Now that the Taco Bell drive-through stays open late, I sometimes stop and order two tacos on my way home from work, drive to my house, and snorkel them down while parked in the driveway. I don’t do this often, because it’s a bad habit to start. But once a week shouldn’t hurt much, right?
The thing is… I think they’re screwing with me. The first time I undertook this middle o’ the night Mexican adventure, here’s how it went:
Them: Help you?
Me: Yes, I’ll have two crunchy tacos. And that’s all.
Them: Two hard tacos?
Me: Yes, and that’ll do it.
Them: Anything to drink?
And the second time I remembered how they’d corrected me during the previous visit, and adjusted my taco identifier accordingly:
Them: Take your order?
Me: Yes, I’ll have two hard tacos. And that’s all.
Them: Two crunchy tacos?
Me: Um, yeah.
Them: Want something to drink?
And that’s the way it goes. I order crunchy or hard tacos, and they always switch it to the opposite of what I said. Followed by a blatant disregard for my declarative “and that’s all.”
What the hell, man?
Yeah, it’s kind of irritating. But I’m here to tell you… those things taste fantastic at 2:15 a.m. Roughly a million times better than at noon. Why is that? Taco Bell very late at night is almost impossible to beat, but it’s only OK for lunch. Somebody needs to fund a university study.
It occurred to me while I was coming downstairs this morning that stairs are really nothing but a long fall, broken up into a series of shorter, more-manageable falls. It’s much preferred to fall six inches twenty times, than to go ten feet all at once. Right? Genius!
My friend Tim, in Dunbar, sent me an email a few days ago, congratulating me on Crossroads Road. Here it is, in its entirety:
Man, this is a big deal. You’re a published author!
And to think I knew you back when you had jiffy pop hair, drank beer, and made fun of people…..oh, wait a minute….
I’m sorry, I’m getting a little emotional here…
And speaking of the book, check this out. WTF?
Also, I was approved by Apple yesterday, to be a vendor in iTunes/iBooks. I’ve started the process of setting up Crossroads Road, but it’s ridiculously convoluted. It might take me a while. Those guys don’t make it easy… I had Amazon and Barnes & Noble up and running within ten minutes each, but you need to be an engineer and an attorney to deal with Apple. Please bear with me.
Once again, here are the places Crossroads Roads can currently be purchased:
And I’m working on others. Stay tuned.
You know what bugs me? Ex-jocks hosting shows on TV. I don’t mind one old player being there to add color and folksiness, but it irritates me when they anchor the program. Because they usually have about as much pizzazz and charisma as a head of Bibb lettuce.
I was watching a baseball recap on ESPN a few days ago, and I’m pretty sure all three of the hosts used to play baseball, and all of them were horrible.
One guy, way down on the end, looked like he’d been wedged into a suit by a team of handlers, and could barely move. It looked like a normal-sized person was standing inside a giant papier-mâché body, with his blockhead sticking out of the top. And every time he said something I wished my TV had come equipped with a demumblifier.
The dude in the middle acted like he didn’t want to be there, was sporting ludicrous facial hair, and rarely spoke. He added nothing, and just turned to his left or his right, to agree with whatever unenthusiastic dullness his co-hosts nervously produced.
It’s true that I couldn’t do any better, but I’m not hosting TV shows. There’s the difference. Why not bring in a couple of professional sports announcers, with knowledge and insight, and one competent ex-jock to run those programs? It felt like I was watching some kind of student production, interrupted by game highlights.
Yeah, I know Tony Kubek and Joe Garagiola were ex-players. But they had actual talent. So, now that I think about it… I guess I don’t really have a problem with retired jocks being sports announcers, I just wish they’d find some good ones every once in a while. Am I wrong?
On Saturday night Toney and I attended some fancy-pants soiree at a local country club, and Toney got up and did the opening remarks, and spoke for about ten minutes. Hundreds of people were there, and even though I had nothing in it, I was awash with flop sweat.
I have a phobia, you see, when it comes to public speaking. In fact, when I started my current job I even had trouble holding meetings with my small crew there. I could do it, but it was harder than it should have been. I’ve gotten over that, and run a mean meeting now, but during the first six months it was a bit of a struggle. It’s all the eyes being on me at once. I don’t care for that.
And that’s one of my irrational fears. Do you have any fully-realized phobias? I also have a big issue with heights. Even seeing someone on TV walking along the edge of a cliff, or whatever, gives me a weird, unpleasant feeling in the heart of my groin region.
So, there you go. Please tell us about your phobias, and comment on any of the other stuff I mentioned here, if you’re so inclined. And I’ll be back tomorrow.
Have a great day, my friends.