I was listening to local talk radio recently, and the host told the caller to “vote with your feet.” I don’t remember what they were talking about. Caulk or mutual funds… what does it matter? But the woman busted out laughing, as if the host had just made a devastating funny.
“Vote with your feet!” she shrieked. “Oh my god, that’s great!! Vote with your feet!!”
WTF? Isn’t that a common phrase? Bordering on cliche, even? And even if it were brand new, freshly minted, it’s not exactly hilarious, is it?
I frowned at the radio, and put in a CD. There’s only so much a man can take.
And speaking of Wilco, they’re apparently coming to town. To Scranton, I mean. On the rare occasion I’m moved to see a band perform live, it almost always requires a drive to Philadelphia. I’ve gone down there to see Paul Westerberg, Paul Weller, and the Eels about three times.
But Wilco just added a few dates to their ConstaTour 1995 – present, and are supposedly coming to the Scranton Cultural Center in March. Check it out.
Man, I’m gonna be all over that like a spider monkey on a custodian. The venue is roughly seven (six?) miles from our house, and is also a really cool place. I’m excited!
Toney and I first saw Wilco (along with the Jayhawks) in 1995, literally hours after we found out we were going to be parents for the first time. We’d stopped on our way home from work that night, and bought a home pregnancy kit. And after some peein’ ‘n’ waitin’ we were informed, via plastic messenger, that the first Secret was on his way.
We went to the show, at the 40 Watt in Athens, but our minds were racing a mile a minute. The club wasn’t exactly packed, and we were standing just a few feet from the bands. Yet I don’t remember much about it. I know Wilco did a lot of Uncle Tupelo songs, and a few off their second album, which hadn’t been released yet. Other than that… pretty much a blur.
This is supposedly the set list, but what do I know about it? I could barely hear anything, because a voice kept yelling, “Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit…!” inside my head the whole time.
I saw them one other time after that strange night, and know all their albums like the back of my freakin’ hand. Somehow Wilco has wormed their way into my life, like few other bands.
One of their records, Summerteeth, conjures unpleasant memories of our cash-strapped California years, and I can barely listen to it. It makes my scrotum feel funny, like when I look down from the top of a skyscraper or whatever.
And another one, Sky Blue Sky, makes me feel almost giddy with optimism. Clearly, something good was happening during that period.
The shit’s all interwoven into my world, ‘n’ shit.
So, anyway… I’m looking forward to seeing the band again. Maybe I’ll take the oldest Secret with me? How cool would that be?
I had to leave and run a few errands, between that Wilco stuff and now. Good god, why didn’t I remember it’s seasoned citizen day at the grocery store? Unbelievable. I thought my forehead was going to split open, and start spraying blood.
I hope I make it to the age of wide-open entitlement, I really do. I’m owed it.
This one’s a little short, but I need to get ready for work now… For a Question, I’d like to hear (read) your stories about the day you found out you were going to be a parent for the first time. You know, if you ARE a parent. Use the comments link below.
Also, I’m interested in the other “fun” websites you visit. I’m not talking about news sites, or crackpot political blogs, or things like that. Tell us about the sites you visit for entertainment purposes. Other than porn… everybody knows where to find that.
I’ll see you guys tomorrow, at both sites. And speaking of both sites, Metten has been on a roll at Mockable over the last few days, so be sure to check it out.
Have a great day, boys and girls.
http://myhusbandisannoying.com/ (even though she drives me crazy sometimes)
Not a parent. And the day I find out my girlfriend is pregnant I’m going to punch her mexican (messican) ex-husband in the nose.
500 times? Blurgh.
My aunt had similar luck. The worst one was the one before my cousin was born. she lost the kid the monday after the baby shower. That was a kick in the nuts. They named it and had a funeral. The up side? There isn’t another kid running around out there named Robert E. Lee Jones. The Jones part was changed to protect the innocent, I could have easily said McGuillicutty or Kay.
@Evil Twin’s Wife: God bless you and your persistence! And congrats on having two healthy children after all that you went through.
forgot one — http://postsecret.blogspot.com/
I spend a lot of time on HIpinion.com
It came from Pitchfork Media original forum back in 2001 and it’s evolved into one of the funniest board I’ve ever had the pleasure to post on. Great YSI and upload threads as well as a Leak thead. Also it’s filled with some of the most hilarious people I’ve ever encountered online or in real life. We just changed over to a new board and open registration might still be in effect. Our board was respsonsible for the “Meg White Sex Tape” back in 2007 and a lot of our content has made it’s way all over the interwebs. I’m actually convinced that Jeff either posts there or lurks.
I’ll also be keeping an eye out for Jeff at the Wilco show. I’m equally excited about it.
I found out that I was pregnant on my husband’s 29th birthday. I burst into our bedroom carrying 5-6 pregnancy tests, all of which were 1) USED and 2) POSITIVE. I looked him in the eyes (full of fear) and gasped, “What are we going to tell my parents?!”
He laughed and said, “We’ve been married for 5 years. They probably figure we’ve been up to something.”
We stopped after one kid, because she acts like her father. [That’s actually a compliment, by the way. I’m positive that the next one would act like ME.]
I am a great fan of mentalfloss.com, cracked.com, and imnotbenny.blogspot.com.
If you want to laugh until you wish you were dead, I highly recommend reading the last one. Dig through the archives. You WON’T be disappointed.
It’s apparent that I’m not a parent.
Some of my regular visits: thereifixedit.com, engrish.com, dieselsweeties.com. And yes, I read Wikipedia for fun. I was a regular at suck.com when they were still active.
One of my very favorites is the Perry Bible Fellowship, http://pbfcomics.com/ – this is a collection of seriously bizarre and twisted comic strips. Unfortunately, they guy quit drawing them and so the selection is finite. Still excellent though.
For music, last.fm
And like Dogberryjr, I’m not sure if I “get” Wilco – but I’m excited by The Residents coming to town next month. Feb. 7 at the 9:30 club!
Not Oprah says
Jason, FMcT, (SB) – just back tracked on your reply from yesterday, always hilarious, you both have such a gift for writing, although frequently disturbing, it’s all for the fun of it. BTW, Jason, I think your wife must be a Saint.
Not O: It doesn’t seem fair to call Jason’s wife a Saint at this point in the season. Sure, they lost their last three games and they seem doomed in the playoffs, but they had injuries. Unless… you meant saint. Oh, oh.
Jason has obviously had some injuries as well, but a lot of research is underway in the area of cranial trama and doctors are making great strides. I don’t wish him ill, but you gotta admit he’s more entertaining this way.
#1- Was called while working overnight at a warehouse. Expected the call, so nothing shocking.
#2- Found out during fireworks on 4th of July- A little shocking, but not newsworthy
#3- Second wife- told me after a trip to a doctor that the state paid for. That’s right- welfare baby. Probably this one shocked me more than any.
#4- Completely unexpected and actually sort of pissed me off, since I thought procreation time was over and I could actually begin to save some money. However, I know it’s wrong to play favorites, but AngryWhiteGirl would have to be the favorite, if I was forced to choose at gunpoint.
I can get lost for hours in Wikipedia. A description or definition can lead me to another topic, and so on, where I have all of a sudden spent way too much time in there. I also like thisiswhyyourefat.com. Some of the food products there look really good.
On IPOD right now- “Derelicts of Dialect”- 3rd Bass
trying for 3 years… saw a specialist… told us we could start meds…. and before we could even start the whole ordeal (following weekend) i was late and did the pee stick.
i jumped up and down and couldnt stop smiling and laughing. so happy. the ‘oh shit oh shit oh shit’ came a little later
Drug Delivery Guy says
Adopted a little girl from Russia in Dec. ’03. Got the call that a little girl was available on Sept. 23. Received her picture in the mail a few days later. Heart begins to claim her as my own at that point. Never thought I’d be the one who would adopt. She’s a true gem and a real blessing. Funny story, my wife and I went back to our photo album from the day she was born and there was a pic from that exact day, where I had set up a tripod to take our picture, ran to put my arm around her and smacked her right in the face with my elbow. The shot shows her in complete pain. So, we tell my daughter that her Mother was in pain the day she was born.
Thanks for the compliment. This is the only place I really ever write anything. But I will say that I’m exactly the same in real life. I enjoy shocking people, making them laugh, etc. My wife really is a saint. She’s gotten used to it. People always ask her, “Is he always like this?”
It’s like I always tell my wife, “You might not find what I say or think interesting, but try telling that to the dozens of court-ordered psychiatrist. They find everything I say absolutely fascinating.”
I’m on a host of medications for an overactive imagination. I used to suffer from insomnia because I’d lay there and pay attention to where my tongue laid in my mouth as I tried to sleep. “Is it just going to dangle there? Should I try to keep it low or press it to the roof of my mouth? Any chance I might swallow it?”
I started administering shock therapy to myself with a frayed electrical cord. That helped a lot. But I had to stop because I passed out and let the cord land in a cardboard box full of shredded paper. Almost burned the garage down.
Sad day- I cannot get into most of the websites that everyone recommended, especially Jason’s, which looked more than interesting, but NOW, I cannot get into peopleofwalmart due to it being labeled as “Mature Humor”. I swear, the internets Nazis are ruining my workday.
Day 6 of non-smoking. Not so bad. Only want to kill the internets Nazis, not my co-workers.
On IPOD right now- “Sky Pilot” (doesn’t it seem like it’s always “Sky Pilot”)- The Animals
DDG – Nice story. After years of trying, my sister and her husband also adopted from Russia (April ’02). Two girls at the same time. Born two weeks apart and not biologically related. When people ask if they’re twins, we confuse them by simply stating, “No, they were born two weeks apart.” Leaves people scratching their heads before they either ask for clarification or use their brains and figure it out.
After the physical and emotional pain of failed fertility treatments, the adoption process was just as tough on my sister. Exams, evaluations, paperwork, affidavits, translations, notarizations, disappointments, more paperwork. When I finally got the call to tell me that the judge had approved the adoption and that they would be coming home in a few days, I sat in my office and cried. I can’t imagine what my sister felt at that moment. Her girls just celebrated their 9th birthdays.
Whenever we go to the hospital to spit out another kid there’s always some douch in the elevator that ask me, “So, are you having a baby today?” I’ve started answering, “Yes. I’m having two.” They always say, “Oh twins! How exciting!” And I say, “No. Not twins. It’s two different mammas. They just so happen to be delivering on the same day.” This always shuts them up. Don’t ask me if I’m having a baby, stupid fuck. Of course I’m having a baby. Why else would I be in this drab shithole at 9:00 at night? Gawd.
Casey J says
My first was found out 3 days before(thats right Gma, Before) my open bar wedding. somewhat of a bummer, but I was the only sober person to remember my wedding.
Second was after fertility docs(funny how your body can just quit working) and several surgeries.
Third was a Vacation to Disney Baby. Thanks Mickey Mouse. I cried with the third, as I became pregnant with him while the other was under a year. Fertility problems my ass. WTF.
All boys. ages 6 and under. I don’t sleep. ever. but they are cute, because they look like their dad.
Thanks for the reference to the end of the comments from yesterday’s post. “The Saga of Jason and T. Farty McAppleass” answers a lot of questions.
I’m not quite sure why I had questions. I’ll have to think about that one for a while.
Since I’m posting, I’ll answer the Q: Like Dorothy, my wife knew within a day or two that we were going to be joined by Li’l Dudes. It kind of takes the edge off of learning about it–there’s a bit of “yeah, right” involved–but after two, I’d have believed her the third time. Thankfully, that didn’t happen–not that I didn’t enjoy the Li’l Dudes, but I sure do enjoy the empty nest now.
hungover near nay aug says
I noticed someone above mentioned The Reigning Sound. I highly recommend them. Caught them two nights in a row in Nov. Great shows! Check them out!!
Drug Delivery Guy says
Brynhildr – It’s unfortunate your sister had such a hard and long time. I know it’s common for a lot of folks. Ours took from Jan. ’03 and she was home in Dec. It’s fantastic that they adopted two. If wife and I were ten years younger I’d do it again.