Toney sent me an email early this morning, and I read it when I got up. That’s the way we communicate these days… via email and text messaging. And the note said, “Only use the downstairs toilet for #1. Something’s wrong with it.”
Yes, it was very reminiscent of the love notes we used to send one another during our early dating days… Ahhhh, such lovely memories.
I went in there, lifted the lid on the catcher, and the water was way down in the hole, radically low. And it was kinda tan. Dammit! Why do we have so many plumbing problems in this house? It’s almost literally continuous.
I commenced to plunging, and it’s kinda-sorta acting normally again. But I don’t trust it. In a drunken stupor, Sunshine probably dropped her 1880s hand muff in there, and stuffed it on down the pipe while inexplicably screaming belligerence about “the Mexicans” or whatever.
Sunshine and Mumbles: the gift that keeps on giving.
Or maybe it has nothing to do with S&M? It’s possible, because this house has always had questionable plumbing. Both toilets are unreliable agents, the shower drains clog often, and we had to sink thousands of dollars into the upstairs crapatorium. The hot water tank was also replaced last year, because it was starting to go rogue on us.
Why can’t things just work? It pisses me off to squander time, money, and patience just to get back to the where we were yesterday. Know what I mean? If I’m going to burn through time, money, and patience, I want to see some additional benefits; I expect things to improve.
I don’t want to have to pump tan water, in the morning light, just to maintain the status quo. Is that so wrong?
Toney also ripped an article from the front page of the Scranton Times, and left it on my keyboard. This is the story… Weird shit, man. Wouldn’t her “relatives” be in an advanced state of decomposition by now? And she had one of them posed on a couch? Good god.
And the younger boy showed this to me today.
The four of us are going out to dinner tonight, to celebrate our new-found freedom. I feel like Nelson Mandela! This is my one day off, but the sixty-hour weeks are about to end. I was given that news yesterday. Four more weeks, after this one, and they’re cutting me off. Oh well. I’m surprised they allowed it for as long as they did.
When I go back to forty hours, it’ll probably feel like I’m working a part-time job. I’ll have a ridiculous amount of free time, and no excuses for not making progress on my various projects. Yes, it’s a double-edged sword.
I just added some new stuff to my super-neglected Netflix queue: Law & Order UK, Season 8 of 24, Sex & Drugs & Rock n Roll (about the life of Ian Dury), Nowhere Boy (a British film about the young John Lennon), and The Hammer starring Adam Carolla.
I’m loving the Carolla podcast, and am now interested in his other projects. Who could’ve predicted such a thing? I’m going to buy his book, too. That’s right.
I haven’t looked at my Netflix queue since September, and that’s not an exaggeration. Is there anything new that I need to check out? I’m about to rejoin the world of the living, and would like to get caught up on stuff. Help me out, won’t you? What new stuff have you been enjoying — movie/TV-wise?
And I’m going to meet Steve for lunch tomorrow in Wilkes-Barre, so there probably won’t be a Friday update.
However… metten has resurrected Mockable, right here, so you’ll still have something new to read. A few months ago he asked if I’d mind if he started posting there again, and, of course, it’s cool with me. I probably won’t be able to contribute very often, but metten will keep things interesting.
If you’d like to contribute guest mocks, please send them to him. And you can subscribe to the RSS feed, and even have the updates sent directly to your email inbox. All the info is at the Mockable page. Also, please comment. The site never generated many comments, which was discouraging. He (and I) would love to see a community develop there.
And I’m going to call it a day, my friends.
See you again soon!
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters …..
The guy in the picture looks like he’s about to give you a big heapin’ spoonful of his dick.
I love this place.
Or, at the minimum, it’s by-product.
No, he’s farting!
Why the hell not both?
jtb
Plumbing problems are God’s way of telling you you’re just a little bit too happy today.
jtb
And I fully intend to figure out what flambe guy has to do with the update. If anybody else has a clue, that would be OK too.
jtb
It represents Jeff’s toilet giving him a hot steamy pile of tan water dick….to pump.
Perhaps they’re going someplace fancy for dinner tonight?
Perhaps the gentlemens jacket is mockable?
All I know for sure is sausage sounds like an excellent idea for dinner tonight.
“All I know for sure is sausage sounds like an excellent idea for dinner tonight.” How do you say….LMAO? WB your such a fag, lol. Just joking.
Don’t let me interupt your homoerotic fantasies but I ended up having catfish for dinner.
Way to try and hide it with the cat and fish reference.
Your right, I had a big, hot, hunk of delicious sausage last night.
I’m performing fellatio on a catfish sausage right now. It’s terrible. And I feel ashamed.
When you say PERFORMING…. it makes me think that after he splooshes in your purdy mowth you’ll jump to your feet, stick the landing and say “TaDaaaa”
Top 5!!!
I really liked The Hammer. Very deadpan humour, which is refreshing these days. The scene where they get pulled over in the van had me rolling.
I second your recommendation of “The Hammer”. Didn’t expect much from it at all but liked it quite a bit. Heard Carolla interviewed not long ago and I’ve got his book on hold at my local library. Didn’t do much for me during his “The Man Show” days but he really seems like an interesting guy.
I third the recommendation. “The Hammer” is great.
Are you on city sewer? If you are having drainage problems with more than one plumbing fixture, the problem could be in the drain pipe from the house to the street. If you have old clay drain pipe, its probably roots growing into the pipe. Or the pipe may have collapsed.
If you are on a septic system, it may be time to call the guy to clean out your tank.
Just a couple of suggestions.
Yep, I had to do that a few years ago. Replaced the line between the house and the tap into the main line. But, I have a basement, so we had to dig down about 10 feet before we could even get shit started (not literally). And it rained the whole day we did it. Dumbasses. But, shit is flowing like shit through a goose now, so I’m cool.
Mad Men –
The first season is available via streaming, and the rest are available via disc. Much better than it looks. It’s an AMC show created by the same guy that created the Sopranos. Mad stands for Madison Avenue – it’s about a NYC advertising firm in the early 60s.
I need to see this from beginning to now. Thanks for reminding me!
I noticed a story about the possible sale of Tastykake on the same page where the nutty old lady has so much money that she can turn her house into a cemetery.
I wonder who dug up the bodies for her?
I left a different link to the PA woman-dead family story on the Further Evidence posting from December 31st. Just 36 miles or so from Jeff’s place! He could go visit and take pictures, when his spare time opens up. Seriously though, is she planning on the property remaining in her family for long enough to justify turning it essentially into a cemetery? How would you sell the place otherwise?
An appropriate tune for this thread…….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjjrnNuZuPk
mockable is blocked on work computer. Dang. I tried yesterday.
Try this T. http://www.hidemyass.com
Sorry, I should explain just in case. Save the page to a flash drive and then open it with you work computer. Type an address into the field that has google as the default and wala.
Anybody ever see “The Machinist?” It was a really well done movie, in spite of the “twist” ending being a little predictable. Christian Bale literally looks like an Auschwitz survivor in this one, again getting full-bore into his role. It’s just excellent cinematography, in my humble opinion, but few people have seen it.
I saw it. It was hard to keep up with what was reality and what was just the craziness of his mind (hallucinations and such) but in the end I thought it was a good movie.
He lost another ridiculous amount of weight for his role in “The Fighter” with Mark Wahlberg. I swear that man will eventually kill himself with the weight fluctuations he takes on for his roles.
I remember when ‘Jacob’s Ladder’ came out and many people were saying they had no idea what it was about or what happened. Yer kiddin’ me, right? I had no problem.
Great movie BTW.
Boardwalk Empire
Not sure if it’s on Netflix yet, but what an amazing series (on HBO). Season 1 ended about a month ago and I’m jonesing for it to start up again.
Crazy Heart – just because of the music.
Have a nice dinner out, Jeff!
I remember reading about the cook who kept the dead folks propped when the coroner first removed the bodies. I think they said she had been using a certain oil & waxes to keep their “features” intact. But WTF?! And I like how the coroner is quoted as saying he wants to get her relatives back to her as soon as possible. Has the whole town gone cray-cray? Is there something in the water? Do they have dead fish and birds everywhere?! Someone send Erin Brockovich to that town to check the water. Holy hell….
Jeff, as far as Netflix is concerned I recommend you check out ‘It Might Get Loud’. It’s a documentary with Jimmy Paige, Jack White and The Edge. It is basically an hour and a half of Jimmy Paige & Jack White jamming while The Edge fiddles with anything mechanical and looks like a toddler learning to walk amongst the master runners. He doesn’t belong in this documentary AT ALL which is what makes it so great. You can’t compare him to the talents of Paige and White.
It was a great documentary and the best part is you can stream it since it is available on their Watch Instantly feature.
I’ll have to check this out…from where I’m standing, Jack White is BY FAR the low talent man of this trio. At this time.
Of course, JP (blues, riffs) and the Edge (delay, minimilist) have such different styles that I can understand how they wouldn’t jam well together.
You can SURELY blame S&M for the toilet woes.
Learn from your history.
A vigorous round of plunging just might bring up those 2 missing CD’s.
Damn! That’s funny!
The Hammer was funny. Carolla’s podcasts and old Lovelines with Dr Drew are funny as hell, too.
I have the first season of Carnivale – a show from HBO a few years back. I watched it then but had to own it. Of course, I have absolutely no time to watch. Someday.
My favorite new hr long show from this past season was The Good Guys. Naturally, it was canceled.
The League is a funny show with lots of making fun of people and bad language.
I love the league. Just rewatched the first 3 episodes last night.
Vaginal Hubris.
I came home to low water pressure on Monday. Turns out that the water supply line sprang a leak on MY side of the valve. A torn-up lawn and $3,300 later, I can finally shower. FML.
Did she really say “#1″.? Really? My wife’s note would have said…”Don’t take a shit downstairs. The toilet’s fucked up.”
Those would be my words…exactly!
jtb! deal on the previous post…;-)
Jeff, I’m feeling your pain on all levels… last Friday, I noticed that my toilet was wobbling when I sat down. I know very little about plumbing, but common sense told me that this wasn’t good.
I left the toilet alone for the weekend, because I was going to be out of town anyway for New Year’s Eve. I finally pulled it out on Monday morning. The good news is that there’s no water damage or anything… but the flooring underneath isn’t at all level. It’s not HORRIBLE, but my brain is optimized for envisioning worst-case scenarios.
So I don’t want to call in a contractor or plumber… because I’m worried they’ll tell me that I need a federal bail-out to rip out the flooring & level it. And I don’t want to just re-seat the toilet myself, because I’m worried that I won’t do it right, and poop water will drip down into the condo below mine. The girl living below me is pretty cute, so I wouldn’t want to do that to her. If she were ugly, that would be a completely different story.
Anyway, I’ve also been crazy busy at work this week… like I worked straight from 10:00am on Wednesday until noon today… so I haven’t even had the time to deal with the toilet.
So I’ve been stuck without a toilet at home now for three days. I release version 2.0 while I’m at work, and I use the bathtub for #1.
Thank Mumble-dump my girlfriend doesn’t live in-town. She wouldn’t handle this well. She knows about it, but I think she’s crammed it into some back corner of her brain so that she doesn’t have to consider the details.
NIce comment. You write like a motherfucker when you’re near death from exhaustion.
jtb
Reseating the toilet is pretty easy. Buy a new wax ring and follow the instructions on the package. Chances of dripping poop spores on your cute neighbor are nil. By the way Jimbo, I don’t recall where you live. lol!
Never mind Jimbo, I ain’t driving 8 hours to Atlanta to help you reseat your throne just to check out the neighbor!
I needed to replace the stopper valve on one of the thrones but I was smart enough to NOT do it on new year’s eve, since the stores would closed at noon until Sunday… good thing… the flusher arm snapped when I was maneuvering all the pieces. Plumbing sucks.
Do you guys get the mumble-rumble?
That low intestinal growl that signals the oncoming mumble-dump.
I really hope mumble-dump makes it into websters for 2012.
did you eat something from the jungle that caused the mumble-rumble?
Chipotle, Thai, and Sonic all in 24 hrs.
Mumble-rumbles are like thunder… when you hear them, you know there’s a storm a-brewin’.
It’s fortunate that I work in the software development industry and have basically no female coworkers. Mumble-rumbles strike me a few times a week soon after lunch… so occasionally I’ll be sitting in a 1:00pm meeting, and then the rumbles kick in.
For anyone that lives in Atlanta, the most mumble-rumble-inducing food is the jerk chicken plate at Eats. So delicious, but the combination of meat AND spicy seasoning AND beans is the perfect storm.
Did some poor planning today, ate a grilled chicken salad from a sports bar we eat at most Fridays. It’s usually followed by mumble-rumbles, after lunch I had to drive thirty minutes to meet a client. I had to suppress the mumble-rumbles for nearly three hours today. brutal
McDonalds burrrrrritos!!! seem to always drop the digestive systems in to overdrive. Spoiler alert – I’m about to say one word about diarrhea that will probably turn your stomach. Ready? creamy
I’m still trying to decide if I’m lactose intolerant, caffeine intolerant, gluten problemed, irratably boweled (made up words don’t appear in spell check), something more serious or just McDonald’s reactive. I think it’s the latter since today I really stretched the flush capacity of the old American Standard and I haven’t been through the drive through in a week or more …and that seems to be how long I’ve gone without a problem. There you go – McDonald’s stops bowel cancer!!!
I’m so rumbly in my tummy, time for something sweet.
That fag in the picture looks like Phil Hartman, God rest his soul.
Monty Hall?
Yeah! It does look like Monty Hall. But when I first looked at the picture, I was thinking it was Graham Kerr, from the old “Galloping Gourmet” TV show.
OK here’s where it gets weird. I used to watch the Galloping gourmet with my mom when I was little. Mom recently passed and she made it quite clear she did not want us to let her estranged brother know she was gone. I just noticed this guy is a doppelganger for that uncle…from memory of course (I haven’t seen the prick in about 20 yrs). Kinda like a 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon here for me.
mmm…bacon
My water went brown a few days ago, then my well pump gave up the ghost on New Year’s eve. It felt twilight zonish to flush toilets with Poland Spring water purchased from the convenience store.
Netflix lists all DVDs of Season 8 of “24”–for some damn reason, it isn’t available in bluray–as available “now,” apart from the very first DVD, which is marked as “very long wait.” So, if I want to see them in order, I’m fucked. Why is this?
I recall some of my ancestors referring to porcelain chamber pots as “thunder mugs.” I thought that was pretty hilarious when I was 13. Mostly, no doubt, because I never had to use one. Some of y’all with plumbing problems might want to check out the local antiques stores for the more primitive form of indoor relief. But then I suppose one would still need an outhouse to empty the pot in.
OK…so why doesn’t digging up corpses and posing them in your garage get you a free trip to the boobie-hatch? Sheesh, I’ve never heard of anything so deeply creepy! Especially the part where they put in the clear plastic “face-viewer” so they can see them. Sweet sainted mother of Norman Bates!
Good thing I live in Ohio where we’re all normal…
this story about the woman and her dead bodies is seriously creepy, the whole story freaks me out, and the fact that the entire town is on board with all of this is insane. she should be commited to a mental institution. moving on…i love ted williams, what an amazing story. when i first saw the video i was blown away. that is not what i was expecting at all. i guess hes super famous now.
Amazing? The motherfucker had a career batting averqage of .344 and hit 521 home runs AND served his country as a pilot in WWII and Korea. In Korea, he was John Glenn’s wingman.
I understand he was even a radio announcer for a while.
jtb
Although I will admit that, as a pilot, Mr. Williams wasn’t famous. Just really, really good.
jtb
Main difference between the two TWs? This one still has his head attached (although it’s probably a toss-up as to whose is in better shape).
And I doubt that the new guy can hit a curve ball.
Kentucky Fried Movie.
One of my favorites as a kid growing up because I got to see boobs. But I just watched it again a few days ago and it was all pretty damn funny!
A great movie. I saw the ZAZ production of most of the skits included in the movie at a small theater in Hollywood right after I came back west from college–a couple of years before made they the movie. Great stuff, although there was a strange smokey haze hanging over the audience.
I just picked up all 7 seasons of The West Wing at Walmart for $10 per season. All together as a package at Costco it was $147… I always thought the acting was superb.
I’m told The Pacific is good. Looking forward to that too.
In my line of work I see far too many dead bodies. I wouldn’t want them in the house too… too many loose ends… I’ve said too much already.
Hot…
Are you back in a gang again?
jtb
I think I’m in the Cryps (crypts?) since my avatar is blue.
Crips…C R I P S mothafucka. Damn! White ass Canadian honky dude talkin’ shit.
Really ?
YO YO YO don’t be no disrespecting me you…you jive ass turkey!!! (hard to believe that actually was an insult in it’s day).
Hey look, Stanley is a member of the bloods.
I had to take a toilet out recently because my 4 year old flushed a toy salt shaker down it and it got clogged up. I took the toilet off and discovered what looked like roots around the drain hole. Turns out there was a root about the size of a baby’s arm in the drain. I chopped it off and killed the tree why I was at it. I fucking hate plumbing problems. Last time I had a problem with a toilet I threw the whole sonofabitch in the front yard and started over.
There’s nothing like a toilet to decorate a front yard.
When replying to the last comment, is it appropriate to use the “Reply” feature, or should one merely “Leave a Reply”? I worry about violating protocol.
To paraphrase your question into an answer: when replying to the last comment, it’s appropriate to use the “Reply” feature. When leaving a general reply, not specifically related to the last comment, use the “Leave a Reply” feature. I hope this clears up a difficult and perplexing question many of us have dealth with.
Greg. . . . . at your service.
I reply how and why I damn well feel like it.
Or, if you don’t wanna do that, do whatever you want. (See how I just demonstrated breaking the rule, there?
Greg. . . . . Again, at your service.
Ahhhh soooooo
A week ago, Jeff was asking for further evidence. I think this map qualifies as signs of the apocalypse…
http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?ie=UTF8&hl=en&oe=UTF8&msa=0&msid=201817256339889828327.0004991bca25af104a22b
I read a comment on
http://thedailywh.at/
“I’m not one to suggest panic but we’re all gonna die”
And as far as the end… I believe this was spoken of in the prophecies
http://www.buzzfeed.com/drallax/man-grows-horn-on-his-head-falls-short-of-grandm-2hsg
This wil be a duplicate but my comment is waiting moderation…probably because of the 2 links in the original…
But…I think this map qualifies as signs of the apocalypse…
http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?ie=UTF8&hl=en&oe=UTF8&msa=0&msid=201817256339889828327.0004991bca25af104a22b
I read a comment on the daily what (excellent site with lots of variety) “I’m not one to suggest panic but we’re all gonna die”
The end might or might not be near, but right wing nut jobs (not to be redundant) should take care in discharging weapons into the heads of elected officials, because those ricochets can really be dangerous. Yup, it’s our old friend the tea party. At it again.
jtb
I guess you don’t want me as your friend then?
Yeah, Chuck, I do. To my knowledge, you don’t go around provoking violence against people who don’t agree with you. I doubt that you were the guy who took a potshot at Congressman Giffords’ office earlier. All I want is a little peace and maybe I’ll get some before I die.
I value differences as much as I value agreement. I don’t value violence so much. Given the aggregate of your previous comments, you don’t either.
jtb
no politics please. especially now.
if Jared Lee Loughner wasn’t provoked by the Arizona Tea Party, I doubt you’ll hear much in the way of politics.
I’ll continue to screed against advocating violence in the American experiment. That doesn’t seem very political to me.
jtb
The guy is an obvious schizophrenic. Watch his YouTube vids. To immediately equate him with conservative views is what upsets me. And that’s the last I will speak of it.
Seahawks are way ahead of the Saints. Say it isn’t so. 🙁
Is the Arizona Tea party the company that makes Arizona Iced Tea? That stuff is pretty good.
Politics has a weird effect on people. My brother stayed with me for 4 days before he fired his usual opening salvo “Obama is ruining this country”. Nobody took the bait and the topic changed pretty quickly. Maybe something to be said for that.
Violence wise I always secretly hope for less violence as the new year starts. Yes I’m pretty naive. The one that had me throwing my hands in the air was a 40 yr old father that was stabbed by his daughter’s 37 yr old boyfriend. Those ages arn’t typos. Who’d have seen that one coming?
“coming” hehe
Arizona Sweet Tea is the bomb.
I think I’ll wait for few more facts to come out before I throw my 2 cents on this inexcusable tragedy.
Thank you, that’s what I was gonna say. No one knows if this was a political act or the end result of a very broken mind. And for the record, wing nuts come in both red and blue.
Most wingnuts I’ve seen are silver or black anodized.
😀
Your nuts are supposed to have wings? Shit!
Arizona Iced Tea gives you wings!!! Or is that red bull?
I think it’s maxi thins
Are those the things that let women go horse backriding? Or is that Old Spice?
You guuuuuuuuuuys!!!
Just heard one of his friends on the news describe him as a radical liberal who dropped out of school at 16 and that he was always a little off.
Oh, and Arizona Ice Tea is made in I think New York, which made it funny when people were boycotting it over the summer.
The motherfucker is far from a “right winger” or a tea party member. He railed against the rep for voting against Nancy pelosi and named the communist manafesto among his favorite books. Nice try though.
Fuck. He shot a nine year old. That just ratched it up a notch. Fuck, some people can be so fucking sick. Life is so important but to snuff out a nine year old’s flame?
Sometimes crazy is just crazy, no need to have any political leanings. What’s his face was trying to impress an actress when he shot John Lennon.
I suggest a rule that political parties are not guilty by association when we’re talking about off the scale psychos.
That’s fair. Too many people jump to conclusions. And just because you are X doesn’t mean you support Y.
I am glad that this asshole is still alive.
I once ran over a mailbox to impress Lindsey Lohan.
I once shop lifted to impress Winona Ryder.
Here’s a good one, he tried to join the Army but didn’t make it past the urinalysis. Looooooser.
OK, my toilet’s finally back in… I even officially broke it in, and everything’s holding strong. Upon flushing, I didn’t experience a surge of poop water drenching my feet… the toilet basically performed completely normally and unremarkably. And in this case, that is a huge victory.
After completing any sort of “major” home repair like this, I always feel like a real manly man. I figured it was time to celebrate with a drink. So I went to the fridge… and only had a bottle of Pinot Grigio in there. How the hell am I out of beer during a manly moment like this?
Jumbo how do you not buy beer after hoem deeps?
Home Depot needs a beer aisle. Right next to the power tools that can remove a limb.
Oh, and thanks WB in OH for even considering helping with the repair (even if it was primarily to see the hottie neighbor). As you mentioned, it was pretty straightforward… just follow the recipe on the back of the box.