FROM
ISSUE TWELVE
-A person who wears a fanny pack loves science fiction, and vice
versa.
-A person who wears a belt with shorts is probably religious.
-If a person says he enjoys the opera, that person is a liar.
-If the outside of the CD has the word "Zappa" on it, you're
going to be disappointed by the music inside.
-If the video box shows a beautiful woman pointing a gun, the movie is
shit.
-If the flyer shows the band standing on the railroad tracks, the band
is shit.
-If a guy has cords on his sunglasses, he's a dick. If the
sunglasses are mirrored, he's probably dangerous.
-All golfers like women.
-If she smokes, she fucks.
FROM ISSUE
THIRTEEN
-There's nothing uglier than a thirteen year old boy.
-If a person says, "Go look in the sink" - don't.
-The day a person goes to the store to buy a book of word-search puzzles
marks the beginning of the long, slow decline to death.
-Women with homemade tattoos on their hands don't know shit about Graham
Greene.
-You should always steer clear of Martin Luther King Jr. Drive,
regardless of the city you are in.
-Ugly travels in packs.
FROM ISSUE
FOURTEEN
-A drunk fat woman is louder than The Who.
-If you make fun of Kevin Bacon too much, your nose will stay that way.
-People who are good at math make bad zines.
-No black person has ever used the term "Bumfuck, Egypt."
-If the letters PhD appear after a person's name, that person will
remain outdoors even after it's started raining.
-Celebrity overdoses are all the more tragic because the person was
always right on the verge of getting their life turned around.
-Nobody cares about the weird dream you had last night.
-You CAN judge a book by its cover.
-If a man says he has a large penis, he has a small penis. If a
man says he has a small penis, he has a small penis.
-If the term "lift-kit" is in your vocabulary, you've never
kept a journal.
-If you open a shit cafe in a trendy neighborhood, people will line up
with money in their hands begging to eat shit. NEW!!
WEB EXCLUSIVE TRUISMS
-Anything above
87 octane is specially formulated for suckers.
-A disabled
person is courageous. There is no such thing as a crippled coward.
-People who say, "Whoa, I'm not even going to touch that
one!!" can't think of anything clever to say.
-One of the main requirements for being a basketball coach is the
ability to act like you just can't fucking believe it. I
think that pretty much covers it, but if you know of something else that
is true, please email us. The address is info(at)thewvsr.com Do it for the children, won't you?
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of interest
The Number of Fucks in Deadwood
The Wal-Mart Game
KFC Famous Bowl Review
Fast Food: Ads vs. Reality
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