Wanna hear something hilarious? A few days ago a woman at work said to me, “You’re learning this a lot faster than most people, you must be mechanically inclined…”
I nearly did a spit-take. Mechanically inclined?! I had NEVER heard those words used before, in association with my dumb ass. I mean, I’m the person who always asks the AutoZone guy to install my new windshield wipers after I buy them. One time the manager had his 16 year old daughter go out and put them on for me. It wasn’t one of my prouder moments…
But I was asked to help out with a calibration project at my job, and it’s fairly technical. After hollering, “Me??” I accepted, because it will translate into some hefty overtime. But I had my doubts. I was certain I’d do something wrong and completely ruin a $5 million piece of equipment, or cause an explosion, or something.
Each machine acts differently, and there are a thousand (possibly even a hundred) things that can be diagnosed and adjusted. Optics, and light curtains, and God only knows… You just have to watch the way it behaves, and tweak accordingly. And for whatever reason… I’m kinda good at it. By the second day I was one calibrating son of a bitch.
I told Toney about this when I got home. And after she stopped laughing at the “mechanically inclined” comment, and wiped away some tears with the back of her hand, she said, “Well, it’s not intelligence or ability that you lack, it’s give-a-shit.”
“Hey, that’s exactly what my Junior High guidance counselor used to tell me!” I answered. Then I had a beer, adjusted my scrotum for comfort, and fell asleep on the couch — at 7:45 pm. I was all calibrated-out.
I worked last night, and didn’t see one minute of the Super Bowl. What were the highlights? Did I miss anything exciting? And by exciting, I mean the commercials… Any thoughts? Please tell us about it in the comments.
And how was Madonna? Was it just a bunch of dancing amongst shirtless, waxed gay men, while wearing a debt collector headset and Broadway costumes? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
Next year I think they should have X play the halftime show. They’d have that place whipped into a frenzy, and the two teams would probably score 60 points each in the second half. Heh.
Who would you like to see play the Super Bowl halftime show? Motorhead? GWAR? The Butthole Surfers? What do you think would be a good choice? Too bad the Cramps aren’t still around…
And I think today’s Further Evidence link deserves some added attention. Check it out. All four of us saw this on TV yesterday, and were HOWLING with laughter. The guy with the laptop killed me. I’d love to get your opinions on this fancy, high-tech device. Great stuff.
And hopefully things will be back to normal for a while, and there won’t be giant gaps between updates. Thanks for your patience.
I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.
Now playing in the bunker
Treat yourself at Amazon: US and Canada
Uno.
Jeff in the IMRL lab…
The ads were lackluster. I enjoyed the couch potato dog ad, but that’s really the only one I remember.
The game was surprisingly satisfying for me. I figured it’d be a yawner. Any game that begins with Tom Brady scoring for the other team is okay in my book.
I used Madonna’s airtime to fix more snacks. I think it was the best decision.
I read something on the internet (Fark?) this weekend that Weird Al would be the perfect half-time act.
I liked the dog that bribed his owner with dorito’s so that the owner wouldn’t tell his wife that the dog killed the cat.
The halftime show was the best one in decades ONLY because of about 30 seconds of drum corp that was used.
I think they should all have marching bands for Super Bowl halftime shows.
The game was just OK for me. No star power anywhere. No one made the play of the century or anything like that. The 2 point safety on fagboy’s first play was a beautiful thing for Patriot haters.
Commercials weren’t much to write home about. Although the cat-killing dog bribing the owner with a bag of Dorito’s “not to tell” was pretty funny. Liked the Buttwiser “End of Prohabition” and the M&M’s too. Seinfeld and Leno’s spot was good but if you didn’t follow the Seinfeld show’s, it would have fell flat.
Don’t feel bad Jeff. The doc I work for can take bodies apart and put them back together but couldn’t flush a toilet without directions.
I saw that ridiculous head set thingy on a commericial a few weeks ago. The chick’s working out in the gym cracked up! So retarded!! As fucked up as it is…someone is making a fortune. I fully expect to see a Bunker Cam photo of some goofball sporting one soon. He/She will probably be backing into their parking space.
It reminds me of the pictures where people have used duct tape or elastics to hold their phone to their head.
like this guy
http://tinyurl.com/84b4mbg
Madonna was just OK. If they’d listened to me (the never do), they would have had Donovan performing with her and called the act “Madonnovan”. An updated danceable version of Hurdy Gurdy Man (or Epistle to Dippy) would go straight to the top of the charts I tell ya. But they never listen to me. Never.
I was arriving at Vegas during the opening plays. 23 hour drive (2 naps), 1135 miles, and I get here and learn I’m starting tomorrow instead of today. I feel like Lando toward the end of Empire.
Opening act – Ramstein – Du Hast and then Bang Bang complete with the face blow torch thing they used on XXX.
And then Yanni. Just to mellow the fuck down.
Didn’t see the game – was out from 11 until 8 doing things for other people. Doesn’t sound like I missed anything.
Was the VW dog choir doing the Star Wars Imperial March as Superbowl ad?
I saw a bit of the puppy bowl and then died from an overdose of cute.
What about the lingerie bowl? Did that happen again now that there’s an actual league or is that so 2010?
Clint Eastwood talked about “It’s halftime, America” while showing depressing pictures of a poor America – particularly Detroit, for Chrysler. Makes me wonder what the cost for a full 2 MINUTE ad cost and what they paid Clint.
A semi-naked David Beckham didn’t faze me, nor slow the backhoe effect I was using on a bag of pistachios.
The car commercials didn’t raise my pulse.
Sir Elton dressed as a king – but with his Pinball Wizrad sheos – just made me want to bitch slap him.
I want to see The Monkees do the halftime show. With Neil Diamond (since he wrote most of the Monkees songs anyway!)
“A semi-naked David Beckham didn’t faze me, nor slow the backhoe effect I was using on a bag of pistachios”……………..LMFAO!!!
I think X playing the while “Fun in the new world” album would be a fine choice for halftime. Or maybe better yet a little Supersuckers.
The commercials sucked royally, this year, IMO. The Chrysler commercial was well done, but it wasn’t the right forum. It would have been better inserted in Meet the Press, or something similar.
When I watch the SuperBowel, I expect to be entertained by the commercials, not depressed. Sheesh.
The half-time show was one of the better ones I have seen in some time. I still don’t understand the logic in using these old geezer acts, though. What’s next, Glenn Miller and his Orchestra? I’ll pass.
If Art Garfunkle doesn’t do the next Superbowl halftime show, then fuck the world.
Madonna ended her performance with the words “World Peace” scrawled across the field on digital screens. I’m sure it’ll have a huge impact.
My personal favorite was the kid in the pool. Subtle, and his facial expressions were great. I have no idea what the ad was for, though.
The mostly naked Beckham was nice. 🙂
Elements of the Superbowl broadcast with greater-than-zero soul:
1) The Mario Manningham sideline catch
2) The Ahmad Bradshaw butt-first touchdown
3) The Chrysler Commercial
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As for the halftime show — this year’s defined almost everything that sucks about the Superbowl — how about Concrete Blonde? Johnette Napolitano can outsing and out-lyric any of this year’s divas, and I deeply want to hear her yell to a billion people, “We’re Concrete Blonde and we don’t give a fuck.”
jtb
Social Distortion for the next halftime show……and Jeff, please……don’t insult me my friend for I AM the Lord of anti-mechanically incline !!!! I, too had a teenage girl install my windshield wipers…..my wife has to change the batteries in the smoke detectors……when asked to bring her a “phillips” while she was putting some bookshelves together, I brought the milk of magnesia…..need I go on ? I thing not…..
think
I brought her milk of magnesia – LMAO! That gave me a good chuckle !
Thank you Mr Mechanically Inclined, we can all rest easy knowing the collander collider won’t explode and take the world out with it.
(spelling intentional).
shit, that reads more sarcastic than tongue in cheek as it was meant to be.
I say put Iggy Pop on stage for the halftime show!!
That ‘uplifting’ Clint Eastwood ad about Chrysler and Detroit? Actually shot in New Orleans and L.A.
My 3 yr old popped a boner watching Madonna. That kind of worries me.
My wife asked what would make him stop doing that. I answered “marriage”. Wrong answer.
On the lighter side, he tried to pee in a display toilet at Home Depot. I paused for half a second wondering if the trouble would be worth the story. There’s a not-so-fine line between trying and doing.
I can’t believe no one replied to this. “Marriage”. Hilarious.
Best. Comment. Ever.
You missed your oppertunity by further responding… ‘because Madonna doesn;t give me a stiffy now that I have you’
Next halftime show…Weird Al Yankovic! He could do some of his hits along with the artist who did it originally. I love Weird Al! And he could have “World Peas” written on the field at the end of the performance.
Whirled Peas……
I was working during the Uber Bowl. Besides, I only watch football if I’m paid to. But I did manage to pick a shitty day to run out of coffee – the grocery store was BAD on Sunday afternoon.
X would be a good choice, or George Clinton, possibly Skindred. Are KMFDM still around?
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Sure, and their presence would obviate the need of a drumline a la Madonna, since they seem to have the low end covered pretty well, so there’s some savings right there.
jtb
The game was good, commercials ok (I liked the new beetle commercial with the dog working out to get through the doggie door).
The half time show should be Stevie Wonder.
Stevie Wonder would be excellent.
Old stevie can’t take his mouth off obama’s dick long enough to sing these days
Speaking of dicks, you need to lay off the pipe; it’s affecting your short term memory. http://thewvsr.com/my-pledge-for-2012-atomic-fireballs-and-death-of-a-weekend/
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i like the m&m commercial where they are “naked”
I didn’t see any of the game or the commercials, not that we get the “good” commercials on Canadian television.
Funny that Jeff brought up Motorhead as a halftime act. I was at a Megadeth, Motorhead, Volbeat, Lacuna Coil concert. Unfortunately, Cristina Scabbia did not experience a wardrobe malfunction.
Actually, my favorite super bowl ad was Candadian and wasn’t shown in the states:
http://youtu.be/y0qZYqdsYAg
Little Richard would be something that I would watch.
Roy Clark would do a good job. But, somehow country artist seems to be overlooked.
Fats Domino and Chuck Berry need to be given a chance, before they buy the farm.
Hank Williams III would be great.
I hope this is a joke. With the exception of HW3 all these guys are well into their 80’s. Haven’t we had enuff of the geezer set?