While the Super Bowl was underway last night I watched the latest episode of Hell’s Kitchen (that obnoxious Jackie needs to go), two episodes of Restaurant Startup (why??), and two hours of The Killing (starting to lose me a bit). I did see about 30 minutes of the game, and it was 10-0 Denver when I jumped ship on account o’ the boredom.
I drank a few beers last night, too. It was the first time I had alcohol in 2016, and regret it. It cost me $20 for a case, and I didn’t even enjoy it all that much. Oh, it was fine, but not worth 20 bucks. Today I invited Toney to finish ’em off during the next week or two. And I’m going back on the wagon. Fukkit. I’m sleeping better, and making progress on the ridiculous novel I’m slowly (very slowly) writing. So… somebody should alert Dick Yuengling that his profits are going to continue to slide for a while.
Yesterday I had to be at work at 5 am, which nearly killed me. I’ve worked nights since 2007, and whenever I have to shake it up a bit… I find myself one step away from a hospital stay. When I got home yesterday, around 2 pm, I could barely function. I reportedly downed a footlong BMT from Subway, and don’t really even remember buying or ingesting the thing. Then I slipped into a mini-coma, while sitting upright on the couch, and woke in complete darkness. My head was ratcheted off to the right, like I was hanging from a rope. Hours had passed, and everything except my tiny Hawking head was in exactly the same position.
Can somebody please pass the hot water bottle? Sheesh. I’m starting to give Nostrils a run for the money over here. Cooking shows instead of football and beer? Absolute emotional and physical collapse because I had to get up early? It’s sad.
But let’s move on… I just rebooted this computer, because it was acting all sluggish and bogged-down. I hit restart at 3:36, and it was usable again at 4:04. It shouldn’t take 28 minutes to reboot a desktop computer, right? I didn’t think so. And my laptop isn’t much better. Both are running Windows Vista, which should give you an idea about their age.
I’m thinking about replacing the laptop soon, but need some advice. I use Microsoft Word a lot, and need to upgrade that shit too. I’m using Office 2003 on the laptop, my desktop, and Toney’s desktop. What’s the best (cheapest) way to get a newer version on all three machines? It’s gotten complicated, with subscription models and PC Key Cards, etc. What in the tight-fisted hell? I’d just like to have the same version across all three computers, without having to send a pallet of cash to Redmond, WA. Ya know?
Help me out, won’t you? Sure, I could do some research, and educate myself, but it would require a level of effort I’m not willing to put forth at the moment. Thank you in advance for enabling my half-assery.
A few days ago I went into a public men’s room, and there was a pair of jeans stuffed into the trash can. Please help me understand what happened… I can come up with a couple of scenarios, without too much trouble, but there’s a fundamental problem with both of them. What are your thoughts? Use the comments link.
Wanna see something mind-boggling? Check out this “news” item about Sammy Hagar (gasp!) wishing Eddie Van Halen a happy birthday on Twitter. Then Sammy (are you ready for this??) thanked him. That’s it. That’s the whole story. And it’s generated more than 1200 comments and 6000 social media shares. I don’t know or understand such a level of nerdery. I sometimes wish I had that much passion about something, but don’t. I wonder if anyone had to call off work because of this?
On Sunday Toney and I went to Chipotle for lunch and the thought of contracting E.coli jumped to mind. Oh, they’ve had their troubles… But, damn, their chicken bowls are so freakin’ good, I’m willing to risk it. While standing in line, I told Toney I was going to lighten the mood a bit, and ask the guy at the counter to give me “an extra shot of that Mexican shit water” with my meal. But she advised me to play it straight, and I did. Maybe next time?
In addition to the questions, I’ve already asked… here’s another one for ya: Do you think anybody is pissed at you right now, or at least annoyed? If so, why? Tell us about it, won’t you?
And I need to go now. I’m still not hitting on all cylinders, and feel like burrowing into a couch or chair, and maybe watching some mediocre-at-best television.
I’ll see you guys again soon.
Have yourselves a great day!
Support us by doing your shopping at Amazon! In Canada? Here’s your link. Thank you guys!
I made a batch of wings.
David I. says
You need to hit the cloud, dude. Google Docs or Microsoft One Note if you must stay under Bill Gates watchful gaze. They are free, have all the functionality you probably will ever need, instantly saves and backs up your work and your files are always available any time from any computer. Plus they auto-upgrade so they never get “old”. I haven’t used Word in 5 years and I do a LOT of writing.
I have OneNote, and don’t like it for writing. I’ll look at Google Docs. There was something about it that annoyed me, but I can’t remember what. Maybe it was just lack of familiarity? I know this might come as a shock, but I’m sometimes not the most patient person. I also have Scrivener, backed up to Dropbox. Everybody loves Scrivener, but so far… I’m not in love. Like, maybe. But certainly not love.
One of my students is annoyed at me because I called him out on cheating last semester (why I failed his happy ass).
The rest of that class is pissed because I made them do their homework… on time…
They probably have a voodoo doll of me.
As for the pants, once I had to take an exam (for the class that I now teach) as an udergrad. I was sick. Stomach problems. Midway through the exam I made the heinous mistake of trusting a fart. I then texted my sister to bring me pants… she drove to campus and gave the pants to a janitor who brought them into the bathroom where I was crying and sharting.
The professor was the one who wrote the letter of recommendation that got me this job….
Used to be university students could get a dirt cheap copy of Office. Now there’s an online version. Maybe your boy could snag a copy? https://products.office.com/en-us/student/office-in-education
Try Open Office. It is just like old Microsoft apps without the activation and cost.
My kids get MSOffice stuff for free on the student card – so yeah, maybe a subscription is available. I’m a Word junkie, and anything else just feels second-rate. Oh, I holler every time there’s an ‘upgrade’ (that stupid ribbon!), but flinch real hard at the thought of using anything else. It helps that the work I do (regulatory writing! Woo!) and the companies for whom I work are stuck on the one-note orchestra, so even moving to an XML template for authoring is a 10-year-old pipe dream.
Getting used to not drinking is weird, but not as weird as waking up with a hangover for the first time in weeks or months. I have to (once again) hang up the bourbon holster, but am milking this sore throat thing for another day to sip the South’s finest beverage. It does help strip the crap from the ol’ trachea, you know.
The Qweezy Mark says
I just got a new laptop with Windows 10. To keep the price down it didn’t come with a lot of programs that some machines do, including Microsoft Office. It did, however, come with WPS Office which I believe is the popular version used in Asia. The Writer’s functionality is pretty much the same as Word but, as you said, familiarity will be an issue for a while. There is also Libre Office which is free but clunkier than Microsoft Office.
The Qweezy Mark says
I believe WPS comes with cloud access, as well.
I can think of at least two people who are mad at me right now, thankfully I’m only married to one of them.
I use Office 2000. It does all I need.
We all know why the pants were in the trash.
I don’t think anyone is mad at me. Although I sorta hope to piss off one person per day, so I’m under quota here.
I’m also useless for computer knowledge, except to say Open Office can suck a fat one to death.
Overall, I have nothing of value to share. I just wanted to be part of the cool crowd.
If you still have a kid on college: see if his school offers an academic license (not the “school version sold in stores…the fully functional versions of Office 2013 Pro is probably less than $50….and you can install on multiple machines. Technically…the license requires you to uninstall once your school affiliation ends.
The school I’m affiliated with as an employee sells it for $28 (downloadable…plus an optional $4 for a DVD version). Talk to your kid.
That Sammy/Eddie thing was a big deal as they have been at war in the press for a long time. I can your point though. It reminds me of the Kardashian trending topics that appear on the right side of my Facebook page. I don’t get it.
Lew in Bama says
I’m no IT expert, but I don’t think you need to buy all new computers, save your money and rebuild the easy way. Back up your current units to a separate hard drive. Then dump the whole POS operating system that is Vista, reformat the drives, then upload a new operating system from a disk. Anything newer than Vista will be a vast improvement. You should be able to plug in your back up drive and recover your most important crap back to your updated set up.
That’s what I am doing with my old Dell laptop that came pre-loaded with Vista.
Then again, you can get a new decent laptop for under $500 and avoid all the hassle mentioned above.
I bought new Dell a few years ago, but am still going to reformat my old one so we have 2.
If you have a version of Windows newer than Vista, the upgrade to 10 is free I think.
IT Neophyte says
You are so correct Lew. We just did both of the things you mention.
last week bought a new HP laptop at Office Despot for $320. 4 MG of RAM and a 1 TB hard drive. more than any ‘regular’ person needs for home use.
Our old laptops and desktops were reformatted a year ago. Did exact as you say – copied critical files to a portable drive, wiped and reformatted the hard disks, and installed newer Windows operating system. Copied the files back onto the old PC’s after we got done.
And got a cheap copy of Office through my daughter’s college.
that’s really all you need to do.
Phil Jett says
I’m with some of the other comments, there are some cheaper ways to find office. Microsoft has employee discounts for companies that have a large number of software products they lease. For me I was able to purchase a one time a download of the latest Microsoft Office product for Windows good for three machines and they only charged us tax on the retail value. You might want to see if your company has this program.
My daughter had the opportunity to get the student version at a reduced cost but it is only good for 4 years.
Lee Harvey Ramone says
Almost everything I do both personally and professionally is done via my Google Drive, and various applications that are readily available via that environment. Google Docs actually seems to be more functional and versatile than MS Word. I am a “trusted tester” of Google Earth Engine, which is a paradigm shift in my line of work (and I don’t use that term frivolously).
I am going to go out and piss somebody off right now. I want to belong.
Mad at me? Try death stares and covered up office whispering. I started a new job a month ago. 2 weeks of training for a job that needs at least 2 months (and I’m not being a pussy jokester). SO one of the ladies who works with me had her workload bumped up a bit to oversee my work. And today she went on a rant. I’m pretty sure my face turned purple and it took all my will not to pick up my purse and walk the hell out of there,
I had a late afternoon meeting with my boss who needs a statue erected in his honor. He is the voice of calm and compassion. He basically told me that Ms. R can fuk off and that she isn’t a team player. He said, given the circumstances, I’m doing a great job and am very well liked.
Maybe someone blew out the ass of their pants reaching for an item on a bottom shelf. But I’d like to think it was something for more smelly and embarrassing.
Hang in there. On the off-chance Ms R is a Clint Eastwood fan, the next time she tees off on you, just tell her Hell is coming to breakfast. In the unlikely case she isn’t a fan of our favorite art house superstar, show her the following educational workplace film.
Thanks, jtb! Exactly what I needed.
i just picked up a new dell inspiron 15 laptop from office depot3 days ago for 250 bucks even comes with a free office download and some other stuff.
Jeremy Wiley says
Half of the people I know are pissed at me right now. The other half will rotate with them later.
Root 66 says
Pants in the trash can–clearly an Alli “treatment effect!”
Not as many people pissed since I too have a sober ’16 going.
I snapped a belt in half last night just sitting down. I thought a hernia blew.
The ghost of my dead cat has been visiting me at 4 in the morning and pissing outside my bedroom window.
And to stay on topic macaroni and beef coupled with no loving wife to get you sweats
I understand there might be an opening at Visalia next year.
I was in a meeting the other day with EVERYBODY’S BOSS (the General) when he said that we, as an organization were going to pursue a specific course of action.
His senior adviser then said that the briefing today will cover that course of action and a few others. Thus followed:
Boss: “Oh, I didn’t make that decision yet?”
Adviser: “No sir, that decision will be made tomorrow.”
Boss: “What if I just decided right now?”
Adviser: “Then we’ll confirm it tomorrow.”
Boss: “Tomorrow I’ll make the decision I just made?”
Adviser: “Yes, sir.”
Boss: “Okay. Let’s move on with the briefing.”
That sort of thing cracks me up. Maybe you had to be there.
I am so glad to be a civilian.