I watched Death Wish on Netflix Instant last weekend. I thought it would be entertaining, in a grimy 1970s inner-city kinda way. And it’s always fun to watch someone snap and get massive revenge on the dregs of society. But it wasn’t all that good. Or maybe I wasn’t in the right frame of mind, I don’t know.
What are the best revenge movies? Death Wish was a big, big deal when I was a kid, and I thought I’d enjoy it like a mindless cartoon. Oh well. Maybe you guys can suggest an alternative?
I watched a Michael Caine revenge flick a couple of months ago, called Harry Brown. It was much more satisfying. And, as mentioned, I enjoyed God Bless America, recently. What are some other good ‘uns?
And not that it matters, one way or the other, but was Charles Bronson an Asian? He looked like he was from the Pacific Rim.
I was sitting in Wendy’s a little while ago, and they were playing Haircut 100 over the speakers. Weird, huh? At the ass-end of 2012, near Scranton, PA, we’re eating our fast food burgers to an obscure pretty boy British new wave pop song from 1982.
And I started thinking… Wonder how big of a fan-base Haircut 100 has in the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre area at this point? Enough to support a tribute band? How about a Haircut 100 tribute band made up exclusively of obese gentlemen over the age of 50? I think I might be on to something… Don’t steal my idea! If all goes well, Love Plus One will be playing the Hazelton Moose Lodge within three months time.
I didn’t get out of bed until noon today, and had to groan and wallow and tap some inner-strength to make it happen, even then. Stoopid high-stress job… Then I went downstairs, started some coffee to brewin’, and typed the following at Twitter:
A gassy ninja is an ineffective ninja.
I don’t know where it came from, but I’ve learned to never second-guess my just-out-of-bed tweets. Like the just-out-of-bed toots, it’s best not to suppress.
But wouldn’t that make a great Gas-X commercial? They could show a ninja silently spinning and moving from room to room, trying to sneak up on someone. Until… he makes a sudden movement, his butt trumpet goes off, and the mission is compromised. People would love it!
What other Gas-X, or Bean-O, commercials can we write? Help them out, won’t you? Use the comments section below.
Our oldest son has seen The Hobbit twice, and wants to go again. Me? I’d have to be paid $250 to endure such torture. Seriously, I ran the numbers, and decided $250 is the minimum I could accept for such a thing.
I don’t watch movies with dwarves and swords. I don’t know if The Hobbit features dwarves and swords, but it certainly does in spirit, if not in fact. What are your feelings on that film? Would you go for less than $250? What’s your price? Sweet Jesus in a sidecar!
And finally, I was thinking about something a few days ago… When I was in grade school, there was a kid named Roni (pronounced like the second half of macaroni), who wore a t-shirt to school at least twice a week. It had a cartoon of two pigs having sex, with the words MAKIN’ BACON! below it.
I couldn’t believe he was allowed to wear such a thing, but as far as I know… nobody ever said a word to him. In fact, he continued to wear it in Junior High the next year, with impunity.
And when I was in high school there was a hardened troublemaker hick who liked to sport a shirt with the words SUCK A ROD on the front. It was a black t-shirt, with white iron-on letters, and he didn’t even make much of an effort to line the letters up. It screamed “homemade,” but this guy was more into emotional terrorism and Jim Beam than aesthetics.
For our final Question (I’ve asked quite a few today, haven’t I?), I’d like to know about inappropriate t-shirts you’ve seen. Maybe at school, or work, or wherever else it felt… not quite right. Tell us about it in the comments.
And please don’t forget about our Amazon links this holiday season. Here’s a good one, to get you started. Just click-through, and shop as normal. For most of the month we were behind last year’s numbers, but we’re now slightly ahead! Keep it going, my friends. It’s free to you, and means a great deal to me. Everybody wins.
Have a great weekend!
I’ll see again on Monday.
Now playing in the bunker
Do your holiday shopping at Amazon: US and Canada
Used the amazon link earlier this week. I think I might go see The Hobbit. It can’t be worse than some of the crap my husband likes. We usually make deals. I will go with him to see whatever superhero movie is out, and in return he will go with me to whatever Twilight, Harry Potter, or Judd Apatow movie I want to see.
Oh, and first!
John and I are trading The Hobbit for him (sigh) against Les Miserables for me. Seems fair.
You sir can go SUCK A ROD! It’s not just a story about dwarves and swords. I suggest you read the book and then go see the movie and then come back and apologize to me.
Thppppttttt! Not even at gunpoint.
Charles Bronson (Charles Dennis Buchinsky) was of Tatar heritage, a group of Russian-Turkic-Mongolian people that now live in the former Soviet republics like Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, etc. His ancestors moved from the area to Poland and Lithuania in the 1300s. Neat history.
I marathoned the Death Wish series a few years ago and really wish I hadn’t. Lots of rape and paranoia.
I don’t know much about the Tartars, but I do very much enjoy their sauce on fish sticks!
i thought chuck b was supposed to be son of pa coal miner
or ex pa coal miner or something like that
Walking Tall. Haven’t seen it in years, but IIRC it was a pretty good revenge movie. Also Falling Down, in a way.
Now to read the update.
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I second “Falling Down”!
For a while I was using Falling Down as a test/demo disc for the audiovisual systems I program. One time one of my Beltway Bandit clients got a good look at Michael Douglas in full geek regalia (tie, white shirt, crewcut, glasses) and declared, “He looks like one of us!”
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Does Revenge of the Nerds count?
Do you know Karate?
Well, I saw The Hobbit this week, and I wish I had been paid at least $250 for doing so. Out of curiousity, I went to the high-frame-rate, 3-D version. Seemed in theory like a good idea but it didn’t work very well. As some reviewers have said, it really made it look like it was shot on videotape.
And it does feature more dwarves and swords than Jeff could ever possibly tolerate.
Bronson Asian? He’s a Lithuanian! Buchinski, or something close to that, was his given name.
Michael Caine starred in at least one other good revenge flick: Get Carter! (Not the one with Sylvester Stallone.)
Saw a t-shit in Las Vegas in 2002, worn by a kid who must have been in the 19-21 yr., age frame. He was with what looked to be a mother and his sister. I read across the front, “Fuck you you fuckin’ fuck!” I was stunned…in Vegas…by a t-shirt.
Where can I get one of these T-shits?
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Apparently they’re available all over Japan…
http://www.engrish.com//wp-content/uploads/2010/12/you-fuckin-fuck.jpg
amazon; just remember to use jeffs link.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=%22fuck+you+you+fucking+fuck%22+t-shirt
The movie Faster is a really good revenge flick. Also Taken.
I saw the high-frame-rate (HFR) 3D version of The Hobbit last weekend… definitely not worth the extra money. HFR actually made the movie feel a bit more amateurish. And like every other 3D movie I’ve seen, the 3D didn’t really add anything to this one.
I might go see the regular version of The Hobbit this weekend… I also have an urge to re-read the book, but I know I’ll ultimately be too lazy to ever do that.
If it were my only chance, I would pay $250 to see The Hobbit.
I heard that “Ender’s Game” is being made into a movie, due to be released in November I think. I wanted to reread it, but I can’t find it. Ditto “The Hobbit” – that book would be buried so deeply that I have no real hope of finding it. I only read “Ender’s” a couple of years ago, so it may be closer to the top of my personal Dustbin of History.
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I am in agreement with Jeff. Two-fitty is NOT enough to endure movies like that. Same goes for the Harry Potter series. Not the least bit interested.
My boyfriend has a sleeveless T-shirt that says “Harley Fuckin’ Davidson”. The only place he wears it is at the Jamboree in the Hills concert. And every year we have a bunch of people ask where he got it. We would make a small fortune if we did make some and sell them. It is pure redneck.
At Steven Segal movie is a revenge flick. And a cinematic classic.
How about “Ghost”? Great revenge plot!
Another good revenge movie (also with Michael Caine): The Island
I lived through the “(plural noun) do it with (identifying verb)” phase of iron-on clever sayings (preferably on a baseball tee! – and thought that was pretty racy for the time (1980-1980.5). I was in the group that has the ‘musicians do it with rhythm’ and I had a wee chuckle at the thought.
Revenge flick? What was that one with Julia Roberts – ‘Married to the Enemy’ or something? I do enjoy when the ladies get angry and vindictive for good reason.
Sleeping with the Enemy? Married to the Mob?
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War of the Roses?
The Burning Bed is a great one in that genre.
“Drummers do it with a Hemisemidemiquaver”
I was at a punk rock show some odd years back,and there was a rough looking couple there wearing complementary t-shirts. The back of the guys’ shirt read, “If you can read this, the bitch fell off!” and the woman’s shirt read, “I’m the bitch that fell off!”
Also, I continue to hold out hope that a Black Sabbath tribute band will form and call themselves Black Sabbath (the song): A Black Sabbath Tribute.
Also also, I rather enjoy Death Wish, and I always assumed Bronson had roots in the Pacific as well.
And finally, The Hobbit can cram it with walnuts. Although I’d probably sit through it for 50 bucks and take a nap during.
I saw a 9 year old kid wearing a tshirt at a lacrosse tournament that read:
“If lacrosse were easy, it would be your Mom”
Best revenge flick, EVER…Chocolate, It is a foreign film out of Thailand, and it has a weird name, but…everyone in the movie does their own stunts (and gets BADLY hurt doing so as you can see in the Behind-the-scenes feature). The star of this movie makes Bruce Lee look like an absolute amateur. It took four years to film it, and there is a sequel in the making!
Did I mention it stars a woman?
1. Today’s Best-of link, the Sonic recap, was hilarious.
2. I liked the Lord of the Rings movies, read the books, have the DVDs, etc, but don’t have much enthusiasm for the Hobbit movie. Maybe I’ll catch it when they’re all three done so I don’t have to wait a year between dwarfings and swordings.
3. Back in the mid-90s I had a summer job at a campground general store. One day I found myself the owner (ahem) of two Corona t-shirts we sold. The first featured anthropomorphic beer bottles at a house party, the second said “Corona – Best head south of the border!” The first I wore to high school many times with nary a comment from anyone. I knew better than to push my luck with the second.
I didn’t realize it was a three parter. That seems a bit much.
High Plains Drifter
Road To Perdition
Not a T-shirt, but a hat — in the early ’90s I worked for a company owned by a very wealthy Lebanese guy from France. I’m talking a many-multi-millionaire guy, whose company was a plumbing/HVAC contractor for skyscrapers being built in Philadelphia (and other cities throughout the world). One day he came into the office after a trip to NYC with a baseball cap that he had bought there — instead of a team logo on the front, it simply said “FUCK” in big block letters. He thought it was quite humorous, as did all of his low-level employees when we saw it on this millionaire’s head. I don’t think there can be anything more offensive than a hat or shirt that simply loudly announces “FUCK.” I kinda wish I had one today. I would wear it proudly.
Message sent at 12:01a.m. Dec 21 – does this mean there’s hope? I’m sitting here at 11:30 p.m. Dec 20 with a Howe Sound craft beer waiting for the end. I guess I should save some for tomorrow now….
Should mentioned pst time zone.
lol ‘have’
Back in the late 80s, I went with my girlfriend at the time to Austin, MN for some sort of summer fair. Little did I know that this is where Spam is produced and little did I care that there was an on-going union action. Evidently this plant employed a shed load of the locals, so tensions were high at this fair. People made their allegiance known by wearing a t-shirt that said either, SPAM or Cram your SPAM. Clearly I thought that the cram t-shirts were one of the funniest things ever, so I had to have one.
Girlfriend was not impressed that I wanted to wear it immediately. For the rest of the day, I got either a thumbs up or scowl from the passers-by, but no one was neutral. Luckily I didn’t get beaten up by anti-union heavies. I still got a blow job that night. Good times.
$250 is not enough. At least enough to cover my house payment for the month and I might consider it.
Agree with High Plains Drifter and Falling Down.
I think getting the Pope to endorse gas-x could be interesting, though I’m sure the 100 lbs of robes muffles his most of the time.
I saw a really sweet looking, girl next door type in Vegas with a t-shirt that said “I give BJs” with a crushed walnut on the front and on the back was “Until the nut is busted”
A kid at my high school (circa 1978) was asked to leave for the day after wearing a “Rod Stewart Sucks” tshirt after the infamous-didn’t-really-happen stomach pumping non-event. heh.
Got my BIL a “Fuck you you Fuckin’ Fuck” shirt in SF last time I was there.
Happy Apocalypse! 2pm in Italy and we’re still kickin’!
T-shirt: “Necrophilia Lives” Black, with rainbow glitter letters, 1978-79.
Best? How about best disturbing revenge flick? And the winner is …
SAW – the low budget original. Accept no sequels.
Payback with Mel sugartits Gibson – excellent revenge flick.
Revenge flicks: The Godfather and Gran Torino come to mind.
Beloved’s ex-whacko gave him a T shirt “Best Fishing Day Ever” that shows a fisherman in waist high water with a fish blowing him. He still thinks it’s hilarious but short of wiping my ass on it, I’ve all but destroyed it using it as a dust rag.
Oh, and I regret not getting George Carlin’s T Shirt “Simon sez go fuck yourself.” Instead, I opted for “Sometimes a little brain damage can help.”
Unforgiven and Pale Rider come right to mind.
Guy out hunting elk and a big 8 pointer walks out of the tree line about 100 yards away. Guy scopes him in and…yep…you guessed it. Scares the elk away with his own ‘bugling’.
Guy out fishing in an aluminum boat and an underwater shot of the fish being scared away just as the get under the boat.
Bunch of cowboys sittin’ around a campfire eating their plate of beans (ala Blazing Saddles) and they’re all just sitting there looking around at each other with just the crickets chirping in the background. Camera pans out to cook wagon to see Beano bottles sitting by the pot of beans and plates. Cue crickets to chirp louder.
Mayans had a calander but not a clock so I’m pacing myself.
Had a great T I’d wear a lot. Even on the gig. All over the front at all different angles…all sorts of fucks. Fuck phone booths, fuck girl scout cookies, fuck the phone company and on and on. Probably 30-40 different ones. I think a girlfriend at the time took it. Also had a cool cap. (Dave Lennox kind…know what I mean?). Red and white and a Coka-Cola delivery gave it to me. Would wear that on the bandstand to. It was quite a hit. Across the front it said…”Enjoy Coke”. It was a company issue hat back then. (early ’80s)
I second Payback as a great revenge movie.
One of the best shirts I ever saw, then saw it went viral on FB for a while had this saying on it: ‘What do we want? A cure for Tourettes! When do we want it? Cunt.”
A friend of mine bought one online but said he ended up paying $30 for it ($30 for a t-shirt?!) because of the popularity. Haven’t seen ’em in a while. Love that shirt!
I think we have a t-shirt winner.
I had a T-shirt I wore in junior high that said, “I’ve given up bowling for sex. The balls are lighter and you don’t have to change your shoes.” Wore it at least once a week. Only once did a front office lady say to me, “Does your mother know you’re wearing that?” “Yep. She bought it for me.”
Heh.
That’s awesome. My mom bought me a shirt that said “Chicks dig ‘Big Peckers.'” Big Peckers is (was) apparently a restaurant in Ocean City or somewhere. I wore it to school in tenth grade and was told that it was not acceptable. I compared it to the “Hooters” shirts. My entirely valid position was not condoned and I was told to remove the shirt. So I did in the middle of the lunch room. The vice president of the school, who told me to remove the shirt, was so pissed that he tried to expel me. I explained to the principal that I had only done as instructed. I won. That fucker still hates me.
Get some help
😉
* Actively refuses to comply with majority’s requests or consensus-supported rules[9]
* Performs actions to deliberately annoy others[9]
* Angry and resentful of others[7]
* Argues often[7]
* Blames others for his or her own mistakes[10]
* Often loses temper[10]
* Spiteful or seeks revenge[10]
* Touchy or easily annoyed[10]
Sounds more like somebody who knows what they want and doesn’t take any b.s. =-)
The Outlaw Josey Wales
and I’m off to buy Falling Down, I’ve never seen it.
The guy is just trying to get home from work. Jeez.
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A Fistful of Yen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qve4RQUQ34U
or The Best of the Best. Best ever.
Man, I forgot about the line “We could raise the money — that would be no problem…” (pulls mic down from ceiling) “but it would be wrong.”
One of the funniest movie lines ever.
jtb
Best revenge movie: Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo.
jtb
I don’t know–those Bronson films were always good watchin’, especially on a weekend afternoon. During those 70s movies, dude had hair for DAYS! (And it was definitely styled.) In one of those movies, I’m thinking one from the 80s, Bronson is going to kill someone who killed/raped/something his wife or daughter. He asks the poor doomed gent, “Do you believe in Jesus, son?” Doomed gent answers “Yes.” Bronson states, “Then you’re gonna meet him.” KABOOM!
I actually remember seeing part of Death Wish V in the movie theatre. I say “part of” because the movie my sister and I were in was so bad we went to see Death Wish. I think we lasted 15 minutes, then went to see some other piece of shit movie that was all the rage in 1994.
Rolling Thunder with William Devane and Tommy Lee Jones.
And I used to have a University of South Carolina Gamecocks t-shirt that said “No One Can Lick Our Cocks.”
Submarine captain orders,”??????????…?????” (“silent running…all stop”). Complete quiet… Tension builds …sub crew sweating…ship passes over head…guy in sub farts … look of panic in the sub…depth charges launched….ocean gushers from the explosions…”Loose lips sink ships”…is the tag line.
crap… all those ??????? was supposed to be Japanese with subtitles for “silent…etc..
Thought I could paste from the translator…crap.
Apropos of nothing I feel it necessary to report that the US federal government is not immune to the perils of flatulence: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/coworkers-attacked-by-gas-645132 “The manager informed the employee that he “could not pass gas indefinitely and continue to disrupt the work place.”” … “The man was also accused of launching a trio of attacks on September 11.”
FYI.
And a merry $RELIGIOUS_HOLIDAY_OF_YOUR_CHOICE !
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In 1941 a cave dwelling drawing was discovered in Spain that depicts a caveman being beating to death due to his flatulence.
My life is a Gax X commercial…
Shirts: Jesus is a Cunt.
&: Christians to the lions.
old fav: Fuck you , you fucking fuck.
There is/was a tshirt at Bad idea tshirts (?) .com that had a photo realistic phallus extending 6-8 inches above what would be your belt.I believe they listed it a the most offensive shirt ever. The Outlaw Josie Wales is, for me, the best revenge movie. Mr.Eastwood is awesome.
Merry CHRISTMAS!
I have a shirt that I bought in high school when we went to (Paramount’s) Kings Island. It is a James Bond Goldfinger shirt. Across the front in HUGE script, it simply says “Pussy Galore”. Of course its referencing the all female flight school that is involved in the plot. I wore the shirt to school the following school day, and was IMMEDIATELY suspended for the day. Still have it to this day. Good times.
The Limey. It was directed by Soderbergh, and stars Terrance Stamp (aka general zod)