This is really starting to get old, but I’m sick again. I’m not usually the sickly type, but just a couple weeks ago I had a sinus infection (during which my face swelled-up and I looked like that kid in Mask for a few days), and now I’ve got a bad cold – with all the trimmings.
Not to be too graphic, but if Mark Twain were still alive he might feel compelled to write a novel about a couple boys (the Secrets?) growing-up alongside the river that’s currently running from my nose. Dat’s right.
For the first time at my “new” job, I called in sick today. I almost made it a year, but not quite. I’m from West Virginia, therefore I feel guilty about it. But I just need to log some time on a couch, preferably watching Green Acres. Sitting upright will be my major accomplishment of the day, I’m afraid.
Toney says I’m getting sick because I don’t sleep nearly enough. Maybe so; I don’t know. I get roughly six hours per night, when I’m working (4:30 am til 10:30 am), and maybe seven hours on the other days. Is that a lot less than most people? Let’s take an informal poll, in the comments section… What do you say?
We have a new employee in my department at work, and a few nights ago I was showing him how to do something. He listened to me ramble, then said, “So, what part of the South are you from?”
Huh. I almost never get that question anymore. When I moved to California people made their Gomer Pyle jokes, and I started self-correcting. And I think I’ve done a pretty good job of neutralizing my speech. I’m certainly not embarrassed by my Southern roots, but the constant commenting on the way I talked made me conscious of it.
But, for some reason, it made me happy when the guy picked up on my accent on Sunday. It’s a very complicated matter…
I was taking the younger Secret to school last Friday, and got in line behind a perfectly-preserved Ford Pinto – a brown one. And the license plate said Vintage Car, or Antique Car, or something along those lines.
A turd-colored Pinto, with a classic car designation? I find that to be amusing. Time is the only determiner of classic, isn’t it?
From the Stealing Clive Bull’s Ideas desk: what is your most cherished autograph? You know, if you collect such things. Mine, without a doubt, is a baseball signed in person by Mickey Mantle.
He did a personal appearance at a department store in Charleston when I was a youngling (The Diamond, to be precise), and Steve, my brother, and I camped out like groupies. After we’d already been there a ridiculous length of time, a store official came out and told us Mantle was “delayed” (code for drunk off his ass?).
The dude told everyone to come back in two hours, but we were at the front of the line and refused to leave. He just shrugged, and walked away.
Finally, after we’d endured many hours in the men’s department, Mickey Mantle strolled in. Mickey freakin’ Mantle. He was a mythical character, so much larger than life, and standing right in front of us!
I’d brought along a baseball for him to sign, which he did. And it’s inside a holder, a foot away from me as I type this.
Yeah, Mickey wasn’t very friendly to us. In fact, he was kinda surly. But we didn’t care; we were in the presence of unspeakable greatness. He could’ve pissed on our shoes, and we probably would’ve thanked him kindly, and went back to Dunbar to brag about it: guess who peed on me today?
I remember his wrists were huge, and his hair was starting to go gray. And those are the two main things I recall about him that day. Those two things, and the surliness.
So, I have no problem naming my most cherished autograph. What about you?
And I hate to end this one on a downer, but our old pal Jack Boston died on Sunday. Here’s a good article about him, and also an obituary at Radio & Records.
I’ll have more to say about Jack in the coming days. I want to tell you about a specific phone conversation I really wish I had on tape, and also the email in which he told me about his leukemia diagnosis.
He really liked the Surf Report, which was a great compliment. Jack was smart, talented, and accomplished, and his approval meant a lot to me. When I read the news of his passing yesterday, it felt like someone socked me in the gut.
I’ll write more about him, when I’m feeling a little stronger and less-puky.
See you guys tomorrow.
No friggin way …
could it be? my first time and i am first?
First, mother fucker!
Oh snap, I’m second too, it makes me want to eat something fried, baby!
Like a fried ham and cheese with jelly and powder shooga!
I used to live on 6 hours sleep a night but since I hit the dreaded four-oh, I’ve cranked it up a bit to eight. I was just tired of being tired all the time.
Come to think of it, I haven’t been sick a day since I started getting more sleep either. Wonder if there’s a connection?
3rd!
really 2nd. Bennigan’s took and undeserved silver with his gold.
My favorite autograph is a baseball signed by Ozzie Smith, displayed next to a picture of the Wizard holding my (then) 3 month old son.
He actually asked me if I minded if he held the boy. I wanted to say, “You never dropped a line drive, why would I think you would drop a baby?” but I really just said, “Uhhhhhh, sure.”
Totally not into autographs, but I guess the most famous of the ones I ever got was from the bass player of Atlanta Rythym Section. He autographed the pick guard of my Fender Precision Jazz Bass. Nice guy, totally unpretentious…talked about “the good ol’ days,” and played a mean game of Afterburner on the arcade model.
Fave autograph?
O.J. Simpson, pre-murder era
I am 46 sleep 6hrs on weeknights and 6-7 on weekends. And alway hear from my wife , that I am going to get sick, as I dont sleep enough.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters………..
I used to have Mean Joe Green’s and a few of the 70’s era Pittsburgh Pirates, but I could never tell you what ever happened to them. Maybe lost in transition, maybe in a box in my parent’s attic, I just couldn’t tell ya’, I tell ya’
Top 10?
Hi Y’all.
I don’t have a favorite autograph, but my husband (John) has the last one ever signed by Stevie Ray Vaughn. John’s ex’s cousin was a guitar player for Robert Cray who also played at Alpine Valley that fateful night. My husband was backstage and met SRV where they proceeded to have a conversation (Hubbys also a guitar player)- Anyway, the helicopter was getting ready to leave, and Jimmy Vaughn ran over to the table they were sitting at and told Stevie he needed to get going. John asked for an autograph, but had nothing to write it on so SRV pulled a dollar bill out of his own pocket and signed and dated it just before boarding the helicopter. 20 minutes later- you know the rest.
That’s actually how I met my Hubby- He was on the news as the last one to talk to him on the ground before the accident.
That however is a story for another day.
I took 2 sick “hours” once in 2002. Before that it would be 1996 for the previous episode of sick time off. It actually makes me feel kinda douchey, but I feel defeated if I can’t make it in.
Tadpole Gal- Excellent story! It’s early in the contest but I think I’ll just declare you the winner anyway. Further entries are competing for honorable mention only.
My Mom despised Mantle becuase she was fairly sure he got the liver of a girl who was one of her patients. If she could have traded that girl for Mantle she would have.
I collect no autographs but I do carry my ticket stub from game 4 of the Redwings first Stanley Cup back in the 90’s. That’s an excellent memory.
A friend of mine has what may be Babe Ruth’s autograph on a Chinese Yen. It’s not authenticated, but it’s from around the time when Ruth was in China.
I think the Pinto was probably a classic, but I don’t think I’d call it a Classic.
Hasta la bye bye
On the sleep thing; how do you really know how much sleep you’re really getting, anyway? I’ve often pondered this.
Between dogs barking, my husband elbowing me, and trips to the pot, who knows? I think if I put my head down at 8pm and rose at 8am I could only clock a good 8 hours….Is that just me?
I think you should really try to get more than 6 hours a night. Also try dosing up on echinachea for the next four days – I’m not much for herbal stuff, but this stuff really works.
Feel better soon!
My favorite autograph is by Brian Abraham. He’s not famous, but his autograph has brought me loads of joy over the years.
About 15 years ago I managed a small micro brewery in London Ontario. Brian owned another local micro which also had a u-brew operation. Brian was a smarmy douche who used anyone he could. I could write a book on all the bullshit he pulled, but suffice to say that if he was on fire in front of me, I’d roast marshmallows and enjoy the show.
Times were tight and the investors in my company reached a deal with Brain where both companies tried to help each other out. Over time it became more of us helping them: They were always mooching something from us and slammed the door whenever we needed something from them. One day they asked me to pick up a pump and deliver it to them, so I obliged and invoiced them for 1/2 hour of labor. Brian, cut me a cheque for $6.97, which promptly bounced. When I called him on it he told me to fuck off and he’d pay me when he felt like it. I kept the returned cheque, framed it and hung it on my wall.
After a few months our investors were discussing a merger with Brian’s brewery. I began work on scuttling the deal, so Brian came by to sweet talk me. The first thing he noticed was the framed cheque on the wall and he stormed out threatening to sue me for defamation. Reminded me of George Costanza on one of his rants. Obviously the deal was off and I wallowed in Schedenfreud when Brian’s brewery went tits up.
Funny that you mention ‘Green Acres’… My most cherished autograph would have to be that of Tom Lester’s. For those that don’t know, he played Eb on ‘Green Acres’.
Right behind that one would have to be Tom Poston’s autograph.
I just realized that I’ve got a thing for Toms.
I get about 7 hours of sleep on the days I work. Then I get up, knock off for the day, and go home.
On the what kind of southerner bit, I must have missed something. West Virginians aren’t any kind of southerners, are they? I mean, take a look at a map or a history book or a West Virginian. I harbor no ill will toward folks who aren’t southerners; but among that large group of citizens are all West Virginians.
Surely West Virginia is it;s own region. I guess some tin ears maybe can’t tell the difference between Central Appalachian speech patterns and southern speech patterns.
Of course, what do I know? I’m an Alabamian who has been living in Vermont for 8 years. What little brain I have is frozen.
R.I.P. Jack Boston. I remember reading some of his posts here. Jeff, isn’t he the guy that gave you the radio spot?
Hafta agree w/Phil. Whenever we go visit my wife’s family in West Virginia, they ride me like a horse over my suthern accent. They’re brutal. I have a sister in law that was born and raised in southern Georgia…she sounds kinda like Scarlett O’Hara. The 1st time she visited the family in West Va., my wife’s Uncles picked on her so much I thought she may cry. Instead, they succeeded in pissing her off.
I guess southern accents are relative…yall.
Yes, Bill.
Jack gave Jeff the radio spot.
Very sad day in my bunker.
I raise a glass in Jack’s honor!
He was a good man.
I get 4-5 hours most days.
4 1/2 is my sweet spot.
My favorite autographs
are from internet rock stars —
LIKE JEFF!
Don’t tell me you guys did not save your
thank you notes that Jeff included
when you bought his shirts/hats.
He DID sign them!
I also have an ipod nano signed by
Steve Cherubino podnutzdaily.com
(kick ass tech show)
Last but not least Kina Grannis
You Tube’s next-big-star:
http://www.youtube.com/kinagrannis
They are all famous in my eyes.
I have a rather small looking pair of pink panties signed across the ass in black marker by Elvis Presley. The soccer mom that sold them to me said he did so while she was wearing them by lifting up her dress (per her request). They’re framed, hanging on my wall.
I sleep about 9 or 10 hours a night. Sometimes more.
Man, sorry to hear about Jack. He was the one who put me in touch with your corner of the world years back on Y102 in Raleigh.
Citizen X is writing poetry? That’s kicking the comments section up a notch, dude.
I get 8 hours of sleep a night, and wish to several minor deities that it was more. Since buying what might be the most comfortable bed in the world, I just can’t seem to spend enough time there! Good thing I don’t think sleep is creepy, huh?
I don’t collect autographs, but I do have a chef’s hat signed to me by “Mr. Food”, whose real name was Art. I used to work at the TV station where he recorded his shows in the 1980s. He’d come in a couple of times a month and tape a whole bunch of 5-minute segments for syndication. He may still be on the air, I don’t know.
I should be sleeping about 9 hours a night, but it’s usually more like 7.
Finally, I used to be able to tell a Bronx accent from a Brooklyn one, but those days are long gone.
CitizenX: I too saved my note from Jeff, written on a “While you were out” slip. Glad to know I’m not the only one.
My fave autographs are a tie between two, with two runners-ups:
I was at a Clash gig at the Cleveland Agora in Feb. 1979 (probably the greatest live show I ever saw) and I recognized Pere Ubu’s lead singer David Thomas in the crowd (right after Bo Diddley’s set) who was going by name Crocus Behemoth at that time. Pere Ubu were nobodies at that point (they were semi-stars in Clevo at the time, though) but I had an issue of NME that, amazingly enough, had a photo of Pere Ubu on their cover, so I knew what he looked like. I had bought their debut LP about 2 weeks before that, and I couldn’t pry it off my turntable (“The Modern Dance,” still one of top ten LPs of all time). I was obsessed with that fucking record. Anyway, I walked over to him and introduced myself, and sort of fanclubbed on him a bit. When he found out where I was from, he seemed really suprised and asked me “Wow, our LP actually made it to the hinterlands of West Virginia?” I asked for his autograph and he happily complied, signing the back of a paycheck stub I had in my wallet, and drawing a little house alongside his signature (which I always thought may have been a visual cue to their upcoming 2nd LP “Dub Housing”) He was really a nice guy, and I remained a fan of nearly anything he’s been involved in since. That made my night almost as much as seeing the Clash live for the first time.
That ties with the many Tiny Tim autographs I have – I once spent the better part of a day with him when he played Columbus back in the 80s (playing a double bill with the great Camper Van Beethoven!) – I took along a whole slew of my Tiny Tim items and he signed every damned one of them for me. Probably the most sincere professional musician I ever met in my life.
Two Runners ups –
1. I’ve got a great copy of Chubby Checker’s “Limbo Party” on Parkway Records that he signed for me “Keep it Hot!” – it’s the coolest record jacket design ever – a photo of Chubby swayed back going under a limbo bar wearing a pair of pants that I swear has a webbed crotch that connects at the fucking KNEES. It’s such a goofy photo that it’s become one of my favorites. When he signed the LP he told my girlfriend “I remember that photo session – I always hated those damned pants.”
2. I’ve got an autographed program booklet for the play “Stinkfoot” signed by the lead and author of the show, the legendary Vivian Stanshall (formerly of the great Bonzo Dog Band). An old friend of mine, Dean Cole (president of DooDah, the only official Bonzo Dog Band fan club), got Viv to autograph the booklet for me during one of his UK performances and brought it back to the states with him; a gesture of kindness that I’ll never, ever forget. Stanshall died very shortly after that, and that program booklet remains one of the most treasured items I’ve ever owned.
I’ve got bunches of autographs, but these are the most special to me, even thought they’re not really notable celebrities – it’s the backstory that holds the best memories for me…
I only have a few autographs and the best one is from Dizzy Gillespie, the great jazz trumpeter. I saw him at the Metropol in NYC in 1960.
Most people need 7 hours of sleep a night, Jeff.
I think I’ve been pretty well rested lately, but I’m right there with you on the Mark Twain business right now. Ugh. Propriety forbids me from subjecting you to the details.
Re: the antique Pinto — in most states, if you have an old enough car, you can register it as an antique vehicle. Sometimes they’ll give you special plates. This lets you do things like not wear seatbelts if your car was manufactured without them, ignore various emissions laws, stuff like that. As far as I can tell, age is the only criterion.
I am the same as you, jeff – 6 hours when I work, seven otherwise. And it isn’t really enough, but since the alternative is coming home and going right to bed (literally) I will deal.
We have an Yzerman autograph and that is pretty much it.
I own no autographs but a friend of a friend has a painting of Boba Fett (yes, I know) that was autographed by the actor who played him. He signed it “Stay cool.” Really? Huh. You portrayed one of the most enigmatic, bad ass dudes in sci-fi cinema history (before Episodes 1-3 ruined everything) and you decide to channel the Fonz for your autographs? Tut tut! A serious break in character if there ever was one! :oP
[NO, I do not run around in the woods bellowing, “I’m a dragon!”, dammit!]
Um, I don’t need to look at a map to learn about West Virginia. I grew up in the southern part of the state, and it is indeed Southern. I know this to be a fact.
However, the top half of the state is a different ball game. Wheeling and Harpers Ferry are Northern towns, as sure my ass is tormenting this chair.
So, when I talk about West Virginia, I’m usually talking about the area of the state I’m most familiar with. I should probably be a little more precise.
Here’s a great article, by Jason Headley, on the subject:
http://www.oxfordamericanmag.com/content.cfm?ArticleID=213
I have a Scorpions Love Drive album signed by Motorhead. I was hanging with them behind the Keystone Palo Alto and the only thing I had in my car for them to sign was my new Love Drive album (I’m guessing 1979). They thought that was pretty funny. I still love Lemmy.
I’m with Rogue Dead Guy – I’m 46 and I get 6 hours on worknights, 7-8 on weekends. I feel tired if I get TOO MUCH sleep.
Happy Tuesday,Surfers!
I love the bunker cam today – is he related to Mike Hunt?
Typically I get my full 8 hours, but that’s on a typical day. I have an 86 Jeep Wagoneer, which is considered a classic vehicle in 3 more years, but it already qualifies for emissions to be unrestricted, that’s why there’s not a catalytic converter to be found on it. Also, to round out the questions, I have an autographed copy of Bear Grylls’ book, “The Boy Who Climbed Everest” that my dad got when he met him in Vegas at a cocktail party hosted by Freightliner. Turns out Mr. “Man vs. Wild” doesn’t do well at cocktail parties, as he’s almost as antisocial as my father, so they made a great pair, sulking in a corner. Go figure.
Some upper respiratory thing here, too. No river flowing from the nose, though. Mine is stopped up tight and my chest has some croupy, peanut buttery painful crap going on. When I sneeze, it brings tears to my eyes from the pain in my chest and throat. When I cough, it sounds like a goofy seal barking and I can’t even remember if I have any autographs at all.
I use to sleep 9-10 hrs every night. Now I’m in bed for 9hrs but the baby gets up every 2 hrs to eat. I have been dragging ass. I need my sleep.
Sleep is good, Jeff. Do you wake up naturally at 10:30 a.m. or do you set the alarm? If I remember correctly, I remember something about how you should wake up naturally (yeah, I’d never be at work on time). Maybe an additional 30 minutes or so?
Also, to help the river, I highly recommend Alka-Seltzer Nighttime Cold & Cough – that stuff rocks. Way better than Nyquil (which keeps me awake).
Best autographs?
Paul Newman – on the coolest racing jacket ever. He’s damned tough to get because he does NOT sign autographs at races and all race fans know that and don’t bother him. I, however, knew somebody who worked for Newman-Haas Racing and he took the jacket (just bought five minutes previously) and two days later I got it back signed. So, I didn’t get to meet him, although I had brushed my arm against him once in the Trans-Am paddock in Detroit in 1995 when I was making my way through a crowd. I looked up and gasped and kept going.
Walter “Sweetness” Payton – an incredibly nice man, and very cool. I got him to sign my racing shirt (only race car drivers were allowed to sign it and he was in that category because of all the years he spent in Trans-Am). I cried when he died.
My 10th Anniversary Detroit Grand Prix hat is signed by Dan Gurney, Jackie Stewart, Parnelli Jones and Tommy Kendall.
Greg Moore – CART driver who died in 1999 a day or two before Walter Payton – he signed my racing shirt when he was still in Indy Lights (’95 or ’96).
Mario Andretti – on more things than I can count
And since I’m from Detroit and the other Michiganders have mentioned the Red Wings:
Igor Larionov’s on a puck and numerous bottles of his wine.
I had a Pinto, and I loved that car. Saw a number of them at a work car show a month or so ago and I have to tell you that they got a lot of attention. I miss mine.
Crap, that was a Jorge-length comment.
Don’t mean to offend, Jeff. I lived in Pascagoula for a while, and there they said anything north of I-10 was yankee. Maybe from a West Virginian perspective, southern West Virginian is southern. Maybe from a Californian, or New England or other external perspective it is. But from a southern perspective, it ain’t.
That noise about I-10 in Pascagoula was largely a joke, but some local half-wits took it seriously. I guess exclusivity is it’s own reward for some people. Exclusivity is not an attractive feature, to me. I couldn’t care less. I’m just me, and everyone can make that claim.
I was getting Tony Stewart’s autograph when he gave another autograph seeker a hard time. He really embarrassed the girl. I was really pissed. I told him to keep fucking signature and walked away. Left him standing there with his dick in his hand.
I have the picture of the goal Bobby Orr scored on St. Louis to win the Stanley cup signed by Orr. Also a pic of Louis Tiant. He was a funny bastard. Orr was very business like.
Kathleen I have an Andretti too. Also “Big Daddy” Don Garlits nice guy. Danny Murtaugh ,Mario Lemiuex, The great Brian Trottier (sp?) John Force ,Ashley Force. Pretty much any N.H.R.A. driver is very fan friendly.
The only autograqphs I have are from Terry Bradshaw and Howie Long. Those guys typically spend a part of each summer travelling around to military outposts visiting troops and their kids. They were a hoot to spend a day with a few days ago and genuine class acts when it came to meeting the fans.
I get by on 6 or 7 hours a night for a few weeks and then hit a 9 or 10 hour night. I have been doing this for as long as I remember. Usually feel better with less sleep. As for WV being southern…..from Charleston south, it definitely is. I grew up in Beckley and there is a ton of Southern heritage and pride. Not radical, just proud of our roots. Beckely started out as a small town that had a large Confederate Fort under the command of General Alfred Beckley. Hence, the name. Anyway, it was destroyed by Union troops in 1864 and took years to recover. As a kid, it wasn’t unusual to dig up unexploded cannonballs, ammo box locks and pieces of swords, out of our yard. My Dad planted a garden each year and added to our collection everytime he tilled the soil.
Happy birthday, Shiny Rod!!
The only autograph I have is Karl Dahlman’s on a Flymo hovering lawn mower. It is in my collection of unusual and antique lawn equipment
Some of my favorite autographs are from James Doohan, Will Eisner, Kurt Busiek, Neil Gaimen, Grant Morrison, Brent Spiner. Yes, I am a dork and you probably are too if you recognize the names. 🙂