For a few years Toney and I maintained a tradition of sorts, where we’d talk my parents into coming up here to watch the Secrets for a couple of days in early September, and the two of us would go somewhere for our anniversary. I think we did it three years in a row, and then everything came off the tracks for some reason.
We were thinking about trying to resurrect it this year, by maybe attending a beer festival in the Poconos sometime in November. We thought we could make a weekend of it, and rent a room at the resort, and the whole nine yards.
So Toney called the place a few days ago, to get the details. And yeah, we won’t be going…
Anyone care to guess the package price for two nights in the so-called lodge, two dinners, two breakfasts, and passes to the festival? Well, you don’t have to guess, ’cause it’s $800.
I’m sorry, but that ain’t gonna happen. I had $350-$400 in my head, and I’m usually pretty good at predicting those kinds of things. But this time the calibration was waaaay off.
And what am I, Ted Turner here? Screw it, we’ll just go to the Olive Barrel for dinner.
I have to work on Thursday, and Toney has to work on Friday, so our end-of-summer Knoebels extravaganza is also in jeopardy. Our only option at this point is Saturday – at the beginning of the Labor Day weekend.
I love Knoebels, but you’ve got to do it smart. And that means not going on weekends.
On Saturdays and Sundays, for whatever reason, that place turns into a frothy sea of shitkickers, white trash, coal crackers, and fat little buzz-cut hicklets. The whole place becomes overrun by the loudest, scraggliest, fattest, skinniest, back porch tattooed, cig-dangling, perpetually pissed-off gang of jescobillies this side of Boone County, WV.
And mister, nothing good can come from such a thing…
So, if it’s up to me, we won’t be going. But, of course, it’s never up to me, so who the hell knows? We’ll just have to see what happens.
I’ve been trying to convince the older Secret that the “panic” button on the back of my car remote controls an ejection seat. I told him to be extra-careful not to accidentally push it, especially when I’m driving, because I’ll go rocketing through the roof and end up in the weeds behind Staples.
But he’s not buying it.
Our power bill for the month of July, when Sunshine & Mumbles were here, shot-up sixty dollars, then dropped back down to normal after they left. Sixty bucks! That’s a lotta extra juice. Sunny’s lung-blower and that window-unit A/C they burned-up can apparently eat up some wattage. Sweet Maria.
I have a powerful urge to buy some CDs; it’s been a long time (upwards of a month!) and I’m starting to get the shakes. This weekend I plan to get myself right… What do you think? The new Hold Steady? Fleet Foxes? Randy Newman‘s latest? Any guidance will be appreciated.
And speaking of music… The Doors can flat-out ruin a good shuffle-play session. Everything fits together nicely, even when the styles seemingly clash, but the Doors never fail to drag it all down with their mournful dirges and pseudo-poetry. I think I might have to make a small adjustment to the Big iPod.
Surf Reporter Keith took the liberty of revising the Omen poster I included with yesterday’s post, to make it more relevant to the update. Check it out. He’s added Andy!
And I’ll leave you now with a Question that came to me only a few minutes ago, while having lunch and watching CNN. Have you ever bought anything from an infomercial, or one of those ads they show on cable, for things like Aqua Globes or Mighty Putty or the Foot Egg, or whatever that hilarious thing is called?
If so, tell us about it. Did the item work as well as they said it would, or were you disappointed? I have nothing to offer on this one, because I’ve never purchased any such products. But what about you? We’d like to know.
And I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
I won’t even say it because I believe it’s a silly practice.
Top 5
Oh, and Jeff, it looks like the revised-poster link is borked at the moment.
No linkee. But hey, thanks for tryin’…
4th!!! …and I’m not above bragging about it!
I’ve never purchased anything from television but I love to watch the commercials. They make the traditional method or product (which their product replaces) look absurd. For example, if they’re selling a noodle cooking pot they’ll show a lady using a regular pot and she falls and drags the pot of boiling water atop herself. Or if they’re selling a new kind of screw driver they’ll show another guy try to use a regular screw driver and he’ll jamb it through his palm and grimace in pain and disgust. Very funny.
Oh, and that food egg. The first time I saw them dump a bunch of foot shavings in the trash I almost puked.
P.S. But you THOUGHT it, Jason.
You’re right wordnerd. I did think it, and I feel dirty and strangely aroused because of it.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters!!
I can say I’ve purchased one item off of late, late, late night TV. It was the “seal a meal”, that removes all the air from the plastic bag before freezing, thus keeping it fresh as for months and months in the fridge.
And it does actually work! Froze 6 nice NY Strips after they had been hermetically(?) sealed, kept them in the freezer for at least 6 months, thawed ’em out and they were in a condition that looked like they were just purchased the day before.
It (the sealing machine) has been sitting unused in the pantry for probably the last few years………
I probably shouldn’t admit this, but I did by the “Foot Egg” (Ped-Egg) after seeing it on TV. I ended up buying it in a store, not from the # on TV so I don’t know if it counts or not. That being said, it worked amazing and I have referred it to many people who also loved it.
Foot Egg?? Sir, I think you mean the Ped Potato. Which I purchased at Linen’s and Stuff. After seeing the ad. It totally rox!
I also wanted to try putting in my URL… just as JK cancelled his MySpace account, I just signed up for one to keep in easier contact with my oldest Secret who is a Lance Corporal in the Marine Corps, stationed in Okinawa, Japan
Waaaa!
Not top ten!
I bought a chop wizard about a year ago and use it all of the time. Works great.
http://www.chopwizard.com
“Jescobillies!” Heh. That’s a keeper, right there, folks.
I’m digging Fleet Foxes. They are playing it quite a bit on XM 50. They’re playing the new Randy Newman, too, but I’m less impressed; kind of sounds like the rest of his catalog. Not bad, but I won’t be blazing a path to Amazon.
Check out Amazon’s free download from Delta Spirit. I’ve never heard of them before, but I like the tune…and the price.
Got to agree with the Doors assessment. Deadly depressing in so many places. Talk about pseudo-poetry? Try Patti Smith. Just because she’s ugly that doesn’t make her a poet.
Normally I just read these posts and comments, BUT Jeff hit a soft spot with me on the infomercial stuff- See I buy all that stuff and it makes my husband nuts- I have the perfect pancake (works great), the dehydrator (also great) the magic bullet (ok), and many, many more items purchased on impulse from the damn tv. The absolute worst however was the Eggstractor- This device was supposed to peel hard boiled eggs in a flash. Well-let me tell you it did not. The lady on the infomercial did it with ease whereasI needed every ounce of my strength to push those eggs through the little opening AND they did not come out peeled. They did however shoot all over the room, up on the ceiling and across the floor. One by one, the dozen eggs I boiled created an eggmess in my kitchen. My husband just laughed and said “see, you shouldn’t believe everything you see on tv!”
“On Saturdays and Sundays, for whatever reason, that place turns into a frothy sea of shitkickers, white trash, coal crackers, and fat little buzz-cut hicklets. The whole place becomes overrun by the loudest, scraggliest, fattest, skinniest, back porch tattooed, cig-dangling, perpetually pissed-off gang of jescobillies this side of Boone County, West Virginia.”
Sounds like biker week at Mrytle Beach…
Jeff…..
Check out the Fratellis, I’ve heard nothing but good tunes off of their latest…….
Jeff, you may as well throw the Grateful Dead out too! Both require heavy doses of happy weed and golden elixir to deflect the negative vibes they give off. And mister, nothing good can come from such a thing…
I bought the “shark” knife sharpener. It works great. I paid way to much for “SHIPPING & HANDELING”. Screw that Billy Mayfair or whatever his name is. NEVER again…
My mom bought me the foot egg and it works amazingly well… I have hoof-like callouses on my feet. Even better when she gave it to me she told me she bought me a “Pedi-file” which was really confusing since that would be of no use to me now that I’m in my 20’s.
Don’t waste your money on the Shed Ender dog grooming comb. Doesn’t seem to work any better (in fact, worse because it pulls your dog’s hair) than just an ordinary hair brush. I like to use the hand-held plastic brushes that the barber gives boys when they get a buzz-cut. You know, the one with the loop to put your finger through. That works better than anything.
I learned a long time ago to make them spell out in detail all the charges, shipping and handling, and then ask them if there are any additional charges for absolutely anything at all. Ever.
Fool’s Garden?
Vast?
A little Rev Billy Wirtz?
Haven’t bought anyhting from teevee that I can recall, but was might tempted to get the “breathe your way thin” program from that preternaturally young-looking woman who seems to be held together by a glittery 4-inch-wide BELT she wears over her leotard.
Now that? Is a look to be cultivated and imitated.
Remember the Ginsu knives from the late 80’s, I have three of those my ma gave me and they’re still sharp enough cut the fingers off of my hand easily, love those damn things. The saying was “They never have to be sharpened” and guess what they don’t.
Back after a long and inexplicable absence.
I bought some stuff called Redi-Strip which is a non-toxic easy pairt stripper. It worked exactly as advertised and was totally worth it.
They sell it in stores now, but 8 years ago I’d never seen it.
BTW, go with The Hold Steady. They remind me a little bit like Sheryl Crow. This could be a good thing.
I was going to ask the same question on my blog…
maybe I will in a few weeks.
I bought the Pedi-egg (well, it was a gift). It’s okay, but reminiscent of a cheese grater.
I’ve never purchased anything from the TV. Always worked on the assumption that “Not available in stores! Only available on TV” translates to “Ripoff piece of shit”. The same way IKEA is Swedish for “Pressboard crap that only lasts for 18 months”. Plus it’s the ads: I hate TV pitchmen more that those douches that eek out a living selling “Miracle Slicers” at county fairs. It’s to the point where I’ve recently begun entertaining thoughts of beating Billy “Oxyclean” Mayes to death with the Shamwow! dude.
Apparently I have some issues to work out…
“Billy Mays here for [insert shoddy late-nite product].”
THE most annoying voice in the history of the boob tube.
(I reckon that’s why they use him, but he’s never sold me squat.)
Meditation: it’s not what you think.
harumpa-actually, I believe it’s marketed on TV as the Ped-egg.
Tadpolegal and Adam…I may have laughed more at your comments than today’s update (sorry, Jeff). “Pedi-file”…now THAT’S funny shit!
…and, sorry, but I’ve got to shamelessly plug the new Toadies album, ‘No Deliverance’, which went on sale a week ago today. ReznIcek (you spelled it with an ‘e’ on the shirt1 page, Jeff) wants you to buy as many as you can!
Late, y’all
(no, it’s not an ‘L’.)
…and what the hell happened to my second T, damn it!?!
out!
Hi all! My experience is with the so called foot potato, or whatever. Its the only tool my husband has ever agreed to use in regards to care of his feet, that includes clippers people! Therefore, it’s fabulous!
But, unrelated, I have just recently become a wvsr fan and was reading all of the archives past to present and they’re gone! Help! This is forcing me to actually work!
Whoops, forgot…
I am now a fountain of famous, infamous & semi-famous quotations.
My very first offering seems appropriate just now:
The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. They’re the kind of people who’d stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire. I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy. The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn’t bother to stop because they’d want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club.
— Dave Barry
“for whatever reason, that place turns into a frothy sea of shitkickers, white trash, coal crackers, and fat little buzz-cut hicklets. The whole place becomes overrun by the loudest, scraggliest, fattest, skinniest, back porch tattooed, cig-dangling, perpetually pissed-off gang of jescobillies this side of Boone County, West Virginia.”
Ahh, the Wildwood, New Jersey boardwalk.
Bloody hell, Jorge! Where have you been???? You disappeared off the face of the earth.
I’ve only bought silver jewelry from QVC and I have to say it’s very nice stuff, although I have seen them sell some butt-ugly stuff on that station. And it goes like hotcakes. It’s the damnedest thing.
Cedar Point is the same way – you never go on a weekend if you can help it.
There’s so much stuff in my house from infomercials that it’s embarrassing. The Gazelle (um, might work to get SOME people in shape… as in, people who actually use it more than once a month), the Magic Bullet (great for milkshakes!), Jack LaLanne’s Power Juicer (cool, but a pain in the ass to clean), and more products that I’m in denial about purchasing.
Um, what does “your comment is awaiting moderation” mean?
Thanks
I am sorry I purchased the clapper, you know leave the lights on till done reading…then clap your hands twice and the lights go off…well my dog thinks the clapping twice means to shit in the floor…I swear every time you used it I had to clap again so I could clean up the horrific smell…so we had to get rid of the damn thing at recent yard sale.
What happened to this website? I missed a month or two and the whole thing has changed! I still miss the babyshit green back before this place went pop.
I’m just kidding. It looks nice.
I just hope I can find the bunker cam.
My daughter gave me a Pedi-egg and I don’t care much for it. It makes my feet look like flakes of Parmesan. Maybe I’m not using it right.
Jeff, you may be in for it now. I know at least 3 people with ties to Boone Co. who read here everyday. Wouldn’t want to alienate them, would you???
Ph, and that info-mercial guy up top there? I wouldn’t buy anything from him, ever. I hate his voice and delivery with a white hot passion.
I bought that Pilates exercise video set they were pushing back in 2004. They tried to sell me a whole bunch of other stuff while I was on the phone. Never.took.it.out.of.the.package. Not once. Threw it away after we tossed our VCR. I think it cost like $120.00. Do you know how many McDonald’s #3’s that could buy?!
Yes, I am still fat.
I have a pile of those super-absorbent microfiber towels–buy now and we’ll double the offer!! They work great (I think they’re the same stuff as what the Olympic dives use), and come in handy on vacation (day-pack friendly), but they haven’t made it into the regular rotation of things that we use around the house.
And, apparently, I can send off and get more FOR FREE!! any time I want them. Just pay shipping and handling. The “Handling” part must be mighty involved, ’cause they sure charge a lot for it.
Seal -a Meal – we used to use that to bag weed. The weed never kept for six months though.
Alison Kraus and Robert Plant, Raising Sand. Can’t get enough of this disc.
I’ve never purchased from the infomercials either…but I love going into the “As Seen On TV” stores in the outlet malls and seeing what the stuff actually looks and feels like.
I still vote for Fleet Foxes as it’s one of the most original items I’ve purchased in awhile. Although if they got paid by the repeated word they’d make a killing. No less, I still listen to it at least once a day.