As I type this the temperature outside is 36 degrees. So, it’s possible that the Earth has NOT broken from its orbit and is hurtling end-over-end into deep space. That’s a relief. I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced such a sustained and powerful cold, as during the past few weeks. I’m confident some of you will school me on that, and tell me it wasn’t all that cold “compared to (whatever).” But it was freaking frigid, for weeks. And the wind was howling. It felt like we were in Antarctica, or maybe Mars. Every time I walked outside it reminded me of those doucheboxes who jump into a frozen lake, for some dumbass reason. Just walking to my car I felt like a douchebox jumping into an icy lake. And I can’t have that.
I have a big scratch on my right forearm and have no idea how it got there. It’s about five inches long. You’d think I’d be hip to the cause, right? But I ain’t. How is such a thing possible? Oh well.
A few nights ago I found myself watching The Lucy Show on Hulu. Not I Love Lucy, but The Lucy Show. I watched two episodes and actually chuckled out loud a few times. But around the ten-minute mark of the second episode, this thought popped into my head: “You are truly and absolutely wasting your life.” It took some of the fun out of it if you want to know the truth.
But I watched something else on Hulu recently that didn’t trigger an emotional crisis: a documentary about the failed Dana Carvey Show in 1997. Here’s a good article about it. He gathered together some of the biggest comedy geniuses in the world, was given the timeslot immediately following the most popular show on TV, and created something so weird the network yanked it off the air after seven weeks. They interview most of the people involved, with the exception of Louis CK (possibly edited out?), and it’s hilarious. I highly recommend it. It’s one of those rare movies that you want to keep going. I’m generally hoping everything ends soon, even if I like it. Ya know? But this one was so super-entertaining, I was sad when it ended. Check it out, if you’re so inclined.
Over the weekend I needed two thumbtacks. White ones, if possible. I bought a Creem magazine bumper sticker from this site and wanted to tack it to the wall in the subterranean Surf Report bunker. I was convinced I could locate two white thumbtacks in our house somewhere and devoted an inordinate amount of time attempting to prove myself right. But it was not to be. I found some silver ones and considered just rolling with it. But, no. I wanted white ones, dammit.
So, I went mobile in search of the elusive item. And what the hell, man? What happened to just normal thumbtacks? Now they’re all fancy-ass, with fake pearl on them. Or they’re push-pins with a hunk of colorful plastic on the back. I was losing my mind. I went to multiple stores, and could not locate a single package of an item that I believed (and believe) should be available EVERYWHERE. Sometimes I feel like I’m living in the wrong era, or maybe a parallel universe. Did thumbtacks really need to be improved upon??
Finally, I went to a hardware store and asked the old guy there if they have just normal thumbtacks, “you know like regular human beings would use?” He looked at me like I might be insane and took me to a whole section of good ol’ thumbtack classics. They had all sorts of colors, including white, and different sizes… “Oh my God, this is the greatest thing in the world!” I told him. He chuckled nervously and walked away.
Yep, in seven years, or maybe ten, when I need another very specific thumbtack, I’ll definitely know where to turn. Oh, they’ll have my $1.19 again. They can bank on that.
I went to a very fancy restaurant a few nights ago. It cost a lot of money, in my opinion, and I’m reasonably sure it was pretty good. It was a level of fanciness that is frankly beyond me. I don’t believe I’m sophisticated enough, when it comes to that sort of thing, to have a valid opinion. I enjoyed it, I guess. I mean, I’m sure it was fabulous, based on the prices and the number of men sporting scarves in the place, doing air-kisses, and wearing half-glasses way out on the ends of their noses. I’ve been to plenty of joints like that, almost always with my job. Meaning I wasn’t paying. So, I’d just always order a shockingly expensive steak and not give it a second thought. But when you’re actually paying… Oh, that opens up a whole different set o’ circumstances. Anyway, I think I liked it. Maybe. I ordered haddock with a cream and curry reduction, or whatever the fuck, over a bed of scallions and bok choy. I’m convinced I enjoyed it. Possibly.
I need to call it a day, my friends. I have so much to do at work, my stomach contracts every time I think about it. I should probably get in there, and get busy. Right? I’ll leave you with this Question: What are you looking forward to? Over the weekend Toney and I discussed possible trips we could take during the new year. Quickie trips, probably. For various reasons… Just to have some things on the calendar to look forward to. Ya know? So, there you go. Make of that what you will. It doesn’t have to be travel. Just anything you’re genuinely looking forward to. Tell us about it in the comments.
And I’ll see you guys again soon.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
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When I was a kid we use to put thumbtacks on our tennis shoes and run around at school. That never lasted long or went over well.
Yep! I think we put one right on the toe. Rumor had it the kickball would
Not Oprah says
I just booked a flight to Vietnam for next month – that will be my highlight. Then I will need to get my butt back to work. Will also try to get a mud run in somewhere. Its killing me to not comment on the weather but I won’t I’m sure my Asia trip will have me wishing for the cold.
I’m looking ahead to a trip west – flying from here in the midwest to San Francisco, spend a few days seeing the city and a relative’s new baby, then spending a week or so driving from there to Tahoe, Portland, Seattle and Vacouver before flying back. Would be awesome but with a year old baby and plenty of bills it’s become a 2019 thing.
Instead I’m looking forward to drinking on the patio once it warms back up.
I live up north and all the doucheboxe frozen lake diving events have been called off. There’s cold, and then there’s the past 2 weeks. grrrr!!
At least when it’s minus 32, its the same temperature in Celsius as it is in Fahrenheit. does anybody else have a positive spin on this? lol
Jesus, even the things that make you feel better aren’t true. That’s fuckin’ cold. fol
oups, -40 is the equivalent temp. not sure I want to get there.
For my Christmas gift, I asked Biff to get me a weekend away, anywhere, that I don’t have to plan. I’m forward to that. Oh, he’s tried to rope me into the ‘where do you want to go?’ and ‘where do you think we should stay?’ deal, but I told him that stinks of planning and I’m not having it.
It’s 59F here today in the 27587, and after more than a week of subfreezing temps it is a lovely change. Supposed to be near 70 by Friday. I can’t keep up with this crazy boomerang weather.
Joe T. says
Is that a picture of the Pips dressing room as specified in their concert rider?
At least they have a place to put the brown M&Ms.
My theory lately is – the colder it is – the later the bus shows up in the morning. It was not too fun last week.
Root 66 says
I might be able to explain that scratch on your arm: Aliens probably implanted a chip in you while you were sleeping. Have you had any dreams about encountering “grays” lately? 🙂
I’m (cautiously) looking forward to going back to school to get a specialized certificate in my job field. I don’t know if it will help me any, but it certainly can’t hurt!
Are you trying to convince yourself that your meal was excellent because it was so expensive? I’ve tried that too–and it doesn’t work. You always wind up feeling cheated somehow!
I need the same thing, quick trips written on the calendar that give me something to live for! We’re going back to Iceland in June, right now that’s all I have…
Don’t look for me in June-I’ll be hiding somewhere near the Arctic Circle on a moss-covered lava mountain.
Whenever the weather gets too cold for too long, I dream of warm tropical places. I asked Santa for my own island (https://www.privateislandsonline.com/south-pacific/fiji/katafanga-island), but the fat elf in the red suit didn’t deliver.
I really didn’t need to know “classic” Creem magazine T-shirts were available.
At my first (second?) Star Trek convention, my buddy and I put thumbtacks in the hammer felts of the piano in that hotel ballroom. It sounded pretty cool.
Looking forward to… short term, seeing some old friends this Friday. Longer term, a new job (I hope).
A tack piano
Hard reality hit me in the face with this cold weather. Wilber, the horse, is getting old. I never caught him shaking from the cold before now. Wind chill was so bad I had to buy tarpaulins and with bailing twine build him a wind break. The water froze at the barn. Armageddon I tell you!!!
Going to Disney this spring. The bitch is that I have to plan it.
Looking forward to my friend’s surprise 60th birthday in a few weeks.
This summer I want to take a boat ride to see the lighthouses in Rhode Island. We wanted to do that last year but just ran out of time. This year, I get another week’s vacation. HOT DAMN!
And I know I’m the odd one, but I want to do a polar bear plunge. They DID have it in Coney Island this year, but called it off in Rhode Island. Yeah, I’m a douchebox. But I would NEVER do it if the weather was under 30 degrees. The last thing I need is for some big burly bastard trying to restart my heart.
Speaking of Rhode Island, I’d like to have a drink at a certain bar in Westerly. The one with the deck in the middle of the river, right on the state line. The bar ought to be called Straddle River, but it’s not.
RI?! Snore… Do Maine next time.
Besides the annual spring road trip to Iowa, we are doing a day trip to Olney, Illinois.
Olney has a “large” population of white squirrels. I guess that’s pretty rare. Better get
there before they disappear. Picnic in the park when it gets warmer. I’m easily amused.
I just read it’s a $750 fine if you run over one… even if it’s accidental.
I’ll suck it up and get through the whole hideous NJ winter. Then in April, head down to Myrtle Beach for a jolt of warm, sunny weather. By the time we get back NJ will finally be grudgingly slipping into decent weather.
When it get closer to vacation time, remind me and we’ll have a beer.
1) East of Ioway
2) Milk from an elk