Happy new year, I guess. Whatever. Right now, I’m not feeling it. But I hope it’s going well for you. I really do.
I’m writing this on my laptop at our dining room table drinking coffee that’s too strong because we had to rush out and buy a new coffee maker since the old one shit the bed and we just can’t seem to get the calibration right. And how’s that for a quality run-on sentence? Yesterday’s first pot tasted like tap water, and the second pot was somewhat better. Today I tinkered with it some more, and over-corrected. I feel like there’s something going on inside my lower intestines that could very well end in tears and property damage.
Lemmy died a few days ago, and now everybody is pretending to be a huge Motorhead fan, practically incapacitated by the news. Or, at least they were. It’s probably a little too late, at this point, to turn it into a proper “look at me” event. So, a few have moved on to Natalie Cole. Ha! People are so full of crap. It’s unbelievable. Every time I open Facebook I end up muttering, “Oh, blow me,” and click out in disgust. So much phoniness… Holden Caulfield was right. No wonder he ended up in the wacky shack.
I watched all ten episodes of Making a Murderer on Netflix last week. I did it two episodes at a time over five days, and it wasn’t what I was expecting. I figured it would be a twisty-turny murder mystery, but it was actually the story of a man — likely innocent — caught up in a nightmare scenario for the second time. It’s scary, because it feels like it could happen to any of us. It was ultimately depressing, except for one thing: I thank the Lord I don’t have an accent like those people. Wow! How does something like that happen?
Toney and I are also ripping through House of Cards. I had my doubts at the beginning, because it felt like a soap opera. But I’m now fully-invested. We’ve seen the first two episodes of Season 2, and will continue with it tonight. What other Netflix Originals would you suggest? I watched the first season of Orange Is The New Black. Should I go back to it? Or is it nothing but unsightly butch women having sex with each other? What else is good?
I downloaded this album a week or so ago, and am fairly obsessed with it. It’s been on perma-play in the bunker for days. Here’s a song from it, for your sampling pleasure:
I almost ran over a dog a few nights ago, while on a beer-run. It was a Jack Russell pup, and it shot out between two parks cars — directly in front of me — and came oh-so-close to going to that big leash-free area in the sky. I slammed on my brakes, and the little bastard continued running and running and running. And within seconds there were roughly twenty people surrounding my car, thanking me and trying to wrangle the beast. I couldn’t move, because the dog was running serpentine through the neighborhood, with a gang of 14 year old boys chasing it and hollering, “RUBY!!” It was pandemonium. The beer was good, though. I got a six pack of this. Needless to say, I dedicated the first one to Ruby, who is probably dead by now.
Finally, I’m generally against such things, but I’ve made a New Year’s resolution, of sorts. Not really, but close. Here it is:
No alcohol until the first draft of the new novel is completed. This started on January 1, and I hope to have the first-pass done within six months. At that point, if I haven’t long ago said fukkit, I’ll assess the situation.
Also, I’m going to establish a production schedule, and try to stick to it. And that will all hinge on another life-hack: in bed by midnight, up by 8. Seven days per week. If I’m up at 8 am, I should be able to write from 9 am to 1 pm on workdays. That’s a big chunk o’ time that I’m currently pissing away.
So, you see, it all ties together… No alcohol, so I don’t stay up too late. Plus, it’ll theoretically keep my mind a little clearer, and maybe translate into a higher-quality dick joke. The production schedule will be written on Sunday for the upcoming week, and can only be accomplished if I follow the up-by-8 regimen.
What do you think? Two weeks, tops? Maybe one? No way. I’m sticking to it. I’m getting old, and have shit to do. If I don’t “go pro” with it, it’ll all slip away. And that scares me, it really does.
Any resolutions for you this year? Tell us about it, if you’re so inclined. I know they’re silly, but I’m going to try to make a couple of small tweaks and squeeze some extra work out every week. Stay tuned.
I’ll see you guys again soon. I’m not sure when, but it’ll be in tomorrow’s production schedule.
Have a great day, my friends!
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Resolution – 2016 is going to be a long sober haul. Giving up the happy juice to see what changes that make make to the hip-spread that’s going on.
I, therefore, am looking forward to 2017.
My only resolve is to do a pull-up by years end.
Eugene B. Sims says
Narcos on Netflix.
Alice in WV says
I have a sledload of things I want to get done around this house. The list is long and aged. I’m chipping away at it. As far as doing something different & fun… I asked for and received a ukulele for Christmas and I’m learning 3 Little Birds. I’ve learned the chords but stumble sometimes. I’ve promised to put it on YouTube for a friend’s kid who is recovering from a head injury. Pressure!!!! eeeeeggg
Also, I want to learn to paddle board. I’ll learn on our nearby river and then take it to the ocean. Yeah! Our 16yo son is going to take scuba lessons. It’ll be Adventure Time for the Robinsons!!
The Lemmy thing. So right. So right.
Resolution? All I got is stop hastening my demise. Gotta pace myself on the alcohol and the three main food groups: salt, fat, and sugar. That and trying to find the magnet in the couch that pulls me there. But I ought to be doing that anyway so if you can call it a resolution at all it’d be try to be less of a slug.
Happy New Year JK!
I didn’t even know who Lemmy was when I read he died. I knew who Natalie was and I liked her and said something. Normally I reserve my highest quality snark for dead celebrities, but she caught me in a massive hangover on New Years Day and I was sensitive.
I don’t do resolutions, but I figure I might try to eat better, lose some poundage and maybe stop drinking. Or, I might just say fukkit and grab a donut on the way into work Monday and crack open a cider or five that night.
Happy Hanukkah, or something like that.
Joe T. says
The big leash free area in the sky is sooo much better than “crossing the rainbow bridge.”
Bloodlines on Netflix
Definitely Bloodline. It was the number one show on Netflix, maybe it still is….
Bloodline for sure. Then go back and finish Orange. And Better Call Saul. There. I’ve totally thrown a monkey wrench into your production schedule.
My New Year’s Resolution is to eat breakfast every day. I have managed it throughout 2016 so far, but in 2015 it happened once a week maybe. I love breakfast food, I just hate making it after I wake up. I’ll gorge myself on breakfast in a hotel or diner, but I seldom make it. I had a hotel “full English” last week, and I would happily eat that daily and die young.
Resolutions… I’ve heard of them. I had bloody marys for breakfast on New Year’s day, to wash down that chicken-fried steak. It was a fine start to the year.
The Qweezy Mark says
Had that Troegs Perpetual on Christmas Eve at the Little Red Schoolhouse out in Waymart. Pretty good stuff. Went great with an order of steamers (the clams, not the turds).
Love Troegs. Had their Troegenator Doppelbock first at the Hickory Hops (NC) festival back in April, then picked up a case in Troy, PA when we were up for the July fourth break. That, to me, is still their greatest. Had the Perpetual and Blizzard of Hops at the local pint night last Wednesday. Still prefer malt over hops. Can’t wait to find them distributed locally. Happy New Year. Love your writing and the WVSR. Please keep it up in 2016.
Narcos and Sense 8 are good binge watching. The Honorable Woman, although not a “Netflix original” series, is excellent.
My goal for 2016 (if I call it something besides a resolution, it feels a little less bullshitty) is to run more often. You know, so I can drink more beer and feel less guilt. And still fit into my jeans.
Maroney season 3 is out.
Due to me bingeing? The last 2 days of the year I’m not drinking for a bit. Not sure how long. I may have a few if the Bengals make the superbowl. I think the girl wants 6 months out of me.
She wants me in aa but I’ve been and don’t prefer it.
Try not to let other people derail me
Build my cabin
Finally build my embedded weather station and homered set up.
I know that goes against the not drinking thing but I think I may shoot for I can only drink it if I brew it. We’ll see.
Dude, “F Is For Family” was made for you. Seriously I thought you might have been a co-writer. A few things reminded me of stuff you’ve written. The good thing is it’s only 6 25-minute episodes so you can knock it out in and afternoon and still keep to your schedule.
And “Jessica Jones” if you like seriously R-rated superhero shit. But I’m starting to get burned out on superhero shit even if it’s this good.
And resolutions are for suckers. Fuck dat.
Groovy Chainsaw says
Second on “F is for family” — I thought it was great. I really hope it comes back for another season.
Had insomnia last night and started Making a Murderer. It was so good I had to turn it off and read or I would never get to sleep.
After 10 months, I’m finally going back to work tomorrow. New job starts at 8:30 AM!
Resolution? Stay employed.
Congrats, madz. Are you back in the City, or do you have a commute that doesn’t involve bodies and vomit?
Thanks, jtb. I am even closer to home – it’s about a 20 minute drive through back roads. I refused to go to the city – getting too old for that trek everyday.
Phil Jett says
Narcos, Bloodlines (though it is a little soap opera-y), The Returned (an interesting concept that I hope has a season 2 eventually) and Broadchurch (though sometimes I wish there was translation for some of the strong brogues spoken) .
My resolution is to not get caught up in our company’s Ashley Madison witch hunt. Someone in IT went through all the released emails hunting down those with our company url and then accusing those people of using company assets for improper activities. Problem is I know of two cases where people have “signed up” co-workers as a joke and now they are guilty until you prove yourself innocent. They are actually letting people go for this.
Rat Bastard says
I’d combine the writing hours with drinking, but then you’d never make it to work.
I’m no life coach, though…
Where the hell did all these old-time Reporters come from? I believe several of them had been declared legally dead by local authorities based on their extended absences. Except for Wordnerd who was long ago declared perpetually alive by the Big Easy. Nice to see you guys again.
Lemmy passing big surprise, all the adulation makes ill. Never had much use for Motörhead. Natalie Cole rode her daddy’s coat tails so hard I cannot be upset over her passing. As for the new year I prefer to hike up my britches and wade right on in.
Longmire on Netflix. Wyoming sheriff drama. Really good.
Same thing several years ago. Dimebag Darrell. Suddenly everyone I knew was a Pantera fan and was greiving his démise. Pissed me off and I would ask them to name ONE. Pantera song. crickets chirping
did i spell grieving correctly?
Or is it greiving?
Née years résolution…….learn how to spell greeving.
Learn how to spell new.
Lee Harvey Ramone says
Hemmingway wrote some of his best dick jokes while he was drunk. Faulkner, too.
Lee Harvey Ramone says
Sorry, that’s Hemingway (how much does a Hemming weigh?)
Just watched The Ridiculous 6 on Netflix. Not bad for an Adam Sandler flick. Wife and I laughed our asses off.
If nobody I care about dies this year, that would make it an improvement over 2015.
Everybody you care about is going to die. My problem is that most of the people I care about are way too old to die young, even if they go quick like a bunny. I wish no harm to anyone, but if somebody has to go in 2016, Adam Sandler still has three movies left on his Netflix contract. I’m just saying there’s a scenario where almost everybody wins.