Our house is in chaos. One boy is serving a three-day suspension from school for fighting, and the other had some kind of run-in with a teacher today, and she flipped-out on him. She reportedly screamed, “Shut up! I hate you!!” during class. She also called him “stupid” (because he has an opinion that doesn’t correspond with hers), and mocked and belittled him.
This is still fresh information, and I’m trying to decide how to proceed. But I’m fairly whipped-up about it. It’s successfully knocked me out of my Thursday stupor. Grrr…
But, I’m going to try to put it out of my mind for a little while, and clear out the ol’ notebook. I’ve got a lot of odds ‘n’ ends (but mostly odds) building up, and it’s time for another purge. Please join me, won’t you?
Two or three times per month I receive an email from someone who wants to support the website, by doing their Amazon shopping through one of our links. But they’re not sure which links are valid, and if they’re doing it the right way… This has been going on for years, so it’s a legitimate problem.
And now, a decade or so later, I came up with a solution. Oh, I’m nothing if not quick. In the sidebar you’ll see a new box, with “Buying something from Amazon?” at the top. It’ll always be there, in the same place, until the end of time. And if you click through it to the Amazon site, I’ll receive a percentage of whatever you spend there. Thank you guys for your support, and sorry for the confusion. Hopefully this will take care of it.
Yesterday I mentioned my effeminate ice cream order from Saturday afternoon: small strawberry shortcake in a cup. But I forgot to ask: is there a less-manly ice cream order? Can you think of one? Please tell us about it in the comments. Did I somehow stumble upon the most poofter of all ice cream shop requests? Please tell me it could’ve been worse.
On Sunday I forgot my lunch, and had to zip over to McDonald’s during my half-hour break at work. Most days the cafeteria in our building is open, but not on Sundays.
So, I placed my order, and waited. Then I waited some more, and… a little more. A couple of times during this fast food purgatory an exhausted-looking woman, stinking of management, apologized to me. But the goddamn clock was ticking. I had to be back at my desk 30 minutes after I left it.
Finally, they handed me my order, and the woman said they’d given me a large (HUGE!) order of fries, because I’d had to wait so long. But… I’d had to wait so long, I didn’t have time to eat them. It’s like an O. Henry story.
I started shoving them in, six at a time, but the damn things seemed to be regenerating. I took them with me, and laid the enormous thing on the console in my car, but it was no use. I ended up throwing about 10,000 delicious McDonald’s french fries into a trash can. It was my own personal Sophie’s Choice. I’m sorry… I’m getting emotional.
You know what I love? Watching mega-nerds try to prove they’re not as nerdy as you might think. There should be a 24-hour cable network where comedians or musicians, or even civilian hipsters, make small-talk with hardened nerds. And we could all just sit back, crack open a Yuengling, and watch ‘em flail. It would be top-shelf entertainment.
And you know what I hate? When I miscalculate the laundry, and end up going to work with damp pants. They come out of the dryer pipin’ hot, and feel dry. But then I put ‘em on… and realize the seams are still wet. It happened to me earlier in the week, and it felt like my underwear was suctioned to my ass all night. I had to keep plucking and plucking… It was a horrible turn of events.
Speaking of that… I was in Wal-Mart recently, buying contact lens solution. It’s the only reason I set foot in that place. But I always like to see what crazy combinations of things people are buying there. I saw a woman pushing around a shopping cart with nothing but a bra inside, and a single cantaloupe. That made me laugh.
As I was headed toward the eye care aisle, I got an idea: I’d like to go to Wal-Mart or Target and buy a large bale of tighty-whities, and a bottle of stain remover. Then I could hold up the bottle, and ask the cashier, “Do you think this will be enough?” I could have an accomplice secretly videotape the whole thing. What do you think?
And what other combos of things could we do, ending with, “Do you think this will be enough?” Help me out, won’t you? Use the comments section below.
And I’m calling it a week, my friends. We’re having meatball subs for dinner, and then I might take Andy (Black Lips Houlihan) for a walk, and free-fall into a chair with my Kindle. I’m reading this MTV book, and it’s fantastic.
Before I go, one more Question: Have you ever had any dealings with out-of-control school teachers? Your kids’ or your own? If so, we’ll need to know about it. Tell us about it below. Dammit! Now I’m thinking about it again…
Have a great day, my friends.
I’ll see ya again soon.