I’m short on time today, my friends, so I’ll need to keep this one brief. Never heard that one before, huh? Sweet sainted mother of Wrongway Feldman!
In any case, I was recently interviewed by two local reporters, and the first article appeared on the front page of the Lifestyles section of Sunday’s Scranton Times. Here’s the piece.
Several of Toney’s friends called yesterday morning about it, so I guess my secret is out? Oh well. If I want to sell books, I can’t keep it to myself, right? It still makes me a little uneasy, though…
Over the weekend I posted something new at CrossroadsRoad dotcom. You can read it here.
I’m going to start updating CrossroadsRoad, occasionally, with personal stories that might appeal to folks who would also enjoy the novel. The Surf Report is all-over-the-place, and I want that site to be more focused and slowed-down. So, stay tuned, but don’t be expecting daily (or even weekly) updates. They’re going to be few and far between, but hopefully of good quality.
Over the weekend a hashtag game popped-up on Twitter, and I got all wrapped up in it. People all over the world were posting #fatbands — names of existing bands adjusted for fatness. For instance: Rage Against the Exercise Machine. Or, one of my favorites (by Aaron Starmer): Crosby, Crosby, and Crosby.
You get the idea, right? Here are the ones I posted:
My Morning Jacket Potato
The Velvet Wonderbread
Riffleback
Ham Halen
The Hoodoo Ho-Hos
Husker Stew
Crowded Waffle House
Teddy Seatbelt Extendergrass
XXL Cool J
ZZ IHOP
Chex Pistols
Bear Claw Naked Ladies
Ben’s Five Folds
I think that’s all of them… Ridiculous. However, I’m proud of the Teddy Pendergrass entry. And, of course, Ham Halen. Heh.
Please use the comments link to continue with this stoopid thing. Stoopid but fun, and dangerously addictive (be careful!).
And finally, I received an email from Clive Bull today. A few weeks ago he suddenly announced he was leaving his legendary late-night radio show in London.
Shocked, I sent him a brief note of support, and he actually wrote back to me. It took a while, but he sent a very nice reply. He’s a class act.
And, I’d like to make that the second part of the Question of the Day (in addition to #fatbands): I’d like to know if you’ve ever had correspondence with a celebrity. It could have been via email or Twitter or handwritten letters, it doesn’t matter. I’d just like to know about it.
Please bring us up to date in the comments box below.
And I’ll try to post a real update tomorrow. Sorry for this quickie… But it’s slightly better than nothing, right? …Hello?
See you guys on Tuesday.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
Crossroads Road for your Kindle: just $2.99!
I think a Marvine Cavanaugh frozen meal made me sick. I felt fine this morning, and now I’m very close to puking. I feel like crap…
You’re supposed to remove the cellophane, Jeff. And the cardboard box.
Hey Marvine….. Thanks for ruining my already shitty day…fucking ho. Lick my pooter from behind, bitch.
Thanks for the boner bikerchick, now how am I gonna get any work done?
You’re very welcome.
Marlene and her goddamn shitpies.
Marie Callendar’s recently filed bankruptcy (see link below). They’re probably using rotten meat in those frozen meals, trying to save some bucks. Happy puking, Jeff !
http://www.bankruptcyhome.com/bankruptcy-news/800554166/Perkins-%26-Marie-Callender%27s-in-the-process-of-filing-Chapter-11-Bankruptcy
PURGE THOSE TOXINS!!!!
Someone’s going to say it Jeff… sorry buddy….but do you need a water bottle for your ovaries?
Get well. We need you. We must suck the life out of you one update at a time!!!!
I just want to know where the off the cuff writing is going to end up now that the locals know about thewvsr and what our humour master looks like.
You reckon Pappa Half Shirt owns a computer?
Well, we know how uncomfortable Jeff is with the people he writes about stumbling across the page, and now that its announced to the world he may become a bit apprehensive about writing what comes to mind.
It would seem so except that Jeff really lives in Bismark, ND and the whole Scranton thing is made up. All of the characters were created for the book. It’s a fairly extensive ruse but it’s worked so far.
Hammstein
Nine Inch Kielbasas
MC Ham and eggers
Sorry I didnt see your mc Ham one!
Dan Fogel FatBurger
Super Tramp Stamp
Cream Styx
Hot Tuna Melt
Ian Boar Hunter
Mott the Applepie Hoople
Michael Co-Jack son
Captain Beef steak Heart
Paul Ala Cartney
Ringo Starkist
Seals and Croft’s dinner
Pizza Zedora
Cher yo nachos
Mc Honey Ham mer
Kenny Cheesecakeney
Paul Reuben sangwhich
The Kaiser roll Cheifs
I broke the rules on some of these
Justin Townes Earl of Sandwich
School of Seven Helpings
The Heaping Spoonful
Nick Cave and the Bag of Seeds
Livers for Cleo
C and C Tuna Factory
Tone Toni Tamale
Perogi Jam
Temple of the Donut
Matt and Kimchee
Florence and the Sausage Machine
My Morning Flapjack
Heath Bar for Cutie
MSGMT
Katy Pearshaped
Feast
Jason Isbell and the 400 Eclairs
Yeah yeah yeah I want another fucking slice of pie
-Blondie Brownies
-Olivia Fig Newton John
-Roy Clark Bar
-Jimmy Dean?
I’m gonna keep thinking of more until Jeff gets over being sick from his Marty Krofft Dinner!
Hopefully he’ll get better–FAST!
Someone got a new camera but we haven’t seen any pics from it yet.
Chuck: Are you talkin’ bout lil’ol’ me?
Welp…problem #1 …New Canon Rebel T3 Camera. SOLVED.
Problem #2…Computer shit the bed…remember? I just ordered my new one this AM. Going to pick it up tonight. So…PENDING. THEN…I have to download all my software, including the camera software.
I’m on it, believe me. Pics forthcoming. Soon. I promise.
Someone’s gonna need a bigger boat.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43822126/ns/world_news-weird_news/
Many moons have passed since I wrote to a radio personality, let alone a famous one. I was just a 10-year old kid back in the early 60s when I apprehensively penned a letter to then King of Hartford radio, Joey Reynolds. Some time later a neighborhood friend excitedly proclaimed on the school bus one morning that she had heard Joey read my letter over the air the previous night – a night that I hadn’t been listening. Sigh.
So I was left to vicariously bask in this fleeting fame through Debby Vencenzo describing my letter to some curious kids who had overheard her “broadcast.”