How goes it, boys and girls? I hope it goes well. I’m a day late on this one, but that sort of thing will happen from time to time. I met Steve yesterday for lunch, as well as overslept a bit. And that knocked us out of business for a Thursday update. Oh well. He gave me a very cool Christmas gift: a Pete Rose autographed baseball, inscribed with the phrase I’M SORRY I BET ON BASEBALL. Crazy, huh? Great gift!
I was also late with the podcast. I finished it late and didn’t have it back from the producer dude until I was already sitting in front of a steaming plate of chicken ‘n’ dumplings at Cracker Barrel. Then I ate myself right up to the cusp of a blackout and was unable to post the episode. But I completed the transaction last night, right under the wire. I posted it around 11:45 PM. Technically still on Thursday, right? Right. Here’s yer link. And here’s the summary:
In this one, I tell you about a heartbreaking turn of events surrounding a $7000 purchase, and how you’re playing a dangerous game if you’re relying too heavily on any one internet-based company. Also, the Totally Out of Context Quote of the Week! I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for listening, and thanks for the support!
And just so you know… I’m going to take next week off on the podcast. I have a feeling many of us are going to be in a state of emotional and physical upheaval. So, the Jeff Kay Show is going dark. It’ll give me a chance to (possibly) re-charge my batteries a bit. But I’ll be back on New Year’s Eve with a new episode. And I’m going to continue updating the Surf Report as “normal.”
And speaking of the guy I just referred to as “the producer dude” for some reason, I want to share something with you here. He and a friend also have a podcast, called No Redeeming Qualities. It’s genuinely funny, and I recommend it. I listen to most episodes, and they’re always great fun. In any case… the guys are trying something fairly audacious. And I’m a big fan of audacious. For the past year or so they’ve been working on a one-hour audio play… or radio drama, or whatever you want to call it. It’s a scripted comedy about the governor of Texas being shoved down a flight of stairs in his wheelchair, called Wheels of Justice. The trailer is here. Please give it a listen and share your thoughts. The full show will be released on January 7. I can’t imagine taking on something like this, but I love it! Check it out. I laugh every time.
Last week, or possibly the week before, Nancy and her family were hit by that giant snowstorm that hammered the Carolinas, etc. She has very little exposure to snow, and asked Toney for some advice. Including, but not limited to:
What do you do with the snow after you shovel it off the driveway? Throw it into the street?
I guess bagging it is not a good idea?
Can you clear off your car with salt?
By the way… she has a doctorate. Hey, whatever. Pass the organic oatmeal stout nuts.
Also, just a reminder… I mentioned this in a recent podcast episode, but I’m meeting a couple of friends at a Long John Silver’s on Sunday, and we’re going to take on the all-you-can-eat Chicken Plank challenge. Oh, it’s going to be quite an event. One of the two guys is known for his ability to eat ENORMOUS amounts of food, and we’re all on the edge of our seats about that. How much damage can he do? It might end up on CNN. I’m going to personally attempt to eat two full Chicken Plank dinners and will consider that to be an accomplishment if I’m able to get there. But he’ll go way past that, I’m certain. I’ll update on Monday, possibly with photos. And hopefully, I won’t shit myself while driving home on Sunday. Or get arrested for driving under the influence of chicken, grease, and salt. Stay tuned.
Based on very recent experience, here’s something else you can’t cheap out on: plastic wrap. Like Saran Wrap? That sort of thing? I think I asked that Question recently, or it might’ve been seven years ago. It all runs together at this point. I’m a mess. Anyway, the store versions of Saran Wrap are among the most infuriating things in the world. Holy hell! They won’t tear correctly… they ball up. It makes me want to punch a plate of glass. What other products can you NEVER cheap out on? Tell us about it in the comments.
And finally, I was in a work meeting recently and was forced to participate in one of these deals: “OK, let’s go around the room and introduce ourselves. Also, if you would, tell us a quick fun fact about yourself!” Sweet sainted mother of my winking sphincter!! I hate shit like that with the intensity of a thousand suns. But I’m going to make it the Question o’ the Day here. In the comments, please tell us a fun fact about yourself. Something most of us would not know.
And I’m calling it a day here. I’m working tonight, off the weekend, working a half-day Monday, off Tuesday and also Friday. So, after today (which might also be abbreviated… ahem) it’ll be fairly painless for a while. Are you getting any time off because of the holidays? Days off are awesome, ain’t they?
Have a great weekend!
I’ll be back on Monday.
Now playing in the bunker
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I was walking home the other day and saw a business owner downtown blowing leaves and garbage all over the road from in front of his place.
I was handed a name tag yesterday. I think we are going to be made to start wearing them in January. I am not a fan of that deal.
I’m off from now until 02 January – year-end shutdown!! Woo!!
When asked if there’s anything interesting about me, I tend to just make stuff up because my actual life has wound up to be pretty boring, but here’s one true thing: I’m pretty good at making up situationally specific lyrics to songs on the spot. It’s not much, but it’s something!
I am now tempted to rig up my snow blow with the grass catcher from my lawn mower.
You can clear your car off with salt, it’s just not recommended.
I use Glad Cling Wrap but I don’t like to skimp on my booze, no Gilbeys vodka in my house.
Most people don’t realize I’m shy, my outgoingness throws them off.
In a little o’er 3 hours from now I will be off work until 1/2/19, thank you baby Jesus.
Walter, I’m reluctant to admit that I’ve never operated a snow blow (with the exception of a five dollar bill [you think I’m made of money?]) but I was wondering if you could eliminate the middle man and just snow blow the snow onto your neighbor’s car, then sprinkle a pound or two of salt on the vehicle. If the salt doesn’t work, I think Gilbeys vodka should result in a finish as smooth as the baby Jesus’ behind.
We need more Nancy and Nostrils in the coming year.
Yes!! My heart leapt with joy when I read “Nancy”—I definitely need more. I really truly want an update on The Translucents.
A Nancy nugget! What a nice treat! I miss them too!
Bagging it? BAGGING IT? What the actual F?
I usually say I grew up in the smallest town, in the smallest county, in the smallest state in the union. Usually starts a 20 minute conversation about small towns, reducing the amount of time for the bullshit reason the meeting was organized.
Knight Garrard says
There is no substitute for genuine Q-Tips
Nobody knows me, so any info is a fun fact, such as that I play clarinet in a community band.
Every attempt at cheapening-out on tequila has been a big mistake.
Oh and I’m off till Jan 7.
I miss Nancy, Nostrils and the Translucents. Please give us a longer update!
Do not cheap out on toilet paper. If you do, you will be in a world of hurt. Also Scotch whisky.
Fun fact: I worked the Olympics one time. My job was to sit in the International Broadcast Center in case something broke. Free skiing on your days off.
My fun fact……My great, great grandfather was Isaac Funk, of Funk and Wagnall’s encyclopedia fame. Put that in your Funk’n’Wagnalls!
My company has always shut down from before Christmas until after New Year’s for the last 45 years or so. We only get 6 Holidays during the year but the extra six for the Christmas season makes it totally worthwhile. I am a dyed-in-the-wool trivia geek. I routinely win money at some neighborhood watering holes playing. If only I had that kind of useful knowledge I may not still be working, stressing over the daily beating that the markets are taking….
I once entered a poetry contest…and lost.
Now see….that doesn’t even rhyme!
…..and it was clear that I wasn’t the best. That’s how you do it!
I hate hate hate the icebreaker crap too. Usually I say my fun fact is that I really love talking about myself in group settings. I get a laugh and get my point across. Win-win.
I fail to understand why the fact has to be fun. Why not, “I have one testicle that hangs lower than the other, so I often veer to the left.” OK, that one is kind of fun (for the right crowd), but you get my meaning. “My old man was struck and killed by a 1979 Cadillac Seville driven by an older woman who was trying to roll a joint with one hand.” Yeah, like that.
Jerry in WV says
Fun fact…. many years ago, Ted Kennedy was visiting the base where I was stationed. I was using the bathroom and as I turned to leave, he was coming in and we met face to face and he fell flat on his ass. Of course, his entourage immediately shoved me against the wall, but he quickly told them to back off and he actually apologized to me for the incident. He said he should have been paying attention. Then he went into full politician mode, shook my hand and asked my name and where I was from. I told him and his response was, “Airman Forren, if you ever need a favor, call me. I doubt I will ever forget this!” Sadly, he died before I ever cashed in.
The Qweezy Mark says
Sheets and towels. This is where I’ve spent what I thought at the time was double what I was guessing, but it is a different world and so worth it. Will not cheap out in this area again.
Good quality sheets are amazing. I spent a few days researching and finally settled on Brooklinen sheets and they get better every time I wash them. I also love Redland Cotton towels. They make sheets too but their descriptions and reviews lead one to think that their sheets are crisp, and I prefer soft sheets. The Redland towels are great. And yes, I’m geeking out over linens.
Trash bags, butt paper, orange juice
Can’t go cheap on those things.
SC Shawn says
I have to second the TP recommendation, treat your ass kindly.
Fun fact: I cruise the sky low and slow, flying my powered paraglider. Closest thing a human can do to be flying like a bird. It’s the most fun I’ve ever had with my clothes on.
Uh Oh, looks like Jeff might be in that part of the gummit that got its pipes froze. No problem. Let me just take this opportunity to wish you all a joyous Kwanzaa and stuff. If you remember sometime in the next couple of days that it’s not all about the money, you’ll be doing humanity a small favour and me a big one. And don’t forget to boogie.
Good luck as always,
I did boogie. I didn’t puke, but one of my friends did. In the bathroom sink, not the toilet. Alexa kindly played some Root Boy for us.
Later, we watched one of those obligatory Christmas movies: the “Woodland Critter Christmas” episode of South Park.
Yeah, for me it was the Trailer Park Boys Christmas Special, Liquor and Dope Edition. Then The Ref, then The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle (Jeremy Brett). My boogie days have slowed considerably, but not as much as Bob Hite’s. Fried Hockey Boogie.
Merry Christmas you crazy bunch of Surf Reporters! I’m cooking for the homeless today, after spending the morning with my daughter, the Angry White Girl! Cheers!