You know what else irritates me? When people say, “I’m not religious, but I’m very spiritual.” Oh yeah? Well, you’re spewing cliches, and are apparently under the impression it makes you sound smart. You are sadly mistaken.
What’s next? “I don’t care if you’re black, white, yellow, green or purple?” Fuck off.
On Sunday I wrote that ridiculous Surfitol update in roughly fifteen minutes. Sorry about that… It’s a result of all this rest I’ve been getting lately. Unless I go back to my traditional sleep-deprived state, I’m afraid I’ll be writing stuff like that from time to time. And, if left unchecked, it could eventually lead to something really absurd. So, please consider this a warning.
Were there any Native Americans (aka Injuns) that were complete cowards? I bet there were. I wish somebody would write a book about them. Also, handicapped cowards, cancer cowards, etc. This information is in short supply, and needs to be available.
What other groups of folks should be included in our Forgotten Cowards series? You know, the people who are always described as courageous, no matter what? Maybe 1960s Civil Rights activists? I bet a few of them were cowards, right? Help me out here. I think I’m going to start work on a book proposal.
And just so you know, if I’m ever diagnosed with a terminal disease, I plan to behave disgracefully.
We got hit with about eight inches of snow on Saturday, and it was perfect. We didn’t go anywhere, there was a big pot of chili a-simmering in the kitchen, and I lazed around for hours with a Kindle perched on my substantial gut. I love the early snows… especially when I’m not required to go out in it.
It’ll be interesting to see what I’m saying about it in February, though. I have a feeling my enthusiasm will have lessened by then. And I’ll be standing at the window, hollering, “Again?! What the hell, man?? I’m sick of all this faggot-ass goddamn shitbox cockneck snow!!” Or something similar.
Why does society tell me I must wash my hands every time I take a leak? Are you saying my wiener skin is filthy? I’m offended. My wiener skin is pristine. In fact, it’s no different than scratching my forearm. How come I’m not expected to rush to the sink every time I scratch my arm or leg, and lather up like a surgeon?
Oh, I wash my hands. But I do it under protest. And I don’t appreciate the attitude. I think I’m going to go to Occupy Scranton, and hold up a sign that says, STOP INSULTING MY WIENER SKIN! Who’s with me?!
And finally, what do you think are the funniest comedy albums of all time? Three jump immediately to my mind:
Richard Pryor Wanted: Live in Concert
George Carlin On the Road
Robert Schimmel Comes Clean
Those are the three comedy albums I’ve enjoyed the most during my life. I also liked a couple of the Steve Martin records, and a few of the Sam Kinison releases.
But what about you? Please use the comments link below to set me straight on it.
And I’ll be back tomorrow.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
Treat yourself to something cool at Amazon.
Matt in Florence says
Coward Viking… no much info about them
Coward politician…. ok, maybe we’re good there 🙂
Cuppa two tree!!
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……
What about Steve Martin’s ‘Let’s Get Small’? I remember listening to that as a pre-teen thinking it was the funniest thing ever.
The Qweezy Mark says
Except when he says “I’ll bet there’s 57 tits up there!!”
Lee Harvey Ramone says
I always shudder when someone either greets or says goodbye with “blessings”
Completely freaks me out, and I don’t know exactly why
I think that perhaps I am coward in this regard
I feel the same way with someone leaving my space and saying “God bless you!” What, have they been watching my actions and think I need that added pressure? Always answer with, “Yeah, you too.”
Whenever someone says “Have a blessed day”: 99% of the time they’re in AA – that’s a big AA term. I’m cool with that but don’t come up to me in a bar and tell me. Then it just seems creepy.
Always like the Cheech and Chong albums. Probably not as funny to me now, since I no longer partake, but as a teenage hicklet I thought they were “cutting edge”.
DAVE? WHO’S DAVE? HE’S NOT HERE, MAN.
MAN, YOU SHOULD COME IN. WE’RE IN HERE HAVING A PARTY, MAN, YOU SHOULD COME GET WASTED WITH US.
HEY, GOT ANY WEED MAN?
NO DAVE’S NOT HERE. I TOLD YOU MAN.
WE GOT ANY DAVES HERE?
MAN I’M TOO STONED TO DEAL WITH THIS.
George Carlin: Am/FM and Class Clown. LMAO with those 2.
And Jeff, I agree with the Weiner Skin slight. There are more hands swiping more runny nostrils that don’t get washed. As for women, MOST (I can’t say all) but MOST use a basketball sized wad of paper to wipe away any pee remnants. My flesh does NOT come in contact with any piss yet they have signs up everywhere DEMANDING I scrub the bejesus out of my hands. This demands a protest!
I bet there are a lot of pissing weiner/vag cowards who roll over and wash on cue.
Just on account of you know you have pristine weiner skin doesn’t mean everyone does—this is for the nasty assed one who dipped his wick in a skank-ass stench wench just before coming in to work this morning. I don’t want to touch anything that thing touched, thank you very much.
Oh totally agreed! But people’s hands usualy touch far more nastier things and don’t get washed.
For the record, I do wash my hands. They’ve been touching my nasty key board and when I go to take a pee break, it’s a good time to wash.
Hell, pushing the door of the ladies’ room is enough to have me scrubbing.
Lee Harvey Ramone says
For health and hygiene concerns, its probably more important to wash your hands before you pee than after
cross lanes curmudgeon says
The human weiner, customarily encased in two layers of fabric and not exposed to pathogens in the way that hands are, probaby needs post-pee disinfection less than, say, the human elbow. I often complete the urination process without touching the organ in question or peeing on my shoes.
I’m gonna start hanging my dick in the sink and washing it after I pee.
I want to see pictures of that!
Williams & Ree The Best of Williams and Ree
Time Wilson Certified Aluminum
A Marine walks into the restroom and procedes to use the urinal. When he is done, starts washing his hands. He sees a Navy SEAL walk in, use the urinal, and walk out without stopping to wash his hands. The Marine hurries out of the bathroom and catches up with the guy.
“Didn’t the Navy teach you to wash your hands after you use the bathroom?” the Marine asks.
The SEAL gives him a balnk stare and replies, “Didn’t the Marine Corps teach you not to pee on your hands?”
“Firefighter Cowards”- Turns out fake Dad was one. Ship on fire while he was in the Navy and they found him in a fetal position in his bunk, afraid he was going to die at sea. Took Robert KKK Byrd to fight for him to get an honorable discharge. Real Dad was at Ice Station Zebra. Too cold to be a coward there, I guess.
I ain’t racist, but damn a Chinaman.
Soldiers, their should be a chapter on coward soldiers.
I also have pristine pant meat the size of my forearm. I never take shits outside of my house (other than emergencies at Target), and even then, I don’t poop on my hands. Still, I’ll wash after a fecal reduction for my fear of having poo particles on me. However, I refuse to wash my hands after I pee. My dick is probably cleaner than the soap in any public bathroom I’ve been in. If anything, I should rub muh’ hwang on everything in the bathroom. But then I’d have a dirty dick, and would therefor need to wash my hands after I peed.
I think if we wash too much then the dick germs, that exist as much as global warming does, will eventually grow to be super dick germs. I don’t want any to do with super dick germs.
There is in WEB Griffin books. No Load Nacklin.
Bill in WV says
Redd Foxx – You Gotta Wash Your Ass
Gene Tracy – Truck Stop #2
Both, fuggin’ classics !!
Is Gene Tracy the guy that talks about his “Brother Bill”?
Bill in WV says
Yep, he’s crippled, you know? Best harelip jokes ever!!
Oh SHIT!!! My father had that album when I was a teenager. He was f’n HILARIOUS!! I haven’t thought of that in years! I’d love to hear that again!
Bill in WV says
I have a 3 CD set of them. I can burn you a copy of them if you want. Just let me know. The original recordings were made live, inside truck stops and the comments from the crowd, as well as Gene’s routine itself, are hilarious. Filthy and cheesy, yet comedic gold !!
Oh gosh, Bill.. So cool of you to offer! Thanks!
clint curtis says
Best harelip joke:
A girl at the prom with a harelip is at the Prom, standing by the wal, no one asking her to dance. Finally a guy with a wooden eye comes up asnd asks her, Would you like to dance?”
She replies excitedly, “Would I, would I?”
To which he responds, “Harelip! Harelip!”
I’m confused. Was she at the prom?
clint curtis says
Cut me some slack, I wrote that at 3 AM, lol!
..and wash dem wild hickory nuts.
Bill in WV says
“I ain’t talkin’ ’bout washin’ yo whole ass, I’m talkin’ ’bout yo ASS…..HOLE !!! Amazing how much polution can collect around an area the size of a dime!!”
“Doctor, my peter’s turnin’ purple”
“Does your wife use jelly?”
“Oh yeah, that’s right. It’s grape”
Bill in WV says
Truck driver buys a gross of condoms at a drug store.
He comes back in 6 months and says “I want to buy a maternity bra”. Pharmacist says “yessir, what bust?”. Truck driver says “the blue one”.
Lewis Black: The White Album (2000). Before he became corporatized and has since toned down his act.
Don’t know about any other cowardly groups, but if you live anywhere near an Indian casino that’s starting up you’ll see some cowardly shit. Oh, they don’t think that’s what it is, but how else to you explain the “dis-enrollment” of entire families who’ve been on tribal rolls for generations. Two or three families will attempt to claim exclusive right to be members of whatever tribe has the casino interest. My area alone one tribe of 500 is now 55 members of three families. All getting in the neighborhood of 20 grand a month each. And in their greedy opinion they deserve it because they are the ones who laid around drunk and stoned on the res and didn’t go look for jobs. Another new start-up has paired themselves down from 1200 registered members to about 400, and plans to cut another 2/3 or so of those. And I confess I don’t always wash my hands after i take a leak. Unless someone might see me. My dad taught me not to piss on my fingers. But if I know someone doesn’t wash there hands I won’t shake hands with them.
My boyfriend has a HUGE issue with…as he calls it…”Dirty dick hands”. After he takes a piss, he lather’s up like a surgeon…so imagine what he does after a good poop. I go through had soap like a fat kid on cake.
He can’t stand going into bar bathrooms or whatever, then after he’s through scrubbing, having to “touch’ the dirty dick hand door knobs when he’s all fresh and clean. In the time it takes him to wash his hands, 3 guys can come in, pissed, and leave, without so much as a “rinse-off!” He had a plan to design some door attachment that you use with your elbow to open. Then, recently, he found someone had beat him to it and is probably making a fortune.
He always freaks when I eat the snacks in the basket at the bar. “You know how many dirty dicks are in there??” Just like the scene from “Along Came Polly”. He’ll tell you even beer bottles and bar glasses are “tainted” because the bartenders don’t wash their hands. It goes on and on and on…. I shit you not.
“like a fat kid on cake” – LMAO. Seriously – I’m glad my boss is on the phone and didn’t hear me.
Bill in WV says
Germophobe? I tell ya, whether he likes it or not, EVERYTHING has bacteria on it. It’s just a crapshoot on whether you touch something with staph or worse on it. Have you ever watched The Aviator, about Howard Hughes? Wotta nutcase.
I tell him that all the time. It’s not just dirty dicks you have to worry about. But, as far as he’s concerned, it tops the list.
Y’all ever think of the germs on the outside of a hand sanitizer bottle? 😉
Youknow what? He’s RIGHT, too. Only thing dickier than a barroom is a bag full of dicks, with a big bow on top which is also made of dicks, with a giant ambulatory dick carrying it.
Guys, you’re kidding yourselves. Dickstink is pretty common and it’s pretty obvious who has and hasn’t washed hands afterwards. Then too, it’s the idea as much as the reality.
Ladies, you know what our problem is? Come on, admit this…it’s PEE CUFF. You know darn well what I mean.
Shiny Rod says
Tell him that whenever someone poops and flushes in the boys room, hundreds of thousands of poop droplets are floating in air. That should cure him or give him a good case of Jeff Kay syndrome…
Two words – Buck Buck
Bill Cosby -“To Russel, My Brother, Whom I Slept With”. Flushing pajamas down the toilet, the belt… classic
Love that album!
What about Bob Newhart. “The driving instructor” is hysterical!
Eddie Murphy – “RAW” complete with Aunt Bunny.
OH YES! the video is hilarious, too.
“I know you’re 6 years old! I know you’re 6. But you’ll be a walking-the-door, no house crying mutha fucker.”
the DOG – walking-the-DOG
**singing** “I got the ice-creeeaaam, I got the ice-creeeaaaam…and you can’t have any…cuz you’re po-ooor…and you family’s on welll-fare….Wanna lick?…PSYCH!!!”
Oh shit – thank God my boss left. I’m turnign purple here.
“Come give your Aunt Bunny a kiss.”
Aunt Bunny falling down the steps: “OH LAWD, JESUS CHRIST, OH LAWD, JESUS HELP ME…my shoe! OH LAWD JESUS!”
Bill in WV says
MAAAA !!!!!! Throw down some money !!! The icecream man is coming !!!
Yep. I had it memorized too.
Had it on cassette.
“And a Toasted Almond bar for your father…”
You’re on the welfare, you’re on the welfare…And your dad’s an alco-holic!
“Now that’s a fire!”
“Roll that child ’round…he be a-ight..roll him ’round!”
OMG – some of my favorite lines. I think every time we make a fire someone is bound to say those 2 lines!
Bill in WV says
“I could drop my ice cream in a pile of shit and still eat it”. “See, it’s just sprinkles”.
Anything by the Firesign Theater
I wash my hands several dozen times a day, and not only after going to the bathroom. Most days I wash before and after in fact.
I also never touch bathroom door knobs with bare hands; I’ll keep hold of some paper towel or pull down a shirt sleeve. Those knobs and handles are filthy.
But then again, I’m a nurse and about half of my patients on a daily basis have Hep C and about a third of them are also HIV+ so I figure a little extra handwashing just makes sense.
And, as a public service annoucment- It’s flu season, surf reporters. I highly recommend frequent handwashing. It’s one of the best things you can do to prevent getting sick this winter. Also, talk with your healthcare provider about getting a flu shot. If they say it’s safe and appropriate for you, please, please get your flu shot.
I wash compulsively at work and at home. When you are in labor and delivery, the gloves don’t always cover everything. Occasionally we will threaten to petition for vet-style shoulder length gloves. Ever check a 400 lb woman’s cervix? You’re up to your shoulder before you even hit mucosa. And all these people worrie about peeing on your hands? Really, if I were forced to be splashed in the body fluids of someone else, pee would always be my first choice.
In that case M,
How you doin’?
” … faggot-ass goddamn shitbox cockneck snow!”
LOL .. He’ll be shouting it from the rafters in January if this is any indication.
thewwsr: is my wiener skin is filthy?
As far as washing in the lavatory, women are just as expected to scrub down even though our finishing move involves a wadded barrier of tissue and zero physical contact, unlike men.
It’s just common decency.
I’m pretty good friends with one of my female coworkers. She keeps a big candy jar in her office. If anyone wants a piece of candy, they just stop by and grab something.
Well recently I told her the names of the guys that don’t wash their hands after dropping a deuce… so now she keeps her own personal stash of candy, separate from the stuff in the jar. I think she’s still a little annoyed that I didn’t tell her sooner.
Bill Cosby-Why is there Air
Cheech and Chong-Big Bamboo
I hate waiting on guys who wash their hands in public after taking a leak. What in the world is wrong with these people? If a germ on their dick wanted to get to their mouth, it would just crawl up the happy trail to get there. That tight cinched belt ain’t doin’ shit to keep them crabs from where they want to be.
I especially hate when I actually need to wash my hands, do to some sticky BBQ sauce or something, and one guy is at the one sink for 8 minutes scrubbing his arms half way up to his elbow, ripping at his nail bed, and cranking our more lather than Peter North at the end of a sloppy blowjob.
Speaking of blowjobs, we musn’t delve into the subject of people who brush their teeth after lunch…AT WORK!
It makes me want to ram these people’s heads against a slab of raw pork until their eyeballs pop out through their ear holes. Ho Lee shit. If it’s that bad, wear some fucking gloves to take a piss, like women had to when they were first allowed to drive and vote. You should probably look into getting some damn goggles and a snorkel while you’re at it if things are that bad.
I just want to yell out, “Fucking dip your hands in bleach and kill your dick with fire! Get out of the god damn way you germaphobic wad!”
What the hell, some rat probably took a crap on the paper towel you are going to dry off with anyway. We don’t live in the world of Gattaca, you won’t not be able to go to the moon because of a stray skin flake. You won’t be able to go to the moon because you may very well get infected with moon AIDS.
These guys are in more danger of bodily damage from me than they are from transferring crotch sores to their lips. What do they do when they take a shit? Full body sterilization and hazmat suits to clean the house? Get over yourself
How do these people have sex? I know they must, there are too many of them for them not to be procreating. Do they whip their dicks through the air until atmospheric friction brings them to climax? Do they use a sterile room and welding gloves to deposit their chicken baster of semen into the Komodo dragon mouth that is a pussy?
Do women who have this strange gene douche with pure raw lye?
You have to wash your hands after you piss like you’re about to be shoulder deep into brain surgery, but you’ll probably eat a free sample of yogurt from Costco Warehouse Club without batting an eye lash. Why don’t these people do me a favor and scrub with steel wool; or better yet, a heavy wire brush? At least then I’ll have the pleasure of watching them bleed their dirty sin stained blood.
I was going to try to tell you to up your meds but I’m laughing to hard!
Komodo dragon, oh shit. Thanks for the laugh.
Komodo Dragon ala Bob and Ray
Free sample of yougurt from Costco Warehouse Club – LMAO. Served by people who try to unwedge a sesame seed from under their bridgework while wearing the same latex glove they’re slopping the shit into those Dixie cups.
After you take a piss test many times they won’t let you wash your hands. I bet that doorknob out of there looks like the gag reel from 2 girls one cup.
Dr Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech was very specific about every other skin color out there being allowed to take tire irons and ax handles to orange skinned freaks.
Oh…here’s one of may favorites…Larry Miller’s “5 Levels of Drinking”:
bkerchick, you are tapping all of my favorites. I love the ski one, too!
“fresh stitches in her head…”
lori in cbus says
i love me some Larry Miller..
“I’m Larry Miller..but in a way aren’t we all” lol
I have to say, today’s update was great! I have had three calls asking what I am laughing about in my office. Thanks!
Speaking of hygene… the cleaning guy at work wear his precious blue gloves… I saw him one day picking food stuffs out of a garbage can… he then wheels to the door of our department, grabs the handle with his rot infested glove, proceeds to empty the garbage, then handles every other door handle and piece of trash along his path…
This cleanliness craze is batty, keep one thing clean in order to make something else filthy in the process… Bet that fucker cleans the toilets and reloads the paper towels before emptying out the trash cans…
Well, his hands are clean. Why in the hell should he be expected to worry about everyone else? That’s your problem.
Why the hate for hand-washing? What are we, 5 years old? Nobody wants to shake hands with your Gentleman’s Sausage even if it’s “clean”. Washing hands won’t kill you and it only takes a minute. I’ve never observed the “surgical scrub” behavior described above, but it seems excessive.
Comedy albums: I’ll second the motion for Firesign (I wonder where Ruth is?). And most Monty Python stuff of course. During college daze I laughed my ass off at some National Lampoon and some Martin Mull.
I dunno, most of the movies I’ve seen the ladies seem to like shaking hands with the gentlemans sausage…
Shiny Rod says
Classic comedy – Moms Mabley
Rudy Ray Moore
An album in the ’60’s after Kennedy was elected president, called “The First Family”. The guy sounded EXACTLY like JFK! It was hilarious!
Chuck in Belpre says
There are some sick and twisted folks on the innernets.
Chuck in Belpre says
forgot that smiley thingie. 🙁
Chuck in Belpre says
Oh, and I can’t wait to wash my hands after coming home from the grocery store. Who knows what andromeda strain is on those shopping carts. Especially around the first of the month when the hilljacks get their government checks and come streaming in from the hollers. Which reminds me I need to put another jug of hand sanitizer in the car.
I’m very late to the party, so let me start with the most important thing:
Looks like Kim Kardashian finally realized that her new husband is lightly dusted with Down’s Syndrome, huh?
Fuck him. Fuck her.
Not everyone that dies in battle is a hero. I bet a lot of those Civil War guys took a musket ball to the back of the head. And lots of soldiers have probably died because their idiot buddy dropped his gun and it went off.
Firefighters aren’t always heroes. I don’t know how many we have in my town but I know a lot of them have retired without ever even picking up a hose. We never have fires here, not that I’m aware of.
Just because you get assassinated, that doesn’t mean your a hero. Maybe you needed killing.
How many homosexing cowboys were there? Probably at least one. Someone needs to tell his story.
I don’t think I should have to cover my mouth when I cough or sneeze. I want that sickness to float AWAY from me.
Wouldn’t there have to be at least 2 homosexing cowboys?
WB in OH says
Unless he’s a homosexing rape cowboy.
I was a fan of Bobcat Goldthwait’s “Meat Bob” album.
Probbly cause I stole it from my older sister when I was 11 or 12 or so.
clint curtis says
Early Bill Cosby stuff was great. Also thought Steve Martin’s “Wild and Crazy Guy” was funny. It’s lost a bit over time, but still funny.
Evil Twin's Wife says
I wash my hands every time I come home. I feel like – if I’ve been out in public and touched various items, then touched my steering wheel to drive home, my hands are germier than an unlicensed day care.
Sure, I could wipe the steering wheel down with Clorox wipes (which I do carry in my handbag), but what’s the use if it’s only going to get filthy again the next time I have to push a nasty shopping cart?
And it’s not just wiener skin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Q7RStifurs&list=FLRhJA9JaiVXu92VmVkKzihw&index=4&feature=plpp_video
CJ in CA says
OMG…now all I can think about are Urine Mints….remember back in the day when you would go to a restaurant and as you were leaving there was a bowl of those chalky mints. Think about all the people who don’t wash their hands when leaving the bathroom and now their stanky hands go in the same bowl of mints you are about to put in your mouth. EEEEWWWWWWW
Now we can extend it to Urine Nuts and Pretzels at the bar.
I want to wretch thinking about it.
Sometimes those Urine Mints have red jelly inside.
Or is it? I’d look for a “string.”
One word: Purell
For truly funny listening, try a Lewis Grizzard cd. He died in 94, so some of his stuff is dated, but most of it still holds up well. I got to see him live twice, and I’m so glad I did. I also loved his column.
Going back a few dasy, I just wanted to thank Kevindust for posting Maynard’s awesome lyrics in regards to my Mom’s situation. Somehow, it weirdly made me feel better and I am a peace a little more over it. A Perfect Circle/Tool had been in my top twenty bands since they started out and the lyrics this guy writes are brilliant. I had no idea what the song “Judith” was about until you put it up there and now I don’t feel so alone in my bitterness. Thanks again Kevindust. I will pay you 200 dolalrs an hour one day to lay on your couch and let you listen to the rest of my pent up shit.
“days”- Spell check still doesn’t work
Chris, thank you very much for the mention. I wasn’t sure that what I posted would hit home, but as you said, MJK writes brilliant lyrics and I could not ignore the obvious parallels. Judith was written when MJK was younger and bitter (we’ve all been there.) But I must also point out that he continued to tell the story:
You believed …
You believed in movements none could see.
You believed in me
A passionate spirit
Boundless and open
A light in your eyes
Fell at the hands of those movements that I wouldn’t see
Yet it was you who prayed for me.
So what have I done
To be a son to an angel?
What have I done
To be worthy?
Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescents
Difficult to see you in this light
Please forgive this selfish question, but
What am I to say to all these ghouls tonight?
“She never told a lie,
… well might have told a lie,
But never lived one.
Didn’t have a life,
Didn’t have a life,
But surely saved one.”
See? I’m alright
Now it’s time for us to let you go.
Listen to the tales and romanticize,
How we’d follow the path of the hero.
Boast about the day when the rivers overrun.
How we rise to the height of our halo.
Listen to the tales as we all rationalize
Our way into the arms of the savior,
Feigning all the trials and the tribulations;
None of us have actually been there.
Not like you.
Ignorant siblings in the congregation
Gather around spewing sympathy,
None of them can even hold a candle up to you.
Blinded by choice, these hypocrites won’t see.
But, enough about the collective Judas.
Who could deny you were the one who
Illuminated your little piece of the divine?
And this little light of mine, a gift you passed on to me;
I’m gonna let it shine to guide you safely on your way,
Your way home …
Oh, what are they going to do when the lights go down
Without you to guide them all to Zion?
What are they going to do when the rivers overrun
Other than tremble incessantly?
High is the way, but all eyes are upon the ground.
You were the light and the way they’ll only read about.
I only pray, Heaven knows when to lift you out.
Ten thousand days in the fire is long enough;
You’re going home.
You’re the only one who can hold your head up high,
Shake your fists at the gates saying:
“I’ve come home now!
Fetch me the spirit, the son, and the father.
Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended.
It’s time now!
My time now!
Give me my, give me my wings!”
You are the light and way that they will only read about.
Set as I am in my ways and my arrogance,
(With the) burden of proof tossed upon the believers.
You were my witness, my eyes, my evidence,
Judith Marie, unconditional one.
Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescents.
Difficult to see you in this light.
Please forgive this bold suggestion, but
Should you see your Maker’s face tonight,
Look Him in the eye, look Him in the eye, and tell Him:
“I never lived a lie, never took a life, but surely saved one.
Hallelujah, it’s time for you to bring me home.”
And oh yeah, I will never accept your $$$ to sit on my couch. If you ever need to vent online, go right ahead, private or public. If you ever want to visit Canada, your family is welcome in Kanata, Ontario.
Polbr explores have always been known as a brave and heroic lot. Johnathan “Jules” Darby dreamed his entire life of being the first adventurer to circumvent the globe traveling north to south. His goal was to raise bi-polar awearness. After leaving Karney, Nebraska he was found three weeks later hiding in a meat locker just outside Sparks, Nevada. His face chaffed and his hands, “Really, really cold”, he said he would try again someday when he gets over his fear of directions.
****bouncing around in a truck trying to read and type out this stuff. I’m near Larado. Oughta be some good street quality Fuckitol around here…ya think?
WB in OH says
Glad to hear it’s the bumps in the road causing your spelling issues, I thought maybe the trucker grade speed had gotten to you.
Angie (formally) in Japan now in MIchigan says
I saw this website and thought of you, Jeff. It’s from the BBC called Pimp That Snack, where people make giant versions of everyday candy, treats, snacks, etc. My favorite is the HUGE KitKat bar. That would be perfect for a diabetic coma induced snow day.
Denis Leary, No Cure for Cancer. Loaned it to friend of mine who promptly lost it. Sad times.
A true Scrantonian would hold a sign saying ‘Hide your weenie, here comes Sweeney’, because, fortunately, only a true Scrantonian would think it’s funny,knowing the origins of that joke. I myself find it hilarious.