I’m still having technical issues here, but won’t go into it today. I’ll spare you. But I think you should know that I’ve officially reached the hand-thru-the-hair stage. That threshold was achieved this morning, around 2:20 am.
I’m about to lose it, man. And when I say it, I mean shit.
Anyway, the younger Secret has a birthday this week. He’s turning 11, and on Saturday Toney told him he could pick a restaurant and we’d go there for dinner that night.
He said he wanted to go to Texas Roadhouse, which sounded good to me. It beats Ret Lopster, which is the way he usually goes with it. Both boys enjoy the novelty of using tools to dismantle creatures from the ocean floor, but I’m not much for the crustaceans. Never have been.
So, we went to the restaurant around 5:30 on Saturday, and it was complete pandemonium. The parking lot was full of cars, and people were standing outside with vibra-boxes in their hands. Grrr… I thought the economy was in a shambles?
I wedged my heft through the crowd inside the front door, and one of the three(!) hostesses told me it would be at least a 35 minute wait. I told her to give me one of them boxes, dammit, and we’d be standing outside. Incredible. At one point I think I had ugly strangers pressed against me on all four sides of my body. And I can’t have that.
Of course, they were playing shitkicker music in that place. You know, because the word “Texas” appears in their name. But Pantera was from Texas, as were the Toadies and the Butthole Surfers. I would’ve much preferred some Butthole Surfers, if you want to know the truth.
And to make matters worse, their CD player kept skipping. The volume was blasting, and the songs kept getting stuck: “I think my son is a faaaaaag, because he drives a Toyota, ota, ota, ota, ota…” And they’d let it go for a long, long time before they’d correct the problem. Then it would happen again.
Toney stayed inside the holding pen, but it was too claustrophobic for me. It was a little cold outside, but the Secrets and I waited on the sidewalk and looked for “celebrities.”
Do you ever do this? We like to spot movie stars and famous musicians, amongst the general public. On Saturday night we saw “Jerry Seinfeld,” and “George Lucas.” They were also standing outside, with vibra-boxes.
Finally, we were summoned — almost exactly an hour after I’d been told it would be 35 minutes. And some chick with a BB stuck to the side of her nose led us to a table inside the bar area.
And the noise level in that place was amazing; I’ve been to Major League baseball games that were quieter. It was just a sustained din, making it nearly impossible to have a conversation.
Our waiter spoke in a voice completely devoid of inflection, and I had trouble understanding him inside that maelstrom of high-volume. At one point he asked what I wanted on my baked potato, and I answered, “Yes.”
But once we were finally seated, and had successfully conveyed our orders to the robo-waiter, everything went from irritating and unbelievable, to fantastic. I got a beer the size of an umbrella stand (Yuengling Lager), and the food was nothing short of excellent.
What’s your opinion of Texas Roadhouse? Have you been to one? I’m no expert, that was only my third or fourth visit, but I think it’s better than it has a right to be. You know, for big-ass mega-chains.
And I’m sure we’ve been through this multiple times, but in the comments please tell us your favorite chain restaurants. Everybody likes to trash ’em, but what are some good ones, in your opinion? And I’m talking about national, or well-known regional chains — not Jim’s World of Curved Sausage in Montana, or whatever.
I’ve been ordered to work thirty minutes early, so I’m going to have to cut this one short. Here’s an especially funny Mockable from Metten, to take up the slack.
And I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
Could it be? Number one?
Oh, HELL yes!
OK. I’m through now.
so technically I’m 2…. hmmmm. Never been to a Texas Roadhouse, actually have never heard of one before…
It’s a great day for Gregs!
Curved Sausage?
BTW the Bunker Cam…. ewwwwwwwww
I avoid chains nowadays. No reason to go.
Road House is a bit too much of a Charlie Foxtrot for me… And, perhaps it’s just the one here, but their food has never been all that great.
Though, their prime rib was nice and fatty, just the way I like it…
*shrugs*
I’m neutral.
Top 10! Bonefish!
Jeff – The CD player had the Mel Tillis feature turned on. Damn I hate when that happens.
Haven’t been to Texas Roadhouse, but the parking lot is always packed, and I’ve heard good reviews. Along those lines, we also have a Ruby Tuesday’s and a Logan’s Roadhouse, which both suck. The Olive Garden here does a pretty good job, but everything on the menu is really fattening. The Outback is probably my all-around best choice for food, and, they have a great bar.
~other greg, yes, it’s a great day for Gregs!
The Tejas Roadhouse here is basicaaly a crapshoot as to you getting what you ordered. No one can read English or make a rare steak there, they all come out medium well. If you send it back, the next one comes out medium well. If you send it back, the next one comes out medium well. If you send it back, the next one comes out medium well. If I am spending that much money, I will go to Sam Seltzer’s, or even Longhorn Steakhouse.
My wife and I spot celebrities too, but she does not get mine….like Kafka, or J. D. Salinger, or Ian Curtis. It has to be a mainstream celeb for her to play along.
On IPOD right now- “Silence”- Portishead
Texas Roadhouse is a weekly tradition in my family. Tuesday night is kid’s night (as much fun for the tots as it is for me), and we don’t miss it. The scamps get to have “sirloin” tips for a dollar, I get to enjoy a hot meal that I DIDN’T have to cook. The food is always fantastic, the service fast (heaven forbid the screaming tots stay there longer than necessary on Kid’s night), and the price is right! Everybody wins, and we escape with a bill under $25. Not too bad for a steak dinner for a family of three.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..
I’ve been to Texas Roadhouse once before. That’s the place where they have galvanized buckets of peanuts and you just shuck ’em and throw the shells wherever, yes?
Yeah, that’s the place. Took our server well over a half hour to serve up the beer. The appetizers were another 45 minute wait. Turns out our potato boats had been knocked to the floor and had to be redone. I asked the waitress if they went past the “5 second” rule and she replied “oh yes, way past the 5 second rule. Simply excellent.
I ordered up a NY strip medium rare. As soon as I cut into it (almost an hour later) it mooed. Charred on the outside, blood purple and still breathing on the inside.
Texas Roadhouse can kiss my white Irish ass.
Texas Roadhouse is pretty good. the last time we were there i made them sing happy birthday to my daughter who acted all emberrassed and stuff. they had her stand on a chair and sang some rendention of the birthday song that ended in YEE-HAW!! She was SOOOOOO mad at me. Probably because that was last month and her birthday is in March.
I am a big fan of ret lopster and Olive Garden the food is consistantly good and the prices are fair but mostly because i have worked at both they are owned by the same company and their standards for cleanliness and food safety are VERY HIGH!! I guess that depends somewhat on the manager of the store but in my opinion they are a safe bet.
I forgot about the other part.
Carraba’s (sp?) has always been awesome every time I have gone there. I would eat there every day if I could afford it.
On IPOD right now- “Sex Type thing”- Stone Temple Pilots
I’ve only been to Texas Roadhouse 2-3 times but was never displeased. My favorite place was Skeeters down in Atlanta I believe it was a regional chain that eventually spawned Lonestar. Of course it helped that friends of mine were friends of the Mgr. and meals and drinks were comp’ed, he just asked that we left a good tip which we always did, we would go down once or twice a year for a stretch back in the early ninetys for a few days at a time and the waitresses would damn near fight over our table. We always left the amount of our bill for the tip.
A cold beer the size of an umbrella stand tends to make even the worst experience become more tolerable within seconds.
Yeah. WTF is happening in the Bunker cam?
Never mind. My imagination is probably less frightening than the reality.
I’m home with my slightly sick youngin today. One perk is that I get to see the surf report. hell yeah! Yesterday at work, the stars aligned for one brief moment, and I could see everything, the format was cool, etc. bliss. It all derailed when I hit the ‘comments’ button. From then on it was the malicious content warning. soft sobbing was heard from my cube.
We eat at Outback a lot. We don’t have a great deal of choices around here but they’ve never let us down. well, maybe once when they burned my chicken.
Longhorn Steakhouse, by far!
PS – Glad to see they are wearing safety goggles…
I’ve only been there once but Famous Dave’s BBQ was kick ass, I’d definitely go back. They are national but there aren’t many of them per state, only 3 in PA and 2 of them are in Philadelphia.
I’ve been to Roadhouse once and I don’t believe I was overly impressed. I do like Lone Star though.
In the Kay hierarchy, is “better than it has a right to be” above or below “shockingly good”? I would have said below, but The Lohptser gets a “shockingly good” whereas Texas Outhouse gets a BTIHARTB.
Please clarify.
They opened a new Texas Roadhouse down the street, and I managed to make it in there once. I doubt I’ll ever go again because getting a table was such a clusterfuck, and the loud music and dancing waitstaff irritated the hell out of me. And now that I think about it, the ubiquitous peanut debris may have caused me to develop an allergy. The food was good, but I like my peace while I’m savoring a slab of beef, thankyouverymuch. Plus, in order to build that kitschy monstrosity, they tore down an old greasy spoon dive that held a very special place in my heart, and I’m still bitter about that. Nephew wants to get a job at the Roadhouse because according to a few friends who have already sold their young souls, the tips are REALLY good. I reminded him that he would be forced to endure the humiliation of “the dance” more than once a day, but Nephew is undeterred. Money.
I don’t much like chain restaurants. I will however admit to liking a couple of smaller, mostly West Coast chains – Cattlemens and Claim Jumper. Cattlemens is THE best place to go for a hunk of beef, hands down. The atmosphere is rustic/western, and you don’t have to endure the shtick à la the Roadhouse. Nothing fancy about Cattlemens – just classics like prime rib, seafood and steaks, all served with some form of potato, bread and ranch beans — but they certainly know how to cook a cow and get it right every time. If I want a steak, all I have to do is tell my mother that I think my iron is a little low, and she knows what I’m talkin’ about. She’s a prime rib whore herself.
Claim Jumper serves gigantic portions of home-style food (enough for 2-3 meals) but you really have to save room for dessert (mud pie, cheesecake, crème brulee, carrot cake, bread pudding among others). My favorites are the Whiskey Apple Glazed Pork Loin, and the old stand-by, Chicken Fried Steak. Or you can get a gigantic rack of ribs, a ribeye, or meatloaf if you prefer. Heart patients have no business going to Claim Jumper.
Excuse me while I go call my mother.
I live in Fort Worth, and have never been to Texas Roadhouse. Perhaps we should check it out.
My favorite chain restaurant would be On the Border, though I’ve never strayed from the two items I always order. So what do I know?
Never been to a Texas Roadhouse. The one we had here in the ‘burg actually closed and some other mundane restaurant opened in it’s stead.
I kinda like Outback for my eatin’ out meat. I like mine medium…bleedin’… a little hooves-n-hair….cut a piece off and I’ll ride the rest home…..rare. The boyfriend about gags when he see’s my plate of singed steak.
I also like Olive Garden & Ret Lopster. You can eat like you have an hour to live and still take a doggy bag home to relive the experience. Pass the garlic-butter biscuits..
So, in the bunker cam photo where do you insert the coin(s)?
My mother in law took us to some chain place called “Great American Breakfast” or some such title, can’t remember. It was pretty good – the sizzling breakfast skillets were good, but then again, it’s damn near impossible to fuck up eggs, meat and cheese.
Most U.S. chain restaurants don’t do well in Canada. Over the last 35 years or so I’ve seen Red Barn, Ponderosa, Denny’s, Elias Brothers, Olive Garden, Outback and a few others go face first into the hardpan. Red Lobster still hangs on but apparently there’s only 5 or 6 left up here, and it’s iffy how long they can hold out. Applebee’s is currently trying to set new standards in failure, so I’m sure they’ll soon be a distant memory.
My favorite chain restaurant is The Keg Steakhouse, but I don’t think you guys have them down south. Second favorite would be East Side Mario’s (I think they’re U.S. based).
I’ve only been to Texas Roadhouse once, but it was excellent – thanks for reminding me that I need to plan a return trip immediately. I don’t remember what I ate, though I’m sure it was good. The girly cocktail I had with it? Divine.
My favorite chains would be Uno Chicago Grill (awesome deep dish pizzas) and Chili’s. I’d sell my soul to the devil for their french fries and jalapeno ranch dip alone.
My favorite chain restaurants are:
Gary’s Gizzard Garage
Mary’s Mufalleta Mansion
Barney’s Burrito Bunker
Charlie’s Chili Church
Sherry’s Shirtless Shrimp Shed
Carla’s Casserole Casa
Never been to a Texas Roadhouse, though being vegetarian might have something to do with that.
My favorite chains are Moe’s, Pizzeria Uno, and On the Border. I also enjoy Waffle House and Noodles and Company, but there aren’t any near me.
@Tyrosine we must be picky fu**ers North of the Border you can add Fuddruckers,Pizza Uno,Planet Hollywood,Chi Chi’s & Kenny Rodgers to your failed list! The keg is in half a dozen States now, I work a lot in Fort Worth & they have an excellent one! Big Irony Boston Pizza is a Canadian chain!
Ever notice there are hundreds of chains but all the menus were written by the same guy!! Dishes are always World Famous or Signature! Meat is always Hand cut, Ribs are always fall off the bone!!
at least I live a stone’s throw away from the Anchor bar & Grill they can at least claim the best wings in the world:)
The Texas Roadhouse by us is decent. Met Wally at a Lonestar Steakhouse where we both worked years ago. Sigh. I still get misty eyed thinking about that place. Don’t go there much anymore because they cannot cook a steak now that Wally is not at the helm of the kitchen and I don’t get free shit anymore. I would over look the free thing if they cooked my steak correctly.
Favorite chains, and we have them all; Chili’s, Famous Dave’s, Olive Garden, Ret Lopster, and Biaggi’s.
Oh, might I add that when we worked at Lonestar they were still doing the lame ass line dancing. I was the only bartender that was forced to participate. Yeah, my manager was an asshole. 😉
Now that I think of it, the one chain I do visit on occasion is Ted’s Montana Grill. Where else can you get Bison Meatloaf?
Worst Chain Restaurants (IMO):
Red Lopster
Fudrucker’s
Olive Garden
Pat & Oscar’s
Best Chain Restaurants (IMO):
Outback Steakhouse
Mimi’s Cafe
Claim Jumper (Clam Bumper)
El Torito
BJ’s (and I mean the restaurant!)
Lucille’s BBQ (Best damn BBQ EVER!)
Happy Marine Corps birthday to you!
Pagan,
The problem is that the business conditions are too different for most U.S. based chains to make it up here: No discounting drinks (happy hour), employer paid health care premiums, $8.50 minimum wage even for servers, restrictions on split shifts, higher taxes on liquor (and in general), etc. Restaurants in the U.S. work under entirely different rules. For most chains it’s not worth it to re-tool for the smaller Canadian marker. Those that do generally don’t do well because they can’t operate under the same price structure.
I have a love/hate thing going with Ruth’s Chris. The food & the experience are spectacular, but goddamn….. $100 – $150 for 2 people is too much. But, no screaming children, no obnoxious teens, excellent waitstaff….. maybe it’s worth the price.
Can’t do chains – all the food tastes like a salt lick to me. Perfectly good food, really, they just don’t know when to stop with the salt.
My mom and brother LOVE Famous Daves and drive quite a distance to eat there. I guess they’re finally opening one in San Jose (where they live) so I’ll give it a whirl when it opens.
Brynhildr – where is the Texas Roadhouse around here? I’m assuming it’s in the East Bay?
Happy Tuesday, Surfers!
It would be nice to have a Waffle House in the state that I live in, but out of the 15-20 restaurants that I frequent in my city, none of them are national chains (a couple are local chains, however). .
Oh, I did forget to mention the fact that I ate at a Cracker Barrel 3 times the last time I was in Tennessee. I loves me some Cracker Barrel potatoes. None in California, unfortunately. And the food wasn’t salty, as I remember…
Melissa, gotta agree with you on the Fuckrucker’s. I could never figure out whay after paying so much for a burger, that I had to put all the shit on it myself. They have a racket goin’ on there, I tell ya.
I’m at home now, but STILL, I tell ya, I typed http://www.thewvsr.com in the browser line and STILL go to here. It’s like voodoo or something.
On TV right now- ICarly. Am I the only guy pushing 50 who has some kind of attraction to ICarly? I know it’s sick, but can we have the same “till 18” countdown we had for the Olsen Twins for this. I apologize in advance.
I am a Texan so we have a lot of good steak joints to choose from and I have always like the Roadhouse. The prices are reasonable and in between 4:30 and 6pm during the week they have pretty good discounted meals. That may be why you had a long wait because the elderly crowd was there to get the discounts + the senior discount…
In the bunker cam I will take the second from the right please. No need for goggles….. Yee haaw