• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

The West Virginia Surf Report!

Jeff Kay's Ridiculous Adventures In Suburbia

  • Home
  • About
  • Best of
  • Books
  • Archives
  • Donate

A Few Quick Things: Andy’s Condition, Craft Beer Overload, a Great Documentary, and $30,000 for Teenagers

October 5, 2015 By Jeff 36 Comments

andyfoodAndy’s doing a lot better. It’s been a gradual improvement, and by now I’d put him at 85% recovered. He still has a ways to go, but I think we’re out of the “dig a hole” zone for now. Whew! It was stressful and scary. But I think he’s going to be OK.

Thursday was the day we thought death was imminent. He couldn’t stand or walk, and wouldn’t eat or drink. But by Friday we’d started seeing positive signs. That night after work I carried him outside, to see if he wanted to sling some urine or just get a change of scenery. I didn’t put him on a leash… you know, since he could barely stand up.

And when I sat him down on the grass, he took off! I think he was disoriented and freaking out a bit, and just started stumble-running straight for the side hill that leads down to Half-Shirt Manor. Oh shit!

“No, Andy!!” I hollered, at 1 am. I took off running, and practically dove on top of him, right before he went over. What the hell, man?! If he’d gone down that hill, he would’ve surely broken something. He had no idea what he was doing.

And he tried to bite me a couple of times. He’s never liked to be picked up, and snapped at me once or twice — which isn’t like him. Toney said, “So what? He only has about seven teeth, and they’re all horizontal.” Ha! That’s a slight exaggeration, and also beside the point. He’s trying to bite me, of all people?! I’m the biggest Andvocate of them all.

On Saturday night he was lying in the living room floor, while Toney and I watched TV. Toney eventually went to bed, and Andy waited about ten minutes and joined her. He trotted up the stairs, and curled up on his blanket beside the bed. He couldn’t walk 48 hours prior, and was now going up stairs? It was a beautiful thing to see.

And last night we gave him some spaghetti, his favorite thing in the world. He went at it with enthusiasm, and kept it down. Toney was convinced he’d go off like a vomit cannon, and it would look like O.J. stopped by. But he maintained.

He hasn’t barked since all this started, and he still doesn’t move around much. He parks himself in a spot and remains there. But every day is better than the one before. He’s doing well, I think. Thank you guys for your concern. Andy’s good people. This episode scared the crap out of me.

On Saturday afternoon Toney and I went to this place to peruse their MASSIVE beer selection. I’d been there before, but it was Toney’s first time. Their lineup of super-obscure craft beers is insane. I know a thing or two about beer, but this place makes my brain short-out like Patrick’s.

We ended up buying a six-pack each of this and this. Both were fantastic. I had my phone out the whole time, checking the ratings at Beer Advocate. And I wasn’t the only one doing that. I don’t think there are too many people with that much knowledge stored inside their brains. Most mortals need a little assistance in such overwhelming situations.

I overheard a guy tell the owner that he’d driven there from New York State, to submerge himself in their crazy selection. The dude was walking around with the Beer Advocate app open, typing in data and possibly sporting some beer-fueled wood. That was based on the expression on his face only…

Toney and I decided I’d leave for work 30 minutes early every Friday, stop in that place on my way, and select one unknown microbrew for Saturday night. I think we’ll be able to do that, without duplication, until the late fall of 2051.

From the Cool Things desk: The younger boy and I watched this documentary about the history of National Lampoon magazine yesterday:

I loved it. It’s very well-done, and I learned a thing or two. I suspected I knew almost everything there was to know, but was mistaken. If you grew up on the Lampoon like I did, you should definitely check it out. You won’t be disappointed. We watched it on-demand for $6.99. Money well-spent.

And finally… Toney was talking to a friend yesterday who has a friend with several kids in high school, or some shit. Maybe middle school? It doesn’t really matter.

These people have reportedly told their kids they will each receive $30,000 upon graduation from high school, and can do with it whatever they want. If they’d like to put it towards college, that’s fine. Or if they want to use it as a down-payment on a house, cool. They will not interfere; it’s their money and they’re free to spend it any way they want. Travel, blow it, whatever. But there will not be another cent.

What do you think about this? I’d like to get your thoughts. What do you think about handing over $30K to a dumbass 18 year old shithead? By the way I phrased that, you can probably guess how I feel about it. I can tell you one thing… I would’ve likely ended up in Leavenworth if I’d been given such an “opportunity.”

Please let me know your feelings on this super forward-thinking plan.

And I’m going back to work! Pure awesomeness. I think it just moved.

I’ll see you guys again soon.

UPDATE: Andy just barked his ass off at a Fed-Ex driver!! He’s back!

Share on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedinShare on Pinterest

Filed Under: Daily

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Jason says

    October 5, 2015 at 12:42 pm

    $30,000 to a kid is absurd. They’ll get a camaro, a year lease in an apartment, and play video games the entire time. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

    Reply
    • Steve in WV says

      October 5, 2015 at 1:08 pm

      Agree!

      Reply
    • WV.Hillbilly says

      October 5, 2015 at 1:58 pm

      And them they’ll move back into the basement.

      Reply
  2. Surly Shawn says

    October 5, 2015 at 12:47 pm

    Glad to hear your dog is doing better. 😀

    Reply
  3. Joe T. says

    October 5, 2015 at 12:49 pm

    15,000 lottery tickets. You’re bound to make the money back.

    Reply
  4. Walter says

    October 5, 2015 at 12:51 pm

    I agree with Jason. I would not have handled 30k very well right out of high school, it would have been pissed away rather quickly.

    Reply
  5. Brandy says

    October 5, 2015 at 12:52 pm

    At 38, I’m still not sure I could be trusted with a $30,000 “opportunity.” At 18, that money wouldn’t have lasted 6 months.

    Reply
  6. Lee Harvey Ramone says

    October 5, 2015 at 12:57 pm

    I will gladly take that 30K off their hands for them.

    Reply
  7. BoMama says

    October 5, 2015 at 1:06 pm

    Yay Andy.
    I worried about that dog all weekend.

    Reply
  8. madz1962 says

    October 5, 2015 at 1:08 pm

    A friend of ours who owns a liquor store did something similar. He told his daughters they would either get the money to go to college OR open their own liquor store. Since his kids are all career oriented GENIUSES they all took the money and went to schools – good schools where they’ve all achieved Masters in stuff like Chemical kinds of degrees.

    Me? That would have been spent up my nose, down my throat and out my ass.

    But, since I’m one of 6 kids, that wasn’t even an option. I paid my own way through college.

    Reply
    • madz1962 says

      October 5, 2015 at 1:08 pm

      PS – So glad Andy is doing so much better!

      Reply
  9. Steve in WV says

    October 5, 2015 at 1:12 pm

    People who can afford to give their kids 30k each at graduation piss me off on merit alone. Still, having said that, I would totally give each of my kids 30k at COLLEGE graduation if I could afford such luxury.

    I had a friend in high school who’s parents gave him, on his birthday, $100 for each year he’s been livin’. So at 16, he received $1,600. at 17, $1,700 etc. I wonder if they are still doing that. He about 40 now. He was a spoiled brat then and now.

    Reply
  10. adam says

    October 5, 2015 at 1:16 pm

    $30k with no direction is a BAD thing. My parents sent me to school and I had a ridiculous $5k/mo allowance, half of which went to tuition, and the other half went to jackassery. I’d have been much better off living as a starving student than taking the opportunity to go skiing and head to Cancun every chance I got. Plus, it’s better not to be flush with cash when the “experimentation” begins. I’d have probably finished college in 3 years instead of 8 had it not been so fun.

    Reply
  11. TxTy says

    October 5, 2015 at 1:20 pm

    Hell no I wouldn’t give those kids that kind of money! That’s far too much trust for someone barely outta booger-maker status.

    Congrats on Andy’s improvement! You da ‘man’, Black Lips.

    Reply
  12. Becki says

    October 5, 2015 at 1:22 pm

    Totally stupid. My daughter was a spending FIEND at 18. Now at 28 – she is the most miserly miser that ever practiced misering. Foolish. This should be offered for the schooling OR held until 30 if they decline the schooling.

    Reply
  13. Brenda Love says

    October 5, 2015 at 1:24 pm

    So glad that dogbert is doing better! 😀

    Reply
  14. Patty from Cleveland says

    October 5, 2015 at 2:43 pm

    So glad Andy is back !

    Reply
  15. Mark says

    October 5, 2015 at 2:54 pm

    A shadow crossed my heart when I read about Andy. Soooooo glad that he’s recovering.
    Some people might not get the bond involved – I sure do.

    Reply
  16. chill says

    October 5, 2015 at 4:32 pm

    So glad to hear Andy is doing better. It’s nice to hear some good news in these dark times.

    Reply
  17. Root 66 says

    October 5, 2015 at 4:44 pm

    Sounds like Andy is on the mend! That’s good to hear.

    $30,000 per child at graduation with no strings attached?!? A fairly common redneck phrase comes to mind–“It seemed like a good idea!”

    I can only speak from my own experience with my kids, but they don’t usually appreciate stuff unless they have some skin in the game. I don’t mind “helping” them with things, but they’d better be fronting some cash, too. I’m their dad–NOT Santa Claus! I love them, and throwing money at them doesn’t really demonstrate love. I’d rather that they learn the value of money and how to earn it.

    Reply
  18. DavidI says

    October 5, 2015 at 5:00 pm

    This place just opened in Raleigh a couple months back. As many as 355 beers ON TAP. Apparently they actually had the guys from Guiness Book of Records come certify it as the most draft beers under one roof anywhere in the freakin world. http://www.theraleighbeergarden.com/

    Reply
  19. Alex says

    October 5, 2015 at 5:12 pm

    Give ’em hell Andy! =-)

    Unless they already have gotten to a good point in managing finances, giving them essentially a no strings attach lump of money is idiotic.

    Reply
  20. Limey says

    October 5, 2015 at 5:23 pm

    I am very pleased about the state of a dog I’ve never met 🙂

    Not sure about the money thing, probably depends on the person. I inherited more than that at 18 and spent very little (if any, I can’t remember doing so) of it right then, worked while at college and used the money to pay for a chunk of the house I bought when I graduated. Obviously I was itching to buy an NSX instead, but I guess I’m too boring?!

    Reply
  21. al says

    October 5, 2015 at 7:12 pm

    The Georgetown deli, “We are conveniently located right next to The Big Cow on Route 309
    ROTFLMAO! Who’da guessed it was in NEPA?

    Reply
  22. johnthebasket says

    October 5, 2015 at 8:28 pm

    Can’t address the $30K question because I don’t have a Facebook account, but I’m glad the pup is doing better. The beer sounds good, but, according to the deciduous flora in my neighborhood, it’s nearly bourbon season. Tipple with joy.

    jtb

    Reply
    • Ed says

      October 5, 2015 at 9:47 pm

      I’m confused, why would you need a Facebook account?

      Reply
  23. chill says

    October 5, 2015 at 9:03 pm

    And my 2 cents on the $30k: bad idea. I had a few years of poverty during and after college. I had always despised when my parents said that a thing “builds character,” but it really does. If you have never stared down that barrel yourself, you might not have much empathy for those who do it every day.

    Beer: I know there are at least a couple of Reporters here in NoVa, so I have to mention Westover Market (http://www.westovermarket.com/). I was enthralled when the sign over the door of this mom-n-pop grocery read “over 350 beers.” Last I checked the number was 1000. In any event, it’s the only place I know where I can walk in off the street and buy a couple of bottles of Schlenkerla Rauchbier. It’s not my cup of tea (glass of beer) for drinking, but man, it’s fantastic for cooking anything that involves braised beef. Such as my Fleischrouladen, or the ongoing chili project, of which the first batch of the season will happen this coming weekend.

    Reply
  24. Ed says

    October 5, 2015 at 9:43 pm

    Didn’t Andy have some kind of weird episode where he was crawling flat on the ground or somesuch? He was back to normal pretty quickly as I recall. This happened maybe 2 or 3 years ago I think.

    Reply
  25. Rat Bastard says

    October 6, 2015 at 11:02 am

    Go Andy!

    $30,000? At that age, I”d probably buy a 1970 Roadrunner, quite a few kegs of beer, a ridiculous pile of drugs and say “damn the consequences.” Maybe keep a few dollars set aside for bail money.

    Reply
  26. Miss Q says

    October 6, 2015 at 12:03 pm

    1) Yay for Andy!

    2) $30k to an 18-year-old kid is tantamount to burning it in the fireplace.

    Reply
    • T-storm says

      October 8, 2015 at 11:17 pm

      Save five grand of that money for the funeral.

      Reply
  27. Jeffrey Gottlieb says

    October 6, 2015 at 2:44 pm

    Glad to hear that Andy is better. He’ll be dropping yard crullers before you know it.

    Reply
  28. icecycle66 says

    October 6, 2015 at 2:53 pm

    That pic at the top is probably my favorite Andy photo.
    Although the spaghetti picture is also good.

    Reply
  29. johnthebasket says

    October 9, 2015 at 1:58 am

    What the hell? I just heard that Ten High is no longer a straight bourbon whiskey and hasn’t been since 2009. I know that ISIS is blowing the shit out of Palmyra, that the world’s coral reefs are dying, and that bodies are turning up in and around Paul Brown Stadium, but why wasn’t I informed about the damn Ten High sellout? This is an outrage.

    Call the roller of big cigars. The only emperor is the emperor of ice cream.

    John

    Reply
  30. bikerchick says

    October 12, 2015 at 9:14 am

    Glad to hear Andy is doing better! When our dogs got to be that age, every little thing they did that was out of the ordinary we’d hold our breath. Enjoy him to the fullest!

    30K??? Jumpin Jesus!!! Not for the ungrateful little bastards these days. Everything is just given to everyone, every kid is a winner, everyone makes the team. Bullshit. Let them work for it and earn it. Kids today just think there entitled to it all.

    Reply
  31. Jason says

    November 2, 2015 at 2:31 pm

    I had actually thought about the $30k thing. However, I would do it differently. When my kids get in high school, I tell them when you graduate you have $30k for college. If you get a scholarship (athletic, academic, whatever) it is yours, but this the only money you get so use it wisely. If you lose your scholarship you will have to find another way to pay for school.

    This gives them incentive to achieve in high school and maybe make better choices because there is a payday, and it alos lets them have money for college

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Now With Podcast!

Support Jeff And His Projects

Latest Tweets

  • Fresh podcast action, available everywhere! From Milton to Madagascar. pic.twitter.com/V6M1cmQcSA

    November 3, 2022 5:46 am

  • Something new I'm trying: nonewjeffs.substack.com/p/im-n…

    December 2, 2021 4:11 pm

  • Only 182 days until Opening Day.

    September 30, 2021 2:37 pm

  • Check out this great story about a 16 year old Tom Bergeron talking to Moe and Larry on the phone during the early… twitter.com/i/web/status/14387…

    September 17, 2021 5:02 am

  • Dogs! surfreportpod.com/2021/09/16/e…

    September 16, 2021 4:07 pm

Facebook!

Footer

Get Social!

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Search The Surf Report

Copyright © 2023 · Smoking Fish Media