I’m taking yet another vacation day today, my friends. The older boy is “graduating” from middle school, and I feel like I should be there. However, I am doing so under protest.
All this “graduating” irritates me, if you wanna know the truth. The kid’s fourteen years old, and I think I’ve seen him graduate three or four times already. His brother has graduated almost as often, and it’s just too much.
There are only two real graduations: high school and college. Am I wrong? All these feel-good in-between graduations are boolshit.
But what are you gonna do? Not go? I don’t think so. It’s not the kids’ fault; they didn’t come up with all this stupidity. So, I’ll go and support the boy.
But I want it to be noted that I’m not buying into it. Jeff Kay does not endorse serial in-between graduating. I mean, seriously. I’ll be good, though. I’ll be on my best behavior, and will smile and shake hands and act like I’m wiping away an occasional tear.
Steve called me a few minutes ago, and said he was in a Barnes & Noble store last night. He bought two paperback books. The total was $20.80, and he gave the cashier $21.00.
He was waiting for his twenty cents, but the woman closed the register drawer, and said (in a very polite tone), “There will be no change for you today, sir.” Then she turned and walked away.
Steve said he just stood there blinking real fast, and finally shrugged and left the store. WTF? Any idea what that might’ve been about? Hilarious. And kinda bizarre.
Toney was fuming earlier in the week, about some pushy, “ball-busting” woman who came stampeding into her office at work, demanding to know the date for some event.
“I will need that date now,” she commanded, in a hyper-assertive boardroom manner. And the woman’s bombastic attitude irritated my wife.
I told her she should’ve said, “OK, do you have a pen handy? Alright… the date is July shove it up your ass, 2010.”
Yeah, it’s easy to come up with those kinds of answers, after the fact. Not so much when it’s all going down. Oh well.
Speaking of Steve, we got our tickets to see the Eels, on the first day they were available. Is that too soon? I feel like we probably should’ve waited until Day Two, at least. The first day is a little too fanboy, in my opinion. A more casual approach is recommended…
It’s gonna be fun, though. The Eels are great, when it’s a full band and everything. Last time it was just Mark Everett, and a drummer. It was a very strange show… inside a church for unknown reasons. And they showed a feature length documentary as an opening act. The crap?
But the whole band will rip your head clean off. It’ll be a good time. Steve and I will undoubtedly be hollering at each other on the drive home, shouting above the amplified refrigerator hum in our ears. I’m looking forward to it.
Friday is the last day I’m going to take orders for the limited edition summer shirts — designed by the Evil Twin, and featuring the good ol’ Smoking Fish.
When I drag my ass out of bed on Saturday morning I’m going to remove the PayPal link, and place my one and only order with the T-Shirt Lady. If you’d like to have one, please order soon. They’re gonna be extra-cool. Here’s your link.
And thanks for the support!
I’ll leave you now with the Question of the Day…
We’re not going to do much this summer, on account of money and lack thereof. We’ll probably go to Knoebels a couple of times, and that’ll be it. But I’d like to live vicariously through you guys.
In the comments section please tell us about your summer vacation plans. What do you have cooking? Bring us up to date, won’t you?
And I’ll see ya again tomorrow.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
Pre-order your summer WVSR shirt here!
Tammie, I remember your post from your vacation last year. Totally insane! I hope your have even more fun this year than you did last year! You deserve it! Go totally Swedish!
A High School graduation is bullshit too. You are SUPPOSED to graduated High School, it is nothing exceptional. University Degrees and up are where graduations should start.
Summer vacation is a trip to England. Flying there, taking the Queen Mary back to New York. Done it before, it’s a civilized way to travel – you’re allowed to keep your shoes on and use real cutlery and grown-up shit like that.
Limey, took the HMS Mauritania from New York to England when I was a kid. You’re right: it’s the only way to travel. The trip itself is a vacation.
Our summer vacation plans are also shattered. Mother in law passed 2 weeks ago.
I have been instructed that I will be cleaning out a house in Moundsville, WV this summer. Picture a basement containing about 100 throw rugs (all completely shot), five thousand plastic flowers (she had a fetish), ungodly amounts of Christmas lights in tangles, several non-running lawnmowers, broken televisions, 10 ironing boards, assorted boxes full of other shit.
The attic is full of every single article of clothing she purchased since 1954. Why in the hell don’t people throw stuff away? How many WVU sweatshirts with coffee stains does one person need? Is 50 sufficient?
The house needs a roof, gutters, new furnace, air conditioner compressor, has a sewer leak, needs carpet, and complete paint in and out. The landscaping consists of busted concrete sidewalks and steps and several dead pines (think Munster’s yard less the tombstones).
I need a dumpster or a large steel drum to make one mother of a fire. Actually, I would like to torch the entire house and sell the fucking lot.
By back is aching just thinking about it.
I agree with your opinion on the in-between graduations. I stay at home with my (still very young) kids, so luckily I did not have to attend any preschool graduations… while all my friends were planning preschool graduation PARTIES. The real deal. Full-blown graduation parties for 4.5 year olds. No way.
We haven’t gone on our trip yet, but we are planning 2-3 weeks in England this summer, staying with family there. They frequent their own quaint village pub filled with regulars drinking pints and singing and swaying, or whatever those crazy English do in pubs. We plan on spending a lot of time swaying in pubs with them.
Mose Allison was able to get a copy of your test results, and interpret them. Remember, this is him, not me. I’m not a doctor, but Mose is licensed to practice throughout the Mississippi delta.
Your molecular structure
Is really something fine —
A first rate example of
That cosmic undulation
Is steady comin’ through —
Your molecular structure, baby
Me and you.
(short piano solo)
Your cellular organization
Is really something choice —
‘Bout to make me lose my voice.
Got all my circuits open,
My system’s readin’ go —
Your cellular organization, baby,
Stop the show.
(long, jazzy piano solo)
Your molecular structure
Is really something swell —
You’re gettin’ to me.
Your molecular structure, baby,
Usually go somewhere on the med, Greece, Portugal etc but we have given it up this year to do New York in December. We went to Vegas last year and fell in love with all things Americana.
Summer vacation…fishing for red salmon next week on my days off, then actual vacation time kicks in in July. Definitely going to see “The Swell Seaon” in concert. Buffalo, NY probably…$32.00 to stand up, and all general admission. But for less of a ticket price I can see them at the Hollywood Bowl with reserved seating, sitting down, and they have people who will bring you glasses of wine AT your seat. Tough call…I’ll update you later.
At least two weeks of upcoming vacation will be in West Virginia, visiting friends, catching up on old times, drinking scotch out on the front porch while watching fireflies in the yard. I’ve been a lot of places, met famous people, saw the sights, but my idea of heaven is Saint Marys, WV on a humid Summer night hanging out with my best friend.
I am in South Africa right now for the World Cup. Will be here until the 24th! Amazing experience so far.
Brittney and Gretchen, perhaps if the two of you were to join me this year, I’d have a fighting chance of making it through at least a day or two of sobriety. Of course there is that one particular group of cousins who have been known to be a bad influence occasionally…(the Beericksons)
Greg, you can come along and document the whole thing.
Erin, I’m sooooooooo envious of you!
It’s not very surf report-ish. But I am running a half marathon (13.1) on labor day weekend. It is the Virginia Beach Rock and Roll half marathon, there is lots of music and lots of beer, always a good time. We are staying on the beach for three whole days.
‘Course, the night before we will be staying in a small hotel room with all FOUR of our screaming monkeys. Go sleep deprived marathon! That is what they made caffeine for, I guess.
Also the beer they are giving away has like 54 calories, what in Gods name did they do that for? I’m not sure beer-flavored water is worth it, even if it’s free.
It will be lots of fun, though. First “vacation” in over three years.
Erin, wow very cool 🙂
Although I’m geographically distant, it would be an adventure and a pleasure to visit the Pine Tree State this summer and be your designated driver/getaway vehicle. I drive a van which seats six drunk people comfortably with room left over for a beer cooler and a margarita station.
I don’t drink, but don’t mind if others do, and my van has enough power to swerve around intoxicated cousins and staggering uncles. If you wish to cruise around the block guzzling beer or cocktails and moon, or flip the bird to, raucous relatives, I’m your van. And your man.
As long as your trip doesn’t coincide with the Seattle hydroplane races or my annual golf tournament, I’d be happy to make the Journey to the East.
Wire Hot Rod Johnny, Tacoma.
Erin: Are you going deaf yet from all the vulvazola horns (or whatever the hell they’re called)?
Tammie: Did I mention I made ample use of Xanax? It’s amazing I didn’t just lay down in the ocean and float all the way to Iceland (or into the maw of a pleasantly surprised shark). I highly recommend you add it to your routine. 😉
JTB: Thanks for the song. I’m sure portions of it will be stuck in my head at some point today. FYI, the test went fine. It was pretty boring actually, except for the part where the technician (who was a dead ringer for Cindy from the B52s, sans bouffant) didn’t want to allow me and my teeny tiny bladder a bathroom break. Her resolve was eventually crushed under the weight of my stink eye. And so it goes.
(K)arla: Nope. Didn’t enter. From the looks of the “contestants” the prerequisite to participate are Ubangi boobs with nipples slightly askew….one lookin at ya……one looking for ya……. I may be 46 by my bewbs have stood the test of time!!
Agree with you on the feel-good, every-time-you-turn-around graduations of some sort! B.S. It puts kids up for failure and dissapointment in real life. Do we get accolades and certificates for completing a full year of work!? think not. Suck it up. (Although, there’s nothing like witnessing the graduation of USMC boot camp, Parris Island, SC when your ‘one-and-only’ son is out on the parade deck. )
Vacation: going to land in Portlane ME from “Balmore” (Charm City) and drive to Halifax, venture into Parrsboro (supposed to be some type of dinosaur museum there), see Bay of Fundy and return scouring the coast of Maine. Then, will spend time and take off work to spend with my son who will be deployed too soon.
“Ubangi boobs with nipples slightly askew….one lookin at ya……one looking for ya”
Ow, I think I broke my pancreas laughing at that one.
No vacation for me. All work and no play makes Valentin want to drink all day and No rest for the wicked i guess. Man it’d be awesome if we got a vacation like kids do.
The Princess and I will be honeymooning in the Canadian Rockies in August. We’ll get some Smoking Fish pictures and send them along.
The Princess – by the way – is the one that intro’d me to The Surf Report.
Ian the Errolite says
camping (in a tent, not the Kenneth Willliams way).
Down to Yorkshire/Chesire for a week drinking real ales and avoiding coverage of Englandin the World Cup, then up to Arisaig for some whisky and tranquillity.
Never thought I’d put whisky and tranquillity in the same sentence!
Sam in Rochester says
Dude, I’m moving to Akron O.H. this summer!!111!!!
Why? Did you lose a bet?