So,
who would you like to see go down in that next big air disaster?
Everybody has their own personalized list, and we call 'em Black Box Stew
recipes. Like chili, this spicy concoction can have an almost endless
combination of ingredients, and we here at The Surf Report are
dedicated to celebrating as many variations as patience allows. We
urge you to share your own recipes for disaster with us, and possibly make us feel
a little less disgusted with ourselves. In the
meantime, enjoy these tasty samples, prepared for you by Chef Jeff
himself.
FROM ISSUE TWELVE
-People who begin eating their fries while still at the counter.
-People who say, "Been there, done that."
-People who hunch down and peer into the potato chip bag to ensure they
get themselves a "good one."
-Robin "As funny as a clump of tumors" Williams
-Sinbad
FROM ISSUE THIRTEEN
-People who use the term "closure."
-People who begin sentences with "When I get my settlement..."
-People who yell when they yawn.
-Tim "As funny as bloody stools" Allen
-People who clap their hands when they laugh.
-People who hold their fork like a tennis racket.
-People who begin sentences with, "You know what?"
-People who say "anyways."
-Martin "If you can't be funny, be loud" Short
-People who say, "Don't go there."
-People who let out a big "aahh!" after they take a drink.
-People who talk like Elvis.
FROM ISSUE FOURTEEN
-People who say something idiotic, and then follow it with, "I'm
sorry, I couldn't resist", as if they've just let loose a devastating
barb.
-People who go to the ATM machine, punch in their PIN number, and etc.
-People who say, "I could care less", which means the exact
opposite of the point they're trying to make.
-People who describe food as "nice" or "delightful."
-People who use the term "underpants."
-People who call flashing lights "sirens."
-People who eat snack food by throwing their head back and dropping it in.
-People who think that if they add "mon" to the end of any
sentence, they are delivering an authentic Jamaican accent.
-People who get off escalators and immediately stop, as if they've just
been transported to a strange, exotic world.
-People who walk around grocery stores eating the merchandise, and then
fling mutilated wrappers at the cashier.
-People who take two bites before they start chewing.
-People who eat popcorn by dropping a wet tongue into it, allow it to
stick there, then pull it in.
-People who continue talking when yawning.
-People who write "'nuff said" at the bottom of notes, as if
they've just summed it all up.
-Greta Van Susteran
NEW!! WEB EXCLUSIVE RECIPE
-People who chew their drinks.
-People who say "rolly coaster."
-People who think "yield" means to come to a complete stop, whip
your head from side to side for ten seconds with your mouth open, then
proceed with extreme caution.
-People who say, "I don't care if you're black, white, red, green, or
purple..."
-People who go to great lengths to incite reactions (piercings, tattoos,
ridiculous hair, etc.), then act all indignant when they get one
("What the fuck are you looking at?!").
Exciting? You
bet your sweet pantied ass it is.
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Layman's Terms
Where Are My Damn Box Scores??
Surf Report Rules of Thumb
Fast Food: Ads vs. Reality
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