Zeroing Out the Moleskine, vol. 49
Cross my fingers, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye. That’s one hell of a guarantee, when you stop to think about it. If you’re not satisfied, I pledge to pierce one of my eyeballs with a slender rod of steel. Not even L.L. Bean can match that shit. Ya know?
Kids don’t get a lot of respect, but that’s impressive.
Our oldest boy has been in Maine all week, with a friend’s family. They go on vacation there every year, and rent the same beach house. And this year they allowed their kids to bring one friend each.
Our son generates an amazing amount of noise, and communicates in a teenage boy kind of way (mostly a series of uninterested grunts), but man… I miss him. He’s been gone since Saturday, and the house feels incredibly empty. Whenever my phone rings, and it displays his name, I get happy.
I want him home again, mumbling and manufacturing great noise and chaos. I find myself missing the very things I sometimes grumble about. Go figure.
At work there’s a highly questionable box of crackers called — get this — Butter Cheese. Appetizing, huh? I think it must have come from Big Lots, or maybe Aldi, because the manufacturer is unrecognizable. The logo features one of those old-fashioned bicycles with a giant wheel on the front. Yeah, I have no idea…
Nobody knows where these things came from, and they keep getting handed off and passed around, like blame. For a couple of days they were on top of a filing cabinet outside my cubicle, but last night I saw them way down the hall, on another cabinet. By the time I return on Sunday, I have no doubt they will have been offloaded to someone else.
A few of us have gotten curious and tested the crackers themselves, and they’re gaggy. I ate half of one, and couldn’t get the taste out of my mouth for an hour. I finally had to go to the vending machine and buy some Life Savers knockoffs, to beat the Butter Cheese residue into submission.
How did that crap end up in our office, anyway? Who would purchase an off-brand box of horrible crackers with an old bicycle in the corner, sneak it into work, then pretend none of it ever happened? I find this to be curious behavior.
I was listening to George Noory a few days ago, while driving home from work, and a caller blew my mind a little.
He has a theory, you see, as so many of the callers do. I think a lot of them are shut-ins and mental patients who sit around thinking up various crackpot scenarios. In any case, this guy believes UFOs, flying saucers, etc. aren’t extraterrestrials at all. No, he thinks it’s us — humans from earth — time traveling from the future, and observing ancient civilization. Or as we know it, current times.
Is that cool, or what? I like that very much, and it had never occurred to me. I think I’ll adopt his theory, as well. And I wouldn’t mind shaking the man’s hand, once his shock treatment regimen has been completed.
Have you ever seen a UFO, or anything like that? I haven’t. I guess I’m just not good probing material… which is both flattering and unflattering, if you know what I mean.
Do you have any experience with unexplainable things in the sky? Tell us about it, won’t you?
And are you familiar with a show called Tosh.0? My kids are always talking about it, and I caught half an episode with them recently, and it was friggin’ hilarious. Now I record it every week, and it’s become one of my favorite programs.
Have you seen it? I’m right, aren’t I? Funny, funny stuff.
Everybody’s talking about the JetBlue flight attendant who flipped his lid on a recent flight, told everyone to ram it deep and on a slant, grabbed two beers, and escaped down an inflatable emergency slide.
He’s a hero to us all! And I was wondering… do you have any stories to tell about people quitting their jobs in a dramatic fashion? I wrote about Brogan a few days ago, but he didn’t really quit, he got fired. One guy, at the same store, shoved over a rotating cigarette “tree” on his way out the door.
But that’s all I’ve got. Do you have anything to contribute on this subject?
And finally (I haven’t really zeroed out the notebook, but I’m tired), I’d like to know what celebrity, or otherwise, you’d like to have do the talking on your GPS. How about Gilbert Gottfried? No, that might cause people to drive off cliffs, and straight into brick walls, etc. Do you have any thoughts on this one?
Please don’t feel compelled to answer all the questions I asked today, just pick and choose as you see fit. Or answer them all. Whatever’s cool with me.
And I’ll see you guys next time, probably Sunday.
Have a great weekend!
Filed under: Daily
First!
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Oh, and I want Yoda on my GPS.
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I would love to have either James Earl Jones or Morgan Freeman on a GPS.
The JetBlue “hero” is turning out to be an asshat. People said he acted odd throughout the trip. One person said he looked drunk. So, while he did quit in grand fashion, you have to wonder if the old “liquid courage” was behind that move.
I brought in some iced teas and dipping sauces that were long expired just to see who would grab them up. They went in nano seconds. People + free food = hilarity.
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So with this theory about UFO’s actually being people time-traveling from the future, do we also assume that aliens are actually humans from the future? Are we going to evolve to have large green heads?
I wouldn’t mind a Michael Cera voice in my GPS… I wouldn’t use it regularly, but it would be amusing whenever you made a mistake. “Take the next left, in maybe 50 feet… or something. Or, you know, just miss it. Whatever, that’s cool.”
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There are no aliens, Jimbo. It’s just humans from the future, coming back to check out how people used to live hundreds, or thousands, of years ago. That’s the theory.
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Top Ten?
I don’t have a GPS, but Shane MacGowan (back before he got new teeth) would be pretty good…or Mike Hudson from the Pagans.
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Can Lou Reed be my GPS voice?
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Mr. T or Christopher Walken for GPS voices.
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First off…fuck. I think I’m one of the shirtless 9. or 7, whatever. I guess I’ll be sporting an autumn t-shirt.
People I work with are always bringing questionable crap. Especially after Halloween, the crappiest assortment of candy you’ve ever seen will be assembled on the kitchen counter. If it ain’t good enough for your own, don’t pawn it off on me…besides I get tired of looking through that shit hoping your little precious left one fucking bite size snickers behind. Assrabbits!
I like that UFO theory! Opens up a whole new science fiction genre.
I’ll save the rest for tomorrow, and Jeff I’m just kidding about being pissed about the t-shirt, really. Cross my fingers, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.
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Too many UFO stories to go into, most I would like to forget. And no……………………not a lunatic or mental patient.
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As for today’s Further Evidence link — I couldn’t watch more than 20 seconds of that crazy bastard. I think I’m fucking scarred for life.
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Barney Frank on the GPS.
“Tuhn weft.”
Pansy.
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I would like Fran Drescher to be the voice of the GPS in car that’s riding up my ass.
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Madz1962-So it’s you! Someone brought in a Sam’s Club sized container of pretzels a while back and it was outdated by 3 weeks. It was empty in a couple of hours!
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I gotta have one of those Kim Jong Il action figgers. Just gotta have it.
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For my GPS voice I always thought Slim Pickins would be a great choice.
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GPS – gotta be Marlee Matlin.
I have never seen a UFO, but I did see a little fresh blood in my stool yesterday morning.
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What bugs me is people who bring food to work and insist you taste it while they are standing there. Usually it is someone you know either has a filthy house or cannot cook at all. I hate that.
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I don’t understand people buying that sort of no name brand stuff. It’s usually people with money.
That makes me think of that photo a few years ago that showed a piranha looking creature sticking out of can that was suppose to be fish or whatever.
It’s a shame the dude who had the Phil Hendrie clips up on Facebook got the axe.
Kiss the The Gunner’s Daughter
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And just as we’re complaining about people who bring in food someone set out a sheet cake. Wait, that’s no ordinary sheet cake, that looks like Carol’s handywork. Yep, it is, nom nom nom. Carol can flat out bake and the choclate icing on this bitch is the best I ever had. I’m going back for seconds.
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GPS voice request: Phil Liggett and/or Paul Sherwen, cycling commentators. They are excellent.
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chocolate, jeeesh it’s hard to type with your eyes rolled back into your head.
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GPS voices: Wallace Shawn (Vezini from ‘Princess Bride’); Suzanne Pleshette; Mel Tillis and Pee Wee Herman would all be great at giving directions! Mr. T was already mentioned (“turn LEFT you crazy fool!”)
I like the UFO theory–kinda Star Trekkish, but a good theory nonetheless. If they are humans from the future, it proves that we didn’t obliterate ourselves somewhere along the line.
Oh…and if that Kim Jong Il miniatures box said ‘actual size’ instead of 1/35–THAT would have been hilarious!
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Tosh.0 is hysterical. My boyfriend has me watching the reruns and we laugh til we cry. There are some major wack-jobs out there and Tosh.0 has them all.
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the UFO’s are coming from the future to visit earth when times were still good.
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Majel Barrett, of course. Or Jean Shepherd.
No UFOs here, but I like the theory. I just can’t decide if it’s more plausible, or less, than the notion of visitors from another star. Either one requires some physics breakthrough action.
I have no tales of spectacular job-quitters, but I I have heard of Tosh Point Oh. Is it named for Peter Tosh?
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My GPS voice is Mammy. Its an old southern black womans woice and it says stuff like, you gonna havta turn this bitch around suga, you done miss yo turn.
It cracks my lil people up!
I did see this the other day where a young woman quits her job using a dry erase board & pictures she emails to everyone in the office and it cracked me up! The girl has balls! She must not care about who see this!
http://thechive.com/2010/08/10/girl-quits-her-job-on-dry-erase-board-emails-entire-office-33-photos/
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Good point randall, they wouldn’t need a spaceship to travel back in time to earth if there still was an earth. Unless of course the spaceships are the time machines…damn now I’m confused.
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When I was but a young girl, I HEARD a space vehicle–sounded like one anyway, no other reasonable explanation. Of course we did live within rock chunking distance of a large AFB–who knows. I still think it was a spaceship.
Oh, and loves me some Tosh.0–I laugh out loud and often. Of course that might be attributed to being a loony 55 year old woman. Who knows, maybe I was born 50 years too soon.
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Getting in the car right now to drive to the Strait of Juan de Fuca for a couple of days of meteor showers and Indian fokelore (read: casino).
Pisses me off that my last comment before shoving off is to remind myself that this is a redneck site and I genuinely like most of the Reporters, but that, in this here universe, gay people are pansies, black people are lazy, and wimmin wash dishes. Ah, well.
Thankfully, I’m still recovering from busting a gut on Chuck’s comment yesterday. I really like it when I read something that I couldn’t have possibly thought up myself.
Gonna be in the high 80′s around Puget Sound the next several days. Up on the Strait where I’m going — high 70s and cloudless. I’ll count some falling stars for you all.
jtb
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Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..
I’m sorry, but the Further Evidence link just creeps me the fuck out. I’d bet every dollar I have that guy touches little boys.
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i want someone to come up with an upgrade program for GPS that lets you select a voice or accent… i’m thinking maybe an indian accent (like the kind you get when you call customer service) or maybe an exagerated efemminate voice…
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@jtb
remember, it the flop doesn’t match your hand you should fold. have fun.
odd though isnt it that native americans sell all that jewelry but from what i have read they never wore jewelry themselves.
and i can never be sure if you are trying to tell me my comments are dull and boring or not.
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How about Sigfreid from Get Smart? Oh by the way Carla, if you click on the link at the end of the Whiteboard Girl photo’s…it’s a hoax, she’s an actress! Still very funny though.
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@JTB – Seven Cedars? or is there some other
Reser-vegas out yonder? it’s a gloriously beeyootiful day here in Pugetropolis.
That video makes me want to stick slender pieces of steel in my eyes, holy shit that is creepy.
Tosh.0 is our current favorite TV show, very funny stuff.
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holy shit jeff. I had to stop halfway through. I read a book on et’s and what not a few years back and I came to the same conclusion. The aliens are highly evolved humans. That’s why they are like 9 ft tall and communicate with grunts and squeaks like a teenager.
damn.
back to read more.
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Dang, I was hoping it was real! Just can’t believe anything you read on the internet anymore!
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Carla, that was hilarious. I think she is going to have a job soon in the creativity department. I’ll be glad to do a Uncle Remus version for your GPS. Dat’s if massa don’t whip me fo been talkin toz a watt lady. 8 )
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WB in OH – I think they covered this one on STNG with Ed Begley Jr as the time traveller. Could explain Oprah, Donald Trump and Bill Gates!!!
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Wrong series, he was on Voyager and the episodes are “Future’s End” and “Future’s End, Part II”.
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Shiny-Good to know some kook caller to George Noory isn’t the first to think of time travelling spacemen. I never got into Star Trek beyond watching reruns of the original series, not sure why.
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Humans can NOT keep a secret. I find it hard to believe that one of the “time-traveling” humans hasn’t spilled the beans by now.
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i didn’t quit my last job… but i got fired for throwing a salad at a truck driver.
At the same company our Acct Payable guy quit by stealing over 3MILLION bucks!!!! He had it filtering through bogus work orders through a friend’s company.
Oddly enough? He was the only guy I even got along with…. except sexy kelly… i just wish i got to know her “better”….
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The theory would suggest that the future people are being seen here near some sort of important event that affects the future. I mean, why else would you go to all the trouble to go back in time if you’re just going to buzz a few cows in 1950s Kansas, or whatever? Nice theory, but that’s my problem with it. Unless GPS devices of the future are just as unreliable. I had a young acquaintance who drove straight into Canada on command of his GPS. The trip into Canada wasn’t so bad, it was getting back in while loaded down with weapons, pot, and a “Fuck Bush!” sticker that was difficult. Heh.
Anyway, for my GPS I’d want Bob Walk, former pitcher and current color commentator for the Pittsburgh, Pirates. For celebrities of a higher caliber, I’d take Bill Murray as Carl Spackler, Patrick Stewart, Samuel L. Jackson, or Squidward.
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I’d want Vincent Price or Archie Bunker on my GPS. The girl that does it now is an annoying cunt.
Tosh.0 is almost along the same lines as “The Soup” and I like them both. I liked Daniel Tosh as a commedian, even before he got the show.
I’ve never seen a UFO and I’ve never had anything in my ass. That isn’t to say that I haven’t been abducted (and had my memory erased).
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Isn’t every one of these Moleskin Zeroings number 49?
AHA!!! What is the meaning of 49?
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Anyone else hope it’s cloudy as fuck Up on the Strait the next couple of days?
I’m in the aviation industry and what that douche did is extremely reckless. Plus those slides ain’t cheap.
If he does get a reality show or something I hope his salary goes to the maintenance required on the plane, the vouchers that every passenger got, and whatever possible civil penalties that Jet Blue could face.
What an asshole.
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Chuck, there are 7 continents and 7 signs of the apocalypse 7*7 = 49 which means that either Jeff is going to Antarctica or Demi Moore is about to have a child.
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I worked for an environmental cleanup company in the 80′s and we had a guy driving a new truck with tens of thousands of dollars in equipment have a buddy meet him on the highway in a rest stop. He left the truck running and open, called the shop from a pay phone and told them he left it in a rest area. No indication of which one. Heh, they were scrambling for s days trying to find it. Then they had to get it started because it was out of fuel and the batteries died.
Years ago, the company would let employees take cars to the Detroit airport, park it in an easily findable location and leave the keys under the mat so someone coming home could drive it back to the shop. The shop foreman kept track of what cars were out and where they were. One guy flew out to a job and the inbound guy moved the car, then quit. I believe it was still missing when I left the company…
I want Bones McCoy on my GPS. “Damnit Dave, it’s just a country road…”
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That Jet Blue fuck is a fuck. Death to him! Death to his pets!
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T Farty – What do you think? Two Jack Russsel Terriers? Or cats?
Niel – That’s why the only people that the aliens show up to are dipshits. Those are the ancestors of some dip shit who ran his mouth in the future about the past so they come back a prope that fuckers great great great great grandpa and make sure that they are never taken seriously and therefore their family doesn’t get onto the Ark in 2313 when we have to leave the planet for 13 years due to underpopulation.
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Oh and Tosh.0 is awesome. A few weeks ago Brittney commented on something from the show.
I’ve liked Daniel Tosh for a while and his show is so easy it’s genius. Apparently he had a very small part in the love guru.
Always Sunny in Philadelphia is the best show on TV, though.
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Oh and I call them aliens even though they are us.
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T-storm,
I take him as a cat chick. He might have one of those teacup dogs or something like that.
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Tosh.0 is one of my favorites…did anyone see last nights episode? Something about Daniel Tosh rubbing Carrot Top down with lotion was really disturbing to me. It was like one of those situations when you don’t want to look but can’t look away.
Good GPS voices: Arnold Swarzzeneggar, Pee-Wee, Cartman, Joe Pesci, Casey Kasem, Adam West.
Bad GPS voices: John Madden, Marge Simpson, Batman (Christian Bale), Keanu Reeves.
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I think Scott Thompson should play him in the movie, but instead of two beers I picture him lighting up two sparklers for the slide down from the airplane and then sashay his way off the runway (The tower? Rapunzel!).
Or he gets away from the airplane, turns around and moons the plane while yelling kiss my ass and then gets sucked through the engine of a 777.
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t-storm, I’m not in the aviation business but I’ve flown enough to wonder, A) what does an emergency ramp cost and B) how long did the poor fuckers left on the plane have to wait for the mechanics to fix it. It’s bad enough when some fuckface first time flier deplanes in Santa Barbara and exits the secured area and costs you a two hour delay but an employee of the airline? Fuck him! I’d have followed that Pansy (caps courtesy of Droid) down the fucking slide and crushed his skull with those Miller lites he stole. Pass the beer nuts. Oh wait, they’re right in front of me
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I agree that customers can be jerks, but this guy is supposed to be a professional.
I’ve seen numbers from 20K to 310K.
I just talked to a lead mechanic he said they’ll send the slide back to the manufacturer for repacking and certifying which is around 30K to 40K and to reinstall is about 2 hours worth of 2 mechanics time.
So we’ll say 40K.
Plus he’ll probably have massive civil penalties.
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Tstorm, Sunny in Philly is addicting. Danny Devito was a perfect person to complete that cast. I’d have to say one of my favorites is when he is tripping and trapped in a bathroom the whole episode, only to find out at the end he’s been standing in a garbage can the whole episode in the middle of a fair.
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Best Sunny line is
“It doesn’t unbang your mom”
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I think my favorite is:
Frank: “Where’d the baby come from?”
Dee: “I found it in the garbage.”
Frank: (angrily) “Well put it back, it doesn’t belong to you!’
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Liam McPoyle to Sweet Dee
You want to be a McPoyle, Trashbag? You gotta earn it
And this one reallllly hits home:
Mac: What in the hell is a MySpace page?
Dee Reynolds: It’s like that friends forum.
Dennis Reynolds: Dude, these things are actually pretty awesome. You create a profile, and then you put your picture on there, and then other people send you pictures of themselves and they want to be your friend.
Mac: Wow, so that’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. You guys are losers.
Dennis Reynolds: How are we losers, dude?
Mac: Well, maybe it boils down to this, smart guy: computers are for losers.
Dennis Reynolds: And you’re drinking a beer at 8 o’clock in the morning.
Mac: Whatever, dude, irrelevant.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tiqY0jDe7tI
Forward to 2:50…classic scene.
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Tosh.0 rocks
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GPS voices
Three Stooges
James Shatner (natch)
The Hillbilly Robot
Marvin the Martian (if the airbag doesn’t deploy in an accident it says “where’s the kaboom?”)
Jessie the Body Ventura (ain’t got no time to bleed so turn right)
Billy Mays
Bobcat Goldthwait – (or Sam Kinneson)
Sanda Bullock in character from The Blindside just to calm me down on a stressful drive. I think I might love her.
Robot from Lost in Space (Left Will Robinson, Left Will Robinson)
Michael Caine
From what I heard on the news, according to a witness on the flight, Jet Blue guy (or is it Jet Blew a guy…whatever) apparently was a prick to a 20 something lady ASKING if she could get her bag down and the overhead compartment hit him in the head but nothing to do with her, ie. not her bag. Or whatever. Who cares. Regardless, the guy isn’t a hero in my books. I’m with Stormy on this one. Just think, you fly with him and your life is in his hands in an emergency evac. wow. really. wow.
Leaving jobs in style? I left a top 10 list of why I had to move on from a job – some of it’s inside jokes but at least I had some people laughing on the last day to remember me by…
- (a director) was having his first born. The prophesies spoke of such a sign….the end is near.
- I reached the mandatory retirement age for IT staff (I was 30…high turnover).
- (the ceo’s) hugs were starting to creep me out
- all expense paid business trips to Monroe, Michigan lost their appeal
- company cars were less durable than I was led to believe (I had an accident in one ….on said trip to Monroe to the GM plant….)
maybe not funny out of context but it left a good taste in people’s mouths (insert dirty comment here)
Further Evidence – Silence of the Lambs freaky…. but hang in there until the chorus. Who thinks up this stuff? I want to hear about that guy’s childhood.
Carla – I enjoyed it when I saw it the first time from your link and still enjoyed it when it was revealed. I love her acting abilities. I’ll forever remember the “I’m looking at you…” face. So cute. I love pretty women with a sense of humor and a range of emotions. Maybe I could get a gps that instead of talking to me, would have her hold up little white boards on a little screen and make faces at me.
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Definitely gotta have Wiliam Shatner on the GPS, doing his Captain Kirk. Or TJ Hooker, they’re both the same. Also I like Gwen Stefani a lot, so her voice would be cool. But not Jenna Jameson, I would get too distracted and crash the car.
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Nice idea on the UFOs/time travelers, but I don’t buy it. If YOU, today, had a time machine and could visit Roman times would go to the Colosseum or Luigi’s olive farm? So why time travelers last Wednesday over a corn field in Bumfuck, IA as opposed to some time/place of importance?
Hey, maybe the Star of Bethlehem was a big ol’ clump of rubbernecking tourists?
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I LOVE Tosh.O too damned funny!!!
When I worked at the Olive garden one of our waitresses quit and told our manager his baby was ugly. that was untrue but it was a bold way to quit your job. Crazy!!
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Limey: my point exactly.
The Shat might be funny on a GPS, but by the time he gets done with all his pregnant pauses and general emoting you’d be well past the street you needed to turn down. No no, give me Samuel L. Jackson, succinct and to the point:
“TURN LEFT, MOTHERFUCKER!!!”
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Gretchen: I’m rollin on that one! Too funny!!
My GPS: Stewie Griffin
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The further evidence thing doesn’t creep me out. i think it’s kind of stupid, but not creepy.
This still gets my vote for the strangest video ever:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coxLRv1qJL8
Gotta put the NSF warning out for this.
This goes beyond not understanding another culture. WTF??
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GPS voices: Harry Kalas, Sean Connery,
Chill, I love the Majel Barrett suggestion.
How about the voice from Hal in 2001 A Space Odyssey? “I’m sorry Dave, you can’t turn there”
Any sexy woman’s voice!
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biker chick – Stewie, funny…the whole cast of characters would be funny actually…”turn left, giggedy giggedy”
Spong – HAL – cool choice. I saw the actor who played HAL (Douglas Rain) in a play called “The dining room”. He’s got some acting chops as the cast of 4 alternate roles in each act so he went from being the wise old patriarch to a toddler to a father desperate for some meaning in his relationships. But he’s probably dead now. oh well. (insensitive, you betcha). In the French version of 2001 he’s called CARL.
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sorry Sponge… I left off your “e”
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weird alert – the Further Evidence link… and now this in the paper today….
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/video/boomer-the-dog-no-more/article1672101/
I think we have our answer to the alien question.
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I know I’m a few days late, but I just got the funniest IM from a female co-worker. It simply said,
“Lunch 3 way?”
Now I know she didn’t mean it that way, but of course I had to reply, “Your cube or mine?”
Really brightened my day!!
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Ew…whotta creep! I think the judge should let him legally change his name to Boomer the Rapist…
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OMG, today’s further evidence link is just as bad…what’s up with the creepy dog people?!!?! Man. I feel like I need a shower now to shower the weird off…ugh.
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I’m going to have to agree with Gretchen on the GPS voice. Since I don’t have children I think Samuel L. Jackson would be awesome.
Back in the olden days there was a theater in Dayton, OH called Todd’s Burlesque. Once my friends and I all turned 18 our curiousity got the best of us and down to Dayton we went. We walk into this ancient theater that has all of about 12 dudes in trench coats. After we catch the first “performance” we start to hear an argument breakout backstage. All of a sudden a topless “performer” comes down the steps of the stage, clutching her coat yelling “fuck you Jimmy I’m through”. Turns out she was the only one working cause Jimmy sticks his head out behind the curtain and tells us the shows over. It was a short night in the big city.
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I am proud to say that “Boomer the Dog” lives right here in the ‘Burg! Yes… we have ‘em all here. This freak show has been all over the news all week. The news reporters could barely contain their laughter. Check out the link hot fuzz posted. You wanna talk about creepy? Sideshow Bob can’t put a patch on this idiot’s ass.
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bikerchick: Yeah, I’ve been watching his antics on WPXI all week. I love how his costume is shredded paper. I was on the floor when they were interviewing him with his costume on and then when he was jauntily walking down the street in all his ridiculousness. This is the fault of the Furries conventions we have here, methinks.
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I would like to have Butterfly McQueen as one of the voice choices on a GPS.
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In case you’re curious:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkUDjcXqyow
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I think I’d like to alternate between Jane Leeves and David Hyde Pierce on my GPS.
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More Mid-Air Atrocities
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LHR – I would veer in to the oncoming lanes to become one with a Freight-liner….. but then again, there’s always this to completely rip your brain cells out by the roots…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yavx9yxTrsw
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I want the Dos Equis guy doing my GPS voice, at least I’ll always be going somewhere interesting, I’ll be the life of the parties I’vbe never been too and if the GPS hits me, I will have to fight off the strong urge to thank it.
Good luck and stay thirsty my friends!
ulan esseog lu essek!
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This is for all my fellow Star Wars geeks:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ljFfL-mL70
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdcJVuylmsM
Round abound!
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Nope. The moleskin vols are random as fuck. That’s what I love about them.
This ends this public service announcement! Don’t call. Don’t file any complaints.
Moleskine – isn’t that a type of ineffective rubber? Or is it cowtits? Who knows? I don’t care. I put sheep guts over my rod and claim safety. Every time. That might be why I have 3 kids.
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I’ve seen a few UFO’s. Don’t know if they were from the future or not. I do live about 40 minutes from Bonnybridge, so I suppose its only natural….
I was pleasantly surprised to see that you guys have Aldi’s there. Do you have Lidl as well? They also have weird stuff on the shelves.
I’d like HAL’s voice fromm 2001 on a GPS.
It would have to call me ‘Dave’ though.
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My gps??Yosemite Sam naturaly.Tunr left now you flop eared galoot!!
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sorry folks I can’t spell today it seems
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Wanda from Fairly Odd Parents would also cause me to drive my car straight into a Bed, Bath and Beyond.
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I probibly would pick Stewie but Rosie Perez would be interesting-anoying and Andrew Dice clay would be funny (turn left just past the fat chick, ooooooooooo).
Not being HOMO but Mathew Maconnahey (I can’t spell, so what smart ass) or Tom Sellick (If they want me to spell it right, the’ll change the spelling to something easier). Both have a reasuring tone that will provide you with the confidence you need to follow the directions to continue down that pier for 5.1 miles, your destination will be on the left.
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What about Patrick from Sponge Bob?
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GPS Voice: Tony Todd. He played Worf’s brother, Kurn, in the Star Trek series. “Prepare to turn left after 300 yards… execute!” yikes
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I’m in Wisconsin at the moment for a Phish concert…definitely took some smokin’ fish pictures that I will be sending Jeff on Monday hopefully.
There’s nothin better than wakin up and eating garlic cheese for breakfast…thank u Wisconsin.
I’m also doing this on the bf’s Droid…I hate it. It took me 15 minutes to type this message cos I kept having to go back and fix the words it wanted to change into something else…I hate this phone.
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Forgot to say that the guy who had a ‘hissy fit’ on the airplane looks, and sounds like a real tosser!
(I’d be interested to find out if he went ‘Wheeee!’ while sliding down that chute!)
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Where the hell are my box scores?
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I also forgot to say that I’m currently ‘serving’ my penultimate nightshift ever. I work for the Scottish Environment Protection Agency and one of my many dull jobs is to look after the Bathing Water signs we have dotted along our coastline telling people about the water quality … a complete waste of time and money, since if you’ve ever felt the ball shrinking coldness of the waters around Scotland its a safe bet that you won’t be going back in! Tomorrow night I plan to change the LED sign for Aberdeen which usually reads ‘The water quality is EXCELLENT’ to ‘ IF YOU SEE A BROWN FISH DON’T TOUCH IT!’
Fuck ‘em!
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Ian,
can you get me a job? i’m looking for something boring to do in a much cooler clime. thanx in advance.
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GPS voice….Helen Keller
Chuck…Native Americans wore squash blossoms and fetisishes and many adornments for centuries just like the Aztecs, Incas and the Mayans. All this was artistry and had meaning long before the tourists statred showing up in Santa Fe and the swap meet hicks in Tennessee. Signed pieces are the real deal. The rest is junk. Hopi, Zuni, Najavo and Apache all had/ have their styles.
jtb…”A thousand plastic flowers do not make a desert bloom.”…Fritz Perls.
I sent the gig bag back. I already had one that is as hip as I am. Off to Cincy…………
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We had a guy that “worked” here that would walk around with a hot dog in is pocket and he’d be standing around the lobby or waiting for or riding on the elevator or or someting like that and he’d whip it out and take a bite then shove it back into his pocket.
He found out he could get free condiments in the cafeteria so he’d grab a few & stick em in the other pocket. Every once in a while he’d pull one out and suck on the package. We put Little Friskies, Rabbit Pellets and a few Candy Coated Peanuts out in the shop one day and by the end of the day the bowl was empty. He was eating the crap with both hands.
And all this time I thought U.F.O. was Unidentified Flying Objects and now find out it’s Unidentified Food Objects
Agent 86 – Maxwell Smart on the GPS
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Man, I made so many copies and punched so many holes in copied pages last week, I probably made many many copies and punched many many holes in those copies.
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No that you asked but Primus was outstanding last night
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stop the presses! Isn’t it “Cross your heart” and hope to die? If you crossed your fingers then you never meant it in the first place.
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Tosh.0 is hilarious. He is playing near you end of this month – you should check him out live
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