It’s not exactly hard science, but one of the web stats programs I use tells me that sometime last week (I don’t monitor it very closely anymore) this site welcomed its 10 millionth unique visitor. And that’s pretty cool.
I started using Sitemeter in the early days, but not every page is tracked. In the old FrontPage era I had to install the code on each page, by hand, and wasn’t consistent with it. Plus, the program has been criticized because it counts visits from Google and Yahoo, and all the search engine spiders.
Regardless… We passed 10 million visitors, and have served more than 20 million page views — according to Sitemeter. And that’s not too shabby, I think. I’m not satisfied, mind you, but celebrate the highly flawed milestone anyway.
I used to be obsessed with the stats, and would check them multiple times per hour. Now I hardly ever look. Occasionally I’ll take a quick peak to see if anything unusual is going on, but don’t even check them once a day at this point. The five year ago me probably wouldn’t even recognize the today me. For better or worse.
Yesterday I logged into Google Analytics, which many people consider to be the gold standard of free stats programs. It’s pretty kick-ass, and will tell you just about anything you want to know — if you can just figure out how to ask. There’s so much going on, it can be confusing. They also back out all the spider visits and that kind of boolshit, and present a different picture than Sitemeter. Let’s just say that Sitemeter is better for the ego…
But when I went there, I noticed they are now offering ‘real time’ information. This is new. You can actually sit and watch as visitors enter and leave your website. You can see where they go, from one page to another, and find out how they got there and what words they typed into search engines, etc. And down at the bottom of the page there’s a world map, which displays where your current visitors are located. Dots appear and disappear, and it’s freaking cool.
The whole thing is crazy, and I probably would have lost my job if it was available during my days of stats obsession. I would’ve sat there looking at the big number at the top of the page, the always-changing one that tells you how many visitors are on your site RIGHT NOW. And my heart would have ached a little every time someone left, and soared whenever a new person arrived. Heh. Thankfully, everything was fairly primitive back then; you still had to hit refresh, ‘n’ shit.
And speaking of the site, I put together a new page that collects all our fast food shenanigans in one spot. It was long overdue, and you can see it here. Eventually I’m going to add it to the navigation bar, in place of “resources.” Also, I’m planning to start posting Ads vs. Reality photos again. I’m going to shoot for a new comparison every Friday, starting this week. It’s still a popular page, and I shouldn’t have neglected it.
Same goes for the Smoking Fish photos… I have tons that I never posted. It’s horrible, and I don’t even want to think about it. I will get them caught up very soon, though. I apologize, sincerely. If they had a Mount Rushmore of lameness, my tiny Duke head would be up there. No doubt.
Over the past couple of years I’ve put most of my efforts into the book projects, and the site has suffered. Sure, I still update most days, but feel like it’s missing some of the crazy energy of the past. I used to live and breathe this site, and generate crackpot ideas on a daily basis. I miss that.
In fact… for no discernible reason, I’ve been feeling it again. Over the past few weeks I’ve been extra-enthusiastic about the Surf Report, and making plans for it. I want it to be unpredictable and ridiculous again. No more coasting.
A while ago I was conversing with a guy who works as a consultant, charging ridiculous fees to help corporations and hyper-motivated individuals build an effective “web presence.” This stuff is way outside my scope, but he made a casual offer to do a quick analysis of TheWVSR, if I wanted.
I put it out of my mind for a while, but finally decided to take him up on it. I had to set up a phone call through his assistant, and it was scheduled for two weeks in the future. And last week we talked for a half-hour about this website. He charges $5000 an hour, so it was $2500 worth of free insight.
And it was a positive experience. He gave me a little grief (about my shitty networking skills, for instance), but mostly had good things to say. He was impressed by a lot of stuff, and said the fundamentals are in place. I won’t tell you all the things he said, because they’re technical and boring, but I came away from it feeling enthused. The infrastructure is sound, and only requires good ideas and sustained energy to make it special.
Please don’t think I want to turn the Surf Report into a corporate site, or anything like that. I only spoke with the consultant dude because he offered, and I was curious what he might recommend. Turns out I need to be better at answering my email, building relationships, and writing focused updates a couple of times each week. I can still be all over the place sometimes, but not constantly.
Even before we spoke I’d started writing more focused things, like the sitcom piece, and Explanations for Aliens. So, my good instincts might not be completely gone, after all…
I hope this update hasn’t been too boring for you guys. I’m getting all reflective after I saw that 10 million number… Plus, I’m feeling a powerful urge to devote my energies to the site again. It’s been semi-neglected for too long.
I’ll be back tomorrow, with something that’s hopefully funny. Wouldn’t that be a novelty?
Have a great day, boys and girls.
Now playing in the bunker
Treat yourself at Amazon: US and Canada
First again
UNO!
Doh
Hey Now
If your web consultant uttered anything to do with java, javascript, or flash, ignore it. That shits gotten unreal over the past year for us dialup slaves.
Google analytics has been on my ad-blocked list for ages. That bit of script is another one of those that cause things to crawl for the dialup slaves.
Heres to another 10 billion visits to your pages Mr.Kay! Just like McDonalds, but they’re spouting what, 99 billion now? You’d think ads vs reality would be a better match with all that practice.
He didn’t mention anything about scripts. He did suggest that new “share bar” to the left of the page, but that’s just a WordPress plugin. It was mostly about my half-assery as a networker, and how I need to be writing guest posts, and that sort of thing.
Which visitor was I?
2,476,814
yay i love all the fast food reviews and ad vs reality! its strange how the web brings you to things, i think a few years ago i googled, funny websites or something like that and somehow got to a site that had a link to wvsr rules of thumb, i read it and it was hilarious, i been coming back every day since then. its weird how you can track how people come to websites and see where they go and stuff…never knew that.
Top 10, I fink.
Jeff, congrats on the meaningless number, and on revealing the Inner Geek!
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IDK – a purposeful Jeff Kay on a site that seems to be all about random nuttery? No good can some of it.
Did he tell you put the bowl of corn back?
I think it was the Ads vs. Reality that brought me here. Either that or the Effects of Alli. Can’t remember. Both are friggin’ priceless.
Anyone have any good St. Pat’s stories? I’m too old and lame so – nada. Except we did go to a bar and a couple sat next to us that had been bar hopping and the wench of a wife kept saying they were going home and doing yard work. She clearly needed a fist sandwich. The guy had the map of Ireland for a face and she was going to make the poor lad do YARD WORK??? Stupid cyunt. (Gallic version!)
It was The Effects of Alli for me! I was reading a website for an Herbalife rep and she had a link to it. I clicked on it and the rest is WVSR history!
$5000 an hour? I am definitely in the wrong biz. Sweet Mother!!
Woo Hoo. 10,000, 011th!!!!!!
Man! This is a good thing–in fact, this is the site that I want to be whenever I get off of my flat ass to get started. It offers something educational (TV fast food is NOT! as advertised!) and how not to eat 4 plates of mac and beef at Ryan’s whilst wearing sweatpants with rubber gathering at the ankles, nor work at a convenience store where the owners turn a blind eye to the beer drinking (I had THAT experience at the–cough–Kiel Center—cough) with those shitty “mixed” drinks they used to serve for about $6 a pop (and it was almost 20 years ago!!!) Wasn’t enough liquor in those “drinks” to get a damn baby drunk, I tells ya!
Here’s to millions more visitors!!!!!
FUCK – I don’t think my cat is going to make it through the night. She’s been very ill and this may be “it.” I hope there’s enough liquor in New York State.
Sorry to hear that Madz.
Madz, that sucks the big one. I’m very sorry. I’ve been through that not too long ago, and I know that there may well not be enough liquor. All the best.
.
Sucks Madz. Plain flat out sucks! Worst hurts I’ve ever had.
All my best to you and kitty. I’m sure she had a great life under your care. My first (and second) beer is to you two!
Sucks Madz. Plain flat out sucks! Worst hurts I’ve ever had.
All my best to you and kitty. I’m sure she had a great life under your care. My first (and second) beer is to you two!
There’s a fucking echo in this truck!
The little punk is across the street drinking water out of a pond. My guts are in turmoil. The “death watch” sucks. I’ve been through it twice already in my 15 year marriage. She may not come home but she’s doing what makes her happy. She’s skin and bones from not eating in a week. Thanks everyone for your kind words.
>He charges $5000 an hour
. . . or $40,000 for an eight-hour day, or $200,000 a week, or $10 million, 400 thousand a year. Even if you subtract sick days and vacations, dude makes epic scratch.
Do what you’ve been doing, and throw us a Nancy/Nossy/translucents bone every now and then. And more secret updates and Monday emails.
Maybe that’s not very corporate but these are the things I’m looking for.
Oh, and also delete the “first posts.” This lost its coolness back in, what, 2005? No website includes “first post” comments–not Slashdot (where the fad started in the 90s), not Reddit, not Metafilter, not anybody.
People who do this need to get a life. It’s the Internet. It wasn’t invented yesterday. Nobody gives a fuck anymore about your “first posts.” Move on.
First!
Sorry, I couldn’t help it.
I love you Ed!
Well said.
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Here’s my $5,000 tip that I’ll give away for free — write a Nancy & Nostrils post once a week, and you’ll hit the 20-millionth unique visitor count in record time. Perhaps an “N&N Wednesday” type of thing. You could ask Toney to make a once-a-week call to her sister to get the latest shenanigans.
Jeff…
I’m a little concerned about your blatant promotion of the GOP candidate debates via the Bunker Cam, but it’s your site so live and be well.
jtb
Jeff,
I’m glad to hear that you have plans and renewed energy to make the Surf Report more like it was in its lameass heyday.
I used to visit 2-3x/day back then; now it’s 1x/week (maybe).
You seemed to have lost your passion somewhere along the way and I strayed. Sorry. Please forgive me.
~Eve
Yes, thank you for that. It warms my heart.
good news
okay talk soon
but not this soon
m’kay beer
I think I was the ten millionth visitor… don’t I win a prize?
I hate to burst your bubble, but speaking as one of those visitors to your site, I feel like I should make a confession: I am really not at all unique.
What I am saying is that I’m a goddamn milkweed trend-following whistle-dicked fucktard
We’ll stop doing “first” posts when we are god damned good and ready.
Just because other places block them doesn’t mean they aren’t assholes.