Residents of the Upper Perogie Belt enjoyed a fantastic fake spring this weekend. Toney hates when I call it “fake,” but I remember early March during years past. And I know there’s a good chance we’ll have snow up to our crapshafts again, by the middle of next week.
But, man, it was extra-nice on Saturday. We took Andy (Snoop Manny Mann) to the park, and had an extended walk amongst other folks with the exact same idea.
It was great, but a little strange. It felt like mid-April outside, yet everything’s still wintered-up and shriveled-down. The temperature and smell in the air told us flowers should be in bloom, and the grass a-growing. But it’s still deader than last week’s “ambitious but doable” task list for the weekend.
Andy and his fellow doggie citizens stayed busy text-messaging each other, by slinging urine across everything upright.
“See there? He’s answering his email,” I explained to Toney and the boys, as our dog let-loose a pulsating jet against the side of a decorative planter. A middle-aged man and woman walked past as I was providing this lesson, and didn’t appear to fully understand.
One of my favorite things about the First Nice Weekend, is the way people try to will it to be warmer than it really is. Know what I mean? They go around in shorts and flip-flops and pretend it’s July — while trying to hide the fact they’re gritting their teeth against the brisk Canadian ice-wind blowing straight up their cooters.
There used to be a similar phenomenon associated with the First Genuinely Warm Weekend. After the temps edged into the mid-80s for several days in a row, you could count on returning to work and finding several people (usually women in their early 20s) sporting fire engine-red sunburns. They’d be shuffling around with their arms away from their bodies, like weightlifters, and shrieking in pain every time they encountered a slight breeze or change in temperature.
But that’s pretty much a thing of the past, since we now know that simply walking near a window on a sunny day can kick-off a cancer jamboree. I kinda miss it… it was part of the changing of seasons, all that cancer-triggering.
And this is, like, one of the worst updates ever. I can’t get it going, my friends. I’m struggling, and building massive run-on sentences here. I don’t know what’s wrong with me…
I’m just going to leave you now with a Question or two, and hopefully you guys can salvage this mess. I’d like to know how you rank the seasons, from favorite to least favorite. Here’s how I’d do it:
I prefer the transition times, over the full-on undiluted dosage. And I like cold better than hot, so you can probably understand my list. What about yours? Use the comments section below.
Also, what are some other sure-fire signs that spring or summer has arrived? Besides the girls with Monday morning lobster skin? Let’s start a list, shall we?
And I’ll try this again tomorrow. Sweet sainted mother of Bugs Meany!
Have a great day.
Did I get that right??
“fake” is right, rainy cold and crappy today…
My favorite season is spring, followed by fall, then winter, with summer coming in last.
I’m a cold blooded person by nature and the heat makes me insane.
If I could run around naked all summer, I’d probably be able to stand it better.
I’ve never sunburned.
I always tan easily and my hair bleaches out.
I look like a surfer chick after one day in the sun.
The time between spring and summer
the time between summer and fall
Warm days in autumn
Yep, that about covers it for me.
I start practicing my bitching and complaining about winter in late August just so I’m well practiced by the time it arrives
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters………..
Sure sign is the rising of the the crocuses and tulips in the front yard.
Saw the first robin Saturday.
Golfers on the course always a sure sign.
And my one neighbor just turned off and took down his Christmas lights.. always a sure sign of Spring
…but I live in Florida, so my Winter is more like a regular Fall and my Summer is more like the seventh level of Hell.
Allergies are a bitch.
My season list is the same as yours. Winter used to be my favorite back when snow meant school closings. Then I moved to Chicago and snow means potholes and digging my car out, so winter dropped to #3. Too bad in Chicago spring and fall are each three days long…
Oral Roberts says
Season of the witch?
Living in Florida makes Seasons a non issue. I really could break it down into months for you though.
March December January
June July August
I do remember living in PA as a youngster and everyone wearing OP shorts in March. Not me; I wore cut-offs.
I put on sunscreen this morning before leaving the house as I do every morning.\ It’s a convertible day 🙂
Trisha aka Mrs. Wally says
Winter (eats it from the ass in)!
Wally says he can always tell that spring has arrived when all the little hookers on campus start dressing slutty. Sure sign here in Illinois!
The weather was great here Friday. We played frisbee golf while the dog ran like an idiot and played in the creek (emailing all the other dogs, i love it). Saturday and Sunday was full on raining downpours with tornado warnings. Gotta love the midwest!
Summer (all nine months)
Spring (both weeks)
Fall (about a month)
Winter (if we’re lucky)
I call it pee-mail…
Eugene B. Sims says
Seasons in my favorite order:
3. Taco Bell’s Fourth Meal
I substituted Summer for something better.
‘nother Floridian here… I prefer winter over the burning pits of summer hell. In August, you can’t step outside to get the mail without having to come in a change your shirt. The only good thing about Florida summers: hurricane season! We don’t get snow-days here, but once or twice a year we get a day off the evacuate our homes and head for higher ground. (still beats going to work).
You can tell when it’s going to start getting hot when there is a black and red smattering of smashed love-bug guts on the windshield and grill of every car on the road. Are love-bugs a problem outside of Florida?
Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter. By the beginning of January, I’m convinced the leafless trees are effing with me.
Alice in WV says
I second what Brianf said.
I had to MAKE my husband and son go outside on our perfectly warm, sunny Sat afternoon, but then they didn’t come inside until it was too dark to see. You’re welcome.
Hey Jeff – How are those nicknames coming for your sons? are you letting them in on it?
Spring – it’s too freaking muddy
Winter – I’m one of those perpetually cold people. My extremities are like ice cubes from Nov. to April.
As soon as I heard the forecast for that warm weather my husband and I made our bets on how many shorts/flip flop/ no jacket/t-shirt people we would see running around. Oh and we exceeded our bets. I even saw a tank top with shorts combo at Lowes.
Sure sign of warmish weather here is guys walking around in wife beaters. Yeah it was 70 during the day but the morons are still walking around in them when it cools back down to 50 in the evening.
I would say flip flops but it seems that the young girls around here have lost all feeling in their feet. I have seen flip flops in december with 6 inches of snow on the ground.
‘Twas indeed an especially nice day in Georgia, what with the near-winter weather we’ve had of late–snow just last weekend and all. I wish every day…never mind.
Spring, Fall, Winter, Summer
Summer used to be closer to the top before I got all fat and lumpy and all, and no longer even own a swimsuit, much less squeeze one over the bumps.
Fall Spring Summer Winter
I really don’t like the cold. Winter here normally consists of ICE and Wind. Snow only falls every 10 years and it only lasts a few hours. I get cold in September and shiver alll the way to April. I really like the fake spring we’ve been having here too.
Lew in Bama says
I prefer hot weather…80 or above. If it gets below 60 I’m irritated. Winter sucks! Even here in Alabama. I can handle max 1month of colder weather…long enough to wear everything in my winter wardrobe twice, then I am done with it and it’s time to move on.
Weekend was beautiful here, mid-70’s and sunny. I turned off my HVAC, opened every window in the house, and did a little spring cleaning. I love the smell of Pinesol and it was damn near euphoric with the breeze wafting it about the whole house all weekend. I also got in a little yardwork, but very little since I stopped once it became vigorous enough to make me sweat.
I did notice to that Sunday morning church service was packed to the gills, even with the time change…I guess nice weather make it easier to get up and go.
I hate cold weather!
I’m a northerner living in the Houston area, so my list deviates from the temperate climate:
Not Summer (December-March)
Summer (April-June and September-November)
Can it really be 92 @ 10 pm?? (July/August)
Having moved Nouth (accidental typo but seems ton work just fine) after spending most of my life in the South, I have discovered all new seasons!
I’m kinda partial to Still Winter and it’s ‘fake’ Spring days.
I think I’d list my seasons just like Jeff did:
One thing, I could do without this goddamn time change. It feels like 3:30 in the morning – no matter what time I wake up.
spring, fall, winter and hell in Houston…
Another one here that puts the seasons in this order:
That’s why I love San Francisco, because there’s never really a summer. When I lived there, you could spot the tourists miles away. They would be the ones dressed in shorts and sandals, and bundled into their brand new souvenir sweatshirts.
winter – skiing
spring (summer part #1)
summer (Summer part #2)
fall (Summer part #3)
I live on the baeach on the south left
errr uh beach
I LOVE winter! I’m 40 and still look forward to the first snow like kids look forward to Christmas. Up where I live we’ve had a record amount of snow this year and I loved every minute of it.
My only complaint with spring is all the rain and the smell of every small animal that died over winter beginning to rot.
Summer sucks ass. By mid-July it’ll be 35 degrees (Celsius) but will feel like 45 when humidity is factored in. From late June to early September I’m dragging ass everywhere.
My work (property management) also plays into my ranking of the seasons. In winter people stay indoors more and don’t cause problems. In the spring everyone emerges and my tenants resume their territorial disputes. The problems build and build throughout the summer until it peaks on Labour Day Weekend. After Labour Day the kids are back in school and everything settles down until next spring.
Our first warm day was last Friday and sure enough by noon I had someone call me complaining that her neighbour was sitting on his front porch (in full view of her precious children!!!) drinking a beer! For me, it only goes downhill from here.
I was really ready for the cold to be over, but I think you’re right Jeff, it was most likely a fake-out.
I could live in 70 degree weather year round if a place like that existed, hence my ratings of 70 degree Spring and Fall as 1 and 2!
I’m with Jeff on the list of seasons. While I’m an absolute freeze baby, I prefer the cold over the humidity of summer.
I get made fun of for this but one of the sure signs of spring for me is the first rain when all the worms come out. You can smell it in the air.
Also, the coming of spring, when you see all the tips of branches on trees and bushes start to lighten up in color.
bennigan's nazi says
Celsius? What are you some kind of communist? Celsius is about as American as Borscht. Describe temperature in Fahrenheit, Damnit! My grandfather died killing nazis so that we Americans could claim Fahrenheit for our own. I’ll be damned if anyone uses Celsius, metric, or other such kookery on my watch!
Winter (dark beer)
Spring (allergy pills)
I hates me some hot weather too and I love the fall leaves.
bennigan's nazi says
My celsius comments were referring to Tyrosine.
D in Seattle says
I regret to inform you that if your ranking differs from mine, you are in fact wrong.
I shiver just thinking about winter.
Last Monday = snow day.
Today = 80 degrees.
I love North Carolina. Except for summer here, esp August and September (when it is TOO still summer). Everything gets brown and crispy, it’s hot as Satan’s ass-crack, the mosquitos grow to the size of robins, and the frigging fleas are in full-on rampage mode by then. Give me November through January ANY day over that beastly incursion.
Snoop Manny Man? Isn’t his correct moniker, “the Woody Harrelson of dogs?”
“Oh my God I think we just crashed into the Sun!” Summer
3 years in Florida and I still won’t bitch about the heat. Much preferred over the bitter cold up North.
Sorry, not being from the U.S. I don’t speak Fahrenheit.
“What are you some kind of communist?”
Far from it….
“Celsius is about as American as Borscht”
Correct. It’s actually French, but used universally (except in the U.S.)
“My grandfather died killing nazis so that we Americans could claim Fahrenheit for our own.”
Uhh…No. I don’t believe units of measurement were mentioned in any of the Decelerations of War issued during WW2 or any of the Peace Treaties signed with the Axis countries.
“I’ll be damned if anyone uses Celsius, metric, or other such kookery on my watch!”
Then damned you are.
Evil Twin's Wife says
My goal is to move to Florida once the Evil Twin retires. I wouldn’t care if I never saw another flake of snow ever again.
bennigan’s nazi, with a handle like that I’m sure grampa would be proud…
Zero degrees CELCIUS currently.
Winter would edge out summer if they didn’t throw salt and other crap on the roads since that means my car gets stuffed into the garage to hibernate.
Fall (Octoberfest beers, especially Sam Adams and Weyerbacher)
Spring (Getting in the Chardonnay spirit)
Summer (Full on Chardonnay and Chablis, cold as ice). Sit on the back porch in the evening and get blasted.
Screw winter (Gallons of Merlot and bourbon)
As I get older, cannot stand temps below 60 F. Hate coats.
Hate warming up the car. Hate shoveling snow. Still love Christmas, so OK, I want snow on one day.
I readily agree with doug. Cold weather? Funk dat!
Every season is a paradox for me.
Spring is nice, but I hate having to do my taxes and clean the swimming pool. And if you’re depressed, spring ironically makes you more so… “April is the cruelest month.” Also HATE “springing forward.” What sadist thought up that plan?
Summer- I despise the heat and humidity (not to mention the power bills) but I love not having to drive the kid (not Lucy; she’s my dog) to school. Love floating in the pool (when I should be swimming laps), especially when there’s a six-pack iced down on the deck.
Fall– love the football but hate driving home after work in the dark.
Winter– love snuggling by the fire but hate the power bills and worrying whether the pipes might burst. Love Christmas but hate the materialism/shopping/fatigue.
That’s life, I guess.
mexico motorcycle says
What the F is up with Mr. Celcius and Labour Day. Welcome to America F-face.
Land of farenheit and Labor Day.
The site is looking great!
jim britton says
Signs that Summer has arrived?
All the bennies have returned to the Jersey Shore.
jim britton says
Today’s bunker cam ™ is rough!
Taiwan On says
35 degrees Celsius? How many kilometers is that?