A Few Quick Things, vol. 139

This is bullshit already. I’m starting to get this crap from every direction. At some point I’m just going to throw in the towel and embrace it. But not yet. It’s still new enough to piss me off and ruin my day. Everybody tells me not to worry about it and “just enjoy the discount.” I think that’s the exact wrong advice. Once you stop being offended it’s over. At some point my parents surrendered to it, but they fought valiantly for years. They didn’t just roll over at the first sign of trouble and start adding up their 40 cent discounts. No, “don’t worry about it” is horseshit. And Sue can pack it.

Also, check this out. This is the person Great Clips has on their website representing a senior citizen. Look at that guy! He makes my blood boil. Can’t you just see him at the block party talking about his investments, European golf vacations and extreme home improvements? And anyway, below is what people in their 20s actually see when they encounter anyone over the age of 45. Not Mr. Jauntily Glancing Over His Shoulder Douchebuckle Jones. Man, I’m getting all fired up.

As you might be able to tell, I’m working through some things. Heh. As mentioned last time, I’m now publishing a monthly column about various aspects of aging, from my particular point of view. Check it out at Substack. You can subscribe to receive each new column in your email, just visit the site every month, or ignore the whole thing altogether. It’s up to you. …Senior Haircut! Boy, that really smokes my halibut.

— Check out these photos taken by a dude with a cell phone, following the recent tornado devastation in Kentucky. That top one inside the theater, with the screen gone, is one of the best photographs I’ve seen in a while. That is amazing. Unforgettable, really.

I’m fairly terrified of tornadoes, always have been. I was in some kind of storm as a youngling, at Pirateland Campground in Myrtle Beach, where some campers were turned over and awnings were ripped clean off others, and sent sailing deep into North Carolina or somesuch. Scary! And when I was 9 the city of Xenia, Ohio was basically wiped off the map. It was in the news for days, and nobody could stop talking about it. All of that adds up to a deep-seated possibly irrational fear. Do you have anything like that?

— Have you read Larry David’s new piece about Christmas? Check it out. Man, that guy’s grumpier and more curmudgeonly than I am. Love it! I laughed out loud at the part about buying gifts (never without resentment). Hilarious. Reminds me of this all-time classic of misanthropy and bitterness. It’s one of the funniest books ever.

— Here’s a holiday classic from the Surf Report archives. The Terrifying Twenty: Santa Edition!

— And here are some photos I took while visiting the Christmas Story house in Cleveland a few years ago. This is a then and now comparison. To tell you the truth, I wouldn’t recommend a pilgrimage to that place. It takes roughly seven minutes to tour the house, and the neighborhood is shabby and fairly run down. There’s a big-ass gift shop though, if you’re into that kind of thing. Steve bought a full-sized leg lamp for something like $200. I think I purchased a postcard. Have you been there? What did you think?

I need to call it day, my friends. I hope you guys have a wonderful holiday. I’m just looking to get it into the rearview mirror, and push on toward Spring Training (if there is such a thing this year). In any case, I hope it’s pleasant for all of us.

I’ll see you again soon!

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