancing Queen just KILLS me! Thank for that one. It’ll have me in stitches all day.
I think I’m getting old. I got the blankest stare ever given from my 12 yr old on the following joke…..
Troy Landry doing Macho Man Randy Savage doing Fred Sanford…
I think it’s the Big One, Miss Elizabeth. Choot ’em!
New Riders of the Purple Sage Dressing
Deep Purple Cabbage
Hershey’s KISS
Guns and Four Roses
Simply Red Meat
Talking Head Cheese
Rolling Stone Crabs
Rolling Stone Crabs sounds more like something you get from a sexual partner.
I once sent an email to author Robert Ellis. Of course I didn’t expect a response…those best-selling authors are busy, right?
Only a couple hours later I got a nice response from him. Other than that I got nothing.
Madonna is still not answering any of my calls…
Just as well. In my opinion.
That self righteous cunt needs to climb down from her ivory tower and realize that it’s borderline psychotics like us that keep her in business.
On the other hand, the sooner we stop buying records from the likes of Brittney Spears and Jessica Simpson, the sooner they’ll be forced into the porn business to support themselves. That’s food for thought.
keep pushin’ me, keep pushin’ me
They’re Definitely Giants
Correspondence w/ celebrities dept.: I got a personally typed and signed postcard from Steven King after I wrote to ask him a question re his non fiction book Danse Macabre.
I never got to see Joe Satriani but I survived Bluesfest. What an experience.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfqpXNfywT4&feature=related
Cheap Trick was playing when the black clouds really started to roll in and the temperature dropped 10 degrees. The PA died or was shut off but the band kept playing on their amps alone for about 45 seconds, then were stopped and rushed off stage…maybe 10-20 seconds later the whole 4 story structure came crashing down. Then the rains and lightning came. Luckily, the stage collapsed backwards and only 3 people were taken to hospital all of whom have since been released. If the stage had fell forward, there could have been thousands injured. After helping shut down one of the beer tents, I was able to ride out the storm inside a refrigerated beer trailer, surrounded by kegs. I figure, if it was my time, that’s not a bad way to go.
We just saw that on the local news. That must have been one terrifying ordeal. Glad you’re ok.
We just got back from Jamboree in the Hills. We had 4 days of absolutely perfect weather, which is almost uncalled of for that event.
Stereoflab
The Sundaes
Brian Enough Cake Already
The Ho Ho’s
I’ve posted a few times on Berkeley Breathed’s Facebook wall. He never responds, but I like to think he read them and chuckled a bit in that “you crazy!” sort of way.
KC and the Sunshine Hydrox
Dairy Queen
Jane’s Caloric Addiction
Obesse Faces
Pie Hole
Peter Paul Mounds and Mary.
The Mamas and The Papas Burger.
Strawberry Alarm Clock Sunde
The Alan Parsons Parfait Project
Somehow your list made me think of The Lovin’ Spoonful, I think you could add just about anything to the end of that and have a fat band.
The Lovin’ Spoonfull of Cream…maybe?
You *do* know the origin of that name, right?
.
Yep…and I don’t think Bic lighters were around then.
Pass the Zippo
A lovin’ spoonful of crank would keep you skinny, I’m partial to a lovin’ spoonful of peanut butter when I’m out of… wait for it…Bread!
I’m a dumb smartphone user. Can’t figure out how to post a YouTube video, if any of you Reporters have a favorite Bread song, please post.
My favorite Bread songs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9s-FY2ylUY..
Chick-o-Styx
The Beef-52’s
HA!
Elvis “Lou” Costello
Franks in Agua
Who likes to peform duos with
Alison Kraut & Onion Station
Jimmy Buffet Wreckers
Pie Hole
Humble Pie Eating Contest
The Flying Grande Burrito Brothers
Coldcutsplay
Rascal Fats
Front Butt
Humble Pie Eating Contest has got to be a contender!
BBQ King
Does an email to Eric “The Bulldog” Deters count?
The Drive Through Truckers
Twenty Two Cow Garage
Five for Footlongs
Skid Roe
Marilyn Manwich
On a similar note I was at Irma’s Burger Shack tonight and one of their sandwhiches has a burger and a ton of other crap sandwiched between two grilled cheese sandwiches.
I received an electronic correspondence from Jeff Kay once.
1. Had a long email correspondance with unsung intellectual giant Tim Footman of the Guardian.
2. Used to make drunken obscene phone calls to ultra cool underground alt radio dj Matt Clarke, who would respond via the airwaves with suggestive blues titles relevant to the subject. He committed suicide shortly after we met in person. I like to tell myself the two events are not related.
It’s late and I’m winding down from Jamboree….sooo ready to sleep in my own bed….but I’ll give it a try…
38 Special Ice Cream Flavors
LadyLocks Gaga
Deep Purple Icing
That’s it..I ain’t got no mo
Insane clown pasta
‘Black-Eyed Peas’ and Cornbread
Pixie ‘Styx’
Dixie Chick-Fil-A’s
DQ’s Arctic ‘Rush’
Fats Domino’s Pizza
oops…didn’t see the fats domino reference above!
How ’bout ‘5 (Blind) Guys of Alabama’ instead?
I can’t enter into any fun-making until I get this off my chest: Why oh why did the intrepid reporter from the famed Scranton Times not even know the proper title of your book? It’s “Crossroads Roads,’ no “The” needed!
*grumble*
Good job getting the word out though – a piece like that could be the next step to international fame and fortune.
Tub-O-Lard Zeppelin?
-Heavier Metal
-Smashing Pumpkin Pies
-Juju Bee Gees
Bon Bon Jovi
Diana Ross and the Meatlovers Supremes
When I was around 16 or 17 I asked a question on an Internet forum regarding The League for Spiritual Discovery, Timothy Leary’s psychedelic religion. Well I got a response from Ralph Metzner, one of the founders, and sent several back-and-forth e-mails, as a 17 year old punk kid, to one of the worlds foremost psychedelic authorities. Needless to say, it was rather mind-blowing. I wish I could find the e-mails, but I’ve been through a number of e-mail addresses since then.
A few days ago I was sitting next to Colby Miller, a former pitcher for the Twins and Marlins. Well, a former minor league pitcher.
I’ll try to update later tonight… I’m not feeling so hot. Sorry.