I’m not sure how I graduated from high school in 1981, and managed to never see the film version of Pink Floyd The Wall, but I pulled it off. I didn’t attend a single midnight movie showing of it, which is a miracle (I saw most of the must-sees), and never rented it.
But on Friday night the older boy went to a dance(!?) at the middle school, and the younger youngling asked if I wanted to watch the movie with him. He’d recorded it off VH1, or somesuch, and I had no interest whatsoever. God knows it’s true. But I said yes, because I’ve heard “Cats in the Cradle.”
I don’t hate Pink Floyd, but I don’t like them very well either. They’re high on the list of “classic rock” bands that irritate me the most. Also on that list is The Doors, Stevie Nicks, and pretty much any group that falls under the heading of progressive rock.
Progressive rock is for other musicians, I believe, and people who are good at math. I don’t give the tiniest of shitlets about a complex chord progression in the third measure; it means nothing to me. You can’t make a bad song better by stuffing extra notes into it.
But back to the movie… It’s a turd of the highest order. The thing is pretentious, incoherent, and seemingly made our clocks run backwards.
It stars Bob Geldof, and we have a bag of gardening mulch in our garage with more acting ability. Have you noticed he’s never really done much film work since then? Care to guess the reason?
The “plot” revolves around a rock star who is emotionally isolated, as the result of a series of unfortunate artsy-fartsy events earlier in his life. So – are you sitting down? – he builds a metaphorical wall around himself. And that’s deep, man.
But what do I care about it, really? If some weirdo with a shag haircut wants to sit in a chair all day and shave his chest and eyebrows, it’s no skin off my scrotum. I couldn’t care less, and no amount of incomprehensible World War II flashbacks is going to make me feel any differently.
I kept my opinions to myself, though. There’s nothing worse than a person hollering about how bad something is – while you’re enjoying it. I didn’t know what the Secret was thinking, so I just stared at the screen and blinked away the tears of boredom.
Finally he turned to me and said, “This isn’t very good, is it?” And that broke the ice. From that point on we openly mocked the film, and it became more enjoyable for both of us.
Wow! Wotta load of pure, undiluted crack-spackling.
A few days ago I was sitting in Moe’s, having lunch by myself. And a woman walked in who I pegged as a grade school teacher or a real estate agent. You know, tinged with kookiness.
As is the tradition, the manager hollered, “WELCOME TO MOE’S!” and the rest of the crew halfheartedly followed her lead: “weeelcome Moooe’s….” They always sound like the living dead, like a gang of Bela Lugosis. And they always leave out the “to” in the middle.
“Oh, you’re closed?” the woman said, and turned to leave. She misunderstood what the zombies had shouted, and thought the restaurant wasn’t open for business – even though there were people sitting in nearly every booth, chewing.
“No, no!” shouted the manager. “We said WEL-COME TO MOE’S!”
Brooch Woman, now chuckling, came back inside, proceeded to the cash register, and tried to place her order there. Unfortunately, it’s set up like a Subway and the cash register is the end of the process, not the beginning.
Perhaps they should post an illustrated tutorial out front?
After that bit of fun was sorted-out, a man sitting near me started to choke. He was gasping for air, and sprang to his feet. Why do people always stand up when they’re choking?
For a couple of seconds it was touch-and-go, and I thought someone might have to administer a medical punch to the gut. But he finally got his shit correct, and returned to the boof with tears and snot flowing.
Man, that place has the best floor show in town!
Toney and I attended an event recently (please note the ambiguity) where we met the spouses of some people we sorta know. And in several cases we were shocked.
A woman, who reminds me of Mary Tyler Moore circa 1974, introduced us to her husband – who looked like Robert E. Lee. He must’ve been twenty years her senior, and should’ve been carrying a musket. I was, as they say, taken aback.
And a man who is apparently a former athlete, who carries himself like a gym coach, had a wife the size of a Macy’s Parade float. She glided across the floor in one of those “don’t hide it, decorate it” floral dresses, rocking from side to side. And I was fully expecting to see Clay Aiken lip-synching on her back.
When we got home Toney and I talked about seemingly mismatched couples, and wondered if anyone thought we fell into that category. I don’t think so, but it’s hard to say from my perspective. Toney’s certainly more outgoing and social than I am, but we don’t look like we’re from opposite ends of the twentieth century, or anything.
And that leads me to the multi-pronged Question of the Day. None are spectacular, I don’t believe, so I’ll hit you with three.
What classic rock artists really rub you the wrong way? You know what I’m talking about when I say classic rock, right? All that Foreigner / Journey / Styx / REO stuff from the ’70s and early ’80s, that’s been playing in an endless loop like Rousseau’s distress signal on LOST?
Do you have any “choking in restaurants” stories to tell?
And, finally, please use the comments to tell us about the most mismatched couple you know. Based on outward appearances, anyway…
And that’ll do it for today, boys and girls.
I’ll see you tomorrow.
Hey Jason – I also saw Willie live back in the early 80s and actually had a great time. He’s a good entertainer (and had a great backing band), but I still can’t take back my comments about his crappy singing – that nasally voice just gets to me.
Oh, and can anyone say JIMMY BUFFET?
Ooh! Ooh! Jethro Tull!!!!
Suddenly I feel really old and out of it. Over 80% of the bands people hate are ones I like.
Like the Evil Twin said, though, context plays a huge role. I have great memories that are sparked when I hear certain songs by many of the abovementioned ‘crap’ artists, and so continue to keep a fond place in my heart for Squeeze, Bruce Springsteen, Van Morrison, The Dead, and on and on. Might be because I’m an old hippie chick, who knows? To each their own!
I saw Jimmy Buffet last year in Birmingham. I wasn’t impressed, to tell you the truth.
I usually don?t post in Blogs but your blog forced me to, amazing work.. beautiful ?
no shit, I had a dream about Jimmy Buffet last night. He sucks in dreams, too.
I can’t believe I got all the way through these comments and didn’t see the name “Zappa” once. What a pile of crap his “music” was. Not a single redeemable note.
Add Jerry Garcia/The Dead. Not sure if I first heard this joke here or not, but I like it: Q: What did one Deadhead say to the other when all the pot was gone? A: This music really sucks!
Steely Dan: Hate everything except Hey Nineteen, for some reason I find it catchy. And the one time I treated a friend to a Steely Dan show for his birthday (he was a HUGE fan), what’s the one song they DIDN’T play? Fuck them.
No two people have made more money on less talent in this world than Jimmy Buffett and Willie Nelson.
Jeff!!! next update PLEASE!
@tiff – you’re not the only one. Guessing I’m probably one of the younger readers around & I like about 80% of the bands being torn to shreds as well. 🙂 I even saw Bob Seger on his last tour maybe a year ago – he sounds pretty much the same and I loved every minute of it.
People Pleeeeeeze It’s against the law to listen to Jimmy Buffet unless you are totally Hammered on Margharitas! Then he’s a frickin Genius:)
How is it humanly possible that no one has mentioned Duran Duran?
Other than the girl in the “Rio” video from MTV, this band has nothing on the Village People.
Bino
Best two lines of the entire update:
She glided across the floor in one of those “don’t hide it, decorate it” floral dresses, rocking from side to side. And I was fully expecting to see Clay Aiken lip-synching on her back.
uptight cop and wierdo chick… thats kinds of mismatched. my in laws called us ‘dharma and greg’ behind my back
I agree with pagan about Jimmy Buffet and was ust thinking about that this morning.
I like Rush, Pink Floyd and Steely Dan! against what seems to be a general consensus against them. I’ll try being more secretive about it now.
I hate country music.
I also hate being at a concert and hearing “OK, now here’s something from our new album”. Oh screw your new music and play me what I came here for.
I HATE IT. And everyone else claps.
Scarymary,
I was at a coffee shop the other night during “open-mic night” and the so-called band said, “here’s something from our new album, time after thyme. That’s time like the clock after thyme the herb.” And they’re lucky I didn’t have a gun with me.
mix matched couples:
i’m pregnant, and my husband is a pretty thin guy.
these days when we stand next to each other i feel like we look like the number 10….. or jack sprat could eat no fat his wife could eat no lean….
moving along….
i know these two guys who are really good friends, one is tall and thin, the other is short and fat, so i guess they look like the number ten too, anyhow, short and fat choked while eating his second whopper one day when they were at BK, so tall and thin performed the heimlich, but his arms barely reached around short and fat… i know it was a life and death situation i guess but that was the funniest looking thing i ever saw…. now short and fat feels like he owes his life to tall and thin and he has started acting like he has a man crush on him or something he is so grateful.
after the piece of whopper was dislodged, short and fat sat down and finished eating the rest of his second whopper, btw.
next…
i hate most all 70’s music, the doors, led zeppelin, ALL OF IT SUCKS… seriously though, the doors has to annoy me about the most of all. i hate hippies basically.
I was fifteen, sitting in the school dinner room at a table next to the 2-year-older woman of my dreams. I was eating a BLT in my suavest, most nonchalant manner. I started to choke and ended up having to pull a six-inch wet-bread-encrusted bacon rind out of my throat with all watching. The incident saved a mismatching of the greatest proportions: sweet, lovely Vivian and a bacon-rind choking prick who pretended his was really into the early Cure.
Wow, not much that wasn’t covered. Hate Led Zeppelin, REO SPEEDWAGON (they don’t even fit into that classic rock anyway – no classic about them). I know I’ll think of some more.
Odd couples. Me and every guy I’ve ever dated.
Restaurant fun – I had a personal favorite when I spilled some food down the back of one of the worst customers who ever walked the earth. We had to kiss his ass when he and his entourage came in, and he gloried in every single second of it. The fact that I was schooled more that 10 years more than he didn’t make a dent. So, and it truly was accidental, I got my revenge when I spilled what I vaguely remember as white spaghetti down his back:)
Love all Classic rock,
and I’m a stoner, so could have something to do with it.